S/O What is our obligation as parents regarding college $$$?

[Anonymous]

We have about the same HHI as you, and we plan on paying for our 2 kids’ colleges. Probably the “best” school they can get into regardless of whether in state or private, unless their “best” school is just not worth the money, in which case we will push for state. As for grad school, we are not planning on paying for it - it would depend on if there is any money left over in their 529s, our financial situation then, etc.

They are in elementary school now and currently have 100k each in their 529s. We are not going to max out their 529s because we are hoping to pay at least part of their college tuition from the cash coming in from our salaries then. So if our financial situation changes, for example we become unemployeed before then, we can recalibrate.

[Anonymous]

We are saving enough for our three kids to attend at least a state school. Our HHI is 150k currently (I’m a sahm but will go back to work next year) and our kids are all under 5. If we can afford more we will provide more but, for now, that’s what we will provide at minimum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure I see a guaranteed difference in outcomes between say UMD and Vassar that would justify the experiences we would forfeit to get there...

What about the difference in your child's experiences between UMD and Vassar? For my kid it would be worth it.

As someone who went an expensive private before transferring to W&M in-state, I can say that I didn’t like the rich kid vibe at the private AT ALL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it interesting how many people are so sure that private colleges are better than public. Some are, but many are not. I’m not really interested in paying $50k plus for a middle of the road private college vs an equally ranked public university. My spouse and I both went to a huge flagship and it definitely hasn’t hurt our job prospects or income level. As such, I don’t think we need to pay for whatever schools our kids want no matter the price, even though we could afford it.

To be fair no one has said that. I think the parent has every right to insist the kid go to the cheaper school if it’s similarly ranked.

+2

[Anonymous]

My parents fully paid for my undergraduate education. I really appreciated it but would not have said they were obligated to. It definitely gave me a step up to not have student loans to pay off for years. However, so much has changed since I went to college. Now an undergraduate degree is the minimum requirement for most jobs, AND the student debt industry is crippling people as they start out in life. As a PP said, you can’t finance your education with student debt these days without delaying most major life moves a decade at this point.

Because my parents paid for mine, I would consider that the minimum regardless. But with the college debt situation as it is, we are working to fully fund undergraduate and potentially graduate school.

[Anonymous]

We have one GS-level federal salary and 3 kids and paid for undergraduate education for all 3 of them. It was important to us that they graduate debt free, so yes, if our income was $450K, I would pay for them to attend whatever school was the best fit for them. I don't' understand choosing to do otherwise when it comes to my children.

[Anonymous]

So let me ask this question that seems to be at a heart of a lot of this exchange:

Why do some people think that a state school is somehow inherently not as good as a more expensive school? What is the barometer that you are using?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We always told our children we will pay the equivalent of in state tuition (or maybe a little bit more) for undergrad. And that anything past that, would be up to them to finance. However, we are planning/hoping to help them with their loans (they all took the max Stafford loans- about 30k) and graduate school after we don't have any more children in college.

We do not live in a excessively large house, drive fancy cars, take exotic vacations etc. Our HHI is more than many, but my husband and I were first generation college students, and he had an enormous loan debt to overcome after several advance degrees. So we try to balance paying off the mortgage on our modest home, saving for retirement, and funding college. We were playing catch up for a long time there with his student loans. So we feel like this is a good compromise for us. And from the start we were always honest with them about how much we were going to fund.

I am this PP and I just want to say that like other posters, we also had our children all get jobs in high school and summers in college to learn about personal finances, and contribute to their spending money for college. We always told them they needed to save about 2k a summer for the school year- 1 k per semester. That didn't always work out, but just that responsibility of having a job, and saving was very valuable.

I expect my kids to work but if they got an unpaid internship in their field, I would fully support that and pay living expenses. I want them to have work experience but if its related to their career, I fully support unpaid internships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it interesting how many people are so sure that private colleges are better than public. Some are, but many are not. I’m not really interested in paying $50k plus for a middle of the road private college vs an equally ranked public university. My spouse and I both went to a huge flagship and it definitely hasn’t hurt our job prospects or income level. As such, I don’t think we need to pay for whatever schools our kids want no matter the price, even though we could afford it.

To be fair no one has said that. I think the parent has every right to insist the kid go to the cheaper school if it’s similarly ranked.

+2

There were a few in there:

"With your income you are being stingy. You could absolutely afford private. Or the delta of private minus some merit. We are full pay for undergrad and happy to do it as we do indeed see it as our obligation."

"I think it's effed up that YOU choose for your child to take great schools off the table on behalf of your child because YOU choose not to pay. Your kid has no agency here because they can't even choose debt."

"At $450K income, there is zero question I would pay for most colleges and graduate schools. At our income which is less than half, more than likely we would too as our goal is to get our house paid off before kids go to high school and then save (we have state college and graduate school saved). I just don't get it. If you can afford it, why wouldn't you? How do you think it looks to your kids to be living very comfortably and then only paying for the absolute minimum for school. What values are you teaching them? Things over education? Things over people?"

"So, what is your point? You are really selfish not to "choose" to pay for college and I would question you as a parent with that income forcing you kids to take loans or not go to college if they cannot get loans. Why would you want that for your kids? Why wouldn't you set them up with a good education debt free and teach them good values and model how to be good parents?" (in response to OP saying some schools might be off the table

Of course, it could be the same poster more than once.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you aren’t going to spend your money on your kids educations, what will you spend your money on that could possibly be more important?

NP. I’m not playing unless you answer this fundamental question about what two parents who have a $450,000 income think is a more important expenditure than any college education your kids are able to obtain. Assuming you have retirement savings well under way and are not drug addicts (?) what do you consider a better use of your money?

[Anonymous]

We make less than you and paid for our 3 kids out of state college and grad school for the 2 that wanted to go. What could be more important to spend your money on?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With your income you are being stingy. You could absolutely afford private. Or the delta of private minus some merit. We are full pay for undergrad and happy to do it as we do indeed see it as our obligation.

It was not my intention, but this post has become about how people judge my own personal sense of obligation. I was hoping to get others to tell me their thoughts and offered my own to "get it going."

To that end, do I understand that you intend to pay full cost of *any* undergrad? How about grad school? Does it make any difference what your income is and has been?

At $450K income, there is zero question I would pay for most colleges and graduate schools. At our income which is less than half, more than likely we would too as our goal is to get our house paid off before kids go to high school and then save (we have state college and graduate school saved). I just don't get it. If you can afford it, why wouldn't you? How do you think it looks to your kids to be living very comfortably and then only paying for the absolute minimum for school. What values are you teaching them? Things over education? Things over people?

We make less than OP. I see my obligation as paying for, at a minimum, four years of in-state tuition or the equivalent. We are trying to save enough to be able to either pay for out of state or private, or else roll some over for graduate school, if that's on the table. I don't feel an obligation to pay for graduate school, and I'm not opposed to them taking out some nominal amount of loans, but I don't want them to take out so much in loans that it limits their choices or burdens them unduly. Obviously it matters what our income is; you can't give what you don't have. And I wouldn't feel obligated to impoverish myself to pay full freight at a private or something. But education is important to us, and I want to make sure that it's possible for them to get a college degree.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think about this a lot. We may be able to save the $300K - $400K that would send my DD wherever she wanted to go. But, when I think about sending that money to a college - it doesn't sit right with me.

Because we're able to, I do consider it my obligation to pay for an undergraduate degree, but our in-state flagship would meet that need at a much more reasonable price.

On the other hand, I look back at my experience, and the biggest benefit I got out of college was being far from home, in a city, setting out on my own and having access to ample professional opportunities. I got there through significant merit aid, but that may not be an option here, so it could be full freight private tuition - and maybe that's "worth it"?

I don't know.... we have 8-9 years before we have to make this decision. But I think about it constantly as we set our savings goals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So let me ask this question that seems to be at a heart of a lot of this exchange:

Why do some people think that a state school is somehow inherently not as good as a more expensive school? What is the barometer that you are using?

I think some people think that more expensive is always better, or think that private is always more prestigious. I'd be totally fine with my kid attending a good state school, especially if it was because it was legit a better fit because of location, programs, etc.

[Anonymous]

Why would someone with an income of 450k even start this conversation?