Not sure how to handle ghosting au pair

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay some of these comments towards the OP are pretty ridiculous.

OP, I'm a part-time nanny/helper for one family that turns into full-time child care during the Summers. This is my fifth Summer. I'm the point of contact for play dates for the two school aged children who love to hang out with their friends. I'm friendly with sah moms as well as the Summer sitters. Communication is key and even with a few 'missteps' that shouldn't be ignored. Also, I personally don't see the issue with asking for help here and there. Over the years, I've definitely checked with other family parents/nannies about the kids stopping by if I had an appointment or needed to ever leave early from work, and have absolutely reciprocated as well. Depending on how close the kids are, ages, location, stuff like this can be mutually beneficial.

It's completely different with au pairs - the visa restricts them from taking care of other kids. Speak of what you know.

There's nothing in the visa or rules that prohibits drop off playdates. The au pair can't work for more pay or be asked to watch other kids. The au pair can certainly choose to have another kid over to play while she's on duty as long as it's her choice.

If the child is legally too young to be in the home unsupervised, the au pair is doing childcare.

That's not how the rules are written. The au pair is required to provide up to 45 hours of childcare for the host family. The au pair isn't permitted to work for additional pay.

The rules don't prohibit caring for other children at a playdate, but under the rules stated above, it can't be for pay or required by the host family. Your example is equivalent to saying that you can't take your au pair pumpkin picking in the fall because some people are paid to pick pumpkins.

[Anonymous]

What is a drop off play date then? The AP is watching "other kids."

It can't be requested of her. It has to be her choice and 100% voluntary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

What is a drop off play date then? The AP is watching "other kids."

It can't be requested of her. It has to be her choice and 100% voluntary.

the OP stated in her first post that the AP didn't like hosting OP's kid for play dates. Doesn't seem 100% voluntary to me by OP's own admission.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay some of these comments towards the OP are pretty ridiculous.

OP, I'm a part-time nanny/helper for one family that turns into full-time child care during the Summers. This is my fifth Summer. I'm the point of contact for play dates for the two school aged children who love to hang out with their friends. I'm friendly with sah moms as well as the Summer sitters. Communication is key and even with a few 'missteps' that shouldn't be ignored. Also, I personally don't see the issue with asking for help here and there. Over the years, I've definitely checked with other family parents/nannies about the kids stopping by if I had an appointment or needed to ever leave early from work, and have absolutely reciprocated as well. Depending on how close the kids are, ages, location, stuff like this can be mutually beneficial.

It's completely different with au pairs - the visa restricts them from taking care of other kids. Speak of what you know.

There's nothing in the visa or rules that prohibits drop off playdates. The au pair can't work for more pay or be asked to watch other kids. The au pair can certainly choose to have another kid over to play while she's on duty as long as it's her choice.

If the child is legally too young to be in the home unsupervised, the au pair is doing childcare.

That's not how the rules are written. The au pair is required to provide up to 45 hours of childcare for the host family. The au pair isn't permitted to work for additional pay.

The rules don't prohibit caring for other children at a playdate, but under the rules stated above, it can't be for pay or required by the host family. Your example is equivalent to saying that you can't take your au pair pumpkin picking in the fall because some people are paid to pick pumpkins.

Ask your LCC. Au pairs cannot "volunteer" to watch other people's kids either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD’s best friend has an au pair. The mom in the family is a good friend of mine.

I made some missteps / did some things that annoyed the au pair. The au pair suggested we chat in person rather than via text and I think that’s a great idea.

The problem is I think maybe one of the things that upset her was when I asked for a favor and she didn’t respond I wrote a few days later and asked if she got my text. I then wrote a few days later and said “can you let me know if you see this? I’m trying to figure out our plans one way or another”. I gather the au pair was upset that I had pressured her to watch my DD that day (and my DH thinks I should have understood the lack of response to be a “no”). For me, if she’d just said “that won’t work” to begin with I would have figured something else out. Anyway, I made other missteps too so I see how they piled up. I don’t think any are terrible (similar to example I provided) but I understand why she’s grumpy with me.

The thing is, she proposed a time I had a meeting. I proposed a number of other times and she’s gone silent again. Most of the times I proposed would require me to move a meeting / have some heads-up. The one she said “maybe, we’ll see” is for today. So for now we’re just avoiding texting her, arranging play dates etc and that’s not really tenable. I really would like to see if we can clear the air at all. My husband thinks she tends to forget or not realize I have a job. She seems to not want to meet during free-time (understandable) or when she’s watching the kids, so I’m not sure what to do. Do I arrange for my husband to watch the kids so we can meet?

Why would she have to meet with you? You're not her employer. She doesn't have to communicate with you or arrange play dates. That's not her job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay some of these comments towards the OP are pretty ridiculous.

OP, I'm a part-time nanny/helper for one family that turns into full-time child care during the Summers. This is my fifth Summer. I'm the point of contact for play dates for the two school aged children who love to hang out with their friends. I'm friendly with sah moms as well as the Summer sitters. Communication is key and even with a few 'missteps' that shouldn't be ignored. Also, I personally don't see the issue with asking for help here and there. Over the years, I've definitely checked with other family parents/nannies about the kids stopping by if I had an appointment or needed to ever leave early from work, and have absolutely reciprocated as well. Depending on how close the kids are, ages, location, stuff like this can be mutually beneficial.

It's completely different with au pairs - the visa restricts them from taking care of other kids. Speak of what you know.

There's nothing in the visa or rules that prohibits drop off playdates. The au pair can't work for more pay or be asked to watch other kids. The au pair can certainly choose to have another kid over to play while she's on duty as long as it's her choice.

If the child is legally too young to be in the home unsupervised, the au pair is doing childcare.

That's not how the rules are written. The au pair is required to provide up to 45 hours of childcare for the host family. The au pair isn't permitted to work for additional pay.

The rules don't prohibit caring for other children at a playdate, but under the rules stated above, it can't be for pay or required by the host family. Your example is equivalent to saying that you can't take your au pair pumpkin picking in the fall because some people are paid to pick pumpkins.

Ask your LCC. Au pairs cannot "volunteer" to watch other people's kids either.

My understanding that this refers to solely watching other kids (i.e., actually working for another family), not playdates for host kids while on duty.

[Anonymous]

Troll thread. This can’t be real.

[Anonymous]

The legality rules crack me up, considering I know a few au pairs who take side jobs for under the table pay in their off hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Troll thread. This can’t be real.

+1. Anyone with any sense at all understands the difference between scheduling w a parent vs a nanny or au pair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The legality rules crack me up, considering I know a few au pairs who take side jobs for under the table pay in their off hours.

Yeah I know a lot of people who break the law too, what's your point

[Anonymous]

Here's how I know this is a troll thread:

No real person would accept all the nasty, sarcastic, insulting responses without getting mad back. No real DCUM person does that. None!

Also....this is a pretty good troll! I judge troll success by number of pages and this one is currently at 5. That's not too bad! Good job troll!

[Anonymous]

I think it’s a troll too and asked Jeff to check.

[Anonymous]

Good troll.

[Anonymous]

OP, she is a working professional just like you. She just happens to mind children.

You treated her with disrespect. A "favor" = unpaid or paid at a fraction? She is not your employee for hire. It is her decision whether to do anything for you. She is telling you that she is not interested to work with you because you treated her badly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s a troll too and asked Jeff to check.

I stand corrected. Jeff says OP is not a troll.