Not sure how to handle ghosting au pair

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Troll thread. This can’t be real.

+1. Anyone with any sense at all understands the difference between scheduling w a parent vs a nanny or au pair.

Nanny here. I prefer to schedule, that way I have the address, phone number and other details that parents routinely forget to give me.

Scheduling with an AP is totally different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can afford it, think about hiring a mediator to bring to the meeting. Also a translator.

Wait... uh, wut? 🤔

You think the OP should pay for a mediator AND a translator to talk to the au pair?

It's clear that the OP doesn't want to spend the money to get her child her own au pair, but you want her to spend money on a mediator & translator?

Look up the definition for sarcasm please

Learn how to execute sarcasm correctly.
Nothing in your post says sarcasm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: You make sure the au pair knows that Larla will be coming over solo and confirm that's okay. Then you reciprocate and have a playdate later with Larla and friend. Just like you would with another parent. Keep it even-ish.

I agree! OP at least offer to try to keep it even. Maybe you will get lucky and the AP will say that's ok, no need. But you can't assume.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe all the people who are saying that au pairs should not be hosting play dates or can’t be asked to do so as part of their job. In what world is it okay to tell a 9 year old no play dates at their own house? At 9, they just run off to play and require almost no supervision if they have a friend over. I’ve had nannies for years and they all do this. A childcare provider that didn’t allow the child’s best friend to come over would be pretty worthless to me.
Yes, I agree OP should reciprocate, though, and it should be an even trade. People are so weird about stuff.

We have an au pair and host playdates all the time. When we, the parents, are on duty. You know, like every other parent.

We had an AP for a very short time (she had an undisclosed anxiety disorder and quit the program to go home shortly after arrival) and we decided not to rematch. But I am 100% positive we were never told by the program that the au pair could not host play dates. That’s basically all our kids do after school—run around from one house to another with their friends. I am also positive that my kids have been to play dates at the houses of friends who have APs when the parents were not available.
The very common earning of extra money by babysitting for pay for other parents is clearly prohibited by the program as unlawful employment not covered by the AP visa, which could subject the AP to deportation. That was pretty clear, I thought.

[Anonymous]

Op here,

So since my last post I haven’t asked anything of the au pair. When I found out Thursday that I’d have Friday off, I wrote her and said “I found out I have tomorrow off. Would the kids like to come over here to play tomorrow? Or if you’d like to do something together (since that’s what she said she wanted) that is good too.” She replied that they had morning plans and would let us know about the afternoon. So I took my older DD out for the morning. Usually I would text a friend in the afternoon saying “we’re back in case you’re free” but I didn’t text au pair and she didn’t text me.

This morning she wrote and asked if Larla would like a ride to camp with them. I wrote back “thanks for the offer! We’re all set to drive her and I can’t really help with drop offs and pickups because I don’t think all the booster seats will fit in our car.”

She replied “it would be no problem. We’re leaving at 8:30”

So I wrote “another day that sounds fun! Today she’s wrapping up breakfast.” And the au pair wrote “would 8:40 be better? Feel free to drop her off!”

At that point I felt it was truly an offer with no pressure. I went over and the kids were so excited to ride together. The draw back is I then felt I needed to offer to watch the kids some day / days after camp this week. Camp gets out at 3, while a drop off wouldn’t have made me miss any work. So in some ways it would be easier to either not accept the offer (but it’s kind of weird with neighbors all driving the same way) or not offer a reciprocal option (but that sounds like me taking advantage again.)

Anyway, we’re feeling it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can afford it, think about hiring a mediator to bring to the meeting. Also a translator.

Wait... uh, wut? 🤔

You think the OP should pay for a mediator AND a translator to talk to the au pair?

It's clear that the OP doesn't want to spend the money to get her child her own au pair, but you want her to spend money on a mediator & translator?

Look up the definition for sarcasm please

Learn how to execute sarcasm correctly.
Nothing in your post says sarcasm.

That wasn't my original post, but I could recognize the sarcasm in it a mile away.

[Anonymous]

I am really confused why your friend isn’t more involved in all this planning and you always go directly to the AP. Your friend should be the one telling the AP what should and shouldn’t happen re: hosting play dates, carpooling, etc.

I have a nanny and my kids’ friends have a mix of nannies/APs. We all take turns hosting drop off play dates for our older kids and they’re almost always planned my the moms and we just tell our nannies the plan. My DD’s best friend lives down the street and they definitely spend a majority of the time at her house and it has never been an issue. Definitely think your friend should be the one calling the shots.

For my younger one who is 3, our nanny takes more initiative to make plans mostly to meet other kids at the playground.