Gender Disappointment- looking for proactive ways to get over it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually did not find out bcs I thought I’d be disappointed where if I waited I’d just be happy to have my baby.

It seems like no one waits to find out anymore, even for first kids though.

I agree. I'm always shocked how many people find out beforehand these days! When we were pregnant with one of our children, I wanted to find out the gender, just for something different. My husband said "Finding out in the delivery room is one of the only true surprises we have left in life". He convinced me and I'm so glad we were always surprised.

DP. I hate surprises and like to have as much information as possible. That's why I found out ASAP.

Also some people have a lot of ultrasounds and sometimes it's hard to miss tell tale signs that the baby is a boy whether you wanted to find out or not. I saw it right away at an early u/s and asked if what I thought I saw was correct. I would find it hard to completely ignore the monitor during an u/s. It was still a surprise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP get over it.

I have zero empathy for this subject.

Before having children you did understand the stats about how children are conceived right?

UGH....

Wow, so helpful. Why even bother posting a reply if you’re going to be a jerk?
People are allowed to be disappointed and work through it.

Spraking truth not being a jerk. You and OP are the jerks.

Some people cannot have kids, have kids that die, or kids with special needs that cannot lead normal lives. I really do not understand the whole I was hoping for a boy or girl thing. It’s dumb. Be grateful.

Some people have incurable cancer. I don’t understand all these people upset about infertility. All these people who can’t have kids should be grateful they’re alive.

See how easy that is? Serves no one.

Not really. Anyone alive will die, not everyone will get to be a parent.

[Anonymous]

What helped me: 1) getting a really cute gendered outfit for baby- made me picture an actual baby wearing it 2) picking a name I loved.

Agree with others that you will love the baby you have, and get over this easily once baby is here.

[Anonymous]

I felt the same way with my first OP. You don’t need to do anything proactive to get over it. It will dissipate on its own once the reality of it all sets in. And it’s just the first of many lessons to parent the child you have, not the one you want. Maybe you dream of a boy to do sports with and you end up with a son who is bookish or into theater. Maybe you dream of shopping and getting your nails done with your daughter and she would rather hike and camp and wouldn’t be caught dead in a mall. I hoped my kids would love music like I do and my son is totally tone deaf! Parenting is an endless lesson in realizing you can’t control everything. Best wishes to you for a healthy pregnancy and beautiful baby!

[Anonymous]

All of these posters calling OP a monster probably got the gender they wanted.

[Anonymous]

We were “team green” and didn’t find out the sex beforehand. We wanted a healthy baby first, as everyone does, but also really wanted a boy. My whole pregnancy I kept hoping for a boy but somehow “knew” it was a girl. When DD was born and the doctor said “it’s a girl” I was like “yeah, I knew it was going to be a girl.” And then ... I was SO happy to have a girl. She is 3 and amazing. We remark constantly how glad we are we had a girl and we cannot imagine if she had been a boy. I bet whatever you wind up having you feel the same. Everyone I know in this situation does.

Gender disappointment is real but it’s not lasting. I don’t know a single person who has looked at their one-year-old child and still wished he was a she or she was a he.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, ignore the rude posters. You’re entitled to feel the way you want.

I only wanted boys. I was worried I would have a girl. I was relieved when both were boys. I would have loved my child regardless of their gender, but I was not wrong in hoping for boys.

DP. Why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know everyone says this, but it's true that you won't care once the baby arrives. You might still wish to have the experience of parenting the opposite sex child, but you won't wish your existing child was different. In the meantime, it's okay to feel how you feel. I was disappointed both times and I wouldn't change a thing now. I felt that way for a week or two during both pregnancies. One thing that helped me was the thought that the world desperately needs better men, and having boys was my chance to raise some.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The best solution is to give birth to the baby. You will seriously love them. I felt sad about the sex of the baby in my first pregnancy. And then the baby expectedly passed away in my second trimester. I felt so silly to have cared about the sex. What I wanted was the baby! Then my second baby was the same sex. I loved them from the moment they were born. You can have your feelings and it’s good to acknowledge them. But know that you will love the baby so much that you will look back on this and possibly feel a bit sad that you had worried about it.

DP. I'm so sorry for your loss.

[Anonymous]

You get what you get and you don’t get upset.

[Anonymous]

I had a donor egg baby and it was one of these processes that moved fast (after years of infertility) and I found myself pregnant and feeling unsettled about the whole thing and looking back with regret at the lost opportunities for a baby with my own eggs.

Some of that was probably steeling myself for another failed pregnancy but it was there. To address it I got great advice that "babies are extremely lovable" and I repeated that sentence to myself anytime negative thoughts crept in. Bonus: it turned out to be true!

Second, I spent time proactively envisioning my little baby and their cute smiles, and coos.

Last, I took a bit of extra care with the nursery and clothes (didnt bust my budget but I spent time shopping for cute thing that would making it a joyful space). I found the process of getting ready for my baby and thinking specifically about how I was going to care for her helped get me in a good headspace about her arrival. No matter which gender, go find some fun things for the nursery or outrageously cute pajamas. (People always say just take hand-me down clothes, your kid doesnt care. But sometimes the clothes or a cute wall hanging can make YOU feel better and that has lots of value.)

Finally people said, and it turned out to be true, those love hormones that rush to you when your baby is born are strong and real. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I'm surprised at how many women wanted a boy. I have two boys and always feel like moms of girls feel bad for me.

[Anonymous]

I wanted a boy so badly and got one and I’m pregnant again and want another boy but I’ll be happy with healthy baby!

OP how about this? You don’t know that baby is healthy until born so be thankful for a baby and then worry about gender when born (which won’t be a problem by then)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised at how many women wanted a boy. I have two boys and always feel like moms of girls feel bad for me.

Same here!! I have three boys and got lots of sympathetic comments from people when they were younger. I don’t think I have ever gotten a “your so lucky” comment like others with all girls or one of each get. However I will say that I feel very lucky. I really enjoy having three boys, it’s been wonderful!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was disappointed my second was a baby boy. 2.5 years later and I’m obsessed with absolutely everything he does. I love how he fills his pockets with rocks, is crazy about construction vehicles and is just so cute to dress up. My dd can be dressed really cute but my son will get all the compliments. It’s just easier to make boys look cute in clothes.[i] He puts on overalls or a button down shirt and it’s cute. My favorite is how much he reminds me of Dh.

Huh?!?! Where are you shopping?