Gender Disappointment- looking for proactive ways to get over it
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| We just found our our babys sex and I am very disappointed. I do not want to feel like this! Im wondering if any others who have experienced this have advice on how to get over it? Are there particular things you focused on that helped? What helped you get on board and move on? I legitimately feel like I am grieving a loss- as stupid as that sounds. |
Anonymous
| What's the sex? Maybe we can help you appreciate all the great things about having a boy/girl. Is this your first? |
Anonymous
| Shopping and decorating the nursery. Plus, sharing the news with others and talking about names. Everyone’s enthusiasm helped. |
Anonymous
PS - I have 4 boys |
Anonymous
This. You will find the good things quickly but it's also okay to have had a different picture in your head and to grieve that a bit. |
Anonymous
|
What was it that got you thinking you'd have one particular sex? It's hard to understand how you were so invested in having a _____, that you are grieving about it. Just curious how this situation came to be.
|
Anonymous
| I know everyone says this, but it's true that you won't care once the baby arrives. You might still wish to have the experience of parenting the opposite sex child, but you won't wish your existing child was different. In the meantime, it's okay to feel how you feel. I was disappointed both times and I wouldn't change a thing now. I felt that way for a week or two during both pregnancies. One thing that helped me was the thought that the world desperately needs better men, and having boys was my chance to raise some. |
Anonymous
| Is everyone assuming op wanted a girl but is having a boy? |
Anonymous
| I had HORRIBLE gender disappointment. It was actually a huge struggle. Then baby got here and I was over the moon and find things every day that make me think "man that was so silly then." |
Anonymous
|
I just let myself be sad! And if somebody doesn’t think that is proactive, I disagree. Giving yourself permission to grieve is not easy and really important.
And I absolutely adore my boy. Oh my goodness he is the light of my life. Gender disappointment didn’t impact anything. |
Anonymous
Sorry OP, I can understand the feeling. But your baby is coming and they are an individual who is going to add so much to your world. It will be amazing to learn all about them. You have that to look forward to. 
|
Anonymous
|
Your child will be an individual. This is probably the first in a long list of ways your child will be different than you envisioned. Enjoy that! My kids have shown me who they are and become people with traits that I could never have imagined much less wished for.
The point is, you don't get to pick any of it. Anything you think you can pick either you're wrong or it's for YOU and you should examine that before you have kids. |
Anonymous
This was the same for me. Now that he’s a toddler I can’t even imagine having a girl and if I had a second, I’d want another boy! |
Anonymous
| OP, I understand the feeling, I always pictured myself having a daughter and was so sad I cried when I found out I was having a boy. One he arrived though, he was amazing and I loved him so much. When I had my second and found out he was also a boy, I didn't have any disappointment even though I knew he would be my last and I would never have a daughter. I think you will forget all about it once he is born. Also, congrats! |
Anonymous
| Let yourself grieve for the loss of what you expected. Becasue it is real to you at this moment. But realize that youre grieving an expectation and not reality because you have no idea who your baby is or what your relationship would have been if they were a different gender And then come up with ways to get ready for the baby you will have. It will most likely (95%) dissipate the minute the baby arrives. |