Gender Disappointment- looking for proactive ways to get over it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We just found our our babys sex and I am very disappointed. I do not want to feel like this! Im wondering if any others who have experienced this have advice on how to get over it? Are there particular things you focused on that helped? What helped you get on board and move on? I legitimately feel like I am grieving a loss- as stupid as that sounds.

I'd be grateful for healthy baby and not whine. I feel sorry for this child because even in the womb it knows you wanted another gender. My parents wantedanother boy do I was a disappointment the moment I entered the world and I always knew it even though they never said a word.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just found our our babys sex and I am very disappointed. I do not want to feel like this! Im wondering if any others who have experienced this have advice on how to get over it? Are there particular things you focused on that helped? What helped you get on board and move on? I legitimately feel like I am grieving a loss- as stupid as that sounds.

I'd be grateful for healthy baby and not whine. I feel sorry for this child because even in the womb it knows you wanted another gender. My parents wantedanother boy do I was a disappointment the moment I entered the world and I always knew it even though they never said a word.

Maybe get some therapy and stop projecting your crap on OP. The fact that OP is asking for how to help her adjust makes her NOT your parents.

[Anonymous]

Don’t let anyone shame you for feeling this way. In my experience, it gradually passed once I started thinking of the baby as a specific person with a set name. Whatever your baby’s gender, I’m sure you’ll be thrilled once these feelings run their course. Good luck and congratulations!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I understand the feeling, I always pictured myself having a daughter and was so sad I cried when I found out I was having a boy. One he arrived though, he was amazing and I loved him so much. When I had my second and found out he was also a boy, I didn't have any disappointment even though I knew he would be my last and I would never have a daughter. I think you will forget all about it once he is born. Also, congrats!

I had a similar experience. I spent years trying for a child and always thought I’d have a girl. I had a really rough time when I learned it was a boy. Once he actually arrived those feelings faded away and I was thrilled with him. It’s okay to be sad, your feelings are real, but it will get better once the child is actually in your arms.

[Anonymous]

I will fully own that I never wanted a boy. Of course my first was a boy. I think I finally "got over it" around age 4 or 5. We didn't have much in common prior to that, like trucks or dinosaurs...totally DGAF. Of course I tried to be excited everytime we saw a firetruck drive by and did all the touch a trucks in the area pre-covid but it was so hard! Now he's getting into sports and it's much easier to relate and find a common, genuine interest.

[Anonymous]

I have five children both boys and girls... U need to grow up and be grateful for what G-d gives you.

[Anonymous]

Disappointment isn’t the same as grief…unless you are one of the select few with emotional issues/mental health issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Disappointment isn’t the same as grief…unless you are one of the select few with emotional issues/mental health issues.

You clearly suffer from a mental health issue if you think it is your place to measure, identify or validate someone else’s feelings. OP is free to feel her feelings and name them in a way that is productive and authentic to her. If you don’t like her topic, you can move on with your day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Disappointment isn’t the same as grief…unless you are one of the select few with emotional issues/mental health issues.

You clearly suffer from a mental health issue if you think it is your place to measure, identify or validate someone else’s feelings. OP is free to feel her feelings and name them in a way that is productive and authentic to her. If you don’t like her topic, you can move on with your day.

Disagree with characterizing this as "productive." You find out the gender with NIPT or 20w ultrasound where you could also receive devastating news. It's absurd to "grieve" this.

[Anonymous]

OP never said anything about the sex. This could be a DH who is disappointed that he isn't getting a boy. I know a dad who was devastated when they learned first child was a girl. He was from a long line of firstborns as males with the family name handed down.

Conversely, I currently know a DH who is praying for a little girl.

There are plenty of men on DCUM that participate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Disappointment isn’t the same as grief…unless you are one of the select few with emotional issues/mental health issues.

You clearly suffer from a mental health issue if you think it is your place to measure, identify or validate someone else’s feelings. OP is free to feel her feelings and name them in a way that is productive and authentic to her. If you don’t like her topic, you can move on with your day.

Disagree with characterizing this as "productive." You find out the gender with NIPT or 20w ultrasound where you could also receive devastating news. It's absurd to "grieve" this.

Says you. Funny how you saying that doesn’t magically change OP’s thoughts or feelings. It’s...almost as if you have nothing to do with her thoughts or feelings, and no control over them. GASP! But but, that couldn’t be, YOU’RE IN CHARGE, right?

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry. There are people who do IVF to get their desired gender.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, OP. This is sort of the first of the firsts, that what you get isn't always what you signed up for.

This is also something that in today's world happens when the tween decides they want to go to the other gender. The parents feel bad but are not allowed to say anything because it's not PC; one is supposed to support their kid and swallow their feelings.

And when your kid hits puberty, suddenly they don't go lock-step in the way you want them to. You love animals and they don't. You love baseball and they hate all sports.

Although it's hard at every stage, the beauty of this is that you are not raising an object that you hand-picked, you are raising an individual. They come out different than you think; your parenting style and level of involvement will help in some ways, and not make a darn bit of difference in other ways.

I have two older teens, same gender, and I cannot believe how different they are from each other, and also how different they are from me. DH and I feel like zookeepers over two radically different species...like a dolphin and a leopard; different mentalities, hobbies, talents, ways of being, and with different needs.

Sure there is some dissapointment that they are not the children I imagined in personality and interests and talents. But there is great joy in watching these two unique people grow and navigate the world. Honestly, with one of them, she is so different than me but so fascinating, I'm like "how could I be her mother?" and also "wow I'm actually honored to be given the role of being her mother, to have had this experience sort of raising this different creature."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will fully own that I never wanted a boy. Of course my first was a boy. I think I finally "got over it" around age 4 or 5. We didn't have much in common prior to that, like trucks or dinosaurs...totally DGAF. Of course I tried to be excited everytime we saw a firetruck drive by and did all the touch a trucks in the area pre-covid but it was so hard! Now he's getting into sports and it's much easier to relate and find a common, genuine interest.

I don't think this is common. Op, don't worry about this, you probably won't spend 4-5 YEARS feeling disappointed.

I don't like big trucks either, but I was happy to see my son get so excited about them. That's what it's about, taking joy in seeing your child learn and take interests in things.

[Anonymous]

Words have meaning. Grief isn’t the right word for extreme disappointment. It’s just not.

If a person truly feels symptoms of grief (google it if you aren’t familiar), then they are overly emotional or suffering from other MH issues.

I have a handful of kids who are the same sex. I know gender disappointment. I’ve also lost pregnancies and parents. I know grief. Apples and watermelons.