Dating a man with an overprotective pre-teen

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP the most toxic relationship of my life was one where I was dealing with constant drama from my boyfriend’s teenaged daughter. She was 13 when we started seeing each other and 15 when I finally walked. I loved her and we had some good times together - she actually keeps in touch with me now and is estranged from her father - but her drama basically undermined the relationship and I don’t honestly know if we couldn’t have made it just fine had she been living with her mother and not her father. Some days it just felt like she was jealous of me and we were in competition for the same man - it was weird. No, I don’t think there was anything inappropriate between them. I just think that preteen and teen girls can be very toxic and it can be really hard to parent them from the place of a solid long term relationship, much less a new relationship where you are de facto stepmother but without any really authority in her eyes.

If you’re not really in love with this guy, if you have reservations about him - I would say walk now before things get uglier.

NP: guy - this is my life right now. I have experienced this with another date and her teenage daughter was completely unreasonable and unbelievably demanding as well. Before the ‘sacrifice it all’ for your kid crowd chime in I would say if you want this work then you need boundaries.

SEE THE BOLDED ABOVE. That is textbook. And she was. She was damaged by the divorce. She was scared her dad was going to abandon her. She was a child. Her parent's marriage taught her that people can abandon those that they love.

I'm disgusted by the women on here putting down children for acting like children do, but giving a pass to ADULTS that are acting like selfish children putting their genitals above all else.

[Anonymous]

These are women that hate other women, whether it be the guy's daughters (adult daughters or children), they hate MILs, etc. They are nutso. Other women can see through their BS and see their true character. That's threatening to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My bf has been divorced for 5 years. He has a 12 year old daughter (I have an 8 yr old son). I met his daughter recently and he and I got into an argument in front of her (dumb argument). She got very upset and told her dad no to date me because I was disrespectful to him. He got mad at her for telling him what to do but basically got upset with me that I was the cause of the fight between the two of them.

Red flag or no?

I’m thinking of never seeing him again because this all seems very dramatic and I didn’t sign up for this. This is a man who openly curses in front of his daughter and makes jokes about violence but somehow us arguing in front of her was the straw that breaks the camel’s back because she’s not used to people “disrespecting” her father. Ftr, there was no cursing or name calling, no loud talking just disagreeing.

Can you explain why you’d be with someone who does this?

EXACTLY! And why would she ever want this guy in her own son’s life???

[Anonymous]

OP you talk like a teenager. You started dating someone with a kid but 'didn't sign up for the drama'? You have a kid, you know what goes along with it.

He seems immature, you seem immature, no one seems to care about the wellbeing of the child. In this case you're all the ahole.

[Anonymous]

Dating with kids, especially pre-teens and teens is always a headache. Ditch this guy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP the most toxic relationship of my life was one where I was dealing with constant drama from my boyfriend’s teenaged daughter. She was 13 when we started seeing each other and 15 when I finally walked. I loved her and we had some good times together - she actually keeps in touch with me now and is estranged from her father - but her drama basically undermined the relationship and I don’t honestly know if we couldn’t have made it just fine had she been living with her mother and not her father. Some days it just felt like she was jealous of me and we were in competition for the same man - it was weird. No, I don’t think there was anything inappropriate between them. I just think that preteen and teen girls can be very toxic and it can be really hard to parent them from the place of a solid long term relationship, much less a new relationship where you are de facto stepmother but without any really authority in her eyes.

If you’re not really in love with this guy, if you have reservations about him - I would say walk now before things get uglier.

NP: guy - this is my life right now. I have experienced this with another date and her teenage daughter was completely unreasonable and unbelievably demanding as well. Before the ‘sacrifice it all’ for your kid crowd chime in I would say if you want this work then you need boundaries.

SEE THE BOLDED ABOVE. That is textbook. And she was. She was damaged by the divorce. She was scared her dad was going to abandon her. She was a child. Her parent's marriage taught her that people can abandon those that they love.

I'm disgusted by the women on here putting down children for acting like children do, but giving a pass to ADULTS that are acting like selfish children putting their genitals above all else.

The bolded is why some women end up with "daddy issues'. They cheat forever looking for male attention and validation. It's never enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you talk like a teenager. You started dating someone with a kid but 'didn't sign up for the drama'? You have a kid, you know what goes along with it.

He seems immature, you seem immature, no one seems to care about the wellbeing of the child. In this case you're all the ahole.

🙄 It’s a forum post. Overanalyze much

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP the most toxic relationship of my life was one where I was dealing with constant drama from my boyfriend’s teenaged daughter. She was 13 when we started seeing each other and 15 when I finally walked. I loved her and we had some good times together - she actually keeps in touch with me now and is estranged from her father - but her drama basically undermined the relationship and I don’t honestly know if we couldn’t have made it just fine had she been living with her mother and not her father. Some days it just felt like she was jealous of me and we were in competition for the same man - it was weird. No, I don’t think there was anything inappropriate between them. I just think that preteen and teen girls can be very toxic and it can be really hard to parent them from the place of a solid long term relationship, much less a new relationship where you are de facto stepmother but without any really authority in her eyes.

If you’re not really in love with this guy, if you have reservations about him - I would say walk now before things get uglier.

NP: guy - this is my life right now. I have experienced this with another date and her teenage daughter was completely unreasonable and unbelievably demanding as well. Before the ‘sacrifice it all’ for your kid crowd chime in I would say if you want this work then you need boundaries.

SEE THE BOLDED ABOVE. That is textbook. And she was. She was damaged by the divorce. She was scared her dad was going to abandon her. She was a child. Her parent's marriage taught her that people can abandon those that they love.

I'm disgusted by the women on here putting down children for acting like children do, but giving a pass to ADULTS that are acting like selfish children putting their genitals above all else.

Who is blaming the child?

There need to be better boundaries

[Anonymous]

It's funny to combine this thread with the would you marry someone with divorced parents thread. This one almost leads into the other

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you talk like a teenager. You started dating someone with a kid but 'didn't sign up for the drama'? You have a kid, you know what goes along with it.

He seems immature, you seem immature, no one seems to care about the wellbeing of the child. In this case you're all the ahole.

🙄 It’s a forum post. Overanalyze much

I didn't do much analyzing there hahaha. Just a brief statement of fact plus an opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course it is a red flag. You all got into an argument in front of a kid? You both need to grow up.

Jesus. No one on this forum has ever had a disagreement in front of a child?
Some of you are really beyond holier than thou.

I witness people arguing in front of their children all the time in public.
What Stepford situations do you exist in that you have literally never said “no” to someone in front of your children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's funny to combine this thread with the would you marry someone with divorced parents thread. This one almost leads into the other

I read the other one and this seems tame. OP doesn’t seem upset with the kid or as if she “hates” the kid. She seems to think the issue is the dad and I agree. As others have said the parental boundaries in this relationship are out of whack.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's funny to combine this thread with the would you marry someone with divorced parents thread. This one almost leads into the other

I read the other one and this seems tame. OP doesn’t seem upset with the kid or as if she “hates” the kid. She seems to think the issue is the dad and I agree. As others have said the parental boundaries in this relationship are out of whack.

I agree, but you can easily see the kid being shaped by this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You already know the answer. You really don't have a dog in this fight.

Daughter prob saw the same pattern with her mom so open your eyes to his shortcomings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was it disagreeing, or was it disrespecting? We need more information.

It was not disrespectful. Literally a yes, no, yes, no conversation. He got upset that I was disagreeing with him and then shut down for the car ride home. We picked up the disagreement later when we got to their house. Honestly I was against even meeting her because I felt it was too soon but he kept swearing up and down that it was no big deal.

RUN. He has some real communication issues! And lack of conflict resolution skills! And he stonewalls! And he curses like as a superlative or he is cursing at people? Unless something bad happened, like almost a car accident cursing, he should restrain his words.