Dating a man with an overprotective pre-teen

[Anonymous]

My bf has been divorced for 5 years. He has a 12 year old daughter (I have an 8 yr old son). I met his daughter recently and he and I got into an argument in front of her (dumb argument). She got very upset and told her dad no to date me because I was disrespectful to him. He got mad at her for telling him what to do but basically got upset with me that I was the cause of the fight between the two of them.

Red flag or no?

I’m thinking of never seeing him again because this all seems very dramatic and I didn’t sign up for this. This is a man who openly curses in front of his daughter and makes jokes about violence but somehow us arguing in front of her was the straw that breaks the camel’s back because she’s not used to people “disrespecting” her father. Ftr, there was no cursing or name calling, no loud talking just disagreeing.

[Anonymous]

Was it disagreeing, or was it disrespecting? We need more information.

[Anonymous]

You already know the answer. You really don't have a dog in this fight.

[Anonymous]

No, you are done here. His wife divorced him for a reason.

You deserve better. Just pity the poor child who has to live with him.

[Anonymous]

Big flag, bright red, waving wildly. Heed this warning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was it disagreeing, or was it disrespecting? We need more information.

It was not disrespectful. Literally a yes, no, yes, no conversation. He got upset that I was disagreeing with him and then shut down for the car ride home. We picked up the disagreement later when we got to their house. Honestly I was against even meeting her because I felt it was too soon but he kept swearing up and down that it was no big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You already know the answer. You really don't have a dog in this fight.

Not sure what you mean by this. I tried to end it when he told me what she said and he got upset and said no child was going to dictate his love life… Then wtf was the point of telling me this???

I assume to make me feel bad for arguing with him and especially in front of her (to which I apologized and agreed it wouldn’t happen again).
The whole thing just left a sour taste in my mouth. It feels manipulative.

[Anonymous]

It's interesting that you are pinning the issues you have with your boyfriend on his daughter.

Honestly, you and your boyfriend seem incredibly immature. The 12-year-old definitely has more maturity than both of you, and that's sad. Poor girl, I hope her mother has some siense.

[Anonymous]

You don’t even know if the girl told him this or he is making things up to make you more agreeable.
He sounds like a jerk in either case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was it disagreeing, or was it disrespecting? We need more information.

It was not disrespectful. Literally a yes, no, yes, no conversation. He got upset that I was disagreeing with him and then shut down for the car ride home. We picked up the disagreement later when we got to their house. Honestly I was against even meeting her because I felt it was too soon but he kept swearing up and down that it was no big deal.

NP. Run.

I agree with the other PP that it’s weird you’re pinning this on the daughter. I disagree that she “sounds mature.” She very well might be immature, but who cares, because he’s got lousy communication skills. I wouldn’t date anyone who shuts down like that during a disagreement.

[Anonymous]

So the DD said you were disrespectful? I believe her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting that you are pinning the issues you have with your boyfriend on his daughter.

Honestly, you and your boyfriend seem incredibly immature. The 12-year-old definitely has more maturity than both of you, and that's sad. Poor girl, I hope her mother has some siense.

It’s him, not her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So the DD said you were disrespectful? I believe her.

He said she said it. I have my doubts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don’t even know if the girl told him this or he is making things up to make you more agreeable.
He sounds like a jerk in either case.

I agree. I wasn’t there when he spoke to her. He basically told it to me as a means to blame their argument on me and then when I tried to break up he basically said don’t let her win and that she needs to toughen up. It was weird and exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So the DD said you were disrespectful? I believe her.

If my dd said that about someone I was dating I would break up with you. Hard stop. Though I would never tell you what my dd said or how she feels about you....ever. That is strictly between the dd and the father. Why put your 12 year dd in that position?