Dating a man with an overprotective pre-teen

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should not have argued in front of his daughter. You’re both adults and should know better. You stop talking about it immediately and discuss later when you’re alone.

He sounds absolutely terrible for making violent jokes. Cussing I don’t mind, but I don’t tolerate any sort of violence from men, even joking.

Sounds like the daughter is the most mature one here.

this part. Who behaves like this? Especially when you're all getting together for the first time. You and he need to do better. Even if you break up, you need to do better.

Unbelievable that you would argue with your boyfriend when first meeting his child. Seriously, do everyone a favor and end it.

Honestly your boyfriend does not sound like a prize. "No child is going to dictate his love life" give me a freaking break! Between being divorced, that comment, violent jokes, the premature introduction of his GF and kid, and arguing with the gf in front of his kid, this guy has major emotional issues.

[Anonymous]

This will be your life if you continue. If you’re okay with that, have at it.

[Anonymous]

Am I reading this correct? You tried to break up and he wouldn’t let you? For me, THAT is a much bigger red flag than any drama with his daughter. He doesn’t get to decide if you want to date him or not. You don’t need his permission to stop being in a relationship with him for any reason. He sounds incredibly manipulative. It’s sad for his daughter, but you need to keep yourself and your son safe. Get out now!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I reading this correct? You tried to break up and he wouldn’t let you? For me, THAT is a much bigger red flag than any drama with his daughter. He doesn’t get to decide if you want to date him or not. You don’t need his permission to stop being in a relationship with him for any reason. He sounds incredibly manipulative. It’s sad for his daughter, but you need to keep yourself and your son safe. Get out now!

My thoughts.

There was no need for OP to know what the daughter said.
This guy is manipulative and the daughter may very well be a brat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should not have argued in front of his daughter. You’re both adults and should know better. You stop talking about it immediately and discuss later when you’re alone.

He sounds absolutely terrible for making violent jokes. Cussing I don’t mind, but I don’t tolerate any sort of violence from men, even joking.

Sounds like the daughter is the most mature one here.

this part. Who behaves like this? Especially when you're all getting together for the first time. You and he need to do better. Even if you break up, you need to do better.

NP and this was my first thought, too. You’re just meeting the daughter for the first time and you and your BF can’t refrain from arguing in front of her? That doesn’t seem appropriate, and I know it would’ve made me uncomfortable and protective of my mom back when I was a kid and she was dating. It doesn’t sound like your relationship has a healthy dynamic - to scapegoat a 12 year old girl and just totally dismiss her discomfort with the situation (”overprotective”)? C’mon.

This doesn’t sound like a good relationship, and that has nothing to do with his daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP the most toxic relationship of my life was one where I was dealing with constant drama from my boyfriend’s teenaged daughter. She was 13 when we started seeing each other and 15 when I finally walked. I loved her and we had some good times together - she actually keeps in touch with me now and is estranged from her father - but her drama basically undermined the relationship and I don’t honestly know if we couldn’t have made it just fine had she been living with her mother and not her father. Some days it just felt like she was jealous of me and we were in competition for the same man - it was weird. No, I don’t think there was anything inappropriate between them. I just think that preteen and teen girls can be very toxic and it can be really hard to parent them from the place of a solid long term relationship, much less a new relationship where you are de facto stepmother but without any really authority in her eyes.

If you’re not really in love with this guy, if you have reservations about him - I would say walk now before things get uglier.

This. I never date men with daughters. Of any age. I only date men with sons or men with no kids.

+1

I always said I would not date a man with young daughters. Even adult daughters can be problematic

Self hating women are fascinating to me.

You’ve clearly never dated anyone with kids lol

Much easier to deal with sons than daughters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should not have argued in front of his daughter. You’re both adults and should know better. You stop talking about it immediately and discuss later when you’re alone.

He sounds absolutely terrible for making violent jokes. Cussing I don’t mind, but I don’t tolerate any sort of violence from men, even joking.

Sounds like the daughter is the most mature one here.

this part. Who behaves like this? Especially when you're all getting together for the first time. You and he need to do better. Even if you break up, you need to do better.

NP and this was my first thought, too. You’re just meeting the daughter for the first time and you and your BF can’t refrain from arguing in front of her? That doesn’t seem appropriate, and I know it would’ve made me uncomfortable and protective of my mom back when I was a kid and she was dating. It doesn’t sound like your relationship has a healthy dynamic - to scapegoat a 12 year old girl and just totally dismiss her discomfort with the situation (”overprotective”)? C’mon.

This doesn’t sound like a good relationship, and that has nothing to do with his daughter.

We don’t even know what the argument was about.
She could have said I’m getting the chicken for dinner and he said no get the steak.
A child seeing that kind of “argument” is whatever.

Some of you must really love your glass houses.

I also take it that OP and the dad have probably argued in the past.
If the relationship is argumentative, it’s on the father to protect his daughter not use her as a reason to stick it to his gf for arguing with him.

[Anonymous]

Of course it is a red flag. You all got into an argument in front of a kid? You both need to grow up.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you both are immature. Why would you fight in front of his kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should not have argued in front of his daughter. You’re both adults and should know better. You stop talking about it immediately and discuss later when you’re alone.

He sounds absolutely terrible for making violent jokes. Cussing I don’t mind, but I don’t tolerate any sort of violence from men, even joking.

Sounds like the daughter is the most mature one here.

this part. Who behaves like this? Especially when you're all getting together for the first time. You and he need to do better. Even if you break up, you need to do better.

NP and this was my first thought, too. You’re just meeting the daughter for the first time and you and your BF can’t refrain from arguing in front of her? That doesn’t seem appropriate, and I know it would’ve made me uncomfortable and protective of my mom back when I was a kid and she was dating. It doesn’t sound like your relationship has a healthy dynamic - to scapegoat a 12 year old girl and just totally dismiss her discomfort with the situation (”overprotective”)? C’mon.

This doesn’t sound like a good relationship, and that has nothing to do with his daughter.

We don’t even know what the argument was about.
She could have said I’m getting the chicken for dinner and he said no get the steak.
A child seeing that kind of “argument” is whatever.

Some of you must really love your glass houses.

I also take it that OP and the dad have probably argued in the past.
If the relationship is argumentative, it’s on the father to protect his daughter not use her as a reason to stick it to his gf for arguing with him.

If they’re arguing over what a grown woman should order for dinner, that’s even worse. If a bf tried to tell me what to order for dinner, I’d keep my mouth shut, order what I wanted, then dump his ass via text the moment I got home.

[Anonymous]

You both sound incredibly immature.

So grossed out by dating with kids like this.

Gross. All divorces for a reason....

Kids having to meet random s and being scapegoated by mom and dad’s current f@@@cks, poor kids no wonder they grow up messed up...and have shorty relationships and cheat on their spouses.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t want to get any more involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP the most toxic relationship of my life was one where I was dealing with constant drama from my boyfriend’s teenaged daughter. She was 13 when we started seeing each other and 15 when I finally walked. I loved her and we had some good times together - she actually keeps in touch with me now and is estranged from her father - but her drama basically undermined the relationship and I don’t honestly know if we couldn’t have made it just fine had she been living with her mother and not her father. Some days it just felt like she was jealous of me and we were in competition for the same man - it was weird. No, I don’t think there was anything inappropriate between them. I just think that preteen and teen girls can be very toxic and it can be really hard to parent them from the place of a solid long term relationship, much less a new relationship where you are de facto stepmother but without any really authority in her eyes.

If you’re not really in love with this guy, if you have reservations about him - I would say walk now before things get uglier.

This. I never date men with daughters. Of any age. I only date men with sons or men with no kids.

Yep. You got it! Single mom with pre-teen dd here: while I had no problem at all of having my bf around my dd, my ex's dating life is non-existent due to the same-gender dynamic of new partner and child.
OP still seems to be in earlier dating stage. Just run and date someone with a son or no kids. I'd also like to say that a child feeling the urge to control a parent's love life may have been neglected or deprived of attention during marriage and divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP the most toxic relationship of my life was one where I was dealing with constant drama from my boyfriend’s teenaged daughter. She was 13 when we started seeing each other and 15 when I finally walked. I loved her and we had some good times together - she actually keeps in touch with me now and is estranged from her father - but her drama basically undermined the relationship and I don’t honestly know if we couldn’t have made it just fine had she been living with her mother and not her father. Some days it just felt like she was jealous of me and we were in competition for the same man - it was weird. No, I don’t think there was anything inappropriate between them. I just think that preteen and teen girls can be very toxic and it can be really hard to parent them from the place of a solid long term relationship, much less a new relationship where you are de facto stepmother but without any really authority in her eyes.

If you’re not really in love with this guy, if you have reservations about him - I would say walk now before things get uglier.

This. I never date men with daughters. Of any age. I only date men with sons or men with no kids.

+1

I always said I would not date a man with young daughters. Even adult daughters can be problematic

Self hating women are fascinating to me.

You’ve clearly never dated anyone with kids lol

Much easier to deal with sons than daughters.

I’m dating someone with 2 daughters and I’ve had no issues.

In fact my bf says it’s usually women who are the problem - the women he’s dated get weirdly jealous of his daughters. To the point where they want him to give up custody and not see them anymore.

When I was a kid, my dad dated women who tried to act like my mom and tell me what to do or create rules and try to enforce them. He finally stopped dating when he realized most women didn’t understand boundaries and that he was the parent, not them.

My BFF is married to a man with a teenage daughter she can’t stand, and as an outsider, I can see the problem is 100% her and not the child. Again, she tries to be the mom and enforce rules and has zero boundaries.

I think there’s something seriously wrong with women who can’t get along with other females. It’s like those women who say they can only have male friends because all females are catty/manipulative/etc. No they’re not, the problem is you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP the most toxic relationship of my life was one where I was dealing with constant drama from my boyfriend’s teenaged daughter. She was 13 when we started seeing each other and 15 when I finally walked. I loved her and we had some good times together - she actually keeps in touch with me now and is estranged from her father - but her drama basically undermined the relationship and I don’t honestly know if we couldn’t have made it just fine had she been living with her mother and not her father. Some days it just felt like she was jealous of me and we were in competition for the same man - it was weird. No, I don’t think there was anything inappropriate between them. I just think that preteen and teen girls can be very toxic and it can be really hard to parent them from the place of a solid long term relationship, much less a new relationship where you are de facto stepmother but without any really authority in her eyes.

If you’re not really in love with this guy, if you have reservations about him - I would say walk now before things get uglier.

This. I never date men with daughters. Of any age. I only date men with sons or men with no kids.

+1

I always said I would not date a man with young daughters. Even adult daughters can be problematic

Self hating women are fascinating to me.

You’ve clearly never dated anyone with kids lol

Much easier to deal with sons than daughters.

I’m dating someone with 2 daughters and I’ve had no issues.

In fact my bf says it’s usually women who are the problem - the women he’s dated get weirdly jealous of his daughters. To the point where they want him to give up custody and not see them anymore.

When I was a kid, my dad dated women who tried to act like my mom and tell me what to do or create rules and try to enforce them. He finally stopped dating when he realized most women didn’t understand boundaries and that he was the parent, not them.

My BFF is married to a man with a teenage daughter she can’t stand, and as an outsider, I can see the problem is 100% her and not the child. Again, she tries to be the mom and enforce rules and has zero boundaries.

I think there’s something seriously wrong with women who can’t get along with other females. It’s like those women who say they can only have male friends because all females are catty/manipulative/etc. No they’re not, the problem is you.

Sorry, dear, I get along just fine with other females. I’ve successfully stepparented a girl and a boy from grade school age on. My nieces adore me and come to me for advice with serious issues, often before their mothers. I did not overstep boundaries with the teen daughter, who as I mentioned is now closer to me than to her father with whom she has no relationship at present.

But very glad you got the chance to fully exercise your superiority complex in that post.