Dating a man with an overprotective pre-teen

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should not have argued in front of his daughter. You’re both adults and should know better. You stop talking about it immediately and discuss later when you’re alone.

He sounds absolutely terrible for making violent jokes. Cussing I don’t mind, but I don’t tolerate any sort of violence from men, even joking.

Sounds like the daughter is the most mature one here.

this part. Who behaves like this? Especially when you're all getting together for the first time. You and he need to do better. Even if you break up, you need to do better.

Would like to know WHO revisited the disagreement topic once back in the house and around the 12 yo.

Was it him? Then he can’t stop himself from arguing. Too stubborn and belligerent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course it is a red flag. You all got into an argument in front of a kid? You both need to grow up.

Jesus. No one on this forum has ever had a disagreement in front of a child?
Some of you are really beyond holier than thou.

I witness people arguing in front of their children all the time in public.
What Stepford situations do you exist in that you have literally never said “no” to someone in front of your children?

I had been under the impression that this was the first time OP met the daughter.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I just re-read. OP changed her story - she said she “just met his daughter recently” in the OP, and then in a follow-up said she met her early on, and they’ve done spa days, vacations, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting that you are pinning the issues you have with your boyfriend on his daughter.

Honestly, you and your boyfriend seem incredibly immature. The 12-year-old definitely has more maturity than both of you, and that's sad. Poor girl, I hope her mother has some siense.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t even know if the girl told him this or he is making things up to make you more agreeable.
He sounds like a jerk in either case.

I agree. I wasn’t there when he spoke to her. He basically told it to me as a means to blame their argument on me and then when I tried to break up he basically said don’t let her win and that she needs to toughen up. It was weird and exhausting.

ooooooo major NPD and socialpath vibes. Google Dr. Ramani on youtube AND also "out of the fog" website for resources.

He cannot change. He will not change. And he will mess the fucck out of you and your kid. He is setting this stage to do the same to your child. He will use the same dialog for your 8 yr old son - "he cannot dictate the adult relationship, don't let him win, he needs to toughen up"

Run, OP. This is a toxic man and an abusive man. Break up now. Manipulative and someone who plays a long game of manipulation.

[Anonymous]

Run. Some men encourage that kind of thing. They want to feel special or important and having the women in their life squabble over them feeds their ego.

Run. I feel sorry for his daughter. She can’t get always from him. But you can.

Of course he didn’t want you to break up with him. He told you because he thought it would make you more possessive of him. When it backfired and you tried to break up, that’s when he changed his tune.

He sounds manipulative and insecure. Run.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, this guy sounds nuts. Run

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I just re-read. OP changed her story - she said she “just met his daughter recently” in the OP, and then in a follow-up said she met her early on, and they’ve done spa days, vacations, etc.

OP here. Didn’t change my story. I did meet her recently (within the last month) but the argument didn’t occur the first time I saw her. We had met before and hung out on several occasions previously with good results. All in all I still felt I met her sooner than I wanted. For instance, he has not met my son in person but he insisted on me meeting his daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Run. Some men encourage that kind of thing. They want to feel special or important and having the women in their life squabble over them feeds their ego.

Run. I feel sorry for his daughter. She can’t get always from him. But you can.

Of course he didn’t want you to break up with him. He told you because he thought it would make you more possessive of him. When it backfired and you tried to break up, that’s when he changed his tune.

He sounds manipulative and insecure. Run.

You should really pay attention to the warning lights.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I just re-read. OP changed her story - she said she “just met his daughter recently” in the OP, and then in a follow-up said she met her early on, and they’ve done spa days, vacations, etc.

OP here. Didn’t change my story. I did meet her recently (within the last month) but the argument didn’t occur the first time I saw her. We had met before and hung out on several occasions previously with good results. All in all I still felt I met her sooner than I wanted. For instance, he has not met my son in person but he insisted on me meeting his daughter.

Divorced guy: I don't like some of the advice you're getting from the holier than thou married crowd. But I do think its a bit early to meet kids. IF the relationship is viable then it would be be okay to wait at least a year. When I was dating I avoided any women that wanted to introduce kids early on in the relationship as I thought that was a bad ideal. So I would pass on this one.