Dating a man with an overprotective pre-teen

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting that you are pinning the issues you have with your boyfriend on his daughter.

Honestly, you and your boyfriend seem incredibly immature. The 12-year-old definitely has more maturity than both of you, and that's sad. Poor girl, I hope her mother has some siense.

It’s him, not her.

It's both OP and her boyfriend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was it disagreeing, or was it disrespecting? We need more information.

It was not disrespectful. Literally a yes, no, yes, no conversation. He got upset that I was disagreeing with him and then shut down for the car ride home. We picked up the disagreement later when we got to their house. Honestly I was against even meeting her because I felt it was too soon but he kept swearing up and down that it was no big deal.

NP. Run.

I agree with the other PP that it’s weird you’re pinning this on the daughter. I disagree that she “sounds mature.” She very well might be immature, but who cares, because he’s got lousy communication skills. I wouldn’t date anyone who shuts down like that during a disagreement.

She sounds more mature than OP and her father.

[Anonymous]

Wow! Next time keep to the one year and dating rule before being introduced to kids. Don’t rush.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t even know if the girl told him this or he is making things up to make you more agreeable.
He sounds like a jerk in either case.

I agree. I wasn’t there when he spoke to her. He basically told it to me as a means to blame their argument on me and then when I tried to break up he basically said don’t let her win and that she needs to toughen up. It was weird and exhausting.

Whatever it was you don’t need weird and exhausting in your life. Who cares if it’s him or her?

[Anonymous]

OP the most toxic relationship of my life was one where I was dealing with constant drama from my boyfriend’s teenaged daughter. She was 13 when we started seeing each other and 15 when I finally walked. I loved her and we had some good times together - she actually keeps in touch with me now and is estranged from her father - but her drama basically undermined the relationship and I don’t honestly know if we couldn’t have made it just fine had she been living with her mother and not her father. Some days it just felt like she was jealous of me and we were in competition for the same man - it was weird. No, I don’t think there was anything inappropriate between them. I just think that preteen and teen girls can be very toxic and it can be really hard to parent them from the place of a solid long term relationship, much less a new relationship where you are de facto stepmother but without any really authority in her eyes.

If you’re not really in love with this guy, if you have reservations about him - I would say walk now before things get uglier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP the most toxic relationship of my life was one where I was dealing with constant drama from my boyfriend’s teenaged daughter. She was 13 when we started seeing each other and 15 when I finally walked. I loved her and we had some good times together - she actually keeps in touch with me now and is estranged from her father - but her drama basically undermined the relationship and I don’t honestly know if we couldn’t have made it just fine had she been living with her mother and not her father. Some days it just felt like she was jealous of me and we were in competition for the same man - it was weird. No, I don’t think there was anything inappropriate between them. I just think that preteen and teen girls can be very toxic and it can be really hard to parent them from the place of a solid long term relationship, much less a new relationship where you are de facto stepmother but without any really authority in her eyes.

If you’re not really in love with this guy, if you have reservations about him - I would say walk now before things get uglier.

This. I never date men with daughters. Of any age. I only date men with sons or men with no kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP the most toxic relationship of my life was one where I was dealing with constant drama from my boyfriend’s teenaged daughter. She was 13 when we started seeing each other and 15 when I finally walked. I loved her and we had some good times together - she actually keeps in touch with me now and is estranged from her father - but her drama basically undermined the relationship and I don’t honestly know if we couldn’t have made it just fine had she been living with her mother and not her father. Some days it just felt like she was jealous of me and we were in competition for the same man - it was weird. No, I don’t think there was anything inappropriate between them. I just think that preteen and teen girls can be very toxic and it can be really hard to parent them from the place of a solid long term relationship, much less a new relationship where you are de facto stepmother but without any really authority in her eyes.

If you’re not really in love with this guy, if you have reservations about him - I would say walk now before things get uglier.

This. I never date men with daughters. Of any age. I only date men with sons or men with no kids.

+1

I always said I would not date a man with young daughters. Even adult daughters can be problematic

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow! Next time keep to the one year and dating rule before being introduced to kids. Don’t rush.

I don’t think the timeframe matters that much. The relationship between the parent and child is more important. Sounds like dad and daughter have little to no boundaries. A 12 yr old doesn’t need to concern herself with an argument between adults nor should she feel she can dictate who her parent is dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t even know if the girl told him this or he is making things up to make you more agreeable.
He sounds like a jerk in either case.

I agree. I wasn’t there when he spoke to her. He basically told it to me as a means to blame their argument on me and then when I tried to break up he basically said don’t let her win and that she needs to toughen up. It was weird and exhausting.

Whatever it was you don’t need weird and exhausting in your life. Who cares if it’s him or her?

Agree. Get out before it gets worse.

[Anonymous]

I'd break up with him because he curses and makes jokes about violence in front of his daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd break up with him because he curses and makes jokes about violence in front of his daughter.

Yep. They sound so dysfunctional

[Anonymous]

You should not have argued in front of his daughter. You’re both adults and should know better. You stop talking about it immediately and discuss later when you’re alone.

He sounds absolutely terrible for making violent jokes. Cussing I don’t mind, but I don’t tolerate any sort of violence from men, even joking.

Sounds like the daughter is the most mature one here.

[Anonymous]

OP how long have you and he been dating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP the most toxic relationship of my life was one where I was dealing with constant drama from my boyfriend’s teenaged daughter. She was 13 when we started seeing each other and 15 when I finally walked. I loved her and we had some good times together - she actually keeps in touch with me now and is estranged from her father - but her drama basically undermined the relationship and I don’t honestly know if we couldn’t have made it just fine had she been living with her mother and not her father. Some days it just felt like she was jealous of me and we were in competition for the same man - it was weird. No, I don’t think there was anything inappropriate between them. I just think that preteen and teen girls can be very toxic and it can be really hard to parent them from the place of a solid long term relationship, much less a new relationship where you are de facto stepmother but without any really authority in her eyes.

If you’re not really in love with this guy, if you have reservations about him - I would say walk now before things get uglier.

This. I never date men with daughters. Of any age. I only date men with sons or men with no kids.

+1

I always said I would not date a man with young daughters. Even adult daughters can be problematic

Self hating women are fascinating to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should not have argued in front of his daughter. You’re both adults and should know better. You stop talking about it immediately and discuss later when you’re alone.

He sounds absolutely terrible for making violent jokes. Cussing I don’t mind, but I don’t tolerate any sort of violence from men, even joking.

Sounds like the daughter is the most mature one here.

this part. Who behaves like this? Especially when you're all getting together for the first time. You and he need to do better. Even if you break up, you need to do better.