Description of Married/Partnered Cheaters without Very Specific Details

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually think OP's point was to start some common types -- the guy who grooms you by being your pal, the guy who is a military person, etc.

I'll add -- my cheater worked in an industry known for helping others. He used this as a cover. Anyone working on these issues is assumed to be a "good guy". In fact, he was a bad guy and was doing some things in his personal life that were a direct contradiction to his public life. An "out" public example of this is Eric Schneiderman, who publicly fought against domestic violence and privately physically abused his GF. So, this exercise is kind of a warning to others -- be careful and don't make assumptions.

Yes, probably the majority of military guys might make good partners, but for some, it is definitely a "good guy" cover.

More married men "groom" women for an affair by first being a supportive friend than one would suppose. As a woman you should always be smart, yes give a man the assumption that he is a "good" guy but also listen to your instincts and learn to recognize certain signs.

In my case a "nice" married man became my friend over a long period of casual talks at school events, which led to friendly, once a week walks in Rock Creek Park, and the occasional coffee. Then one day my "friend" leaned in and pulled me close,,, The whole grooming was so gradual that I failed to notice when someone I had previously not even been physically attracted to had become a man I had a hard time resisting.

I have no doubt he had done it before and has certainly gone on to "cultivate" women in the same way again. In that case, his spouse worked for abroad for her government, so he was away from her for long periods. Much like military separations I suppose.

The big, bad man lead you down a path you were powerless to resist? You took weekly walks in the park with a married man? Did you ever mention his wife on these walks? I'm sure you are an otherwise good, moral person who would never bone a married man. None of this is your fault st all. You were groomed. Give me a break, lady. You are so full of sht

Yeah I rolled my eyes so hard at PP. Just another person with zero self accountability. It's pretty hysterical how pathetic she sounds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ zero personal accountability. She was “led” “groomed” to let her co-worker stick his d@ck in her on work trips. Poor thing. “Honey, it wasn’t my fault. He came on to me.”

God, these married women that can marry a sucker that believes this BS, more power to them. They will never change because it was “100% the dude’s fault.” Who buys this crap? Does your couples counselor?

It's part of the stupid-speak of this generation. Reading this thread I'm caught by how it makes women sound so stupid that they were "groomed" into sex with a man where otherwise they would have never done such a thing. And to say a man "used" her during an affair? Please... That's the definition of affair. You use each other to get your needs met and each is equally responsible. No woman gets talked into an affair who doesn't want it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are some well known men in DC who have gone through a succession of affair partners while married. Names you might have heard of.

Does anyone really care any more? I think millennials are over all the drama.

Absolutely not. Millennials are far more Puritan than their boomer parents.

Sadly, after the last administration I doubt anyone cares about the extramarital affairs of powerful men anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are some well known men in DC who have gone through a succession of affair partners while married. Names you might have heard of.

Does anyone really care any more? I think millennials are over all the drama.

Absolutely not. Millennials are far more Puritan than their boomer parents.

Sadly, after the last administration I doubt anyone cares about the extramarital affairs of powerful men anymore.

We care. It matters. We value family and commitment. Especially given the rarity of its exception.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually think OP's point was to start some common types -- the guy who grooms you by being your pal, the guy who is a military person, etc.

I'll add -- my cheater worked in an industry known for helping others. He used this as a cover. Anyone working on these issues is assumed to be a "good guy". In fact, he was a bad guy and was doing some things in his personal life that were a direct contradiction to his public life. An "out" public example of this is Eric Schneiderman, who publicly fought against domestic violence and privately physically abused his GF. So, this exercise is kind of a warning to others -- be careful and don't make assumptions.

Yes, probably the majority of military guys might make good partners, but for some, it is definitely a "good guy" cover.

More married men "groom" women for an affair by first being a supportive friend than one would suppose. As a woman you should always be smart, yes give a man the assumption that he is a "good" guy but also listen to your instincts and learn to recognize certain signs.

In my case a "nice" married man became my friend over a long period of casual talks at school events, which led to friendly, once a week walks in Rock Creek Park, and the occasional coffee. Then one day my "friend" leaned in and pulled me close,,, The whole grooming was so gradual that I failed to notice when someone I had previously not even been physically attracted to had become a man I had a hard time resisting.

I have no doubt he had done it before and has certainly gone on to "cultivate" women in the same way again. In that case, his spouse worked for abroad for her government, so he was away from her for long periods. Much like military separations I suppose.

The big, bad man lead you down a path you were powerless to resist? You took weekly walks in the park with a married man? Did you ever mention his wife on these walks? I'm sure you are an otherwise good, moral person who would never bone a married man. None of this is your fault st all. You were groomed. Give me a break, lady. You are so full of sht

Yeah I rolled my eyes so hard at PP. Just another person with zero self accountability. It's pretty hysterical how pathetic she sounds.

Agree. It’s absolutely disgusting that she peddles this shite to make herself look pious instead of the cheating slut she is...

[Anonymous]

This thread is a prime example of why women do not speak up. One man has yet to be described in any detail, much less outed. And yet every woman who has provided any detail of her personal life has been pillaged, labeled impious, blamed for her actions and held accountable. I could offer up the lurid details of one man I know who put his family through an emotional hell with his extramarital exploits through years of other women, but I won't burden you with that. And on this thread we'd probably blame the many women he cycled through and the wife for not leaving him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is a prime example of why women do not speak up. One man has yet to be described in any detail, much less outed. And yet every woman who has provided any detail of her personal life has been pillaged, labeled impious, blamed for her actions and held accountable. I could offer up the lurid details of one man I know who put his family through an emotional hell with his extramarital exploits through years of other women, but I won't burden you with that. And on this thread we'd probably blame the many women he cycled through and the wife for not leaving him.

Meant to say pilloried and not pillaged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are some well known men in DC who have gone through a succession of affair partners while married. Names you might have heard of.

Does anyone really care any more? I think millennials are over all the drama.

Absolutely not. Millennials are far more Puritan than their boomer parents.

Sadly, after the last administration I doubt anyone cares about the extramarital affairs of powerful men anymore.

We care. It matters. We value family and commitment. Especially given the rarity of its exception.

You sound like a baby boomer whose spouse left them. As a millennial, I am far more puritan than my parents but IDGAF what any couple does in their bedroom because you never know the real story. Dead bedrooms, verbal abuse, open relationships, etc. I feel like Bill Gates' divorce was the tipping point for my generation's views on marriages. We just don't care any more. The world has more important problems to address.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are some well known men in DC who have gone through a succession of affair partners while married. Names you might have heard of.

Does anyone really care any more? I think millennials are over all the drama.

Absolutely not. Millennials are far more Puritan than their boomer parents.

Sadly, after the last administration I doubt anyone cares about the extramarital affairs of powerful men anymore.

We care. It matters. We value family and commitment. Especially given the rarity of its exception.

You sound like a baby boomer whose spouse left them. As a millennial, I am far more puritan than my parents but IDGAF what any couple does in their bedroom because you never know the real story. Dead bedrooms, verbal abuse, open relationships, etc. I feel like Bill Gates' divorce was the tipping point for my generation's views on marriages. We just don't care any more. The world has more important problems to address.

But younger generations do care about informed, explicit consent. Younger generations believe that sex without consent is a form of rape. That is what infidelity is - if there is explicit only to monogamous sex. It may be true that that is hard to tell from the outside. But, the younger generation also philosophically tends to believe women when they speak about their own experiences. So a woman who says, “I didn’t consent to non-monogamous sex.” Is believable. A man who has lied to procure sex is a creepy predator. Yes, the younger generation doesn’t care what kind of sex with whom, in contrast to older generations, but they care much more about active, affirmative, enthusiastic consent under truthful conditions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are some well known men in DC who have gone through a succession of affair partners while married. Names you might have heard of.

Does anyone really care any more? I think millennials are over all the drama.

Absolutely not. Millennials are far more Puritan than their boomer parents.

Sadly, after the last administration I doubt anyone cares about the extramarital affairs of powerful men anymore.

We care. It matters. We value family and commitment. Especially given the rarity of its exception.

You sound like a baby boomer whose spouse left them. As a millennial, I am far more puritan than my parents but IDGAF what any couple does in their bedroom because you never know the real story. Dead bedrooms, verbal abuse, open relationships, etc. I feel like Bill Gates' divorce was the tipping point for my generation's views on marriages. We just don't care any more. The world has more important problems to address.

But younger generations do care about informed, explicit consent. Younger generations believe that sex without consent is a form of rape. That is what infidelity is - if there is explicit only to monogamous sex. It may be true that that is hard to tell from the outside. But, the younger generation also philosophically tends to believe women when they speak about their own experiences. So a woman who says, “I didn’t consent to non-monogamous sex.” Is believable. A man who has lied to procure sex is a creepy predator. Yes, the younger generation doesn’t care what kind of sex with whom, in contrast to older generations, but they care much more about active, affirmative, enthusiastic consent under truthful conditions.

Really all we care about is getting either rich or famous, or both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are some well known men in DC who have gone through a succession of affair partners while married. Names you might have heard of.

Does anyone really care any more? I think millennials are over all the drama.

Absolutely not. Millennials are far more Puritan than their boomer parents.

Sadly, after the last administration I doubt anyone cares about the extramarital affairs of powerful men anymore.

We care. It matters. We value family and commitment. Especially given the rarity of its exception.

You sound like a baby boomer whose spouse left them. As a millennial, I am far more puritan than my parents but IDGAF what any couple does in their bedroom because you never know the real story. Dead bedrooms, verbal abuse, open relationships, etc. I feel like Bill Gates' divorce was the tipping point for my generation's views on marriages. We just don't care any more. The world has more important problems to address.

You’re wrong. I’m 39.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are some well known men in DC who have gone through a succession of affair partners while married. Names you might have heard of.

Does anyone really care any more? I think millennials are over all the drama.

Absolutely not. Millennials are far more Puritan than their boomer parents.

Sadly, after the last administration I doubt anyone cares about the extramarital affairs of powerful men anymore.

We care. It matters. We value family and commitment. Especially given the rarity of its exception.

You sound like a baby boomer whose spouse left them. As a millennial, I am far more puritan than my parents but IDGAF what any couple does in their bedroom because you never know the real story. Dead bedrooms, verbal abuse, open relationships, etc. I feel like Bill Gates' divorce was the tipping point for my generation's views on marriages. We just don't care any more. The world has more important problems to address.

But younger generations do care about informed, explicit consent. Younger generations believe that sex without consent is a form of rape. That is what infidelity is - if there is explicit only to monogamous sex. It may be true that that is hard to tell from the outside. But, the younger generation also philosophically tends to believe women when they speak about their own experiences. So a woman who says, “I didn’t consent to non-monogamous sex.” Is believable. A man who has lied to procure sex is a creepy predator. Yes, the younger generation doesn’t care what kind of sex with whom, in contrast to older generations, but they care much more about active, affirmative, enthusiastic consent under truthful conditions.

Really all we care about is getting either rich or famous, or both.

Not true for the entire cohort. Some of us don’t care about anything outside of our family and the village we choose to live in. We expect loyalty and faithfulness. We are exposed to wilder and bizarre forms on nonconformity so I’d say we have less judgmental reactions. Less critical, but we apply judgment for whether we want our family to reflect those values. We accept values that we may not walk in from others, out of respect.

[Anonymous]

Is, groomed going to be the new DCUM word? Will it ever knock, gaslighting, and abuse off the list?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:... a man who tested my boundaries, and [] told me that he had had an affair with a woman who worked with his wife in the same relatively small workplace, where his wife was a senior person. I recall thinking that was passive-aggressive behavior and very irresponsible as it could have adversely affected those two women's careers. He seemed like a nice enough guy, other than the hitting on women while married, but that story in particular bothered me.

The most scandalous fact of that entire affair might have been the age difference. While the husband was in his 50s and his wife in her 40s, the wife's colleague with whom the man carried on an affair was in her 20s. This took place years ago and the two women have continued to develop in their careers. That said, the husband lamented that his wife had been passed up for a subsequent appointment, and I wondered if his affair might have been the reason. Very irresponsible and careless behavior by him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are some well known men in DC who have gone through a succession of affair partners while married. Names you might have heard of.

Does anyone really care any more? I think millennials are over all the drama.

Absolutely not. Millennials are far more Puritan than their boomer parents.

Sadly, after the last administration I doubt anyone cares about the extramarital affairs of powerful men anymore.

No one cared after Kennedy, and especially after, Clinton.