Description of Married/Partnered Cheaters without Very Specific Details

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But yes, I recognize that I was "played".

If you were taking part in a secret affair, you were a player too.

No, I was fooled and taken advantage of for some of the reasons astutely noted in a previous post comparing cheaters to conartists. I forgive him just as I need to forgive myself for falling for it.

If you knew he was married you were not fooled.

If he presented himself as single and you had no reason to believe otherwise (no facts or knowledge), then you were fooled.

But nobody that knows a man is married is fooled into being the OW. Get real. I don't know how many lines married men have told me over my lifetime. You wanted to believe a falsehood.

And take no blame for doing it...just forgive herself and him JFC! These people are unbelievable.

Would you rather I forgive him, or out him to colleagues, friends and family? I think forgiveness in my heart is the better course.

[Anonymous]

Imagine you have a longtime friend of the same sex who is there for you on the hardest days of a long illness and painful divorce, single parenting and professional challenges, asking how you are daily, who talks, listens and helps you always. Then years into your friendship s/he offers to help you review your business accounts because you feel terribly sick, then asks if s/he can help regularly with your banking, and one day embezzles from you financially. Would you blame yourself for trusting him or her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:... a man who tested my boundaries, and [] told me that he had had an affair with a woman who worked with his wife in the same relatively small workplace, where his wife was a senior person. I recall thinking that was passive-aggressive behavior and very irresponsible as it could have adversely affected those two women's careers. He seemed like a nice enough guy, other than the hitting on women while married, but that story in particular bothered me.

The most scandalous fact of that entire affair might have been the age difference. While the husband was in his 50s and his wife in her 40s, the wife's colleague with whom the man carried on an affair was in her 20s. This took place years ago and the two women have continued to develop in their careers. That said, the husband lamented that his wife had been passed up for a subsequent appointment, and I wondered if his affair might have been the reason. Very irresponsible and careless behavior by him.

Sounds like typical FS drama

[Anonymous]

What is FS drama?

[Anonymous]

Foreign Service perhaps?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But yes, I recognize that I was "played".

If you were taking part in a secret affair, you were a player too.

No, I was fooled and taken advantage of for some of the reasons astutely noted in a previous post comparing cheaters to conartists. I forgive him just as I need to forgive myself for falling for it.

If you knew he was married you were not fooled.

If he presented himself as single and you had no reason to believe otherwise (no facts or knowledge), then you were fooled.

But nobody that knows a man is married is fooled into being the OW. Get real. I don't know how many lines married men have told me over my lifetime. You wanted to believe a falsehood.

And take no blame for doing it...just forgive herself and him JFC! These people are unbelievable.

Would you rather I forgive him, or out him to colleagues, friends and family? I think forgiveness in my heart is the better course.

You want to talk about being taken advantage of??? Imagine you are the wife of 20 years. Taking care of things even though you work too because his job has longer hours. Going out of your way to pamper him. Staying sexy and fun and not only bringing hone the bacon but also giving good head/sex a few times per week. Driving to all the kids’ sports practices after a long day of work because he doesn’t work from home like you so doesn’t have the luxury of working out in the middle of the work day like you.

Then imagine finding out 2 married whores had dating site account and met up to f@ck behind your back once or twice per month.

I chose to out HER (to her husband) and HIM (to his family). No forgiveness from me. I will think they are both trash indefinitely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But yes, I recognize that I was "played".

If you were taking part in a secret affair, you were a player too.

No, I was fooled and taken advantage of for some of the reasons astutely noted in a previous post comparing cheaters to conartists. I forgive him just as I need to forgive myself for falling for it.

If you knew he was married you were not fooled.

If he presented himself as single and you had no reason to believe otherwise (no facts or knowledge), then you were fooled.
You again. You're exhausting.
But nobody that knows a man is married is fooled into being the OW. Get real. I don't know how many lines married men have told me over my lifetime. You wanted to believe a falsehood.

And take no blame for doing it...just forgive herself and him JFC! These people are unbelievable.

Would you rather I forgive him, or out him to colleagues, friends and family? I think forgiveness in my heart is the better course.

You want to talk about being taken advantage of??? Imagine you are the wife of 20 years. Taking care of things even though you work too because his job has longer hours. Going out of your way to pamper him. Staying sexy and fun and not only bringing hone the bacon but also giving good head/sex a few times per week. Driving to all the kids’ sports practices after a long day of work because he doesn’t work from home like you so doesn’t have the luxury of working out in the middle of the work day like you.

Then imagine finding out 2 married whores had dating site account and met up to f@ck behind your back once or twice per month.

I chose to out HER (to her husband) and HIM (to his family). No forgiveness from me. I will think they are both trash indefinitely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But yes, I recognize that I was "played".

If you were taking part in a secret affair, you were a player too.

No, I was fooled and taken advantage of for some of the reasons astutely noted in a previous post comparing cheaters to conartists. I forgive him just as I need to forgive myself for falling for it.

If you knew he was married you were not fooled.

If he presented himself as single and you had no reason to believe otherwise (no facts or knowledge), then you were fooled.

But nobody that knows a man is married is fooled into being the OW. Get real. I don't know how many lines married men have told me over my lifetime. You wanted to believe a falsehood.

And take no blame for doing it...just forgive herself and him JFC! These people are unbelievable.

Would you rather I forgive him, or out him to colleagues, friends and family? I think forgiveness in my heart is the better course.

You want to talk about being taken advantage of??? Imagine you are the wife of 20 years. Taking care of things even though you work too because his job has longer hours. Going out of your way to pamper him. Staying sexy and fun and not only bringing hone the bacon but also giving good head/sex a few times per week. Driving to all the kids’ sports practices after a long day of work because he doesn’t work from home like you so doesn’t have the luxury of working out in the middle of the work day like you.

Then imagine finding out 2 married whores had dating site account and met up to f@ck behind your back once or twice per month.

I chose to out HER (to her husband) and HIM (to his family). No forgiveness from me. I will think they are both trash indefinitely.

I hear you, but is it really that hard to take care of everything and if it is, why aren’t you asking for help from him and why isn’t he helping? I’m starting to wonder why we as women don’t speak up more about how hard it is to do it all to our significant others, rather than holding in the resentment and letting all of these things (especially sex) seem like chores. I mean some times ok, but all the time? Why don’t we SAY this stuff to our DH and if he does nothing, doesn’t cut back at work, then why don’t we just HIRE someone to help us out. I think we are just conditioned to accept and this leads to resentment, build up of anger etc. At the very least, if he cheats, then we aren’t angry. IDK just some thoughts. I think Gen X was brought up with do it all and we still haven’t figured out how to actually balance the home life load between the spouses in many areas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But yes, I recognize that I was "played".

If you were taking part in a secret affair, you were a player too.

No, I was fooled and taken advantage of for some of the reasons astutely noted in a previous post comparing cheaters to conartists. I forgive him just as I need to forgive myself for falling for it.

If you knew he was married you were not fooled.

If he presented himself as single and you had no reason to believe otherwise (no facts or knowledge), then you were fooled.

But nobody that knows a man is married is fooled into being the OW. Get real. I don't know how many lines married men have told me over my lifetime. You wanted to believe a falsehood.

And take no blame for doing it...just forgive herself and him JFC! These people are unbelievable.

Would you rather I forgive him, or out him to colleagues, friends and family? I think forgiveness in my heart is the better course.

You want to talk about being taken advantage of??? Imagine you are the wife of 20 years. Taking care of things even though you work too because his job has longer hours. Going out of your way to pamper him. Staying sexy and fun and not only bringing hone the bacon but also giving good head/sex a few times per week. Driving to all the kids’ sports practices after a long day of work because he doesn’t work from home like you so doesn’t have the luxury of working out in the middle of the work day like you.

Then imagine finding out 2 married whores had dating site account and met up to f@ck behind your back once or twice per month.

I chose to out HER (to her husband) and HIM (to his family). No forgiveness from me. I will think they are both trash indefinitely.

I hear you, but is it really that hard to take care of everything and if it is, why aren’t you asking for help from him and why isn’t he helping? I’m starting to wonder why we as women don’t speak up more about how hard it is to do it all to our significant others, rather than holding in the resentment and letting all of these things (especially sex) seem like chores. I mean some times ok, but all the time? Why don’t we SAY this stuff to our DH and if he does nothing, doesn’t cut back at work, then why don’t we just HIRE someone to help us out. I think we are just conditioned to accept and this leads to resentment, build up of anger etc. At the very least, if he cheats, then we aren’t angry. IDK just some thoughts. I think Gen X was brought up with do it all and we still haven’t figured out how to actually balance the home life load between the spouses in many areas.

Wtf? Why wouldn’t I be upset if he cheated and I had a full-time staff??

I had a weekly cleaning lady. I did have help but wasn’t going to outsource time with the kids. He did help out some.

I thought he was making sacrifices for us by taking those contracts and long hours and showed appreciation for that—to find out some of that was spent boning a married woman when he had to “run into his office” (aka her house) on his WAH day...no words.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is FS drama?

Why would affairs with profesdional colleagues of one's spouse be common or typical among the diplomatic corps? What about that workplace setting makes it different?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But yes, I recognize that I was "played".

If you were taking part in a secret affair, you were a player too.

No, I was fooled and taken advantage of for some of the reasons astutely noted in a previous post comparing cheaters to conartists. I forgive him just as I need to forgive myself for falling for it.

If you knew he was married you were not fooled.

If he presented himself as single and you had no reason to believe otherwise (no facts or knowledge), then you were fooled.

But nobody that knows a man is married is fooled into being the OW. Get real. I don't know how many lines married men have told me over my lifetime. You wanted to believe a falsehood.

And take no blame for doing it...just forgive herself and him JFC! These people are unbelievable.

Would you rather I forgive him, or out him to colleagues, friends and family? I think forgiveness in my heart is the better course.

You want to talk about being taken advantage of??? Imagine you are the wife of 20 years. Taking care of things even though you work too because his job has longer hours. Going out of your way to pamper him. Staying sexy and fun and not only bringing hone the bacon but also giving good head/sex a few times per week. Driving to all the kids’ sports practices after a long day of work because he doesn’t work from home like you so doesn’t have the luxury of working out in the middle of the work day like you.

Then imagine finding out 2 married whores had dating site account and met up to f@ck behind your back once or twice per month.

I chose to out HER (to her husband) and HIM (to his family). No forgiveness from me. I will think they are both trash indefinitely.

I hear you, but is it really that hard to take care of everything and if it is, why aren’t you asking for help from him and why isn’t he helping? I’m starting to wonder why we as women don’t speak up more about how hard it is to do it all to our significant others, rather than holding in the resentment and letting all of these things (especially sex) seem like chores. I mean some times ok, but all the time? Why don’t we SAY this stuff to our DH and if he does nothing, doesn’t cut back at work, then why don’t we just HIRE someone to help us out. I think we are just conditioned to accept and this leads to resentment, build up of anger etc. At the very least, if he cheats, then we aren’t angry. IDK just some thoughts. I think Gen X was brought up with do it all and we still haven’t figured out how to actually balance the home life load between the spouses in many areas.

Wtf? Why wouldn’t I be upset if he cheated and I had a full-time staff??

I had a weekly cleaning lady. I did have help but wasn’t going to outsource time with the kids. He did help out some.

I thought he was making sacrifices for us by taking those contracts and long hours and showed appreciation for that—to find out some of that was spent boning a married woman when he had to “run into his office” (aka her house) on his WAH day...no words.

I really do get that, but I guess I just wonder if there were societal expectations that men also had to not work as much because of family life and the running of the household, how much that would change the marital dynamic.

I’m really not trying to ping on you, just thinking more broadly that there still isn’t an expectation that men work less/don’t take on as many contracts etc because of family life, whereas that is quite common for women. All this in a time where women are more likely to ask for divorces (whether for a cheating spouse or not)

I mean if we both work a little less to be home more (if you can afford it) would that lessen the cheating factor? If family is also held as a priority from both people in the marriage rather than one having work as a priority and the other having kids/family as a priority would we see less cheating in general.

I guess I’m thinking that work vs. home life dynamics may lead into a sexual/gender dynamic in a marriage that can be damaging to that marriage particularly as most people are in 2 income families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But yes, I recognize that I was "played".

If you were taking part in a secret affair, you were a player too.

No, I was fooled and taken advantage of for some of the reasons astutely noted in a previous post comparing cheaters to conartists. I forgive him just as I need to forgive myself for falling for it.

If you knew he was married you were not fooled.

If he presented himself as single and you had no reason to believe otherwise (no facts or knowledge), then you were fooled.

But nobody that knows a man is married is fooled into being the OW. Get real. I don't know how many lines married men have told me over my lifetime. You wanted to believe a falsehood.

And take no blame for doing it...just forgive herself and him JFC! These people are unbelievable.

Would you rather I forgive him, or out him to colleagues, friends and family? I think forgiveness in my heart is the better course.

You want to talk about being taken advantage of??? Imagine you are the wife of 20 years. Taking care of things even though you work too because his job has longer hours. Going out of your way to pamper him. Staying sexy and fun and not only bringing hone the bacon but also giving good head/sex a few times per week. Driving to all the kids’ sports practices after a long day of work because he doesn’t work from home like you so doesn’t have the luxury of working out in the middle of the work day like you.

Then imagine finding out 2 married whores had dating site account and met up to f@ck behind your back once or twice per month.

I chose to out HER (to her husband) and HIM (to his family). No forgiveness from me. I will think they are both trash indefinitely.

I hear you, but is it really that hard to take care of everything and if it is, why aren’t you asking for help from him and why isn’t he helping? I’m starting to wonder why we as women don’t speak up more about how hard it is to do it all to our significant others, rather than holding in the resentment and letting all of these things (especially sex) seem like chores. I mean some times ok, but all the time? Why don’t we SAY this stuff to our DH and if he does nothing, doesn’t cut back at work, then why don’t we just HIRE someone to help us out. I think we are just conditioned to accept and this leads to resentment, build up of anger etc. At the very least, if he cheats, then we aren’t angry. IDK just some thoughts. I think Gen X was brought up with do it all and we still haven’t figured out how to actually balance the home life load between the spouses in many areas.

Wtf? Why wouldn’t I be upset if he cheated and I had a full-time staff??

I had a weekly cleaning lady. I did have help but wasn’t going to outsource time with the kids. He did help out some.

I thought he was making sacrifices for us by taking those contracts and long hours and showed appreciation for that—to find out some of that was spent boning a married woman when he had to “run into his office” (aka her house) on his WAH day...no words.

I really do get that, but I guess I just wonder if there were societal expectations that men also had to not work as much because of family life and the running of the household, how much that would change the marital dynamic.

I’m really not trying to ping on you, just thinking more broadly that there still isn’t an expectation that men work less/don’t take on as many contracts etc because of family life, whereas that is quite common for women. All this in a time where women are more likely to ask for divorces (whether for a cheating spouse or not)

I mean if we both work a little less to be home more (if you can afford it) would that lessen the cheating factor? If family is also held as a priority from both people in the marriage rather than one having work as a priority and the other having kids/family as a priority would we see less cheating in general.

I guess I’m thinking that work vs. home life dynamics may lead into a sexual/gender dynamic in a marriage that can be damaging to that marriage particularly as most people are in 2 income families.

And the OW was a married SAHM woman? What was her excuse? Her kids were driving and she had nothing to do at home. Never worked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is FS drama?

Why would affairs with profesdional colleagues of one's spouse be common or typical among the diplomatic corps? What about that workplace setting makes it different?

Lots of trauma bonding in war zones, unaccompanied postings and work travel with spouses, plus working with intelligence or military types who have a culture of infidelity. Plus you can cheat with someone at a posting that you know you will never see again after your tour is up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is FS drama?

Why would affairs with profesdional colleagues of one's spouse be common or typical among the diplomatic corps? What about that workplace setting makes it different?

Lots of trauma bonding in war zones, unaccompanied postings and work travel with spouses, plus working with intelligence or military types who have a culture of infidelity. Plus you can cheat with someone at a posting that you know you will never see again after your tour is up.

Bingo!

[Anonymous]

Intelligence or military type, spouse in diplomatic corps/foreign service, unaccompanied periods, work travel with spouse/immersion in spouse's workplace. Your guess is spot on. I could detail which diplomatic corps/foreign service, which country's inteliligence/military, and the posting, but best leave it at that.