If you cut off contact between your parent and your kids. How did you inform them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since my kids were little, they've seen my mother twice a year for very structured visits on Mother's Day or Thanksgiving. After an incident at Thanksgiving 2019, my husband no longer wants my kids to see her, which I think is reasonable. ]

However, we haven't actually told her. Of course during Covid, visits haven't happened, but yesterday she mentioned that she's hoping there's a kid vaccine before Thanksgiving so we can come.

I am wondering if anyone has experience letting someone know that they won't be visiting.

What happened in 2019????

I’m trying to imagine what could be so bad that you’d want to cut off contact to your kids until they’re adults, and yet somehow not so bad that you want to keep seeing your mom. This whole thing sounds like crazy delusional.

OP is a troll. There are no actual children.

OP, ask your adult child and stop posting on this site and pretending to be her. Lame.

+1

[Anonymous]

If my mother did something bad enough to warrant me not wanting her to ever see me kids again, I would also not be seeing her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP it would be helpful to understand at least at the 50,000 foot level the nature of the 2019 incident— was someone put in immediate danger, was mental health involved, are there legal issues at play. The reason is because the response will vary; if your mother still lives with your father and you will be cut off from him if you tell her visits with the kids are off the table, I’d dissemble. Sorry this year we’re going to John’s parents for Thanksgiving. Yeah we want to have a quiet Mother’s Day at home. Etc.

If she’s the kind of dysfunctional to do something like “sue for grandparent visitation” then I would for sure say “Mom, since you left Jennifer unattended in the bath when she was 8 weeks old because you were drinking, we’re not planning for her to see you again” so she would know what the position in court would be and not try it. I would probably even do that digitally to make sure I had receipts.

This seeking for information isn’t people being prurient, some genuinely want to help you/ have been there (depending where “there” is)

This is good advice. I did this when I limited contact with my dysfunctional parents after my father physically assaulted me. I keep the texts just in case he carries out his threats to pursue legal action against me. He has cut off communication between my mother and I. And he lurks on this site and trolls. I fully expect him to read this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP it would be helpful to understand at least at the 50,000 foot level the nature of the 2019 incident— was someone put in immediate danger, was mental health involved, are there legal issues at play. The reason is because the response will vary; if your mother still lives with your father and you will be cut off from him if you tell her visits with the kids are off the table, I’d dissemble. Sorry this year we’re going to John’s parents for Thanksgiving. Yeah we want to have a quiet Mother’s Day at home. Etc.

If she’s the kind of dysfunctional to do something like “sue for grandparent visitation” then I would for sure say “Mom, since you left Jennifer unattended in the bath when she was 8 weeks old because you were drinking, we’re not planning for her to see you again” so she would know what the position in court would be and not try it. I would probably even do that digitally to make sure I had receipts.

This seeking for information isn’t people being prurient, some genuinely want to help you/ have been there (depending where “there” is)

OP here,

My father passed away many years ago, so that's not an issue. My mom, at this point, is no longer in good enough health to travel alone to us. Last time she came, she came with my brother, but he won't bring her against my will. So, there's no possibility of her showing up at our house unannounced, or anything like that. I am not concerned about a legal response.

[Anonymous]

Just be straight with her. "Mom, after what happened last time, we don't want you to have any contact with the children. I would like to continue to visit you, however".

I can't imagine a circumstance where it would be okay to cut off mom from kids, but not myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP it would be helpful to understand at least at the 50,000 foot level the nature of the 2019 incident— was someone put in immediate danger, was mental health involved, are there legal issues at play. The reason is because the response will vary; if your mother still lives with your father and you will be cut off from him if you tell her visits with the kids are off the table, I’d dissemble. Sorry this year we’re going to John’s parents for Thanksgiving. Yeah we want to have a quiet Mother’s Day at home. Etc.

If she’s the kind of dysfunctional to do something like “sue for grandparent visitation” then I would for sure say “Mom, since you left Jennifer unattended in the bath when she was 8 weeks old because you were drinking, we’re not planning for her to see you again” so she would know what the position in court would be and not try it. I would probably even do that digitally to make sure I had receipts.

This seeking for information isn’t people being prurient, some genuinely want to help you/ have been there (depending where “there” is)

OP here,

My father passed away many years ago, so that's not an issue. My mom, at this point, is no longer in good enough health to travel alone to us. Last time she came, she came with my brother, but he won't bring her against my will. So, there's no possibility of her showing up at our house unannounced, or anything like that. I am not concerned about a legal response.

Ok, then my advice is to say “Mom I’m planning to visit without the kids for the foreseeable future” and when she asks why say “we’re still very uncomfortable with what happened in 2019 and think it’s best that I visit on my own.” It has the benefit of being fully accurate without being dramatic and there isn’t a whole lot she can say to argue other than telling you not to come. If she presses for when she can see them again, you say “when DH and I are comfortable”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just be straight with her. "Mom, after what happened last time, we don't want you to have any contact with the children. I would like to continue to visit you, however".

I can't imagine a circumstance where it would be okay to cut off mom from kids, but not myself.

You can't imagine a situation in which an elderly parent would do something you felt was emotionally unsafe for your kids to be exposed to, but you'd still want to check on them occasionally?

This is my mom. She was a decent mom when she was younger. I love her, even when I don't like her.

I feel like an elderly family member who is having health issues should have people laying eyes on her once in a while, at least every few months, and I don't want that burden to fall completely on my sibling.

That doesn't change the fact that she did something that makes me no longer feel comfortable with her around my children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just be straight with her. "Mom, after what happened last time, we don't want you to have any contact with the children. I would like to continue to visit you, however".

I can't imagine a circumstance where it would be okay to cut off mom from kids, but not myself.

You can't imagine a situation in which an elderly parent would do something you felt was emotionally unsafe for your kids to be exposed to, but you'd still want to check on them occasionally?

This is my mom. She was a decent mom when she was younger. I love her, even when I don't like her.

I feel like an elderly family member who is having health issues should have people laying eyes on her once in a while, at least every few months, and I don't want that burden to fall completely on my sibling.

That doesn't change the fact that she did something that makes me no longer feel comfortable with her around my children.

NP here I can't imagine it because for me if it was that terrible we wouldn't be waiting 2 years to bring it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP it would be helpful to understand at least at the 50,000 foot level the nature of the 2019 incident— was someone put in immediate danger, was mental health involved, are there legal issues at play. The reason is because the response will vary; if your mother still lives with your father and you will be cut off from him if you tell her visits with the kids are off the table, I’d dissemble. Sorry this year we’re going to John’s parents for Thanksgiving. Yeah we want to have a quiet Mother’s Day at home. Etc.

If she’s the kind of dysfunctional to do something like “sue for grandparent visitation” then I would for sure say “Mom, since you left Jennifer unattended in the bath when she was 8 weeks old because you were drinking, we’re not planning for her to see you again” so she would know what the position in court would be and not try it. I would probably even do that digitally to make sure I had receipts.

This seeking for information isn’t people being prurient, some genuinely want to help you/ have been there (depending where “there” is)

OP here,

My father passed away many years ago, so that's not an issue. My mom, at this point, is no longer in good enough health to travel alone to us. Last time she came, she came with my brother, but he won't bring her against my will. So, there's no possibility of her showing up at our house unannounced, or anything like that. I am not concerned about a legal response.

If your mom is this poorly she'll be dead before your kids are adults

[Anonymous]

Does she not remember what she did in 2019? It is extremely odd that you haven’t addressed it since then so the best comment is what numerous others have already said - “id like to come visit on XX, however based on what happened during the last visit, we won’t be bringing the kids for visits for the foreseeable future. We can talk about it when I come if you’d like”

[Anonymous]

I cut my dad off from my kids, but it was pretty easy since he lives on the opposite coast and never visits. I just ghosted him, which was also easy since he never calls/contacts me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does she not remember what she did in 2019? It is extremely odd that you haven’t addressed it since then so the best comment is what numerous others have already said - “id like to come visit on XX, however based on what happened during the last visit, we won’t be bringing the kids for visits for the foreseeable future. We can talk about it when I come if you’d like”

She probably remembers she’s not senile. I don’t know if she knows that I know what happened.

We have had multiple major events, including deaths and severe illnesses since then. The timing was lousy.

[Anonymous]

OP just keeps this thread going. Probably a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP just keeps this thread going. Probably a troll.

I think so too, someone trying to do a parody of the Millenial or GenX parents cutting the Boomer parents off. Just look at her last reply it's baiiting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP it would be helpful to understand at least at the 50,000 foot level the nature of the 2019 incident— was someone put in immediate danger, was mental health involved, are there legal issues at play. The reason is because the response will vary; if your mother still lives with your father and you will be cut off from him if you tell her visits with the kids are off the table, I’d dissemble. Sorry this year we’re going to John’s parents for Thanksgiving. Yeah we want to have a quiet Mother’s Day at home. Etc.

If she’s the kind of dysfunctional to do something like “sue for grandparent visitation” then I would for sure say “Mom, since you left Jennifer unattended in the bath when she was 8 weeks old because you were drinking, we’re not planning for her to see you again” so she would know what the position in court would be and not try it. I would probably even do that digitally to make sure I had receipts.

This seeking for information isn’t people being prurient, some genuinely want to help you/ have been there (depending where “there” is)

OP here,

My father passed away many years ago, so that's not an issue. My mom, at this point, is no longer in good enough health to travel alone to us. Last time she came, she came with my brother, but he won't bring her against my will. So, there's no possibility of her showing up at our house unannounced, or anything like that. I am not concerned about a legal response.

If your mom is this poorly she'll be dead before your kids are adults

If you are threatening the mother's life, that's why OP won't visit.