If you cut off contact between your parent and your kids. How did you inform them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it is odd that this was not discussed just after what every happened happened. It is 2019, your mother does whatever. You call her and say I am applalled that you did this and I don'twant you near my child ren again. You do not have regular contact for over a year and then suddenly announce you are punishing her for 2019.

This. But not surprising since OP is married to a controlling man, who she thinks is on her side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is odd that this was not discussed just after what every happened happened. It is 2019, your mother does whatever. You call her and say I am applalled that you did this and I don'twant you near my child ren again. You do not have regular contact for over a year and then suddenly announce you are punishing her for 2019.

This. But not surprising since OP is married to a controlling man, who she thinks is on her side.

Nope not controlling, I agree with the decision.

Things happened between 2019 and now that prevented the conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is odd that this was not discussed just after what every happened happened. It is 2019, your mother does whatever. You call her and say I am applalled that you did this and I don'twant you near my child ren again. You do not have regular contact for over a year and then suddenly announce you are punishing her for 2019.

This. But not surprising since OP is married to a controlling man, who she thinks is on her side.

He is so controlling that he is posing as her in the OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is odd that this was not discussed just after what every happened happened. It is 2019, your mother does whatever. You call her and say I am applalled that you did this and I don'twant you near my child ren again. You do not have regular contact for over a year and then suddenly announce you are punishing her for 2019.

This. But not surprising since OP is married to a controlling man, who she thinks is on her side.

He is so controlling that he is posing as her in the OP.

Obviously, get back to therapy. I told you it would be triggering. And SHUT UP ABOUT IT. Work on yourself and stop trying to destroy the family.

You are the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is odd that this was not discussed just after what every happened happened. It is 2019, your mother does whatever. You call her and say I am applalled that you did this and I don'twant you near my child ren again. You do not have regular contact for over a year and then suddenly announce you are punishing her for 2019.

This. But not surprising since OP is married to a controlling man, who she thinks is on her side.

He is so controlling that he is posing as her in the OP.

Obviously, get back to therapy. I told you it would be triggering. And SHUT UP ABOUT IT. Work on yourself and stop trying to destroy the family.

You are the problem.

?????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP and her husband decided to stop contact between her mother and her kids. She asked for help/suggestions on how to handle this with her mother. The specific incident and ages of the kids are irrelevant and not providing this info saves OP from listening to a lot of people passing judgement.

OP: you might try asking your question here https://community.babycenter.com/groups/a4725/dwil_nation This community is about dealing with parents and in laws and will give you very specific suggestions.

NP. The ages are not irrelevant because the children will have questions and opinions about what and how was communicated to their grandmother, with whom they have a relationship. What OP does and how is going to analyzed and experienced very differently by the kids, and that should impact how OP interacts with her mother on this issue.

Also, that baby center community is extremely toxic, and I would only recommend it with a warning of the toxicity.

[Anonymous]

OP it would be helpful to understand at least at the 50,000 foot level the nature of the 2019 incident— was someone put in immediate danger, was mental health involved, are there legal issues at play. The reason is because the response will vary; if your mother still lives with your father and you will be cut off from him if you tell her visits with the kids are off the table, I’d dissemble. Sorry this year we’re going to John’s parents for Thanksgiving. Yeah we want to have a quiet Mother’s Day at home. Etc.

If she’s the kind of dysfunctional to do something like “sue for grandparent visitation” then I would for sure say “Mom, since you left Jennifer unattended in the bath when she was 8 weeks old because you were drinking, we’re not planning for her to see you again” so she would know what the position in court would be and not try it. I would probably even do that digitally to make sure I had receipts.

This seeking for information isn’t people being prurient, some genuinely want to help you/ have been there (depending where “there” is)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP and her husband decided to stop contact between her mother and her kids. She asked for help/suggestions on how to handle this with her mother. The specific incident and ages of the kids are irrelevant and not providing this info saves OP from listening to a lot of people passing judgement.

OP: you might try asking your question here https://community.babycenter.com/groups/a4725/dwil_nation This community is about dealing with parents and in laws and will give you very specific suggestions.

NP. The ages are not irrelevant because the children will have questions and opinions about what and how was communicated to their grandmother, with whom they have a relationship. What OP does and how is going to analyzed and experienced very differently by the kids, and that should impact how OP interacts with her mother on this issue.

Also, that baby center community is extremely toxic, and I would only recommend it with a warning of the toxicity.

OPnhere, I am confident in my ability to support my kids through this. I am not looking for advice on what to say to them. They won’t be there when I tell my mom. I will call her or email her when the kids are elsewhere. So, how Inphrase this to her won’t impact my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is odd that this was not discussed just after what every happened happened. It is 2019, your mother does whatever. You call her and say I am applalled that you did this and I don'twant you near my child ren again. You do not have regular contact for over a year and then suddenly announce you are punishing her for 2019.

This. But not surprising since OP is married to a controlling man, who she thinks is on her side.

Nope not controlling, I agree with the decision.

Things happened between 2019 and now that prevented the conversation.

You can agree with his decision and he can still be controlled in fact it's more likely you would agree with his decision if he's controlling.

[Anonymous]

" Mom, 2 years ago you did something that really pissed DH off, mostly DH, but I'm kind of pissed too because he said I should be. Because of that, the kids won't be seeing you anymore. I still will be visiting you."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is odd that this was not discussed just after what every happened happened. It is 2019, your mother does whatever. You call her and say I am applalled that you did this and I don'twant you near my child ren again. You do not have regular contact for over a year and then suddenly announce you are punishing her for 2019.

This. But not surprising since OP is married to a controlling man, who she thinks is on her side.

Nope not controlling, I agree with the decision.

Things happened between 2019 and now that prevented the conversation.

You can agree with his decision and he can still be controlled in fact it's more likely you would agree with his decision if he's controlling.

Yes he could be controlling, but since I know him pretty well and you haven’t met him, I think it makes sense for you to realize I am probably in a better place to know than you are. He is not controlling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you actually planning to cut off all contact? Or just have different plans for one holiday? Not clear from what you wrote.

Up until now, we've only seen her for those two holidays. Mother's Day she came here, and Thanksgiving we went there. My plan is that I will still visit her but without the kids, but she will not be invited here. However, since I like to spend Thanksgiving with my kids, we'll need to find another time for me to visit.

This seems a little delusional? You actually think your relationship/visits with your mother would remain unchanged if you cut her off from her grandkids?

OP is talking about moving the date of a formerly regular visit. Not abandoning her mother on the street with a tent.

No you misread. OP is not allowing her mother to see her children anymore. According to her the children can reevaluate when they’re 18. It’s delusional to think that OP’s relationship with her mother will remain the same.

If your kids are over the age of 10 this could backfire hugely.

Are you OP, PP? We still don't know how old these children are. That's important information.

I'm not looking for advice on whether or not to cut off contact. I'm looking for advice on how to talk to my mom. I don't see how knowing my kids' ages would change that.

Because if they are old enough, you can let them decide if they want to travel with you to visit your mother or not. Are they past the age of reason?

I could, I'm not going to. I see this as a parental decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:" Mom, 2 years ago you did something that really pissed DH off, mostly DH, but I'm kind of pissed too because he said I should be. Because of that, the kids won't be seeing you anymore. I still will be visiting you."

I am as pissed as DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since my kids were little, they've seen my mother twice a year for very structured visits on Mother's Day or Thanksgiving. After an incident at Thanksgiving 2019, my husband no longer wants my kids to see her, which I think is reasonable. ]

However, we haven't actually told her. Of course during Covid, visits haven't happened, but yesterday she mentioned that she's hoping there's a kid vaccine before Thanksgiving so we can come.

I am wondering if anyone has experience letting someone know that they won't be visiting.

What happened in 2019????

I’m trying to imagine what could be so bad that you’d want to cut off contact to your kids until they’re adults, and yet somehow not so bad that you want to keep seeing your mom. This whole thing sounds like crazy delusional.

Mom hurt DH's ego. Or OP and her DH are Trump supporters and mom isn't ot Mom is a Trump supporter and OP and her DH are not something like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:" Mom, 2 years ago you did something that really pissed DH off, mostly DH, but I'm kind of pissed too because he said I should be. Because of that, the kids won't be seeing you anymore. I still will be visiting you."

I am as pissed as DH.

Yes the thing that happened 2 years ago that pissed you off so much that you didn't deal with it immediately.