Assault allegation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My freshman college roommate falsely accused a guy when she got blackout drunk and ended up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning. I was called to pick her up (it was the first weekend of school) and I was super concerned and asked her a ton of questions to make sure she was ok. she was absolutely positive that nothing had happened to her, she denied a rape kit, she had no signs of any assault on her, but when the police came to talk to her about being underage she suddenly completely changed her story and accused this guy we’d both met a couple of days earlier of raping her. Then there was an investigation and I had to be subpoenaed and it was a huge mess. In the rest of the time that first semester she went completely off the deep end with drinking and drugs, despite saying she wasn’t ever going to drink again after that first weekend. She stole things from me, had guys over and was so horrible that I almost didn’t go back to school after winter break and I did move to a different room in January.
I believe women, but I also know that young, scared women can say something to get themselves “out of trouble”.

So do young men . . . . like to get out of trouble or consequences.

Or are you saying that they do not?

Not at all. But most young men don’t go around crying rape when they’re faced with underage drinking consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, we have an immediate example of what can happen if you bury your head in the sand and don't get your child any qualified help: you end up with a Josh Duggar. There's a decent chance he'd still be a pedophile because some people just are and there's not much to be done about it, but who knows? And who knows what other things he's done in the last 20 years that no one has found out yet?

I hope to never find myself in this situation, but if I thought there was a chance it could be true, lawyer and therapist. Not necessarily in that order.

Nope. Not even partially correct. No child is born a pedophile and there is no pedophile DNA. Pedophiles are created by their environment.

If Josh Duggar is a pedophile then his parents and his upbringing have a large contribution to that. He has the final control, certainly, because otherwise we could all be doing the unthinkable but his parents and upbringing certainly contributed to what he has become.

Citation needed. This article disagrees: https://www.nytimes.com/2019/09/29/us/pedophiles-online-sex-abuse.html#:~:text=%E2%80%9CThe%20biological%20clues%20attached%20to,of%20development%20in%20the%20womb.%E2%80%9D

The article and "study" has been widely discredited by all reputable organizations. Stop publishing nonsense.

I was unaware that Nature was an uncredited publication.

https://www.nature.com/articles/s41398-018-0326-0

I've asked you for citations to back up your grand proclamations that pedophilia has zero to do with genetics and all you've done is fire off snarky insults. I therefore have to conclude that you can't back it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, we have an immediate example of what can happen if you bury your head in the sand and don't get your child any qualified help: you end up with a Josh Duggar. There's a decent chance he'd still be a pedophile because some people just are and there's not much to be done about it, but who knows? And who knows what other things he's done in the last 20 years that no one has found out yet?

I hope to never find myself in this situation, but if I thought there was a chance it could be true, lawyer and therapist. Not necessarily in that order.

Nope. Not even partially correct. No child is born a pedophile and there is no pedophile DNA. Pedophiles are created by their environment.

If Josh Duggar is a pedophile then his parents and his upbringing have a large contribution to that. He has the final control, certainly, because otherwise we could all be doing the unthinkable but his parents and upbringing certainly contributed to what he has become.

Citation needed. This article disagrees: https://www.nytimes.com/2019/09/29/us/pedophiles-online-sex-abuse.html#:~:text=%E2%80%9CThe%20biological%20clues%20attached%20to,of%20development%20in%20the%20womb.%E2%80%9D

The article and "study" has been widely discredited by all reputable organizations. Stop publishing nonsense.

I was unaware that Nature was an uncredited publication.

https://www.nature.com/articles/s41398-018-0326-0

I've asked you for citations to back up your grand proclamations that pedophilia has zero to do with genetics and all you've done is fire off snarky insults. I therefore have to conclude that you can't back it up.

DP. She isn't being "snarky." She is calmly stating facts. You're the one being hyperbolic. You lost. Get over it. Although I agree that you need to stop posting inaccurate crap like this.

[Anonymous]

OP never gave details. Sexual assault can be an unwanted butt grab on the dance floor (fourth degree sexual assault in most states). While that's inappropriate and stupid, I wouldn't disown my son for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My freshman college roommate falsely accused a guy when she got blackout drunk and ended up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning. I was called to pick her up (it was the first weekend of school) and I was super concerned and asked her a ton of questions to make sure she was ok. she was absolutely positive that nothing had happened to her, she denied a rape kit, she had no signs of any assault on her, but when the police came to talk to her about being underage she suddenly completely changed her story and accused this guy we’d both met a couple of days earlier of raping her. Then there was an investigation and I had to be subpoenaed and it was a huge mess. In the rest of the time that first semester she went completely off the deep end with drinking and drugs, despite saying she wasn’t ever going to drink again after that first weekend. She stole things from me, had guys over and was so horrible that I almost didn’t go back to school after winter break and I did move to a different room in January.
I believe women, but I also know that young, scared women can say something to get themselves “out of trouble”.

So do young men . . . . like to get out of trouble or consequences.

Or are you saying that they do not?

Not at all. But most young men don’t go around crying rape when they’re faced with underage drinking consequences.

Most young women don’t either. False accusations are as common in sexual assault as they are in other types of violent crime. They are also way less common that assaults that are not reported - likely because survivors know to expect attitudes like yours.

Most young men do not go around raping people. Most rape survivors are not lying. Both of those things can be true.

And when boys are trying to lie to get out of trouble, they lie and say the sex was consensual and that she’s just saying it was rape because she was, as you put it, “faced with consequences.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, we have an immediate example of what can happen if you bury your head in the sand and don't get your child any qualified help: you end up with a Josh Duggar. There's a decent chance he'd still be a pedophile because some people just are and there's not much to be done about it, but who knows? And who knows what other things he's done in the last 20 years that no one has found out yet?

I hope to never find myself in this situation, but if I thought there was a chance it could be true, lawyer and therapist. Not necessarily in that order.

Nope. Not even partially correct. No child is born a pedophile and there is no pedophile DNA. Pedophiles are created by their environment.

If Josh Duggar is a pedophile then his parents and his upbringing have a large contribution to that. He has the final control, certainly, because otherwise we could all be doing the unthinkable but his parents and upbringing certainly contributed to what he has become.

Citation needed. This article disagrees: https://www.nytimes.com/2019/09/29/us/pedophiles-online-sex-abuse.html#:~:text=%E2%80%9CThe%20biological%20clues%20attached%20to,of%20development%20in%20the%20womb.%E2%80%9D

The article and "study" has been widely discredited by all reputable organizations. Stop publishing nonsense.

I was unaware that Nature was an uncredited publication.

https://www.nature.com/articles/s41398-018-0326-0

I've asked you for citations to back up your grand proclamations that pedophilia has zero to do with genetics and all you've done is fire off snarky insults. I therefore have to conclude that you can't back it up.

DP. She isn't being "snarky." She is calmly stating facts. You're the one being hyperbolic. You lost. Get over it. Although I agree that you need to stop posting inaccurate crap like this.

WHAT is inaccurate about a Nature (an extremely reputable gold standard scientific journal that is very difficult to be published in) from barely 2 years ago highlighting findings that pedophiles have been found to have prenatal differences? I genuinely don't get it. If there are prenatal differences, how can it be claimed to be entirely environmental like PP is saying?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My freshman college roommate falsely accused a guy when she got blackout drunk and ended up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning. I was called to pick her up (it was the first weekend of school) and I was super concerned and asked her a ton of questions to make sure she was ok. she was absolutely positive that nothing had happened to her, she denied a rape kit, she had no signs of any assault on her, but when the police came to talk to her about being underage she suddenly completely changed her story and accused this guy we’d both met a couple of days earlier of raping her. Then there was an investigation and I had to be subpoenaed and it was a huge mess. In the rest of the time that first semester she went completely off the deep end with drinking and drugs, despite saying she wasn’t ever going to drink again after that first weekend. She stole things from me, had guys over and was so horrible that I almost didn’t go back to school after winter break and I did move to a different room in January.
I believe women, but I also know that young, scared women can say something to get themselves “out of trouble”.

So do young men . . . . like to get out of trouble or consequences.

Or are you saying that they do not?

Not at all. But most young men don’t go around crying rape when they’re faced with underage drinking consequences.

Most young women don't either. In fact, they are more likely -overwhelmingly so- to not report it. And if they do, more likely not to be taken seriously (there was a good Atlantic piece on this in the last couple of years).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A three year old claim? Is that it? No witness, no corroborating texts like him apologizing or her asking him why he did it? No rape kit or police report? Just some girl coming out of the blue saying Timmy touched me without my permission?

I wouldn't do shit.

If she went to the police or filed a civil suit, I'd hire an attorney with experience pursuing libel and slander and rabidly go after her.

Thanks for this post. I just looked this up, and found that rapists and abusers of all kinds ARE in fact using defamation lawsuits to further victimize the people they raped and abused when those people came forward. Just made a donation to the Time's Up Legal Defense Fund (https://nwlc.org/times-up-legal-defense-fund/) for their work to defend survivors of sexual assault and "rabidly go after" the lowlife rapists and abusers.

Cheers!

Good for you.

This is common and exactly why survivors only come forward 20% of the time.

OP, if you are talking about a high school student or college student, it’s too late for you to do anything as the parents. He will have to handle this as an adult because he is an adult.

[Anonymous]

OP, let your adult son handle this himself no matter if the allegation is true or not. You have no way of knowing that anyway. He’s an adult and is capable of managing this on his own for the simple reason that he is grown up.

I know it’s hard to let go, but you did the best you could.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would want to know first if he did it. This would be very important to me and I would be unable to think of anything else until I had established this. And it would influence how I proceeded.

And any admission to you of guilt would not be privileged.

If her son is a minor, yes it is privileged.

My son is 24 and I am not the OP. But I would not be able to bring myself to help him fight a charge if I knew it was true.

As the mom of a troubled kid, I can assure you that if you ever found yourself in this situation, you will be surprised by your thought process.

As the best friend of a rape survivor, go to hell.

Who doesn’t have a friend that’s a rape survivor?

Wowza. This stopped me dead in my tracks. Because its so bitingly accurate and horrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of women will have regrets after and then say it wasn’t consensual. The amount of drinking on college campuses in troubling and these two drunk teens/20-somethings should not be having sex. As terrified I am for my daughters, I’m just as terrified my sons could be falsely accused. It happens.

This is a trope as old as time and literally has no data or evidence to support it and I'd also wager it has changed significantly as our culture has shifted to not socializing women to think sex is a "stain" on her reputation.

There is a real problem of binge drinking and consent but I just don't buy this boogey man of "they make it up when they regret it" anymore. It doesn't ring true as an actual problem of any scale.

And this is with KNOWING someone who was falsely accused- with the ability to prove it but was still terrified- the police and everyone handling the case were honestly surprised as it quickly played out and that this was actually made up...its not this common thing that everyone talks about. You know what is common though? Actual assault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would want to know first if he did it. This would be very important to me and I would be unable to think of anything else until I had established this. And it would influence how I proceeded.

And any admission to you of guilt would not be privileged.

If her son is a minor, yes it is privileged.

My son is 24 and I am not the OP. But I would not be able to bring myself to help him fight a charge if I knew it was true.

As the mom of a troubled kid, I can assure you that if you ever found yourself in this situation, you will be surprised by your thought process.

As the best friend of a rape survivor, go to hell.

Who doesn’t have a friend that’s a rape survivor?

Wowza. This stopped me dead in my tracks. Because its so bitingly accurate and horrible.

and more than one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would look into volunteer opportunities to help abused women and children. Regardless of his guilt or innocence, it will give him an experience that may help him empathize with his accuser and other women who have suffered physical or sexual assault.
If he is not guilty, then there is some issue going on in her life that is driving her make false accusations.

Terrible terrible plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, let your adult son handle this himself no matter if the allegation is true or not. You have no way of knowing that anyway. He’s an adult and is capable of managing this on his own for the simple reason that he is grown up.

I know it’s hard to let go, but you did the best you could.

My son is not, in fact, an adult. Not even close. Also, you're a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of women will have regrets after and then say it wasn’t consensual. The amount of drinking on college campuses in troubling and these two drunk teens/20-somethings should not be having sex. As terrified I am for my daughters, I’m just as terrified my sons could be falsely accused. It happens.

This is a trope as old as time and literally has no data or evidence to support it and I'd also wager it has changed significantly as our culture has shifted to not socializing women to think sex is a "stain" on her reputation.

There is a real problem of binge drinking and consent but I just don't buy this boogey man of "they make it up when they regret it" anymore. It doesn't ring true as an actual problem of any scale.

And this is with KNOWING someone who was falsely accused- with the ability to prove it but was still terrified- the police and everyone handling the case were honestly surprised as it quickly played out and that this was actually made up...its not this common thing that everyone talks about. You know what is common though? Actual assault.

Not in my experience. My next door neighbor had a niece from bumfu.ck NC that came to live in DC every summer. She spent the entire summer on her back and lied about all of it.