Assault allegation

[Anonymous]

OP you can not have it both ways.

There is no middle ground here.

If he did this he needs help now. Lawyer and therapist.

If he did not and you are so sure then he needs a lawyer and a therapist immediately.

Either way this is going to be very hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have public defenders and sex assault investigators in my family.

1. I would get my son a therapist.
2. I would consult a lawyer (my sex assault investigator family member always talked about lawyer who thought they could handle their own kids cases and they always blow it. If this is not you specialty you are a parent not a lawyer.)
3. I would find out exactly what happened. Your kid needs to tell exactly what happened so the lawyer can help you.
4. I would advise my son of his right. He should know not to talk to a cop ever. Just say ... am I being detained? If not leave. Am I under arrest? If not leave. If they won’t let him leave only say “ I can’t talk to you without my lawyer” if he’s a minor say “I can’t talk to you without my parent”

Everybody has the right to accost investigation.
Nibody should be compelled to provide evidence against the self.

Cops are Liars and generally really, really stupid so they will try a fake case and that is the sad reality.

I would move him to a private school if she is in his school.

What would be the motivation to lie?

They are trained to lie in interrogation. It’s how they gain confidence and get confessions ... real and false. Cops can legally lie to you.

They try innocent people gor 2 reasons 1) they just want to close the case 2) they believe the victim even though there is no evidence (usually believe white people over POC) or just identify with the victim more.

[Anonymous]

A lot of women will have regrets after and then say it wasn’t consensual. The amount of drinking on college campuses in troubling and these two drunk teens/20-somethings should not be having sex. As terrified I am for my daughters, I’m just as terrified my sons could be falsely accused. It happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A three year old claim? Is that it? No witness, no corroborating texts like him apologizing or her asking him why he did it? No rape kit or police report? Just some girl coming out of the blue saying Timmy touched me without my permission?

I wouldn't do shit.

If she went to the police or filed a civil suit, I'd hire an attorney with experience pursuing libel and slander and rabidly go after her.

Unlikely a teenager has a money. You'd just be out a ton of money for the lawyers fees.

There is no sunset on a civil judgement award. If she were found guilty of slander at 16 and an award of $250,000 were decreed, she'd owe it until it was paid. It doesn't go away at 18.

20 years in Virginia, 12 in Maryland. You better be sure your kid has no skeletons in your kids closet because discovery works in two ways

What are you saying? That one can only pursue slander instances for 20 years after an alleged offense? But if the 'victim' didn't bring it up for 21 years there was no bell tolled.

[Anonymous]

My freshman college roommate falsely accused a guy when she got blackout drunk and ended up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning. I was called to pick her up (it was the first weekend of school) and I was super concerned and asked her a ton of questions to make sure she was ok. she was absolutely positive that nothing had happened to her, she denied a rape kit, she had no signs of any assault on her, but when the police came to talk to her about being underage she suddenly completely changed her story and accused this guy we’d both met a couple of days earlier of raping her. Then there was an investigation and I had to be subpoenaed and it was a huge mess. In the rest of the time that first semester she went completely off the deep end with drinking and drugs, despite saying she wasn’t ever going to drink again after that first weekend. She stole things from me, had guys over and was so horrible that I almost didn’t go back to school after winter break and I did move to a different room in January.
I believe women, but I also know that young, scared women can say something to get themselves “out of trouble”.

[Anonymous]

I've known at least 3 college age boys who were blindsided when what they thought was consensual sex was then cast as assault well after the fact. Often it was the girl's parents who forced them to claim assault. It's actually terrifying if you're the parent of a boy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, we have an immediate example of what can happen if you bury your head in the sand and don't get your child any qualified help: you end up with a Josh Duggar. There's a decent chance he'd still be a pedophile because some people just are and there's not much to be done about it, but who knows? And who knows what other things he's done in the last 20 years that no one has found out yet?

I hope to never find myself in this situation, but if I thought there was a chance it could be true, lawyer and therapist. Not necessarily in that order.

Nope. Not even partially correct. No child is born a pedophile and there is no pedophile DNA. Pedophiles are created by their environment.

If Josh Duggar is a pedophile then his parents and his upbringing have a large contribution to that. He has the final control, certainly, because otherwise we could all be doing the unthinkable but his parents and upbringing certainly contributed to what he has become.

Citation needed. This article disagrees: https://www.nytimes.com/2019/09/29/us/pedophiles-online-sex-abuse.html#:~:text=%E2%80%9CThe%20biological%20clues%20attached%20to,of%20development%20in%20the%20womb.%E2%80%9D

The article and "study" has been widely discredited by all reputable organizations. Stop publishing nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Most posters here will give their son the benefit of the doubt with the first six girls or women who accuse him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A three year old claim? Is that it? No witness, no corroborating texts like him apologizing or her asking him why he did it? No rape kit or police report? Just some girl coming out of the blue saying Timmy touched me without my permission?

I wouldn't do shit.

If she went to the police or filed a civil suit, I'd hire an attorney with experience pursuing libel and slander and rabidly go after her.

Unlikely a teenager has a money. You'd just be out a ton of money for the lawyers fees.

There is no sunset on a civil judgement award. If she were found guilty of slander at 16 and an award of $250,000 were decreed, she'd owe it until it was paid. It doesn't go away at 18.

So she files for bankruptcy. But I doubt the first poster was looking for money. Just to get a judgment out there that the accuser was a liar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would want to know first if he did it. This would be very important to me and I would be unable to think of anything else until I had established this. And it would influence how I proceeded.

And any admission to you of guilt would not be privileged.

If her son is a minor, yes it is privileged.

My son is 24 and I am not the OP. But I would not be able to bring myself to help him fight a charge if I knew it was true.

As the mom of a troubled kid, I can assure you that if you ever found yourself in this situation, you will be surprised by your thought process.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What would you do if your son was accused of a sex assault that allegedly occurred several years ago?

As someone who has worked with rape survivors, I need moms of sons (I'm one myself) to know that men often think it is consensual when it's not. I have no idea how this disconnect happens. But it's common. They often text (and call) and say they had a great time. Can't wait to meet up again. Talk about the gifts they want to give them. Want them to meet their family. You name it.

It is SO CRITICAL to talk and talk to our sons about what explicit consent actually is.

It is ALSO critical to talk to our daughters and tell them how MEN view sexual encounters (don’t get wasted, if you don’t want to have sex, don’t get naked and jump in bed, and play tipping). My mom explained this to me several times. I am so grateful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of women will have regrets after and then say it wasn’t consensual. The amount of drinking on college campuses in troubling and these two drunk teens/20-somethings should not be having sex. As terrified I am for my daughters, I’m just as terrified my sons could be falsely accused. It happens.

If you're going to say some bullsh-- like the above, you had best put some stats behind that.

Because, this says 90% of campus sexual assaults go unreported: https://www.nsvrc.org/sites/default/files/publications_nsvrc_factsheet_media-packet_statistics-about-sexual-violence_0.pdf

That's in line with other things I've read.

So you need to stop with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've known at least 3 college age boys who were blindsided when what they thought was consensual sex was then cast as assault well after the fact. Often it was the girl's parents who forced them to claim assault. It's actually terrifying if you're the parent of a boy.

While that is horrible, the fact is that this rarely happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My freshman college roommate falsely accused a guy when she got blackout drunk and ended up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning. I was called to pick her up (it was the first weekend of school) and I was super concerned and asked her a ton of questions to make sure she was ok. she was absolutely positive that nothing had happened to her, she denied a rape kit, she had no signs of any assault on her, but when the police came to talk to her about being underage she suddenly completely changed her story and accused this guy we’d both met a couple of days earlier of raping her. Then there was an investigation and I had to be subpoenaed and it was a huge mess. In the rest of the time that first semester she went completely off the deep end with drinking and drugs, despite saying she wasn’t ever going to drink again after that first weekend. She stole things from me, had guys over and was so horrible that I almost didn’t go back to school after winter break and I did move to a different room in January.
I believe women, but I also know that young, scared women can say something to get themselves “out of trouble”.

So do young men . . . . like to get out of trouble or consequences.

Or are you saying that they do not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would want to know first if he did it. This would be very important to me and I would be unable to think of anything else until I had established this. And it would influence how I proceeded.

And any admission to you of guilt would not be privileged.

If her son is a minor, yes it is privileged.

My son is 24 and I am not the OP. But I would not be able to bring myself to help him fight a charge if I knew it was true.

That is crazy. I can't imagine abandoning my child no matter what he did.