What do men look for in a woman whom they would want to marry?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For my DH -
1) Love
2) Looks, libido, chemistry
3) Not clingy or needy, good natured
4) Compatibility. In upbringing, values, education, SES, morals, goals, financial sense, child-rearing philosophy, character.
5) Be very well educated so that - she can educate the kids if needed, navigate the world, self fulfillment and esteem, earn money if needed.

For me -
1) Love, loyalty, kindness, honesty
2) Compatibility. In upbringing, values, education, SES, morals, goals, financial sense, child-raring philosophy, character.
4) Ability to provide for family
5) Looks, chemistry, libido
2) Coming from intact family

SES as in Senior Executive Service?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting that the woman posting on here have this long laundry list of what they think men want, and men posting on here just basically have a couple of items:

1. fun to be with, like sex
2. reasonably attractive
3. low drama

Everything else is gravy. Maybe the "fun to be with" is a catch all for "similar outlook, intelligence, etc".

Nope. I am hot---but a big draw for my spouse was that I was hot AND had great credit/great job and was intelligent in addition to all of those other things.

I do think women/men that check the hot/fun/like sex/low drama AND are smart/good jobs are top in line.

If you have 1-3 with somebody--you don't want a dummy to be a mother or father to your children. You are SMART enough to realize intelligence and ambition are partly genetic and that looks and libido change in life.

I can see why the US has so many dummies that can't even locate the US on a World map. Procreating with mediocre/low intelligence is a good part of it.

How many men actually think about procreation and how their kids will turn out when they are thinking about LTR? I just don't see it.

IMO, most men don't think in concrete terms when they are contemplating marriage. They know that maybe one day they will have kids, but that's not in the forefront of their minds when they are considering getting married, at least not in concrete terms. It's more of a "one day in the distant future.. maybe".. thought.

Most men think about the here and now. They like how you are *now*. They don't think that in 10 years time after the kids come along that things will change. Whereas women tend to be the opposite - they see a man's potential and what he could be like after they get married.

There's a huge disconnect, and that often leads to a lot of problems after they get married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting that the woman posting on here have this long laundry list of what they think men want, and men posting on here just basically have a couple of items:

1. fun to be with, like sex
2. reasonably attractive
3. low drama

Everything else is gravy. Maybe the "fun to be with" is a catch all for "similar outlook, intelligence, etc".

Nope. I am hot---but a big draw for my spouse was that I was hot AND had great credit/great job and was intelligent in addition to all of those other things.

I do think women/men that check the hot/fun/like sex/low drama AND are smart/good jobs are top in line.

If you have 1-3 with somebody--you don't want a dummy to be a mother or father to your children. You are SMART enough to realize intelligence and ambition are partly genetic and that looks and libido change in life.

I can see why the US has so many dummies that can't even locate the US on a World map. Procreating with mediocre/low intelligence is a good part of it.

How many men actually think about procreation and how their kids will turn out when they are thinking about LTR? I just don't see it.

IMO, most men don't think in concrete terms when they are contemplating marriage. They know that maybe one day they will have kids, but that's not in the forefront of their minds when they are considering getting married, at least not in concrete terms. It's more of a "one day in the distant future.. maybe".. thought.

Most men think about the here and now. They like how you are *now*. They don't think that in 10 years time after the kids come along that things will change. Whereas women tend to be the opposite - they see a man's potential and what he could be like after they get married.

There's a huge disconnect, and that often leads to a lot of problems after they get married.

In other words: man marries a woman and hopes she stays just this way.
Women marries a man and hopes she can mold him into certain changes.
Both are disappointed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting that the woman posting on here have this long laundry list of what they think men want, and men posting on here just basically have a couple of items:

1. fun to be with, like sex
2. reasonably attractive
3. low drama

Everything else is gravy. Maybe the "fun to be with" is a catch all for "similar outlook, intelligence, etc".

Nope. I am hot---but a big draw for my spouse was that I was hot AND had great credit/great job and was intelligent in addition to all of those other things.

I do think women/men that check the hot/fun/like sex/low drama AND are smart/good jobs are top in line.

If you have 1-3 with somebody--you don't want a dummy to be a mother or father to your children. You are SMART enough to realize intelligence and ambition are partly genetic and that looks and libido change in life.

I can see why the US has so many dummies that can't even locate the US on a World map. Procreating with mediocre/low intelligence is a good part of it.

How many men actually think about procreation and how their kids will turn out when they are thinking about LTR? I just don't see it.

IMO, most men don't think in concrete terms when they are contemplating marriage. They know that maybe one day they will have kids, but that's not in the forefront of their minds when they are considering getting married, at least not in concrete terms. It's more of a "one day in the distant future.. maybe".. thought.

Most men think about the here and now. They like how you are *now*. They don't think that in 10 years time after the kids come along that things will change. Whereas women tend to be the opposite - they see a man's potential and what he could be like after they get married.

There's a huge disconnect, and that often leads to a lot of problems after they get married.

No. That is COMPLETE crazy talk. Every man I know has considered long-term of the women they are asking to marry them. I can't tell you how many conversations are about what her parents are like, genetic attributes (yes), her career or earning potential, etc. Education is also a biggie. But, I am UMC in a family of now divorce and I'm 50 and none of my friends married 20+ years are divorced either. People are equally matched in intellect, education (sometimes one went to a 'better' college or one is liberal arts and one is scientist, etc).

I also have listened to so many conversations where people have advised somebody 'do not marry her, your life will be a living hell'---because of personality, lack of ambition, combativeness, attitude, etc.

[Anonymous]

Current fiance and I discussed this the other day. We had sort of a turbulent start because we were members of the same friend circle, but not friends. We had a lot of nosy, well-meaning friends that kept stirring the pot.

I am a widow and he is divorced. He was against marrying again until after the first time we went to church together. It was a holiday Mass and he did not take communion as he had not been actively practicing lately. I got back to the pew and he was acting kind of funny. We got across the street for coffee and he told me when he watched me walk down the aisle, he could just see doing that with me and a family someday.

We are close to 40 and he cares more about the "building a life" things than my first husband. First time around it was looks, my job, my lifestyle. This one is more concerned bout how we would raise a family, would we raise our kids with the same expectations, how do we fit with each other's families. Obviously, money and financial security and overall behavior comes into play, but there's just different things that trigger the desire to be together now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting that the woman posting on here have this long laundry list of what they think men want, and men posting on here just basically have a couple of items:

1. fun to be with, like sex
2. reasonably attractive
3. low drama

Everything else is gravy. Maybe the "fun to be with" is a catch all for "similar outlook, intelligence, etc".

Nope. I am hot---but a big draw for my spouse was that I was hot AND had great credit/great job and was intelligent in addition to all of those other things.

I do think women/men that check the hot/fun/like sex/low drama AND are smart/good jobs are top in line.

If you have 1-3 with somebody--you don't want a dummy to be a mother or father to your children. You are SMART enough to realize intelligence and ambition are partly genetic and that looks and libido change in life.

I can see why the US has so many dummies that can't even locate the US on a World map. Procreating with mediocre/low intelligence is a good part of it.

How many men actually think about procreation and how their kids will turn out when they are thinking about LTR? I just don't see it.

IMO, most men don't think in concrete terms when they are contemplating marriage. They know that maybe one day they will have kids, but that's not in the forefront of their minds when they are considering getting married, at least not in concrete terms. It's more of a "one day in the distant future.. maybe".. thought.

Most men think about the here and now. They like how you are *now*. They don't think that in 10 years time after the kids come along that things will change. Whereas women tend to be the opposite - they see a man's potential and what he could be like after they get married.

There's a huge disconnect, and that often leads to a lot of problems after they get married.

No. That is COMPLETE crazy talk. Every man I know has considered long-term of the women they are asking to marry them. I can't tell you how many conversations are about what her parents are like, genetic attributes (yes), her career or earning potential, etc. Education is also a biggie. But, I am UMC in a family of now divorce and I'm 50 and none of my friends married 20+ years are divorced either. People are equally matched in intellect, education (sometimes one went to a 'better' college or one is liberal arts and one is scientist, etc).

I also have listened to so many conversations where people have advised somebody 'do not marry her, your life will be a living hell'---because of personality, lack of ambition, combativeness, attitude, etc.

Look at all the rich men married to dumb or no career, but hot women. Most of these men are intelligent and wealthy, but not so great looking. Doesn't appear to me that these wealthy men care that much about a woman's career prospects, but they do seem to care about her waist and breast size.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting that the woman posting on here have this long laundry list of what they think men want, and men posting on here just basically have a couple of items:

1. fun to be with, like sex
2. reasonably attractive
3. low drama

Everything else is gravy. Maybe the "fun to be with" is a catch all for "similar outlook, intelligence, etc".

Nope. I am hot---but a big draw for my spouse was that I was hot AND had great credit/great job and was intelligent in addition to all of those other things.

I do think women/men that check the hot/fun/like sex/low drama AND are smart/good jobs are top in line.

If you have 1-3 with somebody--you don't want a dummy to be a mother or father to your children. You are SMART enough to realize intelligence and ambition are partly genetic and that looks and libido change in life.

I can see why the US has so many dummies that can't even locate the US on a World map. Procreating with mediocre/low intelligence is a good part of it.

How many men actually think about procreation and how their kids will turn out when they are thinking about LTR? I just don't see it.

IMO, most men don't think in concrete terms when they are contemplating marriage. They know that maybe one day they will have kids, but that's not in the forefront of their minds when they are considering getting married, at least not in concrete terms. It's more of a "one day in the distant future.. maybe".. thought.

Most men think about the here and now. They like how you are *now*. They don't think that in 10 years time after the kids come along that things will change. Whereas women tend to be the opposite - they see a man's potential and what he could be like after they get married.

There's a huge disconnect, and that often leads to a lot of problems after they get married.

No. That is COMPLETE crazy talk. Every man I know has considered long-term of the women they are asking to marry them. I can't tell you how many conversations are about what her parents are like, genetic attributes (yes), her career or earning potential, etc. Education is also a biggie. But, I am UMC in a family of now divorce and I'm 50 and none of my friends married 20+ years are divorced either. People are equally matched in intellect, education (sometimes one went to a 'better' college or one is liberal arts and one is scientist, etc).

I also have listened to so many conversations where people have advised somebody 'do not marry her, your life will be a living hell'---because of personality, lack of ambition, combativeness, attitude, etc.

Look at all the rich men married to dumb or no career, but hot women. Most of these men are intelligent and wealthy, but not so great looking. Doesn't appear to me that these wealthy men care that much about a woman's career prospects, but they do seem to care about her waist and breast size.

Again, I'm not sure where you live---but in my wealthy neighborhood the women are hot and well-educated. You seem fixated on the concept that if you are very hot you cannot also have a brain and a career; much less make a high salary all by yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men don’t initiate the marriage discussion. I don’t think it’s really even on their minds when they are dating.

Here is how men decide to get married:
1). They like their girlfriend.
2). She wants to get married.

Of the ten or so couples I knew pretty well when they got engaged, only one got engaged without some sort of ultimatum, even if it was given very softly and sweetly.


*The one that got engaged without prompting was kind of OCPD and likes to have his life very structured. He also made all of the decisions about their house, their car, when to have their first child, etc.

False, my husband bought a right a month after dating "knew I was he one"

Yep. It was decided organically in our friend circle. None of us would have married any of
the guys if we had to give them an ultimatum.

BS.

I doubt that your friends just organically found themselves engaged without a series of discussions about their relationship, mostly initiated by the woman.

But maybe ultimatum is too strong of a word. I don't mean that they had some sort of big blow-up about it or anything. Just that in these discussions, women generally let it be known that they are looking for marriage and children, or that they want the actual vows if they were going to remain monogamous, or something along those lines.

I don't really think that most men go into dating with the goal of finding a wife. They find a girl they like and start dating, and most men are pretty happy to continue the status quo of dating and having sex until something comes along to threaten it one way or another.

You're projecting, or possibly you got married young? DP but my DH told his best friend he was going to marry me after our first date (I didn't find this out until much later). I was still seeing other people at the time. He was also the one who brought up moving in together, a bit before I was ready, although that was lease-dependent and not really his fault. The idea that women want marriage and men just want BJs sounds like a teenager who has gotten all of their ideas about relationships from rom-coms.

Same here. My husband (22 years married) even came over to meet my parents on my dad's birthday only 6 weeks in. We were inseparable from the day we met. He as a few months shy of 25 and had a bunch of 'player friends' who all swore they'd never settle down before their 30s. They teased us relentlessly--but everyone agreed we were perfect for one another. I remember him saying 'I want to spend the rest of my life with you' a few weeks after meeting. "I love you" and I don't use that term freely AT ALL was uttered within the first month.

I mean my now-husband was the same way - he told me he thought we were meant for each other before we were even dating - but I still had to say to him after a couple of years that I thought getting married was important. He was utterly committed to our relationship, but saw marriage as a silly formality. We did it, and he really likes calling me his wife, and enjoys being married, and we had a super fun wedding. But that piece of paper and wedding ring meant something to me, and I had to communicate that to him, even though he was the one in our relationship who was all in before I was.

Anyway, just saying that you can have that sort of love story - he's telling his friends you're the one after one date, he can't wait to meet your parents - and might still find that communication about what marriage means to you and your timeline for doing it still requires conversations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting that the woman posting on here have this long laundry list of what they think men want, and men posting on here just basically have a couple of items:

1. fun to be with, like sex
2. reasonably attractive
3. low drama

Everything else is gravy. Maybe the "fun to be with" is a catch all for "similar outlook, intelligence, etc".

Nope. I am hot---but a big draw for my spouse was that I was hot AND had great credit/great job and was intelligent in addition to all of those other things.

I do think women/men that check the hot/fun/like sex/low drama AND are smart/good jobs are top in line.

If you have 1-3 with somebody--you don't want a dummy to be a mother or father to your children. You are SMART enough to realize intelligence and ambition are partly genetic and that looks and libido change in life.

omg one day i need to hear that line in a movie: I'm hot AND I have great credit! I'm the whole package!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting that the woman posting on here have this long laundry list of what they think men want, and men posting on here just basically have a couple of items:

1. fun to be with, like sex
2. reasonably attractive
3. low drama

Everything else is gravy. Maybe the "fun to be with" is a catch all for "similar outlook, intelligence, etc".

Nope. I am hot---but a big draw for my spouse was that I was hot AND had great credit/great job and was intelligent in addition to all of those other things.

I do think women/men that check the hot/fun/like sex/low drama AND are smart/good jobs are top in line.

If you have 1-3 with somebody--you don't want a dummy to be a mother or father to your children. You are SMART enough to realize intelligence and ambition are partly genetic and that looks and libido change in life.

I can see why the US has so many dummies that can't even locate the US on a World map. Procreating with mediocre/low intelligence is a good part of it.

How many men actually think about procreation and how their kids will turn out when they are thinking about LTR? I just don't see it.

IMO, most men don't think in concrete terms when they are contemplating marriage. They know that maybe one day they will have kids, but that's not in the forefront of their minds when they are considering getting married, at least not in concrete terms. It's more of a "one day in the distant future.. maybe".. thought.

Most men think about the here and now. They like how you are *now*. They don't think that in 10 years time after the kids come along that things will change. Whereas women tend to be the opposite - they see a man's potential and what he could be like after they get married.

There's a huge disconnect, and that often leads to a lot of problems after they get married.

No. That is COMPLETE crazy talk. Every man I know has considered long-term of the women they are asking to marry them. I can't tell you how many conversations are about what her parents are like, genetic attributes (yes), her career or earning potential, etc. Education is also a biggie. But, I am UMC in a family of now divorce and I'm 50 and none of my friends married 20+ years are divorced either. People are equally matched in intellect, education (sometimes one went to a 'better' college or one is liberal arts and one is scientist, etc).

I also have listened to so many conversations where people have advised somebody 'do not marry her, your life will be a living hell'---because of personality, lack of ambition, combativeness, attitude, etc.

Look at all the rich men married to dumb or no career, but hot women. Most of these men are intelligent and wealthy, but not so great looking. Doesn't appear to me that these wealthy men care that much about a woman's career prospects, but they do seem to care about her waist and breast size.

And children end up being do-nothings, grifters, or addicted to something- but they have access to dad’s money so not all is lost.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men don’t initiate the marriage discussion. I don’t think it’s really even on their minds when they are dating.

Here is how men decide to get married:
1). They like their girlfriend.
2). She wants to get married.

Of the ten or so couples I knew pretty well when they got engaged, only one got engaged without some sort of ultimatum, even if it was given very softly and sweetly.


*The one that got engaged without prompting was kind of OCPD and likes to have his life very structured. He also made all of the decisions about their house, their car, when to have their first child, etc.

False, my husband bought a right a month after dating "knew I was he one"

Yep. It was decided organically in our friend circle. None of us would have married any of
the guys if we had to give them an ultimatum.

BS.

I doubt that your friends just organically found themselves engaged without a series of discussions about their relationship, mostly initiated by the woman.

But maybe ultimatum is too strong of a word. I don't mean that they had some sort of big blow-up about it or anything. Just that in these discussions, women generally let it be known that they are looking for marriage and children, or that they want the actual vows if they were going to remain monogamous, or something along those lines.

I don't really think that most men go into dating with the goal of finding a wife. They find a girl they like and start dating, and most men are pretty happy to continue the status quo of dating and having sex until something comes along to threaten it one way or another.

You're projecting, or possibly you got married young? DP but my DH told his best friend he was going to marry me after our first date (I didn't find this out until much later). I was still seeing other people at the time. He was also the one who brought up moving in together, a bit before I was ready, although that was lease-dependent and not really his fault. The idea that women want marriage and men just want BJs sounds like a teenager who has gotten all of their ideas about relationships from rom-coms.

Same here. My husband (22 years married) even came over to meet my parents on my dad's birthday only 6 weeks in. We were inseparable from the day we met. He as a few months shy of 25 and had a bunch of 'player friends' who all swore they'd never settle down before their 30s. They teased us relentlessly--but everyone agreed we were perfect for one another. I remember him saying 'I want to spend the rest of my life with you' a few weeks after meeting. "I love you" and I don't use that term freely AT ALL was uttered within the first month.

I mean my now-husband was the same way - he told me he thought we were meant for each other before we were even dating - but I still had to say to him after a couple of years that I thought getting married was important. He was utterly committed to our relationship, but saw marriage as a silly formality. We did it, and he really likes calling me his wife, and enjoys being married, and we had a super fun wedding. But that piece of paper and wedding ring meant something to me, and I had to communicate that to him, even though he was the one in our relationship who was all in before I was.

Anyway, just saying that you can have that sort of love story - he's telling his friends you're the one after one date, he can't wait to meet your parents - and might still find that communication about what marriage means to you and your timeline for doing it still requires conversations.

Oh, I don't disagree with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting that the woman posting on here have this long laundry list of what they think men want, and men posting on here just basically have a couple of items:

1. fun to be with, like sex
2. reasonably attractive
3. low drama

Everything else is gravy. Maybe the "fun to be with" is a catch all for "similar outlook, intelligence, etc".

Nope. I am hot---but a big draw for my spouse was that I was hot AND had great credit/great job and was intelligent in addition to all of those other things.

I do think women/men that check the hot/fun/like sex/low drama AND are smart/good jobs are top in line.

If you have 1-3 with somebody--you don't want a dummy to be a mother or father to your children. You are SMART enough to realize intelligence and ambition are partly genetic and that looks and libido change in life.

I can see why the US has so many dummies that can't even locate the US on a World map. Procreating with mediocre/low intelligence is a good part of it.

How many men actually think about procreation and how their kids will turn out when they are thinking about LTR? I just don't see it.

IMO, most men don't think in concrete terms when they are contemplating marriage. They know that maybe one day they will have kids, but that's not in the forefront of their minds when they are considering getting married, at least not in concrete terms. It's more of a "one day in the distant future.. maybe".. thought.

Most men think about the here and now. They like how you are *now*. They don't think that in 10 years time after the kids come along that things will change. Whereas women tend to be the opposite - they see a man's potential and what he could be like after they get married.

There's a huge disconnect, and that often leads to a lot of problems after they get married.

No. That is COMPLETE crazy talk. Every man I know has considered long-term of the women they are asking to marry them. I can't tell you how many conversations are about what her parents are like, genetic attributes (yes), her career or earning potential, etc. Education is also a biggie. But, I am UMC in a family of now divorce and I'm 50 and none of my friends married 20+ years are divorced either. People are equally matched in intellect, education (sometimes one went to a 'better' college or one is liberal arts and one is scientist, etc).

I also have listened to so many conversations where people have advised somebody 'do not marry her, your life will be a living hell'---because of personality, lack of ambition, combativeness, attitude, etc.

Look at all the rich men married to dumb or no career, but hot women. Most of these men are intelligent and wealthy, but not so great looking. Doesn't appear to me that these wealthy men care that much about a woman's career prospects, but they do seem to care about her waist and breast size.

And children end up being do-nothings, grifters, or addicted to something- but they have access to dad’s money so not all is lost.

I agree, there’s a clear difference in the kids of the two high achieving parent compared to the high achieving husband/trophy wife. But I was under the impression that men didn’t care about their future kids’ ambitions and brains when looking who to marry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting that the woman posting on here have this long laundry list of what they think men want, and men posting on here just basically have a couple of items:

1. fun to be with, like sex
2. reasonably attractive
3. low drama

Everything else is gravy. Maybe the "fun to be with" is a catch all for "similar outlook, intelligence, etc".

Nope. I am hot---but a big draw for my spouse was that I was hot AND had great credit/great job and was intelligent in addition to all of those other things.

I do think women/men that check the hot/fun/like sex/low drama AND are smart/good jobs are top in line.

If you have 1-3 with somebody--you don't want a dummy to be a mother or father to your children. You are SMART enough to realize intelligence and ambition are partly genetic and that looks and libido change in life.

omg one day i need to hear that line in a movie: I'm hot AND I have great credit! I'm the whole package!

I know a few men that passed on women with AWFUL credit—-these women maxed out credit cards and couldn’t pay their bills, couldn’t be on a lease without a co-signer, etc.

My husband loved my 807 credit score

[Anonymous]

^ why start a life together with somebody’s massive debt?!?!!! +1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting that the woman posting on here have this long laundry list of what they think men want, and men posting on here just basically have a couple of items:

1. fun to be with, like sex
2. reasonably attractive
3. low drama

Everything else is gravy. Maybe the "fun to be with" is a catch all for "similar outlook, intelligence, etc".

Nope. I am hot---but a big draw for my spouse was that I was hot AND had great credit/great job and was intelligent in addition to all of those other things.

I do think women/men that check the hot/fun/like sex/low drama AND are smart/good jobs are top in line.

If you have 1-3 with somebody--you don't want a dummy to be a mother or father to your children. You are SMART enough to realize intelligence and ambition are partly genetic and that looks and libido change in life.

I can see why the US has so many dummies that can't even locate the US on a World map. Procreating with mediocre/low intelligence is a good part of it.

How many men actually think about procreation and how their kids will turn out when they are thinking about LTR? I just don't see it.

IMO, most men don't think in concrete terms when they are contemplating marriage. They know that maybe one day they will have kids, but that's not in the forefront of their minds when they are considering getting married, at least not in concrete terms. It's more of a "one day in the distant future.. maybe".. thought.

Most men think about the here and now. They like how you are *now*. They don't think that in 10 years time after the kids come along that things will change. Whereas women tend to be the opposite - they see a man's potential and what he could be like after they get married.

There's a huge disconnect, and that often leads to a lot of problems after they get married.

No. That is COMPLETE crazy talk. Every man I know has considered long-term of the women they are asking to marry them. I can't tell you how many conversations are about what her parents are like, genetic attributes (yes), her career or earning potential, etc. Education is also a biggie. But, I am UMC in a family of now divorce and I'm 50 and none of my friends married 20+ years are divorced either. People are equally matched in intellect, education (sometimes one went to a 'better' college or one is liberal arts and one is scientist, etc).

I also have listened to so many conversations where people have advised somebody 'do not marry her, your life will be a living hell'---because of personality, lack of ambition, combativeness, attitude, etc.

Look at all the rich men married to dumb or no career, but hot women. Most of these men are intelligent and wealthy, but not so great looking. Doesn't appear to me that these wealthy men care that much about a woman's career prospects, but they do seem to care about her waist and breast size.

And children end up being do-nothings, grifters, or addicted to something- but they have access to dad’s money so not all is lost.

I agree, there’s a clear difference in the kids of the two high achieving parent compared to the high achieving husband/trophy wife. But I was under the impression that men didn’t care about their future kids’ ambitions and brains when looking who to marry.

maybe if you're talking about the guy marrying the waitress, but the guy marrying the swathmore art history major who works part time waiting to get married, doubtful you the kids will be worse off