What do men look for in a woman whom they would want to marry?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting that the woman posting on here have this long laundry list of what they think men want, and men posting on here just basically have a couple of items:

1. fun to be with, like sex
2. reasonably attractive
3. low drama

Everything else is gravy. Maybe the "fun to be with" is a catch all for "similar outlook, intelligence, etc".

Nope. I am hot---but a big draw for my spouse was that I was hot AND had great credit/great job and was intelligent in addition to all of those other things.

I do think women/men that check the hot/fun/like sex/low drama AND are smart/good jobs are top in line.

If you have 1-3 with somebody--you don't want a dummy to be a mother or father to your children. You are SMART enough to realize intelligence and ambition are partly genetic and that looks and libido change in life.

I can see why the US has so many dummies that can't even locate the US on a World map. Procreating with mediocre/low intelligence is a good part of it.

How many men actually think about procreation and how their kids will turn out when they are thinking about LTR? I just don't see it.

IMO, most men don't think in concrete terms when they are contemplating marriage. They know that maybe one day they will have kids, but that's not in the forefront of their minds when they are considering getting married, at least not in concrete terms. It's more of a "one day in the distant future.. maybe".. thought.

Most men think about the here and now. They like how you are *now*. They don't think that in 10 years time after the kids come along that things will change. Whereas women tend to be the opposite - they see a man's potential and what he could be like after they get married.

There's a huge disconnect, and that often leads to a lot of problems after they get married.

No. That is COMPLETE crazy talk. Every man I know has considered long-term of the women they are asking to marry them. I can't tell you how many conversations are about what her parents are like, genetic attributes (yes), her career or earning potential, etc. Education is also a biggie. But, I am UMC in a family of now divorce and I'm 50 and none of my friends married 20+ years are divorced either. People are equally matched in intellect, education (sometimes one went to a 'better' college or one is liberal arts and one is scientist, etc).

I also have listened to so many conversations where people have advised somebody 'do not marry her, your life will be a living hell'---because of personality, lack of ambition, combativeness, attitude, etc.

Look at all the rich men married to dumb or no career, but hot women. Most of these men are intelligent and wealthy, but not so great looking. Doesn't appear to me that these wealthy men care that much about a woman's career prospects, but they do seem to care about her waist and breast size.

Again, I'm not sure where you live---but in my wealthy neighborhood the women are hot and well-educated. You seem fixated on the concept that if you are very hot you cannot also have a brain and a career; much less make a high salary all by yourself.

Hot in your 30s or later correlates to class now, we've gotten to the point were eating well, exercising and not smoking (the things that result in a hot 35 or 40 year old) are all class markers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting that the woman posting on here have this long laundry list of what they think men want, and men posting on here just basically have a couple of items:

1. fun to be with, like sex
2. reasonably attractive
3. low drama

Everything else is gravy. Maybe the "fun to be with" is a catch all for "similar outlook, intelligence, etc".

Nope. I am hot---but a big draw for my spouse was that I was hot AND had great credit/great job and was intelligent in addition to all of those other things.

I do think women/men that check the hot/fun/like sex/low drama AND are smart/good jobs are top in line.

If you have 1-3 with somebody--you don't want a dummy to be a mother or father to your children. You are SMART enough to realize intelligence and ambition are partly genetic and that looks and libido change in life.

omg one day i need to hear that line in a movie: I'm hot AND I have great credit! I'm the whole package!

I know a few men that passed on women with AWFUL credit—-these women maxed out credit cards and couldn’t pay their bills, couldn’t be on a lease without a co-signer, etc.

My husband loved my 807 credit score

I wish I had your email address so I could ask for more details.

[Anonymous]

The woman they happen to be with when they realize they can't as easily pick up woman anymore and all their buddies have married.


or

The woman willing to put up with all his crap, not ask too many questions, babby him, and let him cheat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The woman they happen to be with when they realize they can't as easily pick up woman anymore and all their buddies have married.


or

The woman willing to put up with all his crap, not ask too many questions, babby him, and let him cheat.

This is the answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The woman they happen to be with when they realize they can't as easily pick up woman anymore and all their buddies have married.


or

The woman willing to put up with all his crap, not ask too many questions, babby him, and let him cheat.

This is so depressing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband wanted me to be skinny and smart. I'm still skinny after a bunch of kids and we are pretty happy so I guess it worked.

So he'd turf you out if you gained some weight? Ah, true love

He's a great guy- I'm not about to gain weight to find out!

Doesn't sound great.
And since when is "skinny" attractive? Fit or thin yes but skinny no.

Skinny is attractive. Thin is not attractive.

- DP

No way. Skinny is thin on overdrive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband wanted me to be skinny and smart. I'm still skinny after a bunch of kids and we are pretty happy so I guess it worked.

So he'd turf you out if you gained some weight? Ah, true love

He's a great guy- I'm not about to gain weight to find out!

Doesn't sound great.
And since when is "skinny" attractive? Fit or thin yes but skinny no.

Well, I married him not you. So I'm the only one who needs to think he's great. And i do. And I'm staying slim because he likes it.

Always looking over your shoulder at the younger, skinnier women...not a great way to live. I hope you told him when his dick stops working you’ll take half and be out the door.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The woman they happen to be with when they realize they can't as easily pick up woman anymore and all their buddies have married.


or

The woman willing to put up with all his crap, not ask too many questions, babby him, and let him cheat.

This is so depressing.

What so depressing? Once you get over thinking you are a special snowflake covered in magic dust it's not so bad.

And it's true for women too, they g with the guy they are with when they want to have a baby, when they are tired of being the single friend. It's not some romantic thing that people try to sell you. Nore is it your degree or your credit score. Most mary because they figure that's what they're supposed to do. Doesn't mean they can' be happy or have a successful marriage.

If people were more real about what causes people to marry they might not be so shocked when marriage isn't a Disney story, cue the people who insist this in't true and they totally married their spouse for lurve etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For my DH -
1) Love
2) Looks, libido, chemistry
3) Not clingy or needy, good natured
4) Compatibility. In upbringing, values, education, SES, morals, goals, financial sense, child-rearing philosophy, character.
5) Be very well educated so that - she can educate the kids if needed, navigate the world, self fulfillment and esteem, earn money if needed.

For me -
1) Love, loyalty, kindness, honesty
2) Compatibility. In upbringing, values, education, SES, morals, goals, financial sense, child-raring philosophy, character.
4) Ability to provide for family
5) Looks, chemistry, libido
2) Coming from intact family

that's the big one that you're not allowed to admit, but the research is pretty clear that couples from intact backgrounds are more less likely to divorce

I believe that. Not only couples from intact backgrounds have not normalized the concept of divorce but they also do not have the baggage and damage of being the children of divorced parents. Of course, if you are in love with a person, you will disregard this. Sometimes people from broken homes have got a lot of therapy and they have resolved negative effects of this trauma. They are more careful in not wanting their marriages to break. So it can go both ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For my DH -
1) Love
2) Looks, libido, chemistry
3) Not clingy or needy, good natured
4) Compatibility. In upbringing, values, education, SES, morals, goals, financial sense, child-rearing philosophy, character.
5) Be very well educated so that - she can educate the kids if needed, navigate the world, self fulfillment and esteem, earn money if needed.

For me -
1) Love, loyalty, kindness, honesty
2) Compatibility. In upbringing, values, education, SES, morals, goals, financial sense, child-raring philosophy, character.
4) Ability to provide for family
5) Looks, chemistry, libido
2) Coming from intact family

SES as in Senior Executive Service?

Is that what you got out of this? Long timer in civil service but newbie on DCUM?

No. SES stands for Socioeconomic Status. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Socioeconomic_status

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting that the woman posting on here have this long laundry list of what they think men want, and men posting on here just basically have a couple of items:

1. fun to be with, like sex
2. reasonably attractive
3. low drama

Everything else is gravy. Maybe the "fun to be with" is a catch all for "similar outlook, intelligence, etc".

Nope. I am hot---but a big draw for my spouse was that I was hot AND had great credit/great job and was intelligent in addition to all of those other things.

I do think women/men that check the hot/fun/like sex/low drama AND are smart/good jobs are top in line.

If you have 1-3 with somebody--you don't want a dummy to be a mother or father to your children. You are SMART enough to realize intelligence and ambition are partly genetic and that looks and libido change in life.

I can see why the US has so many dummies that can't even locate the US on a World map. Procreating with mediocre/low intelligence is a good part of it.

How many men actually think about procreation and how their kids will turn out when they are thinking about LTR? I just don't see it.

IMO, most men don't think in concrete terms when they are contemplating marriage. They know that maybe one day they will have kids, but that's not in the forefront of their minds when they are considering getting married, at least not in concrete terms. It's more of a "one day in the distant future.. maybe".. thought.

Most men think about the here and now. They like how you are *now*. They don't think that in 10 years time after the kids come along that things will change. Whereas women tend to be the opposite - they see a man's potential and what he could be like after they get married.

There's a huge disconnect, and that often leads to a lot of problems after they get married.

No. That is COMPLETE crazy talk. Every man I know has considered long-term of the women they are asking to marry them. I can't tell you how many conversations are about what her parents are like, genetic attributes (yes), her career or earning potential, etc. Education is also a biggie. But, I am UMC in a family of now divorce and I'm 50 and none of my friends married 20+ years are divorced either. People are equally matched in intellect, education (sometimes one went to a 'better' college or one is liberal arts and one is scientist, etc).

I also have listened to so many conversations where people have advised somebody 'do not marry her, your life will be a living hell'---because of personality, lack of ambition, combativeness, attitude, etc.

Look at all the rich men married to dumb or no career, but hot women. Most of these men are intelligent and wealthy, but not so great looking. Doesn't appear to me that these wealthy men care that much about a woman's career prospects, but they do seem to care about her waist and breast size.

Again, I'm not sure where you live---but in my wealthy neighborhood the women are hot and well-educated. You seem fixated on the concept that if you are very hot you cannot also have a brain and a career; much less make a high salary all by yourself.

Hot in your 30s or later correlates to class now, we've gotten to the point were eating well, exercising and not smoking (the things that result in a hot 35 or 40 year old) are all class markers

Sure, but the rich men don't care about whether you have good career prospects.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband wanted me to be skinny and smart. I'm still skinny after a bunch of kids and we are pretty happy so I guess it worked.

So he'd turf you out if you gained some weight? Ah, true love

He's a great guy- I'm not about to gain weight to find out!

Doesn't sound great.
And since when is "skinny" attractive? Fit or thin yes but skinny no.

Skinny is attractive. Thin is not attractive.

- DP

No way. Skinny is thin on overdrive.

Realistically in marriage one should try to make the other happy physically. Your wife likes a beard? Grow it. Your husband wants you to be slim? Prioritize losing weight. No biggie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband wanted me to be skinny and smart. I'm still skinny after a bunch of kids and we are pretty happy so I guess it worked.

So he'd turf you out if you gained some weight? Ah, true love

He's a great guy- I'm not about to gain weight to find out!

Doesn't sound great.
And since when is "skinny" attractive? Fit or thin yes but skinny no.

Skinny is attractive. Thin is not attractive.

- DP

No way. Skinny is thin on overdrive.

Realistically in marriage one should try to make the other happy physically. Your wife likes a beard? Grow it. Your husband wants you to be slim? Prioritize losing weight. No biggie.

If that were true every man here would go work until they had a six pack. No biggie

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband wanted me to be skinny and smart. I'm still skinny after a bunch of kids and we are pretty happy so I guess it worked.

So he'd turf you out if you gained some weight? Ah, true love

He's a great guy- I'm not about to gain weight to find out!

Doesn't sound great.
And since when is "skinny" attractive? Fit or thin yes but skinny no.

Skinny is attractive. Thin is not attractive.

- DP

No way. Skinny is thin on overdrive.

Realistically in marriage one should try to make the other happy physically. Your wife likes a beard? Grow it. Your husband wants you to be slim? Prioritize losing weight. No biggie.

10X true when the physical attribute in question was present while dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband wanted me to be skinny and smart. I'm still skinny after a bunch of kids and we are pretty happy so I guess it worked.

So he'd turf you out if you gained some weight? Ah, true love

He's a great guy- I'm not about to gain weight to find out!

Doesn't sound great.
And since when is "skinny" attractive? Fit or thin yes but skinny no.

Skinny is attractive. Thin is not attractive.

- DP

No way. Skinny is thin on overdrive.

Realistically in marriage one should try to make the other happy physically. Your wife likes a beard? Grow it. Your husband wants you to be slim? Prioritize losing weight. No biggie.

If that were true every man here would go work until they had a six pack. No biggie

Assuming he had a six pack while you were dating AND that's an extremely important part of your attraction towards him, then I would agree 100%.