a friend mom-shamed me out of nowhere
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
|
Your friend’s email was totally inappropriate. That being said, perhaps she was upset that you cancelled at the last minute with a flimsy excuse, or that you were implicitly judging her decision to have a small party.
Some people are better with social isolation than others. Your friend is clearly not as good at it as you. I’m not good with it either. If I didn’t have a close set of local friends and family whom I was still seeing, I would be going crazy right now. |
Anonymous
|
Just write back and say...
Oh no!! Thankfully my kid only has a cold. Her medical diagnosis does not mirror your child's but thanks for sharing your experience. My sympathies. Thoughts and prayers for your child. |
Anonymous
|
The people harping endless about "anxiety" and how terrible it is to keep your kids safe (and the people they would come into contact safe) during a pandemic and spewing faux-concern about other peoples' kids (many of whom they've never met)'s "mental health" are just people making irresponsible choices and when they hear of others being responsible, they feel threatened and insecure and lash out. They're also the "I saw somebody sitting in the car next to me WEARING A MASK! HURRR DURRR!" People confident in their own choices and confident in themselves don't feel the need to judge the choices other people make during a pandemic. I wear masks and follow social distancing recommendations. But I don’t agree with wearing a mask in YOUR OWN CAR! Masks are worn to protect other people. Who are you protecting when your alone in your own car? |
Anonymous
|
If she's a good enough friend, you could tell her how you feel. Just say something like, I know you wrote with the best intentions -- thank you so much for caring about [son]. I hope you don't take this the wrong way but I felt hurt by your implicit claim that you know better than me how he is feeling and taken back by your judgment of my parenting decisions. I want to share that with you because our friendship is important, and I've never had that feeling with you before. I hope that you can understand why I would feel that way.
The point is not that your son has allergies or that you're right. The point is that she overstepped her boundaries in your relationship and said some pretty hurtful things, about your work and your parenting decisions causing mental issues for your children. I think this probably needs to be addressed unless you want to drop the relationship and/or take some space. |
Anonymous
New poster. OP, the two responses above, combined, are great. I would edit them down to be more pithy, though. I would send it via e-mail (since that's how she contacted you -- I would not phone or text this): "I appreciate your concern. I am doing what I think is best for my family and I know you are doing what's best for yours. It's been a trying year for everyone. Let's catch up in 2021 when things settle down." And leave it at that. No need to say you're sorry she's having a hard time because I guarantee she will read that as "you're the crazy one here." It will make her more defensive. And while you do value the friendship you used to have, I would not say you "hope to continue seeing her throughout the winter," because winter is when the virus will spread more due to folks meeting inside. Just keep it short and sweet. I would usually say to ignore the e-mail but I think in this case I would reply as above, just to prevent her coming back at you in days or weeks with either "You're horrible for not responding and you're hurting your child" OR possibly "I'm sorry, can we meet up." Neither is really what you need right now. OP, bear this in mind: If she believes that keeping children safe is "making them anxious" blah blah, she very likely is NOT doing the things you know are needed to meet with her or her kid safely. Anyone who writes the e-mail she wrote to you is not going to be consistent and serious enough about masking, avoiding unnecessary shopping trips and travel, etc. That would make me, in your shoes, simply acknowledge the e-mail politely and not see her in person. Unfortunately the same goes for your chiidren -- if she would write you what she did, you have to assume that she doesn't actually distance HER kid if she's in situations like the one you were in. I'm sorry, OP. It sounds like she's struggling and that's sad, but since she admits she gets into social media disputes with other people about all this, repeatedly, she is basically not going to just drop the topic with you. She also probably is not being honest if she backtracks soon and tells you she does mask/distance/etc. You now need to assume (at least, I would) that she actually practices what she preached to you, and she does not keep her kid and herself safe in the same ways you would. |
Anonymous
The people harping endless about "anxiety" and how terrible it is to keep your kids safe (and the people they would come into contact safe) during a pandemic and spewing faux-concern about other peoples' kids (many of whom they've never met)'s "mental health" are just people making irresponsible choices and when they hear of others being responsible, they feel threatened and insecure and lash out. They're also the "I saw somebody sitting in the car next to me WEARING A MASK! HURRR DURRR!" People confident in their own choices and confident in themselves don't feel the need to judge the choices other people make during a pandemic. I wear masks and follow social distancing recommendations. But I don’t agree with wearing a mask in YOUR OWN CAR! Masks are worn to protect other people. Who are you protecting when your alone in your own car? DP, not the one to whom you're responding, poster in bold. I think you missed the point entirely. That PP is saying that people get huffy and angry at seeing another person masked inside a car. You say you "don't agree" with it yourself. No one asks anyone else to "agree" with whatever they're doing inside their own car. Why are you getting worked up about what someone else is choosing to wear or not wear inside their own car? They aren't asking you. That's the PP's point -- you're here, doing exactly what PP described: Judging strangers with whom you aren't interacting. By the way, the "mask in cars" thing came up on DCUM a while back in its own thread. Posters said that sometimes people making a couple of different stops, where they will be getting in and out of the car and going into places, don't want to mess with putting the mask on, off, on, off, and it's easier to leave it on as they do their errands. Plus, we're told not to touch the masks with our potentially dirty hands, and a lot of on and off is...touching the masks frequently, after being around people. Does that make you feel less steamed up about it? The idea that maybe you don't know if that person has a reason just to keep the mask on for a while? |
Anonymous
| Well, people have gone off the rails a little right now, so maybe this is "not her"....but...ummm.....I think you now know all you really need to know. I would respond "Thanks for taking the time to share your concerns, I apprecaite it. All's excellent here, just fall allergies. look forward to seeing you soon!" this is my way of saying "suck it" of course, but.......I wouldn't touch the work piece at all.....if she ceases and desists, you've bought some time and done the best thing for your kid....if she comes back harder...well, you now have all the information you need to navigate this going forward. Don't let it bother you, not worth it..... |
Anonymous
| Do not engage with crazy |
Anonymous
“I appreciate it!” when you mean “suck it” is obnoxious and passive aggressive. Ugh. OP, the best advice on here has been a combo of grace, ignoring, and/or honesty, while also accepting that this relationship won’t be the same. |
Anonymous
This was my initial concern when I read OP’s post. Anyone who is going to shame you for keeping a child home from a party during a global pandemic probably isn’t taking it the most seriously. We have a small pod and there are no questions asked when someone needs to opt out of things because they’re quarantining before visiting elderly parents, or a kid has sniffles and wants to be safe until it becomes apparent whether it’s allergies vs. something more serious. |
Anonymous
The people harping endless about "anxiety" and how terrible it is to keep your kids safe (and the people they would come into contact safe) during a pandemic and spewing faux-concern about other peoples' kids (many of whom they've never met)'s "mental health" are just people making irresponsible choices and when they hear of others being responsible, they feel threatened and insecure and lash out. They're also the "I saw somebody sitting in the car next to me WEARING A MASK! HURRR DURRR!" People confident in their own choices and confident in themselves don't feel the need to judge the choices other people make during a pandemic. I wear masks and follow social distancing recommendations. But I don’t agree with wearing a mask in YOUR OWN CAR! Masks are worn to protect other people. Who are you protecting when your alone in your own car? Are you really this dense? By now you've seen 39999988 explanations for this but you skip right over anything than ruins your chance to feel superior. Here are a few more I've had my car worked on several times during the pandemic and I wear my mask until I get home because strangers have been in my car. I had to take my sick kid for covid testing twice and once to the doctor and was trying not to spread it to the whole family. You couldn't see my kid in the car. I was driving a short distance from one location to another and left it on. Op, I don't think there is any reasonable response to give this person. Don't respond. The only reasonable response if for her to contact you and apologize. If she contacts you again, I would consider responding then. |
Anonymous
This. I used to (sadly) have a friend who went totally insane with Covid spending hours on the internet reading conspiracy theories. Then she came to the conclusion that this is one big plan conceived by Bill Gates (of all people!) to reduce the population through vaccination with liquid microchips that would control everyone's whereabouts and behavior. You can't make this s**t up, but, apparently, there are so.many.people out there who are not only buying this madness, hook line and sinker, but are aggressively promoting it. And they are not listening to any arguments, either. It is truly frightening. I had to block that woman on all social media. I mean, wow, it looks like mental health truly is an issue during this pandemic. 
|
Anonymous
|
You’re over analyzing.
I’d either ignore or text back a non answer like “Possibly. Thanks. “ |
Anonymous
|
What an idiot.
I would explain that you were concerned that his symptoms might be from Covid, and that you did not wish to spread any germs in a time of global pandemic. Furthermore, I would tell her that introverts are totally fine without too much social interaction, and that your family has struck a balance that is good for all of you. |