Reply to a friend mom-shamed me out of nowhere

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Generally speaking, people right now aren't at their best.

If you have it in you to extend her some grace, then I would reply and say: "I appreciate your concern and I know it's coming from a good place.  I am doing what I think is best for my family and I know you are doing what's best for yours. I value our friendship, and hope to continue seeing you throughout the winter."[/quote]

Grace, agreed, but grace with boundaries. "I'm sorry you're having a hard time. It's been a trying year for everyone. Let's catch up in 2021."[/quote]

New poster.

OP, the two responses above, combined, are great. I would edit them down to be more pithy, though. I would send it via e-mail (since that's how she contacted you -- I would not phone or text this):

"I appreciate your concern.  I am doing what I think is best for my family and I know you are doing what's best for yours. It's been a trying year for everyone. Let's catch up in 2021 when things settle down."

And leave it at that. No need to say you're sorry she's having a hard time because I guarantee she will read that as "[i]you're[/i] the crazy one here." It will make her more defensive. And while you do value the friendship you used to have, I would not say you 
"hope to continue seeing her throughout the winter," because winter is when the virus will spread more due to folks meeting inside. Just keep it short and sweet.

I would usually say to ignore the e-mail but I think in this case I would reply as above, just to prevent her coming back at you in days or weeks with either "You're horrible for not responding and you're hurting your child" OR possibly "I'm sorry, can we meet up." Neither is really what you need right now.

OP, bear this in mind: If she believes that keeping children safe is "making them anxious" blah blah, she very likely is NOT doing the things you know are needed to meet with her or her kid safely. Anyone who writes the e-mail she wrote to you is not going to be consistent and serious enough about masking, avoiding unnecessary shopping trips and travel, etc. That would make me, in your shoes, simply acknowledge the e-mail politely and not see her in person. Unfortunately the same goes for your chiidren -- if she would write you what she did, you have to assume that she doesn't actually distance HER kid if she's in situations like the one you were in.

I'm sorry, OP. It sounds like she's struggling and that's sad, but since she admits she gets into social media disputes with other people about all this, repeatedly, she is basically not going to just drop the topic with you. She also probably is not being honest if she backtracks soon and tells you she does mask/distance/etc. You now need to assume (at least, I would) that she actually practices what she preached to you, and she does not keep her kid and herself safe in the same ways you would. [/quote]

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