a friend mom-shamed me out of nowhere

[Anonymous]

How do you respond to this? You don't.

[Anonymous]

Nothing in writing. Anything you say, she will argue against.

[Anonymous]

Did you RSVP yes and then back out at the last minute?

[Anonymous]

What did you say to her when you backed out of attending the party?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People are on edge and acting off these days. I would hold off on responding and wait for her to contact again. If she comments on the lack of response I would just let her know you had no idea how to respond to such an email.

This. Lots of people I know are super tense right now. And maybe her kid’s party was a bust and she was feeling bad about that and wrongfully blaming you. Some people feel judged and therefore aggressive towards those who are more cautious in their covid approach, like somehow meat-eaters go after vegetarians even if the vegetarian has just been quietly going about their business.

Let it go this once but if she brings it up, just say you have a different take on covid but you value her friendship and your son values her son’s friendship, and you’re looking forward to normal life again! Then make a plan to do a social distance get-together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What did you say to her when you backed out of attending the party?

+1 Also interested in this and whether you originally said yes. You're leaving out some details OP.

[Anonymous]

People should not be having parties, even small ones, inside their houses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did you say to her when you backed out of attending the party?

+1 Also interested in this and whether you originally said yes. You're leaving out some details OP.

I am too, because OP said this was out of nowhere and it isn’t. It’s just a delayed response to her action. She says passive aggressive, but it’s not at all, it’s a direct criticism. Makes me wonder how OP opted out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did you say to her when you backed out of attending the party?

+1 Also interested in this and whether you originally said yes. You're leaving out some details OP.

I am too, because OP said this was out of nowhere and it isn’t. It’s just a delayed response to her action. She says passive aggressive, but it’s not at all, it’s a direct criticism. Makes me wonder how OP opted out.

OP said her kid wasn't feeling well. I assume she said LArlo isn't feeling well, sorry we're going to have to skip, that's enough for most normal parents. If you feel judged by this or anything less than a 15 page not sending your regrets you need to check yourself.

[Anonymous]

If you are close I would write back expressing concern about her mental health and well being, lashing out and getting into arguments with people is not a good sign, how is she handling that stress, you have been stressed too and find that tXYZ is helpful or if she ever needs to call you are available to chat.


If she's not a close friend, just ignore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did you say to her when you backed out of attending the party?

+1 Also interested in this and whether you originally said yes. You're leaving out some details OP.

HOw is this even relevant if her kid wasn't feeling well?? I have definitely responded yes to invitations with every intention of going, but then have had to cancel due an illness someone (me, spouse, kids) has. Why would you want her to bring a kid that is not feeling well to a party???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s a moron. You don’t need friends like that. Keeping sock kids home is the right thing to do.

This. I don’t have Tunesi fir people who would write an email like that. Do not reply, and write her off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A close friend invited DS to a small Halloween party at their house last week. DS has been feeling under the weather on and off so I decided that he shouldn't attend. Plus, with the Covid numbers skyrocketing in our area, I figured it would be best to sit this one out. I let my friend know and she seemed to take it just fine. Well, a few days later, she sent me a long email basically saying that maybe my kid hasn't been feeling well because I keep him home too much and, "according to research," isolation causes anxiety in children. And, she tossed in, it seems like I've been too focused on work. I can't tell if she was being passive-aggressive or not but it's left a bad taste in my mouth.

I was pretty blindsided by this. I never responded to her email. I really don't know where the heck this came from and the last thing I need is to get into an email argument with someone. My kid has had allergies, not emotional problems caused by mom trying to be caution during Covid and wanting to keep her job. (Are we back in the 1950s here?)

She's told me about arguments she's had on Facebook with friends over Covid and school. Perhaps she was looking to start up with me, too. We've been good friends for so long. I really don't know why she threw this monkey wrench into our friendship. She's one of the few people we've seen in person since Covid started. Let this roll off my shoulders and thank her kindly for the advice and move on?

Heck no you don't thank her.

You either say nothing at all and ice her out for awhile, or respond with: "This email was out of line. I'm sorry to you're having such a hard time."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women are the worst

This is so true, unfortunately

[Anonymous]

If it’s a close friend who I want to keep, then I’d text this:

“Thanks for the lecture, Karen ;0)
Larlo has seasonal allergies and was really tired, so we opted to take a pass. NBD. Hope you and the family are doing well!”

If you are fine with ending the friendship, then just ghost her. No response. Let her stew. But don’t respond.