Caved and we got a dog , big mistake

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The first few months are rough after the first year its much better. I am surprised no one thought of it? It takes the whole family to help.

The problem is that the whole family isn't helping. OP is having to do it all, and she doesn't even want the dog. It's not fair to say she's a crap person when she's the only person actually taking care of the dog. The crap person here is her husband, who begged and wheedled and manipulated his way into getting a dog that he now won't take care of properly. It's not fair to OP, and it's not fair to the dog. I'd give my family one chance to step up, and if they didn't, the dog would be returned or rehomed. Period. Otherwise, she'll be stuck with the dog for a decade or more.

[Anonymous]

Jesus. The misogyny in this thread boggles the mind. I'm sorry you're dealing with this, OP. It's ok to rehome the dog, really. Better for you (and for the dog).

[Anonymous]

If you cannot handle one, do not get another one. Tell your husband to take care of the dog now or else find it a new, better home. He wanted it, it's his responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, is the dog a puppy? Puppies are REALLY hard, and our beloved dog almost broke me mentally when he was a puppy, but it does get better.

That said, as should be clear from all of the other responses by now, you do have a husband problem. When the kids go to bed one night, have a serious heart to heart with him. The dog NEEDS to be trained. The dog NEEDS to be fed, walked, groomed. Ask him: is he going to step up, or does he agree with you that this may have been a mistake?

+1

Beware though, what your DH wants is your attention. IF you 'make' him participate he will (can only) do so as he pleases (himself) at this point because he's immature and not emotionally able to step up to the responsibility of caring for another creature. Think about how he has 'pleased' himself to handle all of the other responsibilities that you have asked him to participate in and then strategize accordingly about how you want to proceed with caring for (and care about) your dog (and your husband). How many times have you 'expected' your husband to 'get with the program'. He's trying to get you to 'get with his program' and your family's dog is now a new front to argue over his (DH) needs as a proxy war on the subject of the dog's needs. The losers will be all three of you: you, your husband and your dog, with your kids bearing witness and waiting to see who 'wins'.

There are trainers who will take/board and train your dog and then teach you how to keep the training going. Do not kid yourself about your whether the situation you are in is reasonable or not.

The mistake was not getting the dog. The mistake is treating your DH like he can reasonably participate in the decision making. He can't. If he could reasonably participate you would not be in the position you are, and you would not have a dog.

Is your dog another living creature needing love and kindness or another problem needing your attention?

If your DH is 'another problem needing your attention' he will find ways to make you pay (negative attention) to him and give him what he most wants ('love and kindness' from who... first it was you, then it was kids, then it was a dog, who/what next can fulfill his needs for negative attention? You or some new 'thing' or someone else 'new'? Ultimately, your dog won't be able to give him the love he wants, so he'll have to find another front to open up for your ongoing attention.

Get rid of the dog

Don’t rely on your ManChild husband for anything. Maybe his paycheck but that’s it.

Create a good network of friends and neighbors. Rely on them.

Raise your children to be strong and independent. Protect them meanwhile.

Disassociate but be civil to your ManChild. But have zero expectations regarding his ability or capability to take care of anything inanimate or animate.

Practice significant self care.

Be ready to divorce said ManChild.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The first few months are rough after the first year its much better. I am surprised no one thought of it? It takes the whole family to help.

Tell that to ManChild.he’ll eagerly nod in agreement to shut you up, then do nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The first few months are rough after the first year its much better. I am surprised no one thought of it? It takes the whole family to help.

The problem is that the whole family isn't helping. OP is having to do it all, and she doesn't even want the dog. It's not fair to say she's a crap person when she's the only person actually taking care of the dog. The crap person here is her husband, who begged and wheedled and manipulated his way into getting a dog that he now won't take care of properly. It's not fair to OP, and it's not fair to the dog. I'd give my family one chance to step up, and if they didn't, the dog would be returned or rehomed. Period. Otherwise, she'll be stuck with the dog for a decade or more.

At best he’s naive and stupid in life, at worst he’s what Pp said (manipulative, dumps on people, avoids responsibilities on purpose).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is clueless as well, actually that’s driven by his aspergers, we now know. He has no common sense.

But because he got good grades in school, he thinks everything is easy and leads people on when talking. You know, he heard a guy talking or a YouTube. Or he will soon.

He’s literally “planned vacations” that has nothing but flights, said he’d build a shed yet doesn’t know anything about power tools, claimed he knew how to downhill ski (never had) and massively injured himself, and he even faked his way onto a hunting trip only to be shunted into the blind the whole time with no gun once they caught on.

Just sheer cluelessness. So when he says krap like: let’s go buy a big house and yard in Potomac, or let’s take the kids to the middle of nowhere XYZ to visit a distant relative, or let’s get a dog. I know he’s full of krap, it’s DOA, and he won’t lift a finger.

That’s dangerous though: to be so clueless that you don’t know you are so clueless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

The enormous stress of two kids remote learning and two full time high stress WFH jobs

Lame. You are weak and broken - don’t blame it on the poor dog.

✅

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Family meeting which can be a teaching moment for the kids (and your DH) about how you all made the choice to get a dog and you all need to participate in training the dogs. Kids can teach lessons like "sit" which are easy and stepping stones for the dog to understand that he/she needs to listen and gets a reward for doing so. DH can work on more complex tasks (stay--which requires more work). Find a few good youtube videos on training. I'd put effort into getting the family to work together before thinking about getting rid of the dog. My .02

This. Take control. The dog is there so now make the plan to deal with it. Divide things up (feeding, potty time, etc.) Enlist a dog walker or doggy day care. Get a trainer in to help. The alternative is to give the dog back.

Look, I'm not going to ride you too hard. It can be tough at first, but the rewards are many if you can stick it out. But, you can't just whine about it. DO SOMETHING. Or give the dog back and be the bad guy.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand who was willing to let this family have a dog when clearly no one, especially the people agitating for him, had any idea of what it would entail or any real commitment to doing the work.

So yes, family meeting, but also, get in touch with a rescue or the breeder who whoever to find out the best way forward. There is someone out there who wants your dog, but adoptions tend to be easier with younger dogs, and after that, with dogs that are young but housetrained.

Good luck, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are engaging in a self fulfilling prophecy- didn't want a dog, and now you have it so you are proving why you didn't want it.
Get up.
Make an effort.
Stop being an ass.
Make a plan with everyone involved.
Love is a verb.
This dog and your kids deserve better.

Look in the mirror to see the awful person, PP.

OP, the dog deserves nothing. You deserve happiness and peace with your family.

Get rid of the dog. Today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are engaging in a self fulfilling prophecy- didn't want a dog, and now you have it so you are proving why you didn't want it.
Get up.
Make an effort.
Stop being an ass.
Make a plan with everyone involved.
Love is a verb.
This dog and your kids deserve better.

Look in the mirror to see the awful person, PP.

OP, the dog deserves nothing. You deserve happiness and peace with your family.

Get rid of the dog. Today.

Getting rid of the dog may cause problems in the family. Kids and husband want the dog.

[Anonymous]

Keeping the dog is not worth losing your marriage. Rehome the dog and don’t ever get a pet again. Even fish are expensive and take work.

[Anonymous]

How long have you had the dog, OP? It took us about 3 months to find our groove after bringing home an 8 week old rescue. I threatened to take him back multiple times (and meant it) if my family didn’t step up. We’ve now had him 5 months and life is pretty good, no regrets. My boys are going to be stuck at home for the long haul, despite our district being back in person, and the dog has definitely kept things interesting for them. His 70lb self is pretty snuggly when they’re in bed, too. I’ve actually bonded with him much more than our older rescue who we’ve had for 6 years.

[Anonymous]

The only dog I ever got as a puppy was when I was just out of college living something of a hippie-slacker life. I was able to have her with me almost 24/7. I honestly never "trained" her but she was so completely trained anyway. Later I was living in a small town and she would walk with me to the store and other places off leash (didn't get in trouble although there was probably a law). If I told her to stay somewhere I could walk to multiple other places and she would be right there when I came back. My other dog, who was an adult when I got him (before the puppy) and had a complete mind of his own even learned to behave as well as she did. She heeled just because she would walk with me and I'd murmur "heel" to her. I think if I ever got a puppy again (both dogs are long passed on, my current one was 3 when I got him as a rescue) it would have to be when I was no longer working and could just hang out with the puppy all the time.