Caved and we got a dog , big mistake

[Anonymous]

I love dogs; we rescued two older German Shepherd Dogs and they were part of our family. When they passed, we were absolutely devastated.

Also, when they passed we decided not to get another dog for a long, long time. Even though they were already housebroken and trained, it required a lot of work -- and that was splitting the load 50/50 between the two adults. It kept us from traveling some places we would have loved to have gone ... and don't even get me started on the cost of specialized dietary needs and veterinary care. The carpets are ruined and the wood floors are scratched up like you wouldn't believe. There's nothing wrong with you if you don't want to take on the extra work and costs of dog ownership!

So we're taking some time off from dogs -- we're enjoying more freedom to travel, feel like we can actually have a clean house for a bit, and we don't have to hire a walker or rush home at lunchtime to get them outside.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Family meeting which can be a teaching moment for the kids (and your DH) about how you all made the choice to get a dog and you all need to participate in training the dogs. Kids can teach lessons like "sit" which are easy and stepping stones for the dog to understand that he/she needs to listen and gets a reward for doing so. DH can work on more complex tasks (stay--which requires more work). Find a few good youtube videos on training. I'd put effort into getting the family to work together before thinking about getting rid of the dog. My .02

Don’t teach stay, teach your dog to sit until you release him. You don’t tell your kids “go to your room” and “stay”. They better understand that they’re to stay in their room until you say so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The people suggesting chore charts etc are nuts...kids and husband don’t give a crap so a chore chart is just going to cause fights.

OP, the advice I always give is that the responsibility of the dog always falls on mom. So, getting a dog is mom’s and only mom’s choice.

Now you need to decide what to do: 1) take dog back to where you got it 2) dig in and love the dog and take full responsibility yourself.

I'd do the chore chart because it allows them to take ownership of and responsibility for what seems inevitable, which is returning or rehoming the dog. Give them a month. When they all fail to take care of the dog, because what they wanted was the fun and not the work, then the dog goes back and it's their fault, not yours. I'd be clear: "I didn't want a dog. You all assured me that you would take care of the dog, but you aren't doing that. The dog needs to be trained, fed, brushed, and taken outside X times a day. Here is a chart listing all the things that need to be done. If they are not, the dog goes back. I'm simply not going to do all the work; it's not fair. If you want a dog, you need to take care of it. At the end of the day, I will do all the chores you have not done. If, at the end of the month, I have done more than X chores, the dog is going back." At the end, you look at the chart and see who actually did what. If you have done more chores than whatever limit you set at the beginning of the month, the dog goes back. Done.

+1. I have resisted getting a dog for legit more than a decade and I think I'm sticking with that. I'm the mom and I already do 95% of all things for the kids. We had cats for years and I did everything for them too. There's no way I am getting a dog unless it's 100% something I want to do.

OP, if your family won't step up over a monthlong period, rehome the dog. Ignore the haters.

[Anonymous]

If you already have the dog, all it takes is a You Tube video t teach it basic manners. You seem lazy OP - since you asked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the OP. Same thing happened to me and I'd get rid of the dog in an instant. So much work for very little reward. I don't get this whole dog culture - constantly cleaning up poop, wondering what the dog is chewing on or having him sit there in his cage. The house is much dirtier with a dog. The only thing stopping me from getting rid of him is this dog culture peer pressure.

What?! You are a person who should never have a dog.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Throw money at the problem. Send the dog to one of those training facilities. It’ll come back to you a different, more obedient dog.

But he won’t be your dog anymore.

[Anonymous]

The dog needs a new home. It isn't going to get better with the dog for a few years. Then you'll have a good run for awhile before you start dealing with old dog problems. After 15 years with a beloved dog, I don't know if I will ever get another one.

[Anonymous]

You are engaging in a self fulfilling prophecy- didn't want a dog, and now you have it so you are proving why you didn't want it.
Get up.
Make an effort.
Stop being an ass.
Make a plan with everyone involved.
Love is a verb.
This dog and your kids deserve better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, is the dog a puppy? Puppies are REALLY hard, and our beloved dog almost broke me mentally when he was a puppy, but it does get better.

That said, as should be clear from all of the other responses by now, you do have a husband problem. When the kids go to bed one night, have a serious heart to heart with him. The dog NEEDS to be trained. The dog NEEDS to be fed, walked, groomed. Ask him: is he going to step up, or does he agree with you that this may have been a mistake?

+1

Beware though, what your DH wants is your attention. IF you 'make' him participate he will (can only) do so as he pleases (himself) at this point because he's immature and not emotionally able to step up to the responsibility of caring for another creature. Think about how he has 'pleased' himself to handle all of the other responsibilities that you have asked him to participate in and then strategize accordingly about how you want to proceed with caring for (and care about) your dog (and your husband). How many times have you 'expected' your husband to 'get with the program'. He's trying to get you to 'get with his program' and your family's dog is now a new front to argue over his (DH) needs as a proxy war on the subject of the dog's needs. The losers will be all three of you: you, your husband and your dog, with your kids bearing witness and waiting to see who 'wins'.

There are trainers who will take/board and train your dog and then teach you how to keep the training going. Do not kid yourself about your whether the situation you are in is reasonable or not.

The mistake was not getting the dog. The mistake is treating your DH like he can reasonably participate in the decision making. He can't. If he could reasonably participate you would not be in the position you are, and you would not have a dog.

Is your dog another living creature needing love and kindness or another problem needing your attention?

If your DH is 'another problem needing your attention' he will find ways to make you pay (negative attention) to him and give him what he most wants ('love and kindness' from who... first it was you, then it was kids, then it was a dog, who/what next can fulfill his needs for negative attention? You or some new 'thing' or someone else 'new'? Ultimately, your dog won't be able to give him the love he wants, so he'll have to find another front to open up for your ongoing attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

The enormous stress of two kids remote learning and two full time high stress WFH jobs

Lame. You are weak and broken - don’t blame it on the poor dog.

OP here - Lol, I am weak and broken for being stressed out like the rest of the world?? I always forget how many crazies there are on this site. Strangely I feel better now so thank you. I’ll be signing off now until I forget again about the general lunacy rate on DCUM. Good luck everyone!

OP, DO NOT FEEL BAD about not loving the situation!!

Our neighbor got a puppy some 3 years back, obviously surrendering to his son's pleas. The boy proudly paraded the dog around the school bus stop.. for maybe 3 times. Then the dog disappeared. When asked, the neighbor said that his wife said "I'm not walking this dog", he had to travel on business a lot, and the kid who got them in the dog mess in the first place, lost interest and could not be trusted at all times to take care of the animal.
They returned the dog to the woman they took the dog from; the neighbor said she was less than happy, but oh well.

OP, is there any way for you to return the dog?

No, she needs to step up and make some attempt at being a decent human. It's not about the dog. There are definitely some other things needing addressing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

The enormous stress of two kids remote learning and two full time high stress WFH jobs

Lame. You are weak and broken - don’t blame it on the poor dog.

OP here - Lol, I am weak and broken for being stressed out like the rest of the world?? I always forget how many crazies there are on this site. Strangely I feel better now so thank you. I’ll be signing off now until I forget again about the general lunacy rate on DCUM. Good luck everyone!

OP, DO NOT FEEL BAD about not loving the situation!!

Our neighbor got a puppy some 3 years back, obviously surrendering to his son's pleas. The boy proudly paraded the dog around the school bus stop.. for maybe 3 times. Then the dog disappeared. When asked, the neighbor said that his wife said "I'm not walking this dog", he had to travel on business a lot, and the kid who got them in the dog mess in the first place, lost interest and could not be trusted at all times to take care of the animal.
They returned the dog to the woman they took the dog from; the neighbor said she was less than happy, but oh well.

OP, is there any way for you to return the dog?

No, she needs to step up and make some attempt at being a decent human. It's not about the dog. There are definitely some other things needing addressing.

It may not be about the dog, but the dog is apparently collateral damage in the relationship between OP and her husband. I usually am not in favor of rehoming, but it may be for the best in this situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

The enormous stress of two kids remote learning and two full time high stress WFH jobs

Lame. You are weak and broken - don’t blame it on the poor dog.

OP here - Lol, I am weak and broken for being stressed out like the rest of the world?? I always forget how many crazies there are on this site. Strangely I feel better now so thank you. I’ll be signing off now until I forget again about the general lunacy rate on DCUM. Good luck everyone!

OP, DO NOT FEEL BAD about not loving the situation!!

Our neighbor got a puppy some 3 years back, obviously surrendering to his son's pleas. The boy proudly paraded the dog around the school bus stop.. for maybe 3 times. Then the dog disappeared. When asked, the neighbor said that his wife said "I'm not walking this dog", he had to travel on business a lot, and the kid who got them in the dog mess in the first place, lost interest and could not be trusted at all times to take care of the animal.
They returned the dog to the woman they took the dog from; the neighbor said she was less than happy, but oh well.

OP, is there any way for you to return the dog?

No, she needs to step up and make some attempt at being a decent human. It's not about the dog. There are definitely some other things needing addressing.

Except it is about the dog!

She doesn’t want to walk the dog 3 times a day. She doesn’t want to groom the dog. She doesn’t want to train the dog. She doesn’t want to feed the dog. Etc. Her husband and kids aren’t taking care of the dog and she doesn’t want to do it.

She needs to re-home the dog.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

The enormous stress of two kids remote learning and two full time high stress WFH jobs

Lame. You are weak and broken - don’t blame it on the poor dog.

OP here - Lol, I am weak and broken for being stressed out like the rest of the world?? I always forget how many crazies there are on this site. Strangely I feel better now so thank you. I’ll be signing off now until I forget again about the general lunacy rate on DCUM. Good luck everyone!

OP, DO NOT FEEL BAD about not loving the situation!!

Our neighbor got a puppy some 3 years back, obviously surrendering to his son's pleas. The boy proudly paraded the dog around the school bus stop.. for maybe 3 times. Then the dog disappeared. When asked, the neighbor said that his wife said "I'm not walking this dog", he had to travel on business a lot, and the kid who got them in the dog mess in the first place, lost interest and could not be trusted at all times to take care of the animal.
They returned the dog to the woman they took the dog from; the neighbor said she was less than happy, but oh well.

OP, is there any way for you to return the dog?

No, she needs to step up and make some attempt at being a decent human. It's not about the dog. There are definitely some other things needing addressing.

Except it is about the dog!

She doesn’t want to walk the dog 3 times a day. She doesn’t want to groom the dog. She doesn’t want to train the dog. She doesn’t want to feed the dog. Etc. Her husband and kids aren’t taking care of the dog and she doesn’t want to do it.

She needs to re-home the dog.

+1. Nobody needs to martyr themselves over the dog. I know lots of people looking for a dog during the pandemic. There are probably lots of good homes who can better care for and love this dog.

[Anonymous]

OP please re-home the dog. They are very sensitive and they will act out when they can feel they aren’t loved. My sister reluctantly got a dog when her kids were young and the dog ended up on Prozac. It was a sweet Labrador but you can see he went insane because he only got negative feedback and wasn’t accepted as a pack member. My dogs know they are loved and cherished and they are chill and sweet and obedient.


Just give it to someone who’s crazy about dogs.

[Anonymous]

The first few months are rough after the first year its much better. I am surprised no one thought of it? It takes the whole family to help.