Financial Aid and Single Mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Thanks so much for your follow-up. I totally understood what you were saying. I guess that's the difficult part of this. Having to include my ex on the EFC means that my kids will not be able to go to schools they would have been able to go to if he had just vanished. (which essentially, he has) It's tough, and I know people that are in all kinds of situations that have financial challenges and I feel for them, too. I'm a very strong person and a devoted parents and I know my kids will continue to thrive. Thank you for your encouragement!

I just want to emphasize that he hasn't vanished, at least not financially, which is the issue. If he had vanished and never paid support, your child(ren) would be in a different position vis-a-vis financial aid. Your children are entitled to the child support he is paying, but they are benefitting financially from it.

Right and the child support I receive is noted as income on my part of the profile. Maybe I should have waived the support, I don't know!

No, absolutely not. Your children are entitled to that support. Waiving child support is almost never advisable.

Thank you for saying this! It's easy to second-guess when you're in this weird situation you weren't anticipating.
But you're right, the law says he must pay, and then colleges use that to justify the idea that he has been invested in the children and will continue to invest... so sad but not always the case. (and the same is true for parents who are married and don't want to contribute! I understand I'm not the only one dealing with this kind of thing!)

That's not what they are saying, though. As others have pointed out already, they are looking at his ability to invest in her college education, not his willingness.

A parent's unwillingness to pay for college is not going to entitle a kid to more aid in almost all circumstances.

I understand what you are saying. I am pointing out that if he didn't have to pay child support (jail being the alternative as it is), the CSS would allow him to be considered long gone and he would not have to report. Then, I would be in a better position. That is all I am saying.

Maybe you would. Just being incarcerated would not mean they wouldn't count him in the equation. Ultimately, it is up to every individual school who asks for the CSS.

https://cssprofile.collegeboard.org/pdf/css-profile-waiver-request-non-custodial-parent.pdf

I don't think we would qualify, but thank you so much for trying and sharing that!

[Anonymous]

"... Encourage your kids to have a relationship with him, make him feel valued as a dad and hopefully he will help, if he wants to be involved."

There are all kinds of wired people in this world. In my case, any encouragement will be viewed and claimed as "harassments" by the father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"... Encourage your kids to have a relationship with him, make him feel valued as a dad and hopefully he will help, if he wants to be involved."

There are all kinds of wired people in this world. In my case, any encouragement will be viewed and claimed as "harassments" by the father.

I am not sure what you are quoting but I am sorry for your situation.

[Anonymous]

Op, I think you need to do more research. Most schools are FAFSA only so the EFC will only include your income. The CSS schools are generally the elite schools. I’m sure your kids are super bright and you want them to have the opportunity to go anywhere but those schools are a lottery of the best of the best and we all have stories of people we know who are incredibly talented or our own kids (although not me) who got shut out of the top schools despite top grades and scores. They are a lottery at best. There are plenty of fabulous schools that are fabulous schools that are FAFSA only that should give you peace of mind that your kids can get a great education, good FA and potentially merit l. Finally, who knows what the whole system will look like when your kids start school? Are they even in high school? There may not even be a CSS when they are applying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Thanks so much for your follow-up. I totally understood what you were saying. I guess that's the difficult part of this. Having to include my ex on the EFC means that my kids will not be able to go to schools they would have been able to go to if he had just vanished. (which essentially, he has) It's tough, and I know people that are in all kinds of situations that have financial challenges and I feel for them, too. I'm a very strong person and a devoted parents and I know my kids will continue to thrive. Thank you for your encouragement!

I just want to emphasize that he hasn't vanished, at least not financially, which is the issue. If he had vanished and never paid support, your child(ren) would be in a different position vis-a-vis financial aid. Your children are entitled to the child support he is paying, but they are benefitting financially from it.

Right and the child support I receive is noted as income on my part of the profile. Maybe I should have waived the support, I don't know!

No, absolutely not. Your children are entitled to that support. Waiving child support is almost never advisable.

Thank you for saying this! It's easy to second-guess when you're in this weird situation you weren't anticipating.
But you're right, the law says he must pay, and then colleges use that to justify the idea that he has been invested in the children and will continue to invest... so sad but not always the case. (and the same is true for parents who are married and don't want to contribute! I understand I'm not the only one dealing with this kind of thing!)

That's not what they are saying, though. As others have pointed out already, they are looking at his ability to invest in her college education, not his willingness.

A parent's unwillingness to pay for college is not going to entitle a kid to more aid in almost all circumstances.

I understand what you are saying. I am pointing out that if he didn't have to pay child support (jail being the alternative as it is), the CSS would allow him to be considered long gone and he would not have to report. Then, I would be in a better position. That is all I am saying.

Child support terminates at 18. Your logic is right but its not how it works. If he's willing to help, then you declare it. Otherwise you do it as a single parent.

Right I am happy to do it as a single parent but it would be great if the Expected Family Contribution didn't include a high earner with virtually no relationship to the child. This is where it moves a little beyond simply not willing to pay.

I don't think it will be. My husband's ex filed under her income. She didn't use my husband's at all. He/We were willing to help as much as we could if she was open and honest but she kept everything a secret including where the kids applied and just demanded we send her money (on top of the child support she was getting as he didn't stop it at 18). There was no accountability for her getting the child support or contacting us at all to see what was going on financially from the school. You should be fine. Save what you can now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Thanks so much for your follow-up. I totally understood what you were saying. I guess that's the difficult part of this. Having to include my ex on the EFC means that my kids will not be able to go to schools they would have been able to go to if he had just vanished. (which essentially, he has) It's tough, and I know people that are in all kinds of situations that have financial challenges and I feel for them, too. I'm a very strong person and a devoted parents and I know my kids will continue to thrive. Thank you for your encouragement!

I just want to emphasize that he hasn't vanished, at least not financially, which is the issue. If he had vanished and never paid support, your child(ren) would be in a different position vis-a-vis financial aid. Your children are entitled to the child support he is paying, but they are benefitting financially from it.

Right and the child support I receive is noted as income on my part of the profile. Maybe I should have waived the support, I don't know!

No, absolutely not. Your children are entitled to that support. Waiving child support is almost never advisable.

Thank you for saying this! It's easy to second-guess when you're in this weird situation you weren't anticipating.
But you're right, the law says he must pay, and then colleges use that to justify the idea that he has been invested in the children and will continue to invest... so sad but not always the case. (and the same is true for parents who are married and don't want to contribute! I understand I'm not the only one dealing with this kind of thing!)

That's not what they are saying, though. As others have pointed out already, they are looking at his ability to invest in her college education, not his willingness.

A parent's unwillingness to pay for college is not going to entitle a kid to more aid in almost all circumstances.

I understand what you are saying. I am pointing out that if he didn't have to pay child support (jail being the alternative as it is), the CSS would allow him to be considered long gone and he would not have to report. Then, I would be in a better position. That is all I am saying.

Child support terminates at 18. Your logic is right but its not how it works. If he's willing to help, then you declare it. Otherwise you do it as a single parent.

Right I am happy to do it as a single parent but it would be great if the Expected Family Contribution didn't include a high earner with virtually no relationship to the child. This is where it moves a little beyond simply not willing to pay.

I don't think it will be. My husband's ex filed under her income. She didn't use my husband's at all. He/We were willing to help as much as we could if she was open and honest but she kept everything a secret including where the kids applied and just demanded we send her money (on top of the child support she was getting as he didn't stop it at 18). There was no accountability for her getting the child support or contacting us at all to see what was going on financially from the school. You should be fine. Save what you can now.

For FAFSA, you do not have to include the non-custodial parent, but for the CSS which lots of schools require, you do. (she might have done the CSS profile and been shady and not included your husband, but you are not supposed to do that.) Thank you for posting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, I think you need to do more research. Most schools are FAFSA only so the EFC will only include your income. The CSS schools are generally the elite schools. I’m sure your kids are super bright and you want them to have the opportunity to go anywhere but those schools are a lottery of the best of the best and we all have stories of people we know who are incredibly talented or our own kids (although not me) who got shut out of the top schools despite top grades and scores. They are a lottery at best. There are plenty of fabulous schools that are fabulous schools that are FAFSA only that should give you peace of mind that your kids can get a great education, good FA and potentially merit l. Finally, who knows what the whole system will look like when your kids start school? Are they even in high school? There may not even be a CSS when they are applying.

Thanks for posting. Yes, I do need to do more research but they are in elementary school so luckily I have time
You are right that things may change a lot a decade from now! Hope they do, for the better, for all of us!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, I think you need to do more research. Most schools are FAFSA only so the EFC will only include your income. The CSS schools are generally the elite schools. I’m sure your kids are super bright and you want them to have the opportunity to go anywhere but those schools are a lottery of the best of the best and we all have stories of people we know who are incredibly talented or our own kids (although not me) who got shut out of the top schools despite top grades and scores. They are a lottery at best. There are plenty of fabulous schools that are fabulous schools that are FAFSA only that should give you peace of mind that your kids can get a great education, good FA and potentially merit l. Finally, who knows what the whole system will look like when your kids start school? Are they even in high school? There may not even be a CSS when they are applying.

Thanks for posting. Yes, I do need to do more research but they are in elementary school so luckily I have time
You are right that things may change a lot a decade from now! Hope they do, for the better, for all of us!

You also have a lot of time to plan and work on alternatives knowing that you probably won't get much help from your ex and that may limit your ability to get aid. That's a lot of years to try to build up savings and a lot of years to take steps to try to increase your income to be able to provide greater support to your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, just so you know not everyone is unkind and just wants to scold you:

You did your best. You did the right thing. You are thinking of this early, which is what you need to do. And it will work out fine for your kids. Just keep learning about college financing and working it.

I think most posters were trying to be helpful, not unkind. From a financial aid standpoint, OP isn't a "Single Mom," she's a divorced mom, so knowing that can help her plan.

NP. I'm a single mom (never married) and in the same situation but a few years away from my child going to college. I'll ask her dad to fill out the CSS but I doubt he will. I believe that most public universities only require the FAFSA. The FAFSA only wants info about the custodial parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Thanks so much for your follow-up. I totally understood what you were saying. I guess that's the difficult part of this. Having to include my ex on the EFC means that my kids will not be able to go to schools they would have been able to go to if he had just vanished. (which essentially, he has) It's tough, and I know people that are in all kinds of situations that have financial challenges and I feel for them, too. I'm a very strong person and a devoted parents and I know my kids will continue to thrive. Thank you for your encouragement!

I just want to emphasize that he hasn't vanished, at least not financially, which is the issue. If he had vanished and never paid support, your child(ren) would be in a different position vis-a-vis financial aid. Your children are entitled to the child support he is paying, but they are benefitting financially from it.

Right and the child support I receive is noted as income on my part of the profile. Maybe I should have waived the support, I don't know!

No, absolutely not. Your children are entitled to that support. Waiving child support is almost never advisable.

Thank you for saying this! It's easy to second-guess when you're in this weird situation you weren't anticipating.
But you're right, the law says he must pay, and then colleges use that to justify the idea that he has been invested in the children and will continue to invest... so sad but not always the case. (and the same is true for parents who are married and don't want to contribute! I understand I'm not the only one dealing with this kind of thing!)

That's not what they are saying, though. As others have pointed out already, they are looking at his ability to invest in her college education, not his willingness.

A parent's unwillingness to pay for college is not going to entitle a kid to more aid in almost all circumstances.

I understand what you are saying. I am pointing out that if he didn't have to pay child support (jail being the alternative as it is), the CSS would allow him to be considered long gone and he would not have to report. Then, I would be in a better position. That is all I am saying.

Child support terminates at 18. Your logic is right but its not how it works. If he's willing to help, then you declare it. Otherwise you do it as a single parent.

Right I am happy to do it as a single parent but it would be great if the Expected Family Contribution didn't include a high earner with virtually no relationship to the child. This is where it moves a little beyond simply not willing to pay.

I don't think it will be. My husband's ex filed under her income. She didn't use my husband's at all. He/We were willing to help as much as we could if she was open and honest but she kept everything a secret including where the kids applied and just demanded we send her money (on top of the child support she was getting as he didn't stop it at 18). There was no accountability for her getting the child support or contacting us at all to see what was going on financially from the school. You should be fine. Save what you can now.

For FAFSA, you do not have to include the non-custodial parent, but for the CSS which lots of schools require, you do. (she might have done the CSS profile and been shady and not included your husband, but you are not supposed to do that.) Thank you for posting.

That makes sense. I'm sure she did something shady but they were at a state school so it may have just been FAFSA. I doubt she disclosed the child support or alimony as she acted like she never got help. Years later we still don't know.

[Anonymous]

If he does fill out the CSA, you aren't going to get aid (other than loans) anyway with his income. Take his CS, don't calculate it into your budget and put it all into college savings. My ex pays CS sometimes and not always the right amount. I stopped counting on it years ago and if I get it, it goes straight into savings.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you are spinning yourself up over nothing. There are lots of great schools that only look at the FAFSA. My nieces go to schools they love and my sister didn’t have to declare her ex’s income. It will work out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he does fill out the CSA, you aren't going to get aid (other than loans) anyway with his income. Take his CS, don't calculate it into your budget and put it all into college savings. My ex pays CS sometimes and not always the right amount. I stopped counting on it years ago and if I get it, it goes straight into savings.

OP here and this is what I do. Thanks!!

[Anonymous]

If OP gets married before these kids go to college, the new spouse’s income will be added to hers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, I think you need to do more research. Most schools are FAFSA only so the EFC will only include your income. The CSS schools are generally the elite schools. I’m sure your kids are super bright and you want them to have the opportunity to go anywhere but those schools are a lottery of the best of the best and we all have stories of people we know who are incredibly talented or our own kids (although not me) who got shut out of the top schools despite top grades and scores. They are a lottery at best. There are plenty of fabulous schools that are fabulous schools that are FAFSA only that should give you peace of mind that your kids can get a great education, good FA and potentially merit l. Finally, who knows what the whole system will look like when your kids start school? Are they even in high school? There may not even be a CSS when they are applying.

Thanks for posting. Yes, I do need to do more research but they are in elementary school so luckily I have time
You are right that things may change a lot a decade from now! Hope they do, for the better, for all of us!

You also have a lot of time to plan and work on alternatives knowing that you probably won't get much help from your ex and that may limit your ability to get aid. That's a lot of years to try to build up savings and a lot of years to take steps to try to increase your income to be able to provide greater support to your kid.

Absolutely. Thank you.