Financial Aid and Single Mom

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:1. If the father refuse to fill the CSS, how universities can figure out the father's income and include such income in financial aid calculation? I don't think CSS has a legal right to force the father fill the form

2. There is also a even worse situation. The father report his income in CSS and refuse to pay his part later, just for the purpose of revenge the mom because Mom received the court ordered child support for many years, can school agree the waiver next year?

OP here. This is what I'm worried about. Not that he's doing it out of revenge, necessarily, he just doesn't care to pay and doesn't care what the consequences are.

And that's his prerogative. But, it is also completely reasonable for schools to not ignore his income in calculating aid. Otherwise, why wouldn't everyone say they just don't want to pay so that they can get more aid?

No child would want to go through what my children have been through to save money. Yes, I think the burden of his high salary shouldn't be mine to fulfill and I should be evaluated based on my income, not his. I raise them. I think colleges should take our family's situation into account and I thought someone on this board might have been there, done that and have advice. Unfortunately "divorced" moms doing absolutely everything for their children without much assistance is not a rare event.

Do you really not see how people couldn't game the system if the rule was, as long as one parent didn't want to pay for college, that parent's income wasn't counted?

Parents do not have to pay for their kid's colleges, even if they have the means. That doesn't mean that those kid's can therefore qualify for aid as if their parent's income didn't exist. That true whether parents are together or divorced.

I really do see, thank you. And I think they can overcome this by considering a student's specific situation. Thanks.

How would that work in practice? Right now it is a fairly automated process based on numbers.

Are you proposing that people would write essays explaining their personal situations? Someone would then have to evaluate these essays to determine what warranted exceptions.

How would that be done in a fair, uniform manner? How would they be able to evaluate whether what someone wrote was true?

What specific circumstances do you think would warrant more money? For example, you mentioned the abuse you went through? Does that entitle you to more aid? A parent could be abusive and still be willing to pay for college.

People do call up college financial aid offices and explain their situations. Sometimes colleges are able to work with the family. No, I do not propose an essay writing system. I thought it was possible that people on this board have advice on this specific situation.

Thank you also for implying that I think my child being abused means she deserves special treatment. I was saying that it is possible to determine difficult situations and help families out who need help, and recognizing that no one would want to go through those things to get money. But you know that. You are just hoping to hurt another human being.

You haven't actually proposed anything. You can "call up college financial aid offices and explain [your] situation[]." Maybe they will work with you. Otherwise, I ask again, what are you proposing and how would it be a feasible system to operate on a broader scale?

You have quite a persecution complex if you think my post was meant to "hurt another human being." I was merely trying to ascertain what you were proposing and to point out some of the reasons it would be hard to have a fair, functional system whereby schools waived contributions from one parent.

You don't seem to be proposing anything beyond that you think you should get more money because your ex won't pay and is a jerk.

Right, because unnecessarily throwing around someone's abusive past is not a hurtful thing. I don't need to satisfy your demand for the proposed financial aid system I want in this country. You are being ridiculous. I am asking for tips, that is all. May you continue to have the good fortune that keeps you so far away from this situation you can't even compassionately consider it.

You have no idea about my personal situation -- financial, relationship, or otherwise -- so don't lecture me on my supposed good fortune.

That's absurd to suggest that I threw around your abusive past. I merely asked how you thought that should be factored into the aid calculation because it was you who said you thought your unique circumstances should be taken into account and you mentioned the abuse.

It is quite clear that you simply want to hear from people who will agree with you and will say the system is unfair and that you should get more aid because your ex won't pay. That's great if it makes you feel better, but it won't actually help you.

I just want to hear from people who are kind. I felt that you weren't. If you have had some bad fortune in your life (most do!), than I am sorry for that experience and I hope people give you grace and compassion. Maybe I misunderstood your perspective and if so, I apologize. I wish you the best.

[Anonymous]

You need to learn about FAFSA only schools. Your ex’s income would not be considered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Thanks so much for your follow-up. I totally understood what you were saying. I guess that's the difficult part of this. Having to include my ex on the EFC means that my kids will not be able to go to schools they would have been able to go to if he had just vanished. (which essentially, he has) It's tough, and I know people that are in all kinds of situations that have financial challenges and I feel for them, too. I'm a very strong person and a devoted parents and I know my kids will continue to thrive. Thank you for your encouragement!

I just want to emphasize that he hasn't vanished, at least not financially, which is the issue. If he had vanished and never paid support, your child(ren) would be in a different position vis-a-vis financial aid. Your children are entitled to the child support he is paying, but they are benefitting financially from it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Thanks so much for your follow-up. I totally understood what you were saying. I guess that's the difficult part of this. Having to include my ex on the EFC means that my kids will not be able to go to schools they would have been able to go to if he had just vanished. (which essentially, he has) It's tough, and I know people that are in all kinds of situations that have financial challenges and I feel for them, too. I'm a very strong person and a devoted parents and I know my kids will continue to thrive. Thank you for your encouragement!

I just want to emphasize that he hasn't vanished, at least not financially, which is the issue. If he had vanished and never paid support, your child(ren) would be in a different position vis-a-vis financial aid. Your children are entitled to the child support he is paying, but they are benefitting financially from it.

Right and the child support I receive is noted as income on my part of the profile. Maybe I should have waived the support, I don't know!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Thanks so much for your follow-up. I totally understood what you were saying. I guess that's the difficult part of this. Having to include my ex on the EFC means that my kids will not be able to go to schools they would have been able to go to if he had just vanished. (which essentially, he has) It's tough, and I know people that are in all kinds of situations that have financial challenges and I feel for them, too. I'm a very strong person and a devoted parents and I know my kids will continue to thrive. Thank you for your encouragement!

I just want to emphasize that he hasn't vanished, at least not financially, which is the issue. If he had vanished and never paid support, your child(ren) would be in a different position vis-a-vis financial aid. Your children are entitled to the child support he is paying, but they are benefitting financially from it.

Right and the child support I receive is noted as income on my part of the profile. Maybe I should have waived the support, I don't know!

No, absolutely not. Your children are entitled to that support. Waiving child support is almost never advisable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Thanks so much for your follow-up. I totally understood what you were saying. I guess that's the difficult part of this. Having to include my ex on the EFC means that my kids will not be able to go to schools they would have been able to go to if he had just vanished. (which essentially, he has) It's tough, and I know people that are in all kinds of situations that have financial challenges and I feel for them, too. I'm a very strong person and a devoted parents and I know my kids will continue to thrive. Thank you for your encouragement!

I just want to emphasize that he hasn't vanished, at least not financially, which is the issue. If he had vanished and never paid support, your child(ren) would be in a different position vis-a-vis financial aid. Your children are entitled to the child support he is paying, but they are benefitting financially from it.

Right and the child support I receive is noted as income on my part of the profile. Maybe I should have waived the support, I don't know!

No, absolutely not. Your children are entitled to that support. Waiving child support is almost never advisable.

Thank you for saying this! It's easy to second-guess when you're in this weird situation you weren't anticipating.
But you're right, the law says he must pay, and then colleges use that to justify the idea that he has been invested in the children and will continue to invest... so sad but not always the case. (and the same is true for parents who are married and don't want to contribute! I understand I'm not the only one dealing with this kind of thing!)

[Anonymous]

No parent is required to pay for college (happy couples or exes). Most of us help pay because we want to. I understand it is frustrating that your ex won’t help, but that’s the system. Educate yourself on FAFSA only schools and encourage your kids to get very good GPAs and SATs. Merit aid will be your friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No parent is required to pay for college (happy couples or exes). Most of us help pay because we want to. I understand it is frustrating that your ex won’t help, but that’s the system. Educate yourself on FAFSA only schools and encourage your kids to get very good GPAs and SATs. Merit aid will be your friend.

Thank you! Appreciate it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Thanks so much for your follow-up. I totally understood what you were saying. I guess that's the difficult part of this. Having to include my ex on the EFC means that my kids will not be able to go to schools they would have been able to go to if he had just vanished. (which essentially, he has) It's tough, and I know people that are in all kinds of situations that have financial challenges and I feel for them, too. I'm a very strong person and a devoted parents and I know my kids will continue to thrive. Thank you for your encouragement!

I just want to emphasize that he hasn't vanished, at least not financially, which is the issue. If he had vanished and never paid support, your child(ren) would be in a different position vis-a-vis financial aid. Your children are entitled to the child support he is paying, but they are benefitting financially from it.

Right and the child support I receive is noted as income on my part of the profile. Maybe I should have waived the support, I don't know!

No, absolutely not. Your children are entitled to that support. Waiving child support is almost never advisable.

Thank you for saying this! It's easy to second-guess when you're in this weird situation you weren't anticipating.
But you're right, the law says he must pay, and then colleges use that to justify the idea that he has been invested in the children and will continue to invest... so sad but not always the case. (and the same is true for parents who are married and don't want to contribute! I understand I'm not the only one dealing with this kind of thing!)

That's not what they are saying, though. As others have pointed out already, they are looking at his ability to invest in her college education, not his willingness.

A parent's unwillingness to pay for college is not going to entitle a kid to more aid in almost all circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hello. I am new to this board so I'm sorry if this question as been asked. My two kids are in elementary school and I have started to research all things college, especially in light of my divorce and paying for college. I know that for many schools, a form (I think it's called CSS, right?) is required in addition to the FAFSA and must include the non-custodial parent's information.

My issue is that my ex moved away, does not regularly see the kids, but does send child support checks (he has no choice legally). I am afraid that demonstrates him as "supporting" the children, but that he will cut off everything at 18. I actually don't mind him not paying for college. (I hope he steps up but I am not counting on it.) I AM concerned that my kids' EFC will skyrocket due to his 200K job. If it was just my low salary considered, they'd qualify for a lot more, I would think.

So my question is, if he has to be on these forms but refuses to pay, do I have the burden of paying an amount that implies a way bigger EFC? Thank you so much for any advice or resources you can provide!! I am very, very appreciative.

Take the child support money and put some of it away. Encourage him to be more involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Thanks so much for your follow-up. I totally understood what you were saying. I guess that's the difficult part of this. Having to include my ex on the EFC means that my kids will not be able to go to schools they would have been able to go to if he had just vanished. (which essentially, he has) It's tough, and I know people that are in all kinds of situations that have financial challenges and I feel for them, too. I'm a very strong person and a devoted parents and I know my kids will continue to thrive. Thank you for your encouragement!

I just want to emphasize that he hasn't vanished, at least not financially, which is the issue. If he had vanished and never paid support, your child(ren) would be in a different position vis-a-vis financial aid. Your children are entitled to the child support he is paying, but they are benefitting financially from it.

Right and the child support I receive is noted as income on my part of the profile. Maybe I should have waived the support, I don't know!

No, absolutely not. Your children are entitled to that support. Waiving child support is almost never advisable.

Thank you for saying this! It's easy to second-guess when you're in this weird situation you weren't anticipating.
But you're right, the law says he must pay, and then colleges use that to justify the idea that he has been invested in the children and will continue to invest... so sad but not always the case. (and the same is true for parents who are married and don't want to contribute! I understand I'm not the only one dealing with this kind of thing!)

That's not what they are saying, though. As others have pointed out already, they are looking at his ability to invest in her college education, not his willingness.

A parent's unwillingness to pay for college is not going to entitle a kid to more aid in almost all circumstances.

I understand what you are saying. I am pointing out that if he didn't have to pay child support (jail being the alternative as it is), the CSS would allow him to be considered long gone and he would not have to report. Then, I would be in a better position. That is all I am saying.

[Anonymous]

OP, it really depends on the state and school. My husband's ex demanded his information and he offered to send it to the school directly and she refused that. I'm sure she didn't declare his income and the kids got full rides or close to it as she had little to no income and just child support/allimony/boyfriend AP supporting her.

They clearly don't follow up with the other parent but there is no obligation after age 18. Encourage your kids to have a relationship with him, make him feel valued as a dad and hopefully he will help, if he wants to be involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Thanks so much for your follow-up. I totally understood what you were saying. I guess that's the difficult part of this. Having to include my ex on the EFC means that my kids will not be able to go to schools they would have been able to go to if he had just vanished. (which essentially, he has) It's tough, and I know people that are in all kinds of situations that have financial challenges and I feel for them, too. I'm a very strong person and a devoted parents and I know my kids will continue to thrive. Thank you for your encouragement!

I just want to emphasize that he hasn't vanished, at least not financially, which is the issue. If he had vanished and never paid support, your child(ren) would be in a different position vis-a-vis financial aid. Your children are entitled to the child support he is paying, but they are benefitting financially from it.

Right and the child support I receive is noted as income on my part of the profile. Maybe I should have waived the support, I don't know!

No, absolutely not. Your children are entitled to that support. Waiving child support is almost never advisable.

Thank you for saying this! It's easy to second-guess when you're in this weird situation you weren't anticipating.
But you're right, the law says he must pay, and then colleges use that to justify the idea that he has been invested in the children and will continue to invest... so sad but not always the case. (and the same is true for parents who are married and don't want to contribute! I understand I'm not the only one dealing with this kind of thing!)

That's not what they are saying, though. As others have pointed out already, they are looking at his ability to invest in her college education, not his willingness.

A parent's unwillingness to pay for college is not going to entitle a kid to more aid in almost all circumstances.

I understand what you are saying. I am pointing out that if he didn't have to pay child support (jail being the alternative as it is), the CSS would allow him to be considered long gone and he would not have to report. Then, I would be in a better position. That is all I am saying.

Child support terminates at 18. Your logic is right but its not how it works. If he's willing to help, then you declare it. Otherwise you do it as a single parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Thanks so much for your follow-up. I totally understood what you were saying. I guess that's the difficult part of this. Having to include my ex on the EFC means that my kids will not be able to go to schools they would have been able to go to if he had just vanished. (which essentially, he has) It's tough, and I know people that are in all kinds of situations that have financial challenges and I feel for them, too. I'm a very strong person and a devoted parents and I know my kids will continue to thrive. Thank you for your encouragement!

I just want to emphasize that he hasn't vanished, at least not financially, which is the issue. If he had vanished and never paid support, your child(ren) would be in a different position vis-a-vis financial aid. Your children are entitled to the child support he is paying, but they are benefitting financially from it.

Right and the child support I receive is noted as income on my part of the profile. Maybe I should have waived the support, I don't know!

No, absolutely not. Your children are entitled to that support. Waiving child support is almost never advisable.

Thank you for saying this! It's easy to second-guess when you're in this weird situation you weren't anticipating.
But you're right, the law says he must pay, and then colleges use that to justify the idea that he has been invested in the children and will continue to invest... so sad but not always the case. (and the same is true for parents who are married and don't want to contribute! I understand I'm not the only one dealing with this kind of thing!)

That's not what they are saying, though. As others have pointed out already, they are looking at his ability to invest in her college education, not his willingness.

A parent's unwillingness to pay for college is not going to entitle a kid to more aid in almost all circumstances.

I understand what you are saying. I am pointing out that if he didn't have to pay child support (jail being the alternative as it is), the CSS would allow him to be considered long gone and he would not have to report. Then, I would be in a better position. That is all I am saying.

Maybe you would. Just being incarcerated would not mean they wouldn't count him in the equation. Ultimately, it is up to every individual school who asks for the CSS.

https://cssprofile.collegeboard.org/pdf/css-profile-waiver-request-non-custodial-parent.pdf

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Thanks so much for your follow-up. I totally understood what you were saying. I guess that's the difficult part of this. Having to include my ex on the EFC means that my kids will not be able to go to schools they would have been able to go to if he had just vanished. (which essentially, he has) It's tough, and I know people that are in all kinds of situations that have financial challenges and I feel for them, too. I'm a very strong person and a devoted parents and I know my kids will continue to thrive. Thank you for your encouragement!

I just want to emphasize that he hasn't vanished, at least not financially, which is the issue. If he had vanished and never paid support, your child(ren) would be in a different position vis-a-vis financial aid. Your children are entitled to the child support he is paying, but they are benefitting financially from it.

Right and the child support I receive is noted as income on my part of the profile. Maybe I should have waived the support, I don't know!

No, absolutely not. Your children are entitled to that support. Waiving child support is almost never advisable.

Thank you for saying this! It's easy to second-guess when you're in this weird situation you weren't anticipating.
But you're right, the law says he must pay, and then colleges use that to justify the idea that he has been invested in the children and will continue to invest... so sad but not always the case. (and the same is true for parents who are married and don't want to contribute! I understand I'm not the only one dealing with this kind of thing!)

That's not what they are saying, though. As others have pointed out already, they are looking at his ability to invest in her college education, not his willingness.

A parent's unwillingness to pay for college is not going to entitle a kid to more aid in almost all circumstances.

I understand what you are saying. I am pointing out that if he didn't have to pay child support (jail being the alternative as it is), the CSS would allow him to be considered long gone and he would not have to report. Then, I would be in a better position. That is all I am saying.

Child support terminates at 18. Your logic is right but its not how it works. If he's willing to help, then you declare it. Otherwise you do it as a single parent.

Right I am happy to do it as a single parent but it would be great if the Expected Family Contribution didn't include a high earner with virtually no relationship to the child. This is where it moves a little beyond simply not willing to pay.