Financial Aid and Single Mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about the parents are never married and the father even did not sign the birth certificate of the child. The father has been paying child support as otherwise, his wage will be garnished. The father nerve visit the child or have any kind of communication with the child

Do you think this father's income can be waived?

OP here. Honestly not so different from me except we were married. I would hope this family would have some recourse not to have an Expected Family Contribution that includes what's basically a sperm donor.

This is why some women pay for sperm donors: the legal barrier is very important. You would have no problem if you'd had an actual sperm donor. Someone who acts like a sperm donor is the worst. Because honestly, there's no difference between your kids' situation and that of a married couple where one parent says "I don't believe in college and don't want to pay".

The estimated family contribution is based on ability to pay, not willingness to pay.

You have gotten some good advice, which will be to focus on schools that have substantial merit scholarships. If you live in MD there are options, too, to prepay a (very good) state education.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about the parents are never married and the father even did not sign the birth certificate of the child. The father has been paying child support as otherwise, his wage will be garnished. The father nerve visit the child or have any kind of communication with the child

Do you think this father's income can be waived?

OP here. Honestly not so different from me except we were married. I would hope this family would have some recourse not to have an Expected Family Contribution that includes what's basically a sperm donor.

This is why some women pay for sperm donors: the legal barrier is very important. You would have no problem if you'd had an actual sperm donor. Someone who acts like a sperm donor is the worst. Because honestly, there's no difference between your kids' situation and that of a married couple where one parent says "I don't believe in college and don't want to pay".

The estimated family contribution is based on ability to pay, not willingness to pay.

You have gotten some good advice, which will be to focus on schools that have substantial merit scholarships. If you live in MD there are options, too, to prepay a (very good) state education.

OP here. Thank you for posting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. If the father refuse to fill the CSS, how universities can figure out the father's income and include such income in financial aid calculation? I don't think CSS has a legal right to force the father fill the form

2. There is also a even worse situation. The father report his income in CSS and refuse to pay his part later, just for the purpose of revenge the mom because Mom received the court ordered child support for many years, can school agree the waiver next year?

OP here. This is what I'm worried about. Not that he's doing it out of revenge, necessarily, he just doesn't care to pay and doesn't care what the consequences are.

And that's his prerogative. But, it is also completely reasonable for schools to not ignore his income in calculating aid. Otherwise, why wouldn't everyone say they just don't want to pay so that they can get more aid?

No child would want to go through what my children have been through to save money. Yes, I think the burden of his high salary shouldn't be mine to fulfill and I should be evaluated based on my income, not his. I raise them. I think colleges should take our family's situation into account and I thought someone on this board might have been there, done that and have advice. Unfortunately "divorced" moms doing absolutely everything for their children without much assistance is not a rare event.

Do you really not see how people couldn't game the system if the rule was, as long as one parent didn't want to pay for college, that parent's income wasn't counted?

Parents do not have to pay for their kid's colleges, even if they have the means. That doesn't mean that those kid's can therefore qualify for aid as if their parent's income didn't exist. That true whether parents are together or divorced.

I really do see, thank you. And I think they can overcome this by considering a student's specific situation. Thanks.

How would that work in practice? Right now it is a fairly automated process based on numbers.

Are you proposing that people would write essays explaining their personal situations? Someone would then have to evaluate these essays to determine what warranted exceptions.

How would that be done in a fair, uniform manner? How would they be able to evaluate whether what someone wrote was true?

What specific circumstances do you think would warrant more money? For example, you mentioned the abuse you went through? Does that entitle you to more aid? A parent could be abusive and still be willing to pay for college.

People do call up college financial aid offices and explain their situations. Sometimes colleges are able to work with the family. No, I do not propose an essay writing system. I thought it was possible that people on this board have advice on this specific situation.

Thank you also for implying that I think my child being abused means she deserves special treatment. I was saying that it is possible to determine difficult situations and help families out who need help, and recognizing that no one would want to go through those things to get money. But you know that. You are just hoping to hurt another human being.

You haven't actually proposed anything. You can "call up college financial aid offices and explain [your] situation[]." Maybe they will work with you. Otherwise, I ask again, what are you proposing and how would it be a feasible system to operate on a broader scale?

You have quite a persecution complex if you think my post was meant to "hurt another human being." I was merely trying to ascertain what you were proposing and to point out some of the reasons it would be hard to have a fair, functional system whereby schools waived contributions from one parent.

You don't seem to be proposing anything beyond that you think you should get more money because your ex won't pay and is a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about the parents are never married and the father even did not sign the birth certificate of the child. The father has been paying child support as otherwise, his wage will be garnished. The father nerve visit the child or have any kind of communication with the child

Do you think this father's income can be waived?

OP here. Honestly not so different from me except we were married. I would hope this family would have some recourse not to have an Expected Family Contribution that includes what's basically a sperm donor.

This is why some women pay for sperm donors: the legal barrier is very important. You would have no problem if you'd had an actual sperm donor. Someone who acts like a sperm donor is the worst. Because honestly, there's no difference between your kids' situation and that of a married couple where one parent says "I don't believe in college and don't want to pay".

The estimated family contribution is based on ability to pay, not willingness to pay.

You have gotten some good advice, which will be to focus on schools that have substantial merit scholarships. If you live in MD there are options, too, to prepay a (very good) state education.

OP here. Thank you for posting.

You're welcome. Rereading, I sound unsympathetic, and I'm really not. I just think you might not realize that this scenario is very common among married people, as well, and has no more of an answer in that situation. My wife's parents refused to pay for any education. She worked retail for years, went back to school as an adult and spent two years at community college, then two more at a four year school, and went on to get a Ph.D. Now she's in a specialized job in her field, and loves it.

There are many paths -- the two years at community college were both a huge money-saver (all we could afford at the time) and a great experience. If you end up having to negotiate this on one low income, you could do a lot worse than encourage your kids to start off in community college! Please don't despair if this situation with your ex means that you can't send them to expensive private schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about the parents are never married and the father even did not sign the birth certificate of the child. The father has been paying child support as otherwise, his wage will be garnished. The father nerve visit the child or have any kind of communication with the child

Do you think this father's income can be waived?

OP here. Honestly not so different from me except we were married. I would hope this family would have some recourse not to have an Expected Family Contribution that includes what's basically a sperm donor.

This is why some women pay for sperm donors: the legal barrier is very important. You would have no problem if you'd had an actual sperm donor. Someone who acts like a sperm donor is the worst. Because honestly, there's no difference between your kids' situation and that of a married couple where one parent says "I don't believe in college and don't want to pay".

The estimated family contribution is based on ability to pay, not willingness to pay.

You have gotten some good advice, which will be to focus on schools that have substantial merit scholarships. If you live in MD there are options, too, to prepay a (very good) state education.

OP here. Thank you for posting.

You're welcome. Rereading, I sound unsympathetic, and I'm really not. I just think you might not realize that this scenario is very common among married people, as well, and has no more of an answer in that situation. My wife's parents refused to pay for any education. She worked retail for years, went back to school as an adult and spent two years at community college, then two more at a four year school, and went on to get a Ph.D. Now she's in a specialized job in her field, and loves it.

There are many paths -- the two years at community college were both a huge money-saver (all we could afford at the time) and a great experience. If you end up having to negotiate this on one low income, you could do a lot worse than encourage your kids to start off in community college! Please don't despair if this situation with your ex means that you can't send them to expensive private schools.

Thanks so much for your follow-up. I totally understood what you were saying. I guess that's the difficult part of this. Having to include my ex on the EFC means that my kids will not be able to go to schools they would have been able to go to if he had just vanished. (which essentially, he has) It's tough, and I know people that are in all kinds of situations that have financial challenges and I feel for them, too. I'm a very strong person and a devoted parents and I know my kids will continue to thrive. Thank you for your encouragement!

[Anonymous]

Nerve married single mom here. The father is not a sperm donor, the father agreed to have a child and in the middle of pregnancy, the father changed his position and demand the mother termination the pregnancy. The mother refused. That is why the father did not sign the child's birth certificate and nerve visit the child. But the father has been paid the court ordered child support.

Do you think the school will considerate father's income waiver if the birth certificate is attached as supporting document?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. If the father refuse to fill the CSS, how universities can figure out the father's income and include such income in financial aid calculation? I don't think CSS has a legal right to force the father fill the form

2. There is also a even worse situation. The father report his income in CSS and refuse to pay his part later, just for the purpose of revenge the mom because Mom received the court ordered child support for many years, can school agree the waiver next year?

OP here. This is what I'm worried about. Not that he's doing it out of revenge, necessarily, he just doesn't care to pay and doesn't care what the consequences are.

And that's his prerogative. But, it is also completely reasonable for schools to not ignore his income in calculating aid. Otherwise, why wouldn't everyone say they just don't want to pay so that they can get more aid?

No child would want to go through what my children have been through to save money. Yes, I think the burden of his high salary shouldn't be mine to fulfill and I should be evaluated based on my income, not his. I raise them. I think colleges should take our family's situation into account and I thought someone on this board might have been there, done that and have advice. Unfortunately "divorced" moms doing absolutely everything for their children without much assistance is not a rare event.

Do you really not see how people couldn't game the system if the rule was, as long as one parent didn't want to pay for college, that parent's income wasn't counted?

Parents do not have to pay for their kid's colleges, even if they have the means. That doesn't mean that those kid's can therefore qualify for aid as if their parent's income didn't exist. That true whether parents are together or divorced.

I really do see, thank you. And I think they can overcome this by considering a student's specific situation. Thanks.

How would that work in practice? Right now it is a fairly automated process based on numbers.

Are you proposing that people would write essays explaining their personal situations? Someone would then have to evaluate these essays to determine what warranted exceptions.

How would that be done in a fair, uniform manner? How would they be able to evaluate whether what someone wrote was true?

What specific circumstances do you think would warrant more money? For example, you mentioned the abuse you went through? Does that entitle you to more aid? A parent could be abusive and still be willing to pay for college.

People do call up college financial aid offices and explain their situations. Sometimes colleges are able to work with the family. No, I do not propose an essay writing system. I thought it was possible that people on this board have advice on this specific situation.

Thank you also for implying that I think my child being abused means she deserves special treatment. I was saying that it is possible to determine difficult situations and help families out who need help, and recognizing that no one would want to go through those things to get money. But you know that. You are just hoping to hurt another human being.

You haven't actually proposed anything. You can "call up college financial aid offices and explain [your] situation[]." Maybe they will work with you. Otherwise, I ask again, what are you proposing and how would it be a feasible system to operate on a broader scale?

You have quite a persecution complex if you think my post was meant to "hurt another human being." I was merely trying to ascertain what you were proposing and to point out some of the reasons it would be hard to have a fair, functional system whereby schools waived contributions from one parent.

You don't seem to be proposing anything beyond that you think you should get more money because your ex won't pay and is a jerk.

Right, because unnecessarily throwing around someone's abusive past is not a hurtful thing. I don't need to satisfy your demand for the proposed financial aid system I want in this country. You are being ridiculous. I am asking for tips, that is all. May you continue to have the good fortune that keeps you so far away from this situation you can't even compassionately consider it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nerve married single mom here. The father is not a sperm donor, the father agreed to have a child and in the middle of pregnancy, the father changed his position and demand the mother termination the pregnancy. The mother refused. That is why the father did not sign the child's birth certificate and nerve visit the child. But the father has been paid the court ordered child support.

Do you think the school will considerate father's income waiver if the birth certificate is attached as supporting document?

OP here. Not sure, there are definitely similarities to my case. If you see anything that implies yes, please let me know. Best of luck!

[Anonymous]

The difference is that if the father does not pay child support, the legal system can take the money from the father's salary, but the college does not have that authority to take the money from the father's salary.

This will give the huge problem for the child and the mother who is suffered the true problem. It is already hard for them at the first place.

I am not including those who play with the system.

why these type of family can not get any sympathy like other families who are also suffered from other type of difficulty, like first generation, low income, minority, etc.?

[Anonymous]

Op, the rules might change by the time you are in college.

I’ve been looking into this because I’m dating a divorced dad.

Apparently some schools, like some but not all state schools, use only the FAFSA, which only requires the custodial parent so since you don’t split custody you should only have to put down yours and your kids might get some decent aid.

It sounds like most private colleges and many public schools also require css or css type info, which does count both parents’ income regardless of custody. What state do you live in?

Basically, yes, your kid could get totally screwed if your ex makes 200k per year and refuses to help pay.

(I’m trying to figure out how stepparents income and assets get counted, if at all, if anyone knows. My concern is whether my income and assets could cause my boyfriends kids to get less aid if we marry. His ex makes less so even though they have fifty fifty I wonder if shifty to forty sixty with her having sixty the last year or two of high school could mean they get more aid.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, the rules might change by the time you are in college.

I’ve been looking into this because I’m dating a divorced dad.

Apparently some schools, like some but not all state schools, use only the FAFSA, which only requires the custodial parent so since you don’t split custody you should only have to put down yours and your kids might get some decent aid.

It sounds like most private colleges and many public schools also require css or css type info, which does count both parents’ income regardless of custody. What state do you live in?

Basically, yes, your kid could get totally screwed if your ex makes 200k per year and refuses to help pay.

(I’m trying to figure out how stepparents income and assets get counted, if at all, if anyone knows. My concern is whether my income and assets could cause my boyfriends kids to get less aid if we marry. His ex makes less so even though they have fifty fifty I wonder if shifty to forty sixty with her having sixty the last year or two of high school could mean they get more aid.)

OP here. Thanks for responding. Yeah I think what you propose in terms of shifting the custody slightly towards his ex would be beneficial, as far as I have seen. I know step-parent's info is included if the custodial parent remarries, but I am not sure about the noncustodial parent. Best of luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The difference is that if the father does not pay child support, the legal system can take the money from the father's salary, but the college does not have that authority to take the money from the father's salary.

This will give the huge problem for the child and the mother who is suffered the true problem. It is already hard for them at the first place.

I am not including those who play with the system.

why these type of family can not get any sympathy like other families who are also suffered from other type of difficulty, like first generation, low income, minority, etc.?

Thank you so much for understanding and your empathy. I really appreciate it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, just so you know not everyone is unkind and just wants to scold you:

You did your best. You did the right thing. You are thinking of this early, which is what you need to do. And it will work out fine for your kids. Just keep learning about college financing and working it.

You are sweet. Thank you so much! If any of these people knew me in life they would be in awe of what I was able to overcome and do for my children! It's just how (some) people are on the internet. I so appreciate your kind words. Have a great day.

Fellow single mom with a deadbeat. I do want to flag certain schools who will take an exception to the federal policy when awarding need based institutional aid. DS got a need based full ride at Chicago and they only used my income (his dad was a deadbeat). Hugs OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, just so you know not everyone is unkind and just wants to scold you:

You did your best. You did the right thing. You are thinking of this early, which is what you need to do. And it will work out fine for your kids. Just keep learning about college financing and working it.

You are sweet. Thank you so much! If any of these people knew me in life they would be in awe of what I was able to overcome and do for my children! It's just how (some) people are on the internet. I so appreciate your kind words. Have a great day.

Fellow single mom with a deadbeat. I do want to flag certain schools who will take an exception to the federal policy when awarding need based institutional aid. DS got a need based full ride at Chicago and they only used my income (his dad was a deadbeat). Hugs OP.

Wow! That is amazing of your DS! So happy for you. Thank you for posting. Hugs right back to you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. If the father refuse to fill the CSS, how universities can figure out the father's income and include such income in financial aid calculation? I don't think CSS has a legal right to force the father fill the form

2. There is also a even worse situation. The father report his income in CSS and refuse to pay his part later, just for the purpose of revenge the mom because Mom received the court ordered child support for many years, can school agree the waiver next year?

OP here. This is what I'm worried about. Not that he's doing it out of revenge, necessarily, he just doesn't care to pay and doesn't care what the consequences are.

And that's his prerogative. But, it is also completely reasonable for schools to not ignore his income in calculating aid. Otherwise, why wouldn't everyone say they just don't want to pay so that they can get more aid?

No child would want to go through what my children have been through to save money. Yes, I think the burden of his high salary shouldn't be mine to fulfill and I should be evaluated based on my income, not his. I raise them. I think colleges should take our family's situation into account and I thought someone on this board might have been there, done that and have advice. Unfortunately "divorced" moms doing absolutely everything for their children without much assistance is not a rare event.

Do you really not see how people couldn't game the system if the rule was, as long as one parent didn't want to pay for college, that parent's income wasn't counted?

Parents do not have to pay for their kid's colleges, even if they have the means. That doesn't mean that those kid's can therefore qualify for aid as if their parent's income didn't exist. That true whether parents are together or divorced.

I really do see, thank you. And I think they can overcome this by considering a student's specific situation. Thanks.

How would that work in practice? Right now it is a fairly automated process based on numbers.

Are you proposing that people would write essays explaining their personal situations? Someone would then have to evaluate these essays to determine what warranted exceptions.

How would that be done in a fair, uniform manner? How would they be able to evaluate whether what someone wrote was true?

What specific circumstances do you think would warrant more money? For example, you mentioned the abuse you went through? Does that entitle you to more aid? A parent could be abusive and still be willing to pay for college.

People do call up college financial aid offices and explain their situations. Sometimes colleges are able to work with the family. No, I do not propose an essay writing system. I thought it was possible that people on this board have advice on this specific situation.

Thank you also for implying that I think my child being abused means she deserves special treatment. I was saying that it is possible to determine difficult situations and help families out who need help, and recognizing that no one would want to go through those things to get money. But you know that. You are just hoping to hurt another human being.

You haven't actually proposed anything. You can "call up college financial aid offices and explain [your] situation[]." Maybe they will work with you. Otherwise, I ask again, what are you proposing and how would it be a feasible system to operate on a broader scale?

You have quite a persecution complex if you think my post was meant to "hurt another human being." I was merely trying to ascertain what you were proposing and to point out some of the reasons it would be hard to have a fair, functional system whereby schools waived contributions from one parent.

You don't seem to be proposing anything beyond that you think you should get more money because your ex won't pay and is a jerk.

Right, because unnecessarily throwing around someone's abusive past is not a hurtful thing. I don't need to satisfy your demand for the proposed financial aid system I want in this country. You are being ridiculous. I am asking for tips, that is all. May you continue to have the good fortune that keeps you so far away from this situation you can't even compassionately consider it.

You have no idea about my personal situation -- financial, relationship, or otherwise -- so don't lecture me on my supposed good fortune.

That's absurd to suggest that I threw around your abusive past. I merely asked how you thought that should be factored into the aid calculation because it was you who said you thought your unique circumstances should be taken into account and you mentioned the abuse.

It is quite clear that you simply want to hear from people who will agree with you and will say the system is unfair and that you should get more aid because your ex won't pay. That's great if it makes you feel better, but it won't actually help you.