Financial Aid and Single Mom

[Anonymous]

I am one of those single Moms. This is what I told my DC while he started high school: "After you turn 18, parents are not responsible for you financially, and not responsible for your college cost. I will help you as much as I can, But you got to work hard in high school so you can get merit based financial aid for your college"
I showed my DC my paystub, the child support check, my mortgage bill, and my credit card bill to let him understand.

He end up with 4.8 weighted GPA and perfect ACT and SAT score.

I think it is also important to teach our kids to be independent, not always relay on others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. Thank you everyone for your help and perspectives. A follow-up question.

Is there a divorced parent who completed the CSS who could tell me... do they by any chance break down the EFC by each parent when divorced? Like, the EFC is 150K, 100K from dad 50K from mom?

That might be helpful for me to show my ex or his parents who would potentially help out. And yes I am saving money and not counting on anyone else, but it would just be good to know what to anticipate there. Thank you!

Each parent who does FAFSA gets the EFC based on his or her income. The FAFSA calculates for each parent. The colleges see both FAFSAs and simply combines these EFCs. Each parent, however, only sees his or her FAFSA EFC.

OP here. This is GREAT to know/be aware of. Thank you!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP,

First off, Since you are new to the board, a bit of advice:

1. Ignore the trolls
2. Ignore the trolls
3. Ignore the trolls.

Responding to trolls just gives them doses of dopamine via the attention. It’s all about them highjacking your post and getting you to engage with them. Acknowledge the kindness but never address the trolly puppet people.

Secondly, while I get that you’d like to front load college planning, the best advice I’ve seen here is to start a 529. Rules change. Deal with them as you get closer (3-4 years out) as you have enough on your plate right now. How do you eat an elephant , one bite at a time.

With the current pandemic , your ex may be a non-factor in ten years , for many reasons. Focus on your kids having the most authentic, quality, and genuine experiences now.

Thanks for the advice on the trolls. Yeah, I didn't get it at first. They are bizarrely mean-spirited. I started to read through some other threads and the things they attack and criticize strangers about... it's just nuts! The irony being... elite colleges aren't looking for people who are non-collaborative and insulting. Let's hope they are not passing those qualities to their kids!

You've given really helpful advice and I'm grateful. While we have some financial challenges, we are lucky in many ways and we'll continue to work hard and figure things out!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am one of those single Moms. This is what I told my DC while he started high school: "After you turn 18, parents are not responsible for you financially, and not responsible for your college cost. I will help you as much as I can, But you got to work hard in high school so you can get merit based financial aid for your college"
I showed my DC my paystub, the child support check, my mortgage bill, and my credit card bill to let him understand.

He end up with 4.8 weighted GPA and perfect ACT and SAT score.

I think it is also important to teach our kids to be independent, not always relay on others.

This is outstanding advice! Congratulations on all of DC's success, that is awesome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi, I am on page 1 and just wanted to say that I am in the same situation and looking for a way too. Best of luck and thank you for starting this topic!

You're welcome! Best of luck to you, too. I know it's not always easy but hang in there. We can do it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. If the father refuse to fill the CSS, how universities can figure out the father's income and include such income in financial aid calculation? I don't think CSS has a legal right to force the father fill the form

2. There is also a even worse situation. The father report his income in CSS and refuse to pay his part later, just for the purpose of revenge the mom because Mom received the court ordered child support for many years, can school agree the waiver next year?

OP here. This is what I'm worried about. Not that he's doing it out of revenge, necessarily, he just doesn't care to pay and doesn't care what the consequences are.

And that's his prerogative. But, it is also completely reasonable for schools to not ignore his income in calculating aid. Otherwise, why wouldn't everyone say they just don't want to pay so that they can get more aid?

No child would want to go through what my children have been through to save money. Yes, I think the burden of his high salary shouldn't be mine to fulfill and I should be evaluated based on my income, not his. I raise them. I think colleges should take our family's situation into account and I thought someone on this board might have been there, done that and have advice. Unfortunately "divorced" moms doing absolutely everything for their children without much assistance is not a rare event.

Do you really not see how people couldn't game the system if the rule was, as long as one parent didn't want to pay for college, that parent's income wasn't counted?

Parents do not have to pay for their kid's colleges, even if they have the means. That doesn't mean that those kid's can therefore qualify for aid as if their parent's income didn't exist. That true whether parents are together or divorced.

I really do see, thank you. And I think they can overcome this by considering a student's specific situation. Thanks.

NP. If you create a special category for specific situations, other families will jump through hoops to recreate that and save thousands of dollars. There’s no way you can’t see that.

[Anonymous]

Also, I love how you are keeping the tone of this respectful. DCUM needs more discussions like this. -pp

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. Thank you everyone for your help and perspectives. A follow-up question.

Is there a divorced parent who completed the CSS who could tell me... do they by any chance break down the EFC by each parent when divorced? Like, the EFC is 150K, 100K from dad 50K from mom?

That might be helpful for me to show my ex or his parents who would potentially help out. And yes I am saving money and not counting on anyone else, but it would just be good to know what to anticipate there. Thank you!

Each parent who does FAFSA gets the EFC based on his or her income. The FAFSA calculates for each parent. The colleges see both FAFSAs and simply combines these EFCs. Each parent, however, only sees his or her FAFSA EFC.

I thought FAFSA was only completed by the custodial parent.

[Anonymous]

I am a single parent who adopted my child that way (ie, there has never been a dad in the picture).

I know this is not the common situation, but we explained that once and only one school made us sign an affidavit or something to prove it.

I am not at all suggesting that people lie about their situation, but I am just describing another variation on single parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. Thank you everyone for your help and perspectives. A follow-up question.

Is there a divorced parent who completed the CSS who could tell me... do they by any chance break down the EFC by each parent when divorced? Like, the EFC is 150K, 100K from dad 50K from mom?

That might be helpful for me to show my ex or his parents who would potentially help out. And yes I am saving money and not counting on anyone else, but it would just be good to know what to anticipate there. Thank you!

Each parent who does FAFSA gets the EFC based on his or her income. The FAFSA calculates for each parent. The colleges see both FAFSAs and simply combines these EFCs. Each parent, however, only sees his or her FAFSA EFC.

I thought FAFSA was only completed by the custodial parent.

This is true for schools that require only custodial parent info, usually state universities (in CA). Private schools require FAFSA and CSS from BOTH parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. If the father refuse to fill the CSS, how universities can figure out the father's income and include such income in financial aid calculation? I don't think CSS has a legal right to force the father fill the form

2. There is also a even worse situation. The father report his income in CSS and refuse to pay his part later, just for the purpose of revenge the mom because Mom received the court ordered child support for many years, can school agree the waiver next year?

OP here. This is what I'm worried about. Not that he's doing it out of revenge, necessarily, he just doesn't care to pay and doesn't care what the consequences are.

And that's his prerogative. But, it is also completely reasonable for schools to not ignore his income in calculating aid. Otherwise, why wouldn't everyone say they just don't want to pay so that they can get more aid?

No child would want to go through what my children have been through to save money. Yes, I think the burden of his high salary shouldn't be mine to fulfill and I should be evaluated based on my income, not his. I raise them. I think colleges should take our family's situation into account and I thought someone on this board might have been there, done that and have advice. Unfortunately "divorced" moms doing absolutely everything for their children without much assistance is not a rare event.

Do you really not see how people couldn't game the system if the rule was, as long as one parent didn't want to pay for college, that parent's income wasn't counted?

Parents do not have to pay for their kid's colleges, even if they have the means. That doesn't mean that those kid's can therefore qualify for aid as if their parent's income didn't exist. That true whether parents are together or divorced.

I really do see, thank you. And I think they can overcome this by considering a student's specific situation. Thanks.

NP. If you create a special category for specific situations, other families will jump through hoops to recreate that and save thousands of dollars. There’s no way you can’t see that.

Students are advised to first make a reasonable effort to gain support from their non-custodial parent. If this obstacle persists, students should make an appointment with a financial aid counselor.

The above is from Brown University's website. There's no way you can't see that.
What I am asking is if anyone has been in this situation, how it went, and if they have any tips. Have a great day!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a single parent who adopted my child that way (ie, there has never been a dad in the picture).

I know this is not the common situation, but we explained that once and only one school made us sign an affidavit or something to prove it.

I am not at all suggesting that people lie about their situation, but I am just describing another variation on single parents.

Appreciate you sharing your experience!

[Anonymous]

Op, I am 16:14 and I think it is great that you are focusing on planning how to pay for college, including saving as much as you can. But, with all due respect, your children are in elementary school and you seem very focused on a specific subset of schools. You and your ex-dh may have gone to one of these schools but at this point, you have no idea if one of these schools will be a fit for your children. The time to focus on specific schools is high school and not even freshmen year. Also, if your children are in elementary school, you have a number of years before you have to fill out financial aid applications. Your salary could increase significantly in that time. Your ex-dh's salary could decrease significantly in that time. So much could happen that I am not even going to write them out because some are really good and some are really bad. Keep abreast of what is happening with financial aid but do not obsess. It is likely that things will change a lot over the next several years as colleges (and yes, even the elite schools) are losing a lot of money due to covid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am one of those single Moms. This is what I told my DC while he started high school: "After you turn 18, parents are not responsible for you financially, and not responsible for your college cost. I will help you as much as I can, But you got to work hard in high school so you can get merit based financial aid for your college"
I showed my DC my paystub, the child support check, my mortgage bill, and my credit card bill to let him understand.

He end up with 4.8 weighted GPA and perfect ACT and SAT score.

I think it is also important to teach our kids to be independent, not always relay on others.

Wow, just wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, I am 16:14 and I think it is great that you are focusing on planning how to pay for college, including saving as much as you can. But, with all due respect, your children are in elementary school and you seem very focused on a specific subset of schools. You and your ex-dh may have gone to one of these schools but at this point, you have no idea if one of these schools will be a fit for your children. The time to focus on specific schools is high school and not even freshmen year. Also, if your children are in elementary school, you have a number of years before you have to fill out financial aid applications. Your salary could increase significantly in that time. Your ex-dh's salary could decrease significantly in that time. So much could happen that I am not even going to write them out because some are really good and some are really bad. Keep abreast of what is happening with financial aid but do not obsess. It is likely that things will change a lot over the next several years as colleges (and yes, even the elite schools) are losing a lot of money due to covid.

Thank you for your comment. I'm open to all kinds of schools and situations, but I can see why you'd get something different from my posts. Just trying to get an idea of what the possibilities are. Thank you for your perspective, I think it is smart to keep everything you're talking about in mind.