Brat or typical tween behavior?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s bratty and almost strange that they felt comfortable/empowered enough to do that to an aunt. Must be you are close? I can see my tween acting that way for DH and I but never an aunt.

Right - exactly. AT least one of my kids this age would be like this (and I'm relieved to hear I'm not alone) but with someone they don't know super well? it would be surprising.

Op here. We are not close. I live very far away, my brother is divorced and their family situation is complicated. I’ve never had them visit over night-normally I go to my brothers state and visit with them there but he is present.

I knew there was some background other dynamic going on. OP, just go worth the flow and try to connect with them. Be grateful for this time. Sounds like you may not seem them again for a while? No need to overly plan “wow” activities. Follow their leads . Maybe just a visit to Michael’s with $10 each would be fun. Maybe not. I do not know them. One of my DDs would like this and one would not. But here is what is hard: follow THEIR lead and try to get to know them each as individuals and what makes them tick. I realize you only have a short time with them and you truly have gone in with good intentions. Just try to create a foundation for a continued relationship and hope it can grow from there. I am sorry there is kind of a weird family situation going on but again I commend you for trying. Hopefully, if nothing else, they can feel that if nothing else. Just do not give off any whiffs of judgmentalism. Just be there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I clueless?

Shipping in relatives from out of town
Babysitters in the house
Several activities that involve going inside
Going shopping (even if it was outside)

Is everyone doing this sort of thing in a pandemic?

Nooooooo. But to her credit, I feel OP may be trying to stand in, in the breach, for a less than stable situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I clueless?

Shipping in relatives from out of town
Babysitters in the house
Several activities that involve going inside
Going shopping (even if it was outside)

Is everyone doing this sort of thing in a pandemic?

Nooooooo. But to her credit, I feel OP may be trying to stand in, in the breach, for a less than stable situation.

Op here. Yeah it’s not ideal. The babysitter is our long term nanny who has been in a pod with us since the start of the pandemic. DH and I already had COVID and are positive for the antibodies.

Everything is open in our state with few restrictions. We didn’t do any indoor activities besides the university bookstore.

The girls wore N95s when flying here. There is some risk but also some complications about why they are here now. I guess I felt if my brother wanted/needed to let them fly here then that’s his decision as a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I clueless?

Shipping in relatives from out of town
Babysitters in the house
Several activities that involve going inside
Going shopping (even if it was outside)

Is everyone doing this sort of thing in a pandemic?

Don’t be so tongue and cheek. Yes, most people I know are doing all of that unfortunately.

Nooooooo. But to her credit, I feel OP may be trying to stand in, in the breach, for a less than stable situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like you want to be handed a medal for having your nieces and showing them, gasp, a college. My 12yo would not more be interested in touring a college than she would be in shooting a hole in her head. I feel you are out of touch with this age demographic AND also mag have some issues/problems with this family you are not getting into here, like you expected them to treat you as a hero for taking them to a Tweetsie Railroad type of place and a college? Yeah, tweens are way more complicated and HONEST than toddlers and will call it as they see it.

Op here. No medal required but a thank you is basic human courtesy and something my 4 year old has mastered. I do find it strange how hard they are to please. It’s like they only want a steady stream of simple carbs and things (New clothes/purses/etc), and anything other than that is met with extreme resistance.

I’m realizing I’m more old school than I thought when I comes to manners/respect/etc.

Ultimately it doesn’t matter, I’m not their parent and I’m not raising them. I’m just here to entertain and spend some time with them for a long weekend.

I’m feeling reassured that this is not necessarily how ages 9-12 will look with my own kids and that’s what was freaking me out today.

Sounds like a little class warfare. BTW if you expected them to call you Mrs.______ that is uncommon in many parts of the country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like you want to be handed a medal for having your nieces and showing them, gasp, a college. My 12yo would not more be interested in touring a college than she would be in shooting a hole in her head. I feel you are out of touch with this age demographic AND also mag have some issues/problems with this family you are not getting into here, like you expected them to treat you as a hero for taking them to a Tweetsie Railroad type of place and a college? Yeah, tweens are way more complicated and HONEST than toddlers and will call it as they see it.

I could totally see them getting flat out offended by the college tour.

[Anonymous]

I have a 10yo dd and I also had my 13yo niece living without me for the whole summer. You sound like you were trying, but perhaps that you didn’t actually consider their interests or preferences in planning your itinerary. In addition to doing a lot of “hanging out” aka letting them watch tv/read/look at things on their phone/iPod/playing silly games like Heads Up we planned a few activities like going to our college town (we walked around for a little bit, hit the bookstore for sweatshirts and ate pizza & ice cream), watched movies that my younger kids can’t watch, did yoga together, etc. We did go to some more “educational” outings as well, but we planned and researched them together and the older kids were happy to have a role in planning.

Tweens love Starbucks. Tweens from limited means probably love it even more because they rarely get it as a treat. Tweens are also obsessed with phones as “status symbols” and seeing an unused iPhone sitting “available” in their mind, may make them list after it even though they know they aren’t going to get it.

[Anonymous]

OP I just want to say I read your initial post an I think you handled the situations REALLY WELL. Especially the walking one. I think I'd have lost my temper. You didn't do that the whole time and you know what, that's really admirable. You can't control how they behave but you can control how you respond and you did respond well. So regardless of their root problems or how they may manifest again in future, you're good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a mom of two toddler boys and I have basically no experience with tween girls.

My brother sent his three daughters, ages 9, 11, and 12 to visit me for the long weekend.

Is this typical tween behavior?

-asking me 5-10 times now about what my plans are for my old broken iPhone that they found on the kitchen counter. I assume they are hoping I will offer to give it to one of them. I’ve explained it’s broken and I have to send it back to Verizon. They keep asking as if I’ve never answered the question.

-I took them to do an activity that aligns with two of their interests. I had to get tickets in advance and it entailed a moderate amount of walking. They complained the entire freaking time! Like almost non-stop. I actually sat down with them at one point and was like, ok what’s going on? Are you injured? Is something wrong with your shoes? Do you not want to be doing this? They said they just really hate walking.

-I took them to buy souvenir t-shirts. The 12 year old wanted a cheerleading outfit that was $50 and I just didn’t want to do that, so I told her no and kept directing her to the shirts I was willing to buy. She would not let it go and it sort of ended up ruining the experience and she pouted the whole way home.

I have no intention of saying anything to my brother but I’m a bit horrified that this is how tweens are. Is this normal? I was looking forward to this age with my boys. How do I prevent my own kids from turning out like this or is it just a stage I’ll have to deal with?

Not entirely outside the norm but also signs of kids who have wanted for nothing.

[Anonymous]

As I’ve read through this thread, I’ve moved from team OP to team tweens.

It sounds like they are living a complicated situation at home and were probably excited to come visit with their well off aunt. What did they want to do over this weekend? Did each of the 3 kids get to choose something? Siblings fight, did you handle it correctly? Did you really get them t-shirts in hope of a photo shoot??? How many other posed things did you hope for. Tweens don’t act like 4 year olds. They have opinions and no problem in sharing them. They don’t want to be dragged around by a disapproving aunt who sees herself and her family as better than them (which is the tone you are giving off).

You seem to have judged them the whole time as being bratty and annoying. Kids can sense disappointment like that. If you can change your attitude to let’s just have fun, that can help. Lower your expectations for the kids and just try to enjoy their personalities! Stop trying to be the disciplinarian. Be the fun aunt!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like you want to be handed a medal for having your nieces and showing them, gasp, a college. My 12yo would not more be interested in touring a college than she would be in shooting a hole in her head. I feel you are out of touch with this age demographic AND also mag have some issues/problems with this family you are not getting into here, like you expected them to treat you as a hero for taking them to a Tweetsie Railroad type of place and a college? Yeah, tweens are way more complicated and HONEST than toddlers and will call it as they see it.

Op here. No medal required but a thank you is basic human courtesy and something my 4 year old has mastered. I do find it strange how hard they are to please. It’s like they only want a steady stream of simple carbs and things (New clothes/purses/etc), and anything other than that is met with extreme resistance.

I’m realizing I’m more old school than I thought when I comes to manners/respect/etc.

Ultimately it doesn’t matter, I’m not their parent and I’m not raising them. I’m just here to entertain and spend some time with them for a long weekend.

I’m feeling reassured that this is not necessarily how ages 9-12 will look with my own kids and that’s what was freaking me out today.

They were bratty. No doubt.

But you sound really out of touch. Your own kids will probably act like this in some sense (girls are harder than boys I think at this age, so don't go applauding yourself too much about it when they aren't too bad), but they won't because you will be in tune with what they want. You seriously took teenaged girls to a college and old tiny town as a favor to THEM?! Of course they hated it. They shouldn't have been bratty about it but there's no way they thought this was a favor for them - it seems they didn't pick up on the fact that is how you intended it, but how could you blame them?

My girls would have enjoyed this as tweens and would known better then to complain non stop even if they did not enjoy it.

They just sound what I would call high maintenance. Some people just relate to the world through constant judgements and complaints. Just carry on. It sounds like you are teaching them about being a great host and also trying to throw in some enjoyable and educational experiences along the way. Good luck today. They may well tell their parents when they get home that they had a great time!

[Anonymous]

You have toddlers, so this behvarior should not have been a surprise to you. Yes, it is normal. All parnents of teens feel like they are just banks to their kids. Mostly bcs we, in this country allow it to be like that and material possesions are seen, even among adults, as the top dog success. No wonder our kids see it as we teach them to see it.
Teens=toddlers. Just worse. Perfectly normal for most U.S. kids. Particularly since teens are often spoiled rotten and parents do not teach manners anymore.

[Anonymous]

I’m on your side, OP. But, after being asked about the phone 3 times, I would have put it somewhere out of sight if it was just sitting there waiting to be sent to Verizon. And I would not have expected them to be excited about a college t-shirt (my own tween girl is VERY picky about clothing). Next time they ask about Starbucks, just say that it’s expensive and a treat, and that you will take them one more time on the last night.
The old-time historical outing: it’s the kind of thing I think would be fun but it’s hard to know if my DD would like that or not. It might depend on her mood.

The complaining and constant asking for things would really annoy me, and it seems pretty rude. But they may feel you are rich, or they just may be in that “fantasy vacation” mode, or they may be the “it doesn’t hurt to ask” types.

What state are you in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s bratty and almost strange that they felt comfortable/empowered enough to do that to an aunt. Must be you are close? I can see my tween acting that way for DH and I but never an aunt.

Same here. I have a 9yo and a 12yo and they see their favorite aunt all the time. The 9yo might ask for things (because she’s 9 and way more outgoing) but the 12 yo would never. She would accept things if offered, but would never ask for $50 outfits, etc. maybe it’s just personality too? There might also be some competition going on amongst the three of them as well.

[Anonymous]

Mine would have loved sitting in starsucks and hanging around on their phone much of the day. And what a colossal waste of time that would have been. Good for you for trying to she them other possibilities in life. Smart phones are ruining the life of our tweens.