Brat or typical tween behavior?

[Anonymous]

Agree that you handled it very well OP.

That said you will, in a few short years, be a lot more sympathetic to how they behaved, because it really does sound tween normal. I have much younger half siblings, a boy and a girl. I’ve been an adult and UMC since they were tweens. Everything you describe would have happened with them at the same ages. The trying to negotiate for the more expensive souvenir, trying to wheedle their way into the iPhone, all of it.

Only very recently did they stop acting like this, because their teen self-centeredness is finally wearing off.

[Anonymous]

It is a normal behavior with their parents. The fact they acted like that with you is not normal and points out that their parents are not effective parents and engaged in lazy parenting.

[Anonymous]

There are 3 of them and one of you. They ganged up On you got the fun of being brats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess I am the only one who thinks they are behaving badly. They are each old enough to know better. I would be horrified if my kids behaved like that. I wonder if something else is going on? Did you invite the kids or did your sibling want the kids out of his house for the weekend? I don’t think their behavior is typical for kids who don’t spend a lot of time with you.

They were behaving VERY badly. They saw weakness in OP trying to give them a good time and the 3 decided to be all the best they could be. Probably later in life they will be ashamed of themselves “that time we were so mean to Aunt X”. Tweets are flexing their social muscles. That’s why it takes a certain kind of person and certain techniques to be a middle school teacher.

[Anonymous]

All the BRAT not best

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine would have loved sitting in starsucks and hanging around on their phone much of the day. And what a colossal waste of time that would have been. Good for you for trying to she them other possibilities in life. Smart phones are ruining the life of our tweens.

yes. Avoid giving phones to your boys for as long as you possibly can.

[Anonymous]

I think the visit was way too structured. The three in college Ts for a picture? That would not have gone over well. Buying those Ts would have been seen as a big waste of good money (that could have been spent at Starbucks).
The historic town might have been fun but a 5k fit bit walk? That would have involved shuffling the 3 of them around together for a long time. They were bored. It’s hard when you aren’t experienced with that age. Mine went to see child free auntie at that age.
Auntie forgot about jet lag and they were hungry the whole time. And uncle is the baby of the family ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I clueless?

Shipping in relatives from out of town
Babysitters in the house
Several activities that involve going inside
Going shopping (even if it was outside)

Is everyone doing this sort of thing in a pandemic?

Honey. Bless your heart. It isn’t a pandemic anymore. It’s endemic. We are all just living with it now (and some are dying).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the visit was way too structured. The three in college Ts for a picture? That would not have gone over well. Buying those Ts would have been seen as a big waste of good money (that could have been spent at Starbucks).
The historic town might have been fun but a 5k fit bit walk? That would have involved shuffling the 3 of them around together for a long time. They were bored. It’s hard when you aren’t experienced with that age. Mine went to see child free auntie at that age.
Auntie forgot about jet lag and they were hungry the whole time. And uncle is the baby of the family ...

If I got to ship my tweens off to auntie for an entire weekend they would be under strict instructions to be polite, cooperate,help out and be polite, helpful and appreciative. You will eat what she gives you, appreciate what she plans for you say thank you and then also write a thank you note, Period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s bratty and almost strange that they felt comfortable/empowered enough to do that to an aunt. Must be you are close? I can see my tween acting that way for DH and I but never an aunt.

Op here. They come From a working class background and DH and I are more upper middle class, and sometimes I wonder if that’s a factor. They seem to be very much in gimme mode whenever I’m with them, like they are CONSTANTLY trying to get things from me-starbucks, McDonald’s, clothes, etc.

I try to be generous and fair but it’s non stop. I took them to Starbucks yesterday, let them each get whatever they wanted....then today we walked by Starbucks a few times and each time asking to go in. It’s like it’s never enough, they always want more.

I would be effing mortified if my DS4 did this stuff.....

That is definitely the main factor. Next time, set limits as a pp mentioned, but it's easy to see how tweens would act in this situation.

Op here. So they just assume since we have more money than them that I should buy them whatever, whenever?

Most importantly, how do I prevent my own kids from turning out this way??????

By parenting them appropriately!
Disagree with PP, it's not the background, it's poor parenting. I have nephews on DH"s side whose parents are loaded (trust funds and all) but don't give a crap about parenting their kids other than buying them all they ask for - and this is the exact same behavior they exhibit.

[Anonymous]

Op here. I agree with PPs who say I probably am not awesome at navigating their tweenness.

I did collaborate with them in planning the weekend, both beforehand and during. Everything is optional. If one of them ever wanted to stay back at home, I always offered that.

Here was the plan we did for the weekend:

Thursday: they arrive in AM. Chill at home until evening. Then College walk (15 min), bookstore, and ordered grub hub delivered to campus and ate on picnic table on the mall

Friday: pioneer tour/gun show/horseback ride/ice cream and lunch at pioneer village. Also starbucks.

Saturday: I got day passes to a 5 star resort with lazy river/water slide/wave pool. We went there and also had lunch by the pool

Sunday: chilling and grilling day. We have a pool and they went swimming a lot. At sunset we went on a hike up a nearby mountain for approx 12 minutes before abandoning ship due to whining over walking.

Today: the plan had been to go to an aviation museum (one niece wants to be a pilot. Ok actually she wants to be a flight attendant because she told me women can’t be pilots so yeah I intend to dissuade her of that notion and tell her that SHE can be a pilot). But I’m sort of dreading it and thinking instead we go to effing Starbucks and they can spend the rest of the day sitting and watching tv since walking is apparently so painful for them.

[Anonymous]

Op here. DH and I discussed this last night. We are trying to figure out how to make sure our kids don’t turn out like this. I know that sounds mean but I truly feel down thinking this is what lies ahead for us.

We are already pretty strict about screens/tv. I told DH we are removing the TV from the living room and limiting our own kids TV to just an hour or Two per week.

Also, I feel like I’m basically never going to buy my kids any toys ever again. I’m serious.

We are also going to make our kids walk every freaking day now. And several miles on weekends. The refusal to walk thing is still baffling to me. If you can’t walk, that really limits your ability to move through the world. Also as I mentioned, I myself am obese and in my 30s. I find it kind of alarming that they can’t manage to walk as much as me. 5000 steps is really not a lot for one outing on vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the visit was way too structured. The three in college Ts for a picture? That would not have gone over well. Buying those Ts would have been seen as a big waste of good money (that could have been spent at Starbucks).
The historic town might have been fun but a 5k fit bit walk? That would have involved shuffling the 3 of them around together for a long time. They were bored. It’s hard when you aren’t experienced with that age. Mine went to see child free auntie at that age.
Auntie forgot about jet lag and they were hungry the whole time. And uncle is the baby of the family ...

If I got to ship my tweens off to auntie for an entire weekend they would be under strict instructions to be polite, cooperate,help out and be polite, helpful and appreciative. You will eat what she gives you, appreciate what she plans for you say thank you and then also write a thank you note, Period.

Op here. Those would have been my marching orders too and I don’t even think my parents were that strict! Very middle of the road, or so I thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I agree with PPs who say I probably am not awesome at navigating their tweenness.

I did collaborate with them in planning the weekend, both beforehand and during. Everything is optional. If one of them ever wanted to stay back at home, I always offered that.

Here was the plan we did for the weekend:

Thursday: they arrive in AM. Chill at home until evening. Then College walk (15 min), bookstore, and ordered grub hub delivered to campus and ate on picnic table on the mall

Friday: pioneer tour/gun show/horseback ride/ice cream and lunch at pioneer village. Also starbucks.

Saturday: I got day passes to a 5 star resort with lazy river/water slide/wave pool. We went there and also had lunch by the pool

Sunday: chilling and grilling day. We have a pool and they went swimming a lot. At sunset we went on a hike up a nearby mountain for approx 12 minutes before abandoning ship due to whining over walking.

Today: the plan had been to go to an aviation museum (one niece wants to be a pilot. Ok actually she wants to be a flight attendant because she told me women can’t be pilots so yeah I intend to dissuade her of that notion and tell her that SHE can be a pilot). But I’m sort of dreading it and thinking instead we go to effing Starbucks and they can spend the rest of the day sitting and watching tv since walking is apparently so painful for them.

Yikes!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I agree with PPs who say I probably am not awesome at navigating their tweenness.

I did collaborate with them in planning the weekend, both beforehand and during. Everything is optional. If one of them ever wanted to stay back at home, I always offered that.

Here was the plan we did for the weekend:

Thursday: they arrive in AM. Chill at home until evening. Then College walk (15 min), bookstore, and ordered grub hub delivered to campus and ate on picnic table on the mall

Friday: pioneer tour/gun show/horseback ride/ice cream and lunch at pioneer village. Also starbucks.

Saturday: I got day passes to a 5 star resort with lazy river/water slide/wave pool. We went there and also had lunch by the pool

Sunday: chilling and grilling day. We have a pool and they went swimming a lot. At sunset we went on a hike up a nearby mountain for approx 12 minutes before abandoning ship due to whining over walking.


Amazing!! My tweens would have LOVED that weekend. Good job1 I think when they get home they will rave about it. Some people just perpetually complain.
Today: the plan had been to go to an aviation museum (one niece wants to be a pilot. Ok actually she wants to be a flight attendant because she told me women can’t be pilots so yeah I intend to dissuade her of that notion and tell her that SHE can be a pilot). But I’m sort of dreading it and thinking instead we go to effing Starbucks and they can spend the rest of the day sitting and watching tv since walking is apparently so painful for them.