Brat or typical tween behavior?

[Anonymous]

I’m a mom of two toddler boys and I have basically no experience with tween girls.

My brother sent his three daughters, ages 9, 11, and 12 to visit me for the long weekend.

Is this typical tween behavior?

-asking me 5-10 times now about what my plans are for my old broken iPhone that they found on the kitchen counter. I assume they are hoping I will offer to give it to one of them. I’ve explained it’s broken and I have to send it back to Verizon. They keep asking as if I’ve never answered the question.

-I took them to do an activity that aligns with two of their interests. I had to get tickets in advance and it entailed a moderate amount of walking. They complained the entire freaking time! Like almost non-stop. I actually sat down with them at one point and was like, ok what’s going on? Are you injured? Is something wrong with your shoes? Do you not want to be doing this? They said they just really hate walking.

-I took them to buy souvenir t-shirts. The 12 year old wanted a cheerleading outfit that was $50 and I just didn’t want to do that, so I told her no and kept directing her to the shirts I was willing to buy. She would not let it go and it sort of ended up ruining the experience and she pouted the whole way home.

I have no intention of saying anything to my brother but I’m a bit horrified that this is how tweens are. Is this normal? I was looking forward to this age with my boys. How do I prevent my own kids from turning out like this or is it just a stage I’ll have to deal with?

[Anonymous]

Not enough info. If they’re like that all the time it’s definitely a bit much but even the nicest kids have off days/weeks where they act like monumental brats. Your boys definitely will too.

[Anonymous]

It’s bratty and almost strange that they felt comfortable/empowered enough to do that to an aunt. Must be you are close? I can see my tween acting that way for DH and I but never an aunt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not enough info. If they’re like that all the time it’s definitely a bit much but even the nicest kids have off days/weeks where they act like monumental brats. Your boys definitely will too.

Op here. Fair enough. This weekend is the longest I’ve spent with them one on one and continuously but this seems pretty typical of what I’ve seen of them historically.

My kids certainly have their off days/weeks, so I do see what you mean.

[Anonymous]

You needed to address what they were trying to ask. Stop saying you're sending it back to Verizon and say "I'm not giving you my old phone."

Maybe the kid didn't need another t-shirt. You should have just given her a dollar limit. "I am willing to spend up to $15 in this store on each of you. I won't buy candy and you are not obligated to get anything."

Some people just really HATE walking. I can walk for hours, but can't stand still.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s bratty and almost strange that they felt comfortable/empowered enough to do that to an aunt. Must be you are close? I can see my tween acting that way for DH and I but never an aunt.

Op here. They come From a working class background and DH and I are more upper middle class, and sometimes I wonder if that’s a factor. They seem to be very much in gimme mode whenever I’m with them, like they are CONSTANTLY trying to get things from me-starbucks, McDonald’s, clothes, etc.

I try to be generous and fair but it’s non stop. I took them to Starbucks yesterday, let them each get whatever they wanted....then today we walked by Starbucks a few times and each time asking to go in. It’s like it’s never enough, they always want more.

I would be effing mortified if my DS4 did this stuff.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You needed to address what they were trying to ask. Stop saying you're sending it back to Verizon and say "I'm not giving you my old phone."

Maybe the kid didn't need another t-shirt. You should have just given her a dollar limit. "I am willing to spend up to $15 in this store on each of you. I won't buy candy and you are not obligated to get anything."

Some people just really HATE walking. I can walk for hours, but can't stand still.

Op here. They haven’t asked directly for me to give me their phone, but I assume that’s why they keep bringing it up. I’ll have to try directly saying I’m not giving it to you.

Next time I’ll try the $15 technique.

I seriously don’t understand how there are people who just “hate walking”. This was approx 2 miles total, at the absolute max, but broken up over 3 hours with water and a Starbucks break. I think it was about 5k steps according to my Fitbit. I’m obese and I can certainly walk that much and enjoy it without issue, how can they struggle so much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s bratty and almost strange that they felt comfortable/empowered enough to do that to an aunt. Must be you are close? I can see my tween acting that way for DH and I but never an aunt.

Op here. They come From a working class background and DH and I are more upper middle class, and sometimes I wonder if that’s a factor. They seem to be very much in gimme mode whenever I’m with them, like they are CONSTANTLY trying to get things from me-starbucks, McDonald’s, clothes, etc.

I try to be generous and fair but it’s non stop. I took them to Starbucks yesterday, let them each get whatever they wanted....then today we walked by Starbucks a few times and each time asking to go in. It’s like it’s never enough, they always want more.

I would be effing mortified if my DS4 did this stuff.....

That is definitely the main factor. Next time, set limits as a pp mentioned, but it's easy to see how tweens would act in this situation.

[Anonymous]

Um yeah tweens want to go to Starbucks even if they had it yesterday. You need to manage their expectations like the PP suggested above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s bratty and almost strange that they felt comfortable/empowered enough to do that to an aunt. Must be you are close? I can see my tween acting that way for DH and I but never an aunt.

Op here. They come From a working class background and DH and I are more upper middle class, and sometimes I wonder if that’s a factor. They seem to be very much in gimme mode whenever I’m with them, like they are CONSTANTLY trying to get things from me-starbucks, McDonald’s, clothes, etc.

I try to be generous and fair but it’s non stop. I took them to Starbucks yesterday, let them each get whatever they wanted....then today we walked by Starbucks a few times and each time asking to go in. It’s like it’s never enough, they always want more.

I would be effing mortified if my DS4 did this stuff.....

That is definitely the main factor. Next time, set limits as a pp mentioned, but it's easy to see how tweens would act in this situation.

Op here. So they just assume since we have more money than them that I should buy them whatever, whenever?

Most importantly, how do I prevent my own kids from turning out this way??????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s bratty and almost strange that they felt comfortable/empowered enough to do that to an aunt. Must be you are close? I can see my tween acting that way for DH and I but never an aunt.

Op here. They come From a working class background and DH and I are more upper middle class, and sometimes I wonder if that’s a factor. They seem to be very much in gimme mode whenever I’m with them, like they are CONSTANTLY trying to get things from me-starbucks, McDonald’s, clothes, etc.

I try to be generous and fair but it’s non stop. I took them to Starbucks yesterday, let them each get whatever they wanted....then today we walked by Starbucks a few times and each time asking to go in. It’s like it’s never enough, they always want more.

I would be effing mortified if my DS4 did this stuff.....

That is definitely the main factor. Next time, set limits as a pp mentioned, but it's easy to see how tweens would act in this situation.

Op here. So they just assume since we have more money than them that I should buy them whatever, whenever?

Most importantly, how do I prevent my own kids from turning out this way??????

By telling them “no” by setting expectations “starbucks is a treat, we’re getting it today but that’s it for a while” etc.

[Anonymous]

Pretty typical.

I don’t think it has anything to do with their parents income. My tweens were all similar at times, but we set limits and they eventually fell back in line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Um yeah tweens want to go to Starbucks even if they had it yesterday. You need to manage their expectations like the PP suggested above.

Op here. So if I know we will be passing a Starbucks (basically guaranteed if we’re going anywhere), I should set out beforehand that we won’t be going there or any other fast food?

I’m genuinely trying to figure this out because I resent being viewed as the Bank of Auntie and the continuous asking/demanding.

We are going to do an activity this evening and there will be lots of things they will want to buy/eat. Would I just clarify beforehand that I’m going to buy everyone ice cream/dessert and if they want anything else then they need to bring their own money (I know they each have some)?

What if they pout/whine? Do I just kind of ignore it.

Sorry for all the questions, toddler/preschool boys are truly a different animal (with their own problems!).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pretty typical.

I don’t think it has anything to do with their parents income. My tweens were all similar at times, but we set limits and they eventually fell back in line.

Op here. Do you think your tweens would do this with someone who isn’t you though? I expect it from my own kids but hope they don’t act this way around others (e.g.-friends parents, my brother, my dad, etc).

[Anonymous]

Set our expectations before you leave. Let them know if there is whining and begging you will stay home the rest of the week. Five kids is tough and they need to act their ages.