Brat or typical tween behavior?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Set our expectations before you leave. Let them know if there is whining and begging you will stay home the rest of the week. Five kids is tough and they need to act their ages.

Op here. They go home Tuesday, hallelujah hehe.

I’ve actually been having a babysitter watch my own kids to free me up to take the tweens on outings so thankfully just dealing with the 3 of them but they wear me down just like my toddlers.

Hats off to you, moms of tween girls!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s bratty and almost strange that they felt comfortable/empowered enough to do that to an aunt. Must be you are close? I can see my tween acting that way for DH and I but never an aunt.

Op here. They come From a working class background and DH and I are more upper middle class, and sometimes I wonder if that’s a factor. They seem to be very much in gimme mode whenever I’m with them, like they are CONSTANTLY trying to get things from me-starbucks, McDonald’s, clothes, etc.

I try to be generous and fair but it’s non stop. I took them to Starbucks yesterday, let them each get whatever they wanted....then today we walked by Starbucks a few times and each time asking to go in. It’s like it’s never enough, they always want more.

I would be effing mortified if my DS4 did this stuff.....

That is definitely the main factor. Next time, set limits as a pp mentioned, but it's easy to see how tweens would act in this situation.

Op here. So they just assume since we have more money than them that I should buy them whatever, whenever?

Most importantly, how do I prevent my own kids from turning out this way??????

They probably won't if they see your mannerisms in money spending. These tweens aren't used to the upper middle class lifestyle, and to them it may appear that upper middle classers don't care about money or buy what they want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a mom of two toddler boys and I have basically no experience with tween girls.

My brother sent his three daughters, ages 9, 11, and 12 to visit me for the long weekend.

Is this typical tween behavior?

-asking me 5-10 times now about what my plans are for my old broken iPhone that they found on the kitchen counter. I assume they are hoping I will offer to give it to one of them. I’ve explained it’s broken and I have to send it back to Verizon. They keep asking as if I’ve never answered the question.

-I took them to do an activity that aligns with two of their interests. I had to get tickets in advance and it entailed a moderate amount of walking. They complained the entire freaking time! Like almost non-stop. I actually sat down with them at one point and was like, ok what’s going on? Are you injured? Is something wrong with your shoes? Do you not want to be doing this? They said they just really hate walking.

-I took them to buy souvenir t-shirts. The 12 year old wanted a cheerleading outfit that was $50 and I just didn’t want to do that, so I told her no and kept directing her to the shirts I was willing to buy. She would not let it go and it sort of ended up ruining the experience and she pouted the whole way home.

I have no intention of saying anything to my brother but I’m a bit horrified that this is how tweens are. Is this normal? I was looking forward to this age with my boys. How do I prevent my own kids from turning out like this or is it just a stage I’ll have to deal with?

The souvenir thing is bratty. You say no to that stupid $50 shirt and she better listen. $50 is a lot of money!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s bratty and almost strange that they felt comfortable/empowered enough to do that to an aunt. Must be you are close? I can see my tween acting that way for DH and I but never an aunt.

Op here. They come From a working class background and DH and I are more upper middle class, and sometimes I wonder if that’s a factor. They seem to be very much in gimme mode whenever I’m with them, like they are CONSTANTLY trying to get things from me-starbucks, McDonald’s, clothes, etc.

I try to be generous and fair but it’s non stop. I took them to Starbucks yesterday, let them each get whatever they wanted....then today we walked by Starbucks a few times and each time asking to go in. It’s like it’s never enough, they always want more.

I would be effing mortified if my DS4 did this stuff.....

That is definitely the main factor. Next time, set limits as a pp mentioned, but it's easy to see how tweens would act in this situation.

Op here. So they just assume since we have more money than them that I should buy them whatever, whenever?

Most importantly, how do I prevent my own kids from turning out this way??????

They probably won't if they see your mannerisms in money spending. These tweens aren't used to the upper middle class lifestyle, and to them it may appear that upper middle classers don't care about money or buy what they want.

The only kids I know that act like the kids OP is watching are UMC. Working class kids know not to ask for a $50 t shirt. Way to stereotype though.

[Anonymous]

Do they typically get whatever they want ? Starbucks everyday ? Some tweens have no concept of money. They want a 200 LEGO set from me but I’m only willing to spend 30 so they don’t want any at all. Order multiple items at a restaurant but only eat 1/2.

How to avoid it. Talk about money early on. Don’t give them Starbucks everyday . Also don’t let them take huge amounts of food at a cookout. Just recently a 12 year old took 3 hamburgers, ate only 1 burger so 2 of us adults went without because 1 child took 3.

[Anonymous]

Pretty typical. My son loathes walking. You would think it is walking on fire. And they probably have no interest in a cheap souvenir tshirt. Of course they are going t ask for what they want. Just say no and give them a price maximum.

As far as the phone, they likely are all afraid you will give it to one of thier sisters if they do not show an interest.

And yes, tweens are as exhausting as toddlers and worse because they do not finally cave and go for the hug.

[Anonymous]

My tweens do this to me. They’d never behave like this with someone else. That said, I set limits. Starbucks is 1x a month max. Tweens love Starbucks!!! Especially tweens who live in areas with not many Starbucks - for them it is the ultimate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Um yeah tweens want to go to Starbucks even if they had it yesterday. You need to manage their expectations like the PP suggested above.

Op here. So if I know we will be passing a Starbucks (basically guaranteed if we’re going anywhere), I should set out beforehand that we won’t be going there or any other fast food?

I’m genuinely trying to figure this out because I resent being viewed as the Bank of Auntie and the continuous asking/demanding.

We are going to do an activity this evening and there will be lots of things they will want to buy/eat. Would I just clarify beforehand that I’m going to buy everyone ice cream/dessert and if they want anything else then they need to bring their own money (I know they each have some)?

What if they pout/whine? Do I just kind of ignore it.

Sorry for all the questions, toddler/preschool boys are truly a different animal (with their own problems!).

Yes you set the expectations before you go out. And yes you ignore the pouting, don’t give it any attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My tweens do this to me. They’d never behave like this with someone else. That said, I set limits. Starbucks is 1x a month max. Tweens love Starbucks!!! Especially tweens who live in areas with not many Starbucks - for them it is the ultimate.

LOL. I live in a very working class area now and there are plenty of Starbucks. Maybe if you said Trader Joe’s or WF I’d believe you. But keep stereotyping the kids from “podunk.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a mom of two toddler boys and I have basically no experience with tween girls.

My brother sent his three daughters, ages 9, 11, and 12 to visit me for the long weekend.

Is this typical tween behavior?

-asking me 5-10 times now about what my plans are for my old broken iPhone that they found on the kitchen counter. I assume they are hoping I will offer to give it to one of them. I’ve explained it’s broken and I have to send it back to Verizon. They keep asking as if I’ve never answered the question.

-I took them to do an activity that aligns with two of their interests. I had to get tickets in advance and it entailed a moderate amount of walking. They complained the entire freaking time! Like almost non-stop. I actually sat down with them at one point and was like, ok what’s going on? Are you injured? Is something wrong with your shoes? Do you not want to be doing this? They said they just really hate walking.

-I took them to buy souvenir t-shirts. The 12 year old wanted a cheerleading outfit that was $50 and I just didn’t want to do that, so I told her no and kept directing her to the shirts I was willing to buy. She would not let it go and it sort of ended up ruining the experience and she pouted the whole way home.

I have no intention of saying anything to my brother but I’m a bit horrified that this is how tweens are. Is this normal? I was looking forward to this age with my boys. How do I prevent my own kids from turning out like this or is it just a stage I’ll have to deal with?

Im guessing they can’t afford phones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a mom of two toddler boys and I have basically no experience with tween girls.

My brother sent his three daughters, ages 9, 11, and 12 to visit me for the long weekend.

Is this typical tween behavior?

-asking me 5-10 times now about what my plans are for my old broken iPhone that they found on the kitchen counter. I assume they are hoping I will offer to give it to one of them. I’ve explained it’s broken and I have to send it back to Verizon. They keep asking as if I’ve never answered the question.

-I took them to do an activity that aligns with two of their interests. I had to get tickets in advance and it entailed a moderate amount of walking. They complained the entire freaking time! Like almost non-stop. I actually sat down with them at one point and was like, ok what’s going on? Are you injured? Is something wrong with your shoes? Do you not want to be doing this? They said they just really hate walking.

-I took them to buy souvenir t-shirts. The 12 year old wanted a cheerleading outfit that was $50 and I just didn’t want to do that, so I told her no and kept directing her to the shirts I was willing to buy. She would not let it go and it sort of ended up ruining the experience and she pouted the whole way home.

I have no intention of saying anything to my brother but I’m a bit horrified that this is how tweens are. Is this normal? I was looking forward to this age with my boys. How do I prevent my own kids from turning out like this or is it just a stage I’ll have to deal with?

Im guessing they can’t afford phones.

Or their parents aren’t allowing phones yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s bratty and almost strange that they felt comfortable/empowered enough to do that to an aunt. Must be you are close? I can see my tween acting that way for DH and I but never an aunt.

Op here. They come From a working class background and DH and I are more upper middle class, and sometimes I wonder if that’s a factor. They seem to be very much in gimme mode whenever I’m with them, like they are CONSTANTLY trying to get things from me-starbucks, McDonald’s, clothes, etc.

I try to be generous and fair but it’s non stop. I took them to Starbucks yesterday, let them each get whatever they wanted....then today we walked by Starbucks a few times and each time asking to go in. It’s like it’s never enough, they always want more.

I would be effing mortified if my DS4 did this stuff.....

That is definitely the main factor. Next time, set limits as a pp mentioned, but it's easy to see how tweens would act in this situation.

Op here. So they just assume since we have more money than them that I should buy them whatever, whenever?

agree.
Most importantly, how do I prevent my own kids from turning out this way??????

They probably won't if they see your mannerisms in money spending. These tweens aren't used to the upper middle class lifestyle, and to them it may appear that upper middle classers don't care about money or buy what they want.

The only kids I know that act like the kids OP is watching are UMC. Working class kids know not to ask for a $50 t shirt. Way to stereotype though.

[Anonymous]

I guess I am the only one who thinks they are behaving badly. They are each old enough to know better. I would be horrified if my kids behaved like that. I wonder if something else is going on? Did you invite the kids or did your sibling want the kids out of his house for the weekend? I don’t think their behavior is typical for kids who don’t spend a lot of time with you.

[Anonymous]

I think you set them up to fail by bringing them to Starbucks once and then disallowing that for the future. You should have kept Starbucks in your pocket for the *last* day, if things went well and if they were “good.”

Some of what you are saying here just sounds like you do not have much experience with these ages, and how to head things off at the pass. Your messages are not clear enough and are a little confusing, especially to three young girls who may not know you or your limits very well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess I am the only one who thinks they are behaving badly. They are each old enough to know better. I would be horrified if my kids behaved like that. I wonder if something else is going on? Did you invite the kids or did your sibling want the kids out of his house for the weekend? I don’t think their behavior is typical for kids who don’t spend a lot of time with you.

I do think they’re behaving badly. But don’t say stuff like “poor kids behave badly.”