Brat or typical tween behavior?

[Anonymous]

This is the product of a bratty low-class upbringing. The parents probably encourage it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the product of a bratty low-class upbringing. The parents probably encourage it.

Classic DCUM! Those spoiled rotten...poor kids?

[Anonymous]

This is a class issue but has zero to do with wealth. I grew up poor and there is no way I would be asking anyone for anything. I may have had bratty times with my parents but not relatives or friends parents. This behavior is spoiled and you can spoil a rich or poor kid. This also has zero to do with gender since you mention that you have boys. If this was a niece or nephew I would have nipped this all in the bud asap. No you cannot have my phone, no I am not buying your this etc etc.

[Anonymous]

Its a combination of age and poor parenting. My tween would never ask for that, would be thrilled for a shirt and have a great time (but I would be annoyed you took them out given its covid).

[Anonymous]

I wonder how their parents had built up the visit? Aunt Larla is going to take care if you this weekend? This weekend is a big treat?

I think they are young, don’t know what to expect, and have hopes for the special time with you. They may also ge tired/ overwhelmed at all the activities. If they don’t like walking, they may be accustomed to very kid friendly activities or may be tired/ not high energy kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a mom of two toddler boys and I have basically no experience with tween girls.

My brother sent his three daughters, ages 9, 11, and 12 to visit me for the long weekend.

Is this typical tween behavior?

-asking me 5-10 times now about what my plans are for my old broken iPhone that they found on the kitchen counter. I assume they are hoping I will offer to give it to one of them. I’ve explained it’s broken and I have to send it back to Verizon. They keep asking as if I’ve never answered the question.

-I took them to do an activity that aligns with two of their interests. I had to get tickets in advance and it entailed a moderate amount of walking. They complained the entire freaking time! Like almost non-stop. I actually sat down with them at one point and was like, ok what’s going on? Are you injured? Is something wrong with your shoes? Do you not want to be doing this? They said they just really hate walking.

-I took them to buy souvenir t-shirts. The 12 year old wanted a cheerleading outfit that was $50 and I just didn’t want to do that, so I told her no and kept directing her to the shirts I was willing to buy. She would not let it go and it sort of ended up ruining the experience and she pouted the whole way home.


I have no intention of saying anything to my brother but I’m a bit horrified that this is how tweens are. Is this normal? I was looking forward to this age with my boys. How do I prevent my own kids from turning out like this or is it just a stage I’ll have to deal with?

My daughter can go on and on and on and on when she wants something, clarity with a finite sentence is key. You have to be clear with these girls. About the shirt I would have given them each $20 and told them to buy whatever they wanted, girls are picky about clothing. If they didn't want anything, I would have told them to keep the $20 for something they really liked. What activity did you take them to that they supposedly like and complained the whole time. I can't imagine my daughter complaining when if someone was taking her somewhere she really loved. Maybe they weren't that into your activity.

[Anonymous]

Bratty, but the reasons could be complex. When I think of my kids' friends, the ones who come to mind most like this are from comfortable UMC backgrounds. Like you OP, I'd be mortified if my 9-12 year olds acted that way. With me or anybody else, and ESPECIALLY when they were guests. My guess is that maybe in their family asking over and over and over again is an effective strategy and at their youngish age they don't really understand the value of money yet. So it's probably just how they roll at home and if it tends to work then why not carry on with their auntie who is a nice person.

[Anonymous]

Op here. The activity was like a historic village, sort of an pioneer/old west town. My brother said two of my nieces are really into history.

[Anonymous]

I hate to say this, but they might be acting like this because you don’t know how to relate to them. You sound like you’re trying hard, but as you said, you don’t have a child that age so you might be putting off negative vibes. Tweens are tricky. They want to be treated like adults but they act like 5 year olds. As your own child grows up, you’ll know how to correctly negotiate that and make it work. But treating them like children will make things worse.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if part of the problem is they made me tired from traveling. They are staying at your house, right? Maybe they are not sleeping well or enough. Not an excuse, but it could explain some of the issues.

I think the behavior is bratty, yes. I don’t have kids but I have two teen step kids and nieces and nephews from three sets of parents. My step kids are not bratty like this. I do have two sets of nieces and nephews like this. The third set is not like this. The two sets that are, their parents spoil them a lot with toys and gifts. Actually, the grandparents on the other side are really the ones that spoil them.

I’m not sure money or class have much to do with this. I was raised in a well off family in a small mill town. I often noticed that the kids from less wealthy families had more than I did wrt toys and clothes and accessories. I had as many books as I wanted and went to a private boarding school and college and summer camp. But I didn’t get three swatches and a ton of Nintendo games or dolls and didn’t get many new clothes and never got a car. I think sometimes parents who can’t give their kids the big things like private school and summer camp might actually be more likely to spoil them with little things like cheap toys because it’s their way they can treat their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. The activity was like a historic village, sort of an pioneer/old west town. My brother said two of my nieces are really into history.

No shade intended, but I have a hard time imagining tweens, especially the older two, being into visiting a historic village. I can see them enjoying one activity or one experience at the sight, but three hours is a long time to walk around a pioneer town. I don't think their behavior would have been any different if they were tween boys.

Look, with your toddlers, you're used to dragging them along to whatever activity you've chosen, but older kids are going to have opinions. Maybe next time, you give them a choice or ask for their input. Also, instead of having all three of them over for a weekend, you could invite one at a time. They'll be easier to manage and won't feed off each other's energy. They'd likely enjoy having time away from their sibs at your home.

As others have suggested, I think it would have gone over better if you had handed each kid $20 and let them spend it however they wanted at the store. Again, they're not toddlers. Let them make some choices but set limits.

Some of the behaviors you mentioned would wear on my nerves, but rather than letting it annoy me or speculating about their intentions, I would set boundaries when necessary. And I'd talk to them like I would anyone else, for example, "Why do you keep asking me about the phone?" I actually love the older kid/tween years. They're interesting people at that age, and they can usually articulate their thoughts and feelings pretty easily if you engage them.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Well the old west town has been a hit with other visitors. There’s a stunt show/gun fighting, a magic show, little shops, a place to mine for gold, a haunted train ride through a grave yard, and even horses you can ride and feed. We also had lunch there in an old timey outdoor picnic/covered wagon kind of camp. Plus we got homemade ice cream.

The shirt thing was at a local university I’m encouraging them to consider. I don’t think anyone has ever talked to them about college, so I took them to the college to buy t shirts and walk around for literally 15 minutes and yeah I wanted the cute photo op of them in their college shirts. That was also a complaint-fest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate to say this, but they might be acting like this because you don’t know how to relate to them. You sound like you’re trying hard, but as you said, you don’t have a child that age so you might be putting off negative vibes. Tweens are tricky. They want to be treated like adults but they act like 5 year olds. As your own child grows up, you’ll know how to correctly negotiate that and make it work. But treating them like children will make things worse.

Op here. They do wear me down big time. They all talk at once and over each other and they fight ferociously with each other and I am not comfortable being the disciplinarian-we just don’t know each other well enough and I don’t feel like it’s my place.

I’d much prefer to have them one on one or even 2/3 but my brother won’t even consider that, so it’s all or nothing. I’ve tried to eek out some one on one time with each of them this trip but with my own kids that’s been hard to do, though I’ve managed about an hour alone with each of them.

[Anonymous]

I feel like you want to be handed a medal for having your nieces and showing them, gasp, a college. My 12yo would not more be interested in touring a college than she would be in shooting a hole in her head. I feel you are out of touch with this age demographic AND also mag have some issues/problems with this family you are not getting into here, like you expected them to treat you as a hero for taking them to a Tweetsie Railroad type of place and a college? Yeah, tweens are way more complicated and HONEST than toddlers and will call it as they see it.

[Anonymous]

The more I read, the more I am coming down on the side of “typical tween behavior” meets “wrong-sized and inexperienced expectations.”