Brat or typical tween behavior?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if part of the problem is they made me tired from traveling. They are staying at your house, right? Maybe they are not sleeping well or enough. Not an excuse, but it could explain some of the issues.

I think the behavior is bratty, yes. I don’t have kids but I have two teen step kids and nieces and nephews from three sets of parents. My step kids are not bratty like this. I do have two sets of nieces and nephews like this. The third set is not like this. The two sets that are, their parents spoil them a lot with toys and gifts. Actually, the grandparents on the other side are really the ones that spoil them.

I’m not sure money or class have much to do with this. I was raised in a well off family in a small mill town. I often noticed that the kids from less wealthy families had more than I did wrt toys and clothes and accessories. I had as many books as I wanted and went to a private boarding school and college and summer camp. But I didn’t get three swatches and a ton of Nintendo games or dolls and didn’t get many new clothes and never got a car. I think sometimes parents who can’t give their kids the big things like private school and summer camp might actually be more likely to spoil them with little things like cheap toys because it’s their way they can treat their kids.

The kids from less off families were not going to private boarding school and summer camps. Its a trade off.

My husband has friends who send their teenagers to us every summer. I don't get much of a say in it. They act very entitled around me and because I took them shopping for a few things once every summer I end up taking them shopping. They expect it and rarely a thank you. The only reason I do it is I feel sorry for them in how their mom dresses them as she puts no effort into it. I would be appalled if my child acted like they for or how these kids acted. You don't go demanding things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like you want to be handed a medal for having your nieces and showing them, gasp, a college. My 12yo would not more be interested in touring a college than she would be in shooting a hole in her head. I feel you are out of touch with this age demographic AND also mag have some issues/problems with this family you are not getting into here, like you expected them to treat you as a hero for taking them to a Tweetsie Railroad type of place and a college? Yeah, tweens are way more complicated and HONEST than toddlers and will call it as they see it.

Op here. No medal required but a thank you is basic human courtesy and something my 4 year old has mastered. I do find it strange how hard they are to please. It’s like they only want a steady stream of simple carbs and things (New clothes/purses/etc), and anything other than that is met with extreme resistance.

I’m realizing I’m more old school than I thought when I comes to manners/respect/etc.

Ultimately it doesn’t matter, I’m not their parent and I’m not raising them. I’m just here to entertain and spend some time with them for a long weekend.

I’m feeling reassured that this is not necessarily how ages 9-12 will look with my own kids and that’s what was freaking me out today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like you want to be handed a medal for having your nieces and showing them, gasp, a college. My 12yo would not more be interested in touring a college than she would be in shooting a hole in her head. I feel you are out of touch with this age demographic AND also mag have some issues/problems with this family you are not getting into here, like you expected them to treat you as a hero for taking them to a Tweetsie Railroad type of place and a college? Yeah, tweens are way more complicated and HONEST than toddlers and will call it as they see it.

Op here. No medal required but a thank you is basic human courtesy and something my 4 year old has mastered. I do find it strange how hard they are to please. It’s like they only want a steady stream of simple carbs and things (New clothes/purses/etc), and anything other than that is met with extreme resistance.

I’m realizing I’m more old school than I thought when I comes to manners/respect/etc.

Ultimately it doesn’t matter, I’m not their parent and I’m not raising them. I’m just here to entertain and spend some time with them for a long weekend.

I’m feeling reassured that this is not necessarily how ages 9-12 will look with my own kids and that’s what was freaking me out today.

Just wait a few years! Your kids will NOT want to do this at these ages and you will think back upon this thread and laugh and cry and laugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like you want to be handed a medal for having your nieces and showing them, gasp, a college. My 12yo would not more be interested in touring a college than she would be in shooting a hole in her head. I feel you are out of touch with this age demographic AND also mag have some issues/problems with this family you are not getting into here, like you expected them to treat you as a hero for taking them to a Tweetsie Railroad type of place and a college? Yeah, tweens are way more complicated and HONEST than toddlers and will call it as they see it.

Op here. No medal required but a thank you is basic human courtesy and something my 4 year old has mastered. I do find it strange how hard they are to please. It’s like they only want a steady stream of simple carbs and things (New clothes/purses/etc), and anything other than that is met with extreme resistance.

I’m realizing I’m more old school than I thought when I comes to manners/respect/etc.

Ultimately it doesn’t matter, I’m not their parent and I’m not raising them. I’m just here to entertain and spend some time with them for a long weekend.

I’m feeling reassured that this is not necessarily how ages 9-12 will look with my own kids and that’s what was freaking me out today.

Again, I think you need to start thinking about making a connection with them, rather than being a benefactor with largesse. No wonder they are not like, “Thank you for treating us as a service project, Aunt Made It Out Who Is Trying Too Hard.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The more I read, the more I am coming down on the side of “typical tween behavior” meets “wrong-sized and inexperienced expectations.”

Op here. It is disappointing. I want to like them more and it makes me sad that they are so hard to enjoy. But I recognize this is my problem, not theirs.

When I was 9-12, my family was very active, we went to museums, we went for bike rides, we went swimming, etc....so now kids just kinda like, sit at home on iPads while eating?

My nieces came from another state entirely and there are things to do in my state that are way different from their home state. I thought it would be cool to expose them to different things, which I guess I did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like you want to be handed a medal for having your nieces and showing them, gasp, a college. My 12yo would not more be interested in touring a college than she would be in shooting a hole in her head. I feel you are out of touch with this age demographic AND also mag have some issues/problems with this family you are not getting into here, like you expected them to treat you as a hero for taking them to a Tweetsie Railroad type of place and a college? Yeah, tweens are way more complicated and HONEST than toddlers and will call it as they see it.

Op here. No medal required but a thank you is basic human courtesy and something my 4 year old has mastered. I do find it strange how hard they are to please. It’s like they only want a steady stream of simple carbs and things (New clothes/purses/etc), and anything other than that is met with extreme resistance.

I’m realizing I’m more old school than I thought when I comes to manners/respect/etc.

Ultimately it doesn’t matter, I’m not their parent and I’m not raising them. I’m just here to entertain and spend some time with them for a long weekend.

I’m feeling reassured that this is not necessarily how ages 9-12 will look with my own kids and that’s what was freaking me out today.

Right! You are not their parent, so just enjoy them! Do some baking projects, arts and crafts, watch a few movies. Make some memories so they will go home and know they can always be themselves with, and feel connected to, Aunt YourName. LATER, if they are interested in the college near you, they will feel free to come to you. But I feel they are out of sorts and also picking up in some stress and drama from you. For example, the fact that you felt the need to put your own children with a babysitter to go to these places is crazy! Let them hang around the house and spend time with their cousins, have some fun! Make some memories! I feel like you do not have a close relationship with them, and, if I am picking up on that, they are too, and that is contributing to their being out of sorts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The more I read, the more I am coming down on the side of “typical tween behavior” meets “wrong-sized and inexperienced expectations.”

Op here. It is disappointing. I want to like them more and it makes me sad that they are so hard to enjoy. But I recognize this is my problem, not theirs.

When I was 9-12, my family was very active, we went to museums, we went for bike rides, we went swimming, etc....so now kids just kinda like, sit at home on iPads while eating?

My nieces came from another state entirely and there are things to do in my state that are way different from their home state. I thought it would be cool to expose them to different things, which I guess I did.

No, that is not how all kids are. But if that seems to be what they want to do with you, this time, be their soft place to fall, not a judger. You seem like you do not want to get to know them. You are disappointed in them. You are like my MIL who spends like six months planning every moment of a visit and then does not understand if a child gets tired or hungry or just would prefer to have some down time. And stop extrapolating out of this things like: “I guess this is just how kids are these days.” NO. It just sounds like this is how they prefer to me until they get to know you better. All of your summarizations sound so judgey and frankly still like u you oh are a person who is not that easy to relate to: “Sigh, I guess everyone cannot be as grateful, energetic, go-getting, and intellectually driven as my family was.” Gag me!

[Anonymous]

Op here. I mean, we did do some baking but it’s hard; there’s three of them; just even simple things like baking banana bread turn into this crazy competition.

Mostly the sitter was staying with my youngest who is still 1, so we could leave in the evenings or be out and about during nap time, depending on the activity/plan for the day.

I tried to make sure we did one major activity per day, that would entail leaving the house and being outside. Then the rest of the time we were at home, doing quieter things and playing with my two kids, grilling, swimming, etc.

[Anonymous]

Fine. Chalk it up to: kids are hard. I mean, would you want someone to make such grandiose sweeping generalizations about your kids (or, the whole generation your kids belong to) if they had your kids for a few days?

“Ugh, I mean, I guess all kids these days who are one years old cannot be brought anywhere and need a separate, hired caretaker? In my day, I mean, I guess I just be more old/school than I thought but: the baby would just come along and adjust.”

Sounds nuts, right? You are not used to this age group, and you have tried your best, but just like with parenting, it is a learning curve. You ARE to be commended for taking three extra kiddos for this long, with two little ones of your own, but it seems that expectations on BOTH sides we’re not realistic going in.

Yep! Tween sisters fight during baking projects! Surprise! There is still a lot more work to do to manage this age group than one may think. It is it the same as counting poopy diapers or keeping nap schedules , but it still is not easy.

Let’s just chalk it up to: everybody learned something from this experience.

[Anonymous]

Normal, tween girls are like this - I have no idea about boys. I think they are not, but then they are known for a whole set of other problems that at the end of the day, seem more dangerous/pernicious than tween girls behavior.


Tween girls are moody, bratty. Just keep saying no for the things you are not willing to buy/compromise and they will eventually fall back in line like any other tween. Take heart that if they are bratty with you, it means they pretty. much feel comfortable with you. Otherwise they would be in their best behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s bratty and almost strange that they felt comfortable/empowered enough to do that to an aunt. Must be you are close? I can see my tween acting that way for DH and I but never an aunt.

Right - exactly. AT least one of my kids this age would be like this (and I'm relieved to hear I'm not alone) but with someone they don't know super well? it would be surprising.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s bratty and almost strange that they felt comfortable/empowered enough to do that to an aunt. Must be you are close? I can see my tween acting that way for DH and I but never an aunt.

Right - exactly. AT least one of my kids this age would be like this (and I'm relieved to hear I'm not alone) but with someone they don't know super well? it would be surprising.

Op here. We are not close. I live very far away, my brother is divorced and their family situation is complicated. I’ve never had them visit over night-normally I go to my brothers state and visit with them there but he is present.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like you want to be handed a medal for having your nieces and showing them, gasp, a college. My 12yo would not more be interested in touring a college than she would be in shooting a hole in her head. I feel you are out of touch with this age demographic AND also mag have some issues/problems with this family you are not getting into here, like you expected them to treat you as a hero for taking them to a Tweetsie Railroad type of place and a college? Yeah, tweens are way more complicated and HONEST than toddlers and will call it as they see it.

Op here. No medal required but a thank you is basic human courtesy and something my 4 year old has mastered. I do find it strange how hard they are to please. It’s like they only want a steady stream of simple carbs and things (New clothes/purses/etc), and anything other than that is met with extreme resistance.

I’m realizing I’m more old school than I thought when I comes to manners/respect/etc.

Ultimately it doesn’t matter, I’m not their parent and I’m not raising them. I’m just here to entertain and spend some time with them for a long weekend.

I’m feeling reassured that this is not necessarily how ages 9-12 will look with my own kids and that’s what was freaking me out today.

They were bratty. No doubt.

But you sound really out of touch. Your own kids will probably act like this in some sense (girls are harder than boys I think at this age, so don't go applauding yourself too much about it when they aren't too bad), but they won't because you will be in tune with what they want. You seriously took teenaged girls to a college and old tiny town as a favor to THEM?! Of course they hated it. They shouldn't have been bratty about it but there's no way they thought this was a favor for them - it seems they didn't pick up on the fact that is how you intended it, but how could you blame them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like you want to be handed a medal for having your nieces and showing them, gasp, a college. My 12yo would not more be interested in touring a college than she would be in shooting a hole in her head. I feel you are out of touch with this age demographic AND also mag have some issues/problems with this family you are not getting into here, like you expected them to treat you as a hero for taking them to a Tweetsie Railroad type of place and a college? Yeah, tweens are way more complicated and HONEST than toddlers and will call it as they see it.

Op here. No medal required but a thank you is basic human courtesy and something my 4 year old has mastered. I do find it strange how hard they are to please. It’s like they only want a steady stream of simple carbs and things (New clothes/purses/etc), and anything other than that is met with extreme resistance.

I’m realizing I’m more old school than I thought when I comes to manners/respect/etc.

Ultimately it doesn’t matter, I’m not their parent and I’m not raising them. I’m just here to entertain and spend some time with them for a long weekend.

I’m feeling reassured that this is not necessarily how ages 9-12 will look with my own kids and that’s what was freaking me out today.

Right! You are not their parent, so just enjoy them! Do some baking projects, arts and crafts, watch a few movies. Make some memories so they will go home and know they can always be themselves with, and feel connected to, Aunt YourName. LATER, if they are interested in the college near you, they will feel free to come to you. But I feel they are out of sorts and also picking up in some stress and drama from you. For example, the fact that you felt the need to put your own children with a babysitter to go to these places is crazy! Let them hang around the house and spend time with their cousins, have some fun! Make some memories! I feel like you do not have a close relationship with them, and, if I am picking up on that, they are too, and that is contributing to their being out of sorts.

x1000

[Anonymous]

Am I clueless?

Shipping in relatives from out of town
Babysitters in the house
Several activities that involve going inside
Going shopping (even if it was outside)

Is everyone doing this sort of thing in a pandemic?