If your son sexually assaulted a girl WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if your daughter got drunk and hooked up with a college guy, then the next day her friends were all gossiping so she decides to say she was raped because she was drunk and so she said she couldn’t consent. Then the boy gets kicked out of college. Happens every day. The girl needs to take responsibility for this. Too many ruined boys from retroactive guilt or embarrassment.

I know or literally no “boys” ruined, I know of many women suffering the after effects of sexual assault and rape.

What rock have you been living under? Google Duke Lacrosse Rape and Brian Banks to name two. Smh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rape is very difficult to prove.

Almost impossible.

My H did rape investigations.

I prosecuted them for 10 years successfully. It can be done.

[Anonymous]

As a father, I think you always have support your family. I'd definitely lawyer up and support him. I'd have him go to therapy as well. If he actually did it, he needs therapy. If he didn't do it and it's a false accusation, he will need therapy pretty soon. I'm always in my kid's corner. Would I feel bad for the girl and her family? Yes, absolutely. And of course, if I had a daughter who claimed someone raped her I would try to pursue that person to the fullest extent of the law. I'd probably try to take revenge myself, unfortunately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it were my son I wouldn’t believe it and I would get the best defense and investigators and try to ruin the girl. Just being honest.

Unfortunately, this is exactly what parents do. And then, they find out about the other girls or years later, the women in college and in his office.

I know of around three guys who were accused in what were BS cases and in each case it really left a mark on the boys. They each ended up getting happily married and would never get themselves into a situation like that again. It takes two.

IT TAKES TWO???

DP. But yes. If you have spent any time in the relationship forum you would see how often women advocate lying about abuse when a woman wants to get divorced and keep the kids 100% of the time. If you think that women lying is only fiction, you aren’t paying attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if your daughter got drunk and hooked up with a college guy, then the next day her friends were all gossiping so she decides to say she was raped because she was drunk and so she said she couldn’t consent. Then the boy gets kicked out of college. Happens every day. The girl needs to take responsibility for this. Too many ruined boys from retroactive guilt or embarrassment.

I know or literally no “boys” ruined, I know of many women suffering the after effects of sexual assault and rape.

How would claiming rape quiet the gossip exactly?

This is 2020 not 1950. College girls are not gossiping maliciously about their friend who hooked up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if your daughter got drunk and hooked up with a college guy, then the next day her friends were all gossiping so she decides to say she was raped because she was drunk and so she said she couldn’t consent. Then the boy gets kicked out of college. Happens every day. The girl needs to take responsibility for this. Too many ruined boys from retroactive guilt or embarrassment.

I know or literally no “boys” ruined, I know of many women suffering the after effects of sexual assault and rape.

How would claiming rape quiet the gossip exactly?

Because instead of being the butt of all the jokes, she would wear the honor of being a victim. It’s a status symbol now.

[Anonymous]

I worry about this. My son has ADHD and still has zero impulse control at 13. We've talked long and often about consent, about getting explicit consent, about stopping at any point if the partner says no. But still, I worry he won't see that his partner doesn't want to go further, etc.

I've done sexual assault victim counseling in the past, as a volunteer. There are actually a lot of men who somehow think what happened was consensual, when it's VERY obvious the woman did not consent. Sometimes it's alcohol/drugs, but sometimes it's nothing in particular. It's scary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if your daughter got drunk and hooked up with a college guy, then the next day her friends were all gossiping so she decides to say she was raped because she was drunk and so she said she couldn’t consent. Then the boy gets kicked out of college. Happens every day. The girl needs to take responsibility for this. Too many ruined boys from retroactive guilt or embarrassment.

I know or literally no “boys” ruined, I know of many women suffering the after effects of sexual assault and rape.

What rock have you been living under? Google Duke Lacrosse Rape and Brian Banks to name two. Smh.

Extremely rare and doubt the Duke thing would have gotten out of hand if they didn't email they wanted to skin her alive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What if your daughter got drunk and hooked up with a college guy, then the next day her friends were all gossiping so she decides to say she was raped because she was drunk and so she said she couldn’t consent. Then the boy gets kicked out of college. Happens every day. The girl needs to take responsibility for this. Too many ruined boys from retroactive guilt or embarrassment.

Yell your boys to not have sex with drunk or unconscious girls. It's really that simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was 25, I was accused of molesting a neighbor's kid. This was a retaliatory move because I called the police on her older brother who was throwing rocks at my car (captured with a video recorded (pre cell phone) from my bedroom.

I was accused but never arrested. Why? Well, the girl said I was repeatedly stalking her, and flashing her. Three days in a row. On the third day, the police (unbeknownst to me) had a tail on me. They saw that I left my place at 7:00 AM or so, Drove to the university where I was a grad student, went in to the lab, and was working from 7:20 on, only leaving to get coffee and go to the bathroom. The police knew where I was, and the girl claimed I tried to molest her. I think they thought they would bust me, but they did not.

I don't know what happened to the girl. I moved out of the neighborhood (landlord let me break the lease).

With that said, reaction would be very different if he did assult a woman.

I think you might have posted this before, it sounds familiar to me. It doesn't surprise me, either. You'll notice by the lack of responses to your story (which I'm sorry to hear) that nobody really cares about men who are falsely accused (like the Duke LAX team). It's a little frightening, actually. Women are to be believed unconditionally--which isn't quite right either. There needs to be a happy medium, some common sense approach. I'm sure someone will respond with a lot of vitriol now that I've posted that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if your daughter got drunk and hooked up with a college guy, then the next day her friends were all gossiping so she decides to say she was raped because she was drunk and so she said she couldn’t consent. Then the boy gets kicked out of college. Happens every day. The girl needs to take responsibility for this. Too many ruined boys from retroactive guilt or embarrassment.

I know or literally no “boys” ruined, I know of many women suffering the after effects of sexual assault and rape.

What rock have you been living under? Google Duke Lacrosse Rape and Brian Banks to name two. Smh.

Extremely rare and doubt the Duke thing would have gotten out of hand if they didn't email they wanted to skin her alive.

It’s more common than you know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was 25, I was accused of molesting a neighbor's kid. This was a retaliatory move because I called the police on her older brother who was throwing rocks at my car (captured with a video recorded (pre cell phone) from my bedroom.

I was accused but never arrested. Why? Well, the girl said I was repeatedly stalking her, and flashing her. Three days in a row. On the third day, the police (unbeknownst to me) had a tail on me. They saw that I left my place at 7:00 AM or so, Drove to the university where I was a grad student, went in to the lab, and was working from 7:20 on, only leaving to get coffee and go to the bathroom. The police knew where I was, and the girl claimed I tried to molest her. I think they thought they would bust me, but they did not.

I don't know what happened to the girl. I moved out of the neighborhood (landlord let me break the lease).

With that said, reaction would be very different if he did assult a woman.

I think you might have posted this before, it sounds familiar to me. It doesn't surprise me, either. You'll notice by the lack of responses to your story (which I'm sorry to hear) that nobody really cares about men who are falsely accused (like the Duke LAX team). It's a little frightening, actually. Women are to be believed unconditionally--which isn't quite right either. There needs to be a happy medium, some common sense approach. I'm sure someone will respond with a lot of vitriol now that I've posted that.

A common sense approach... hmmm... now where could we find a middle ground... I mean, just nowhere, nowhere to be found. Oh! OH! how about... THE LEGAL SYSTEM? Innocent until proven guilty beyond a reasonable doubt? I forgot about that one!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if your daughter got drunk and hooked up with a college guy, then the next day her friends were all gossiping so she decides to say she was raped because she was drunk and so she said she couldn’t consent. Then the boy gets kicked out of college. Happens every day. The girl needs to take responsibility for this. Too many ruined boys from retroactive guilt or embarrassment.

I know or literally no “boys” ruined, I know of many women suffering the after effects of sexual assault and rape.

What rock have you been living under? Google Duke Lacrosse Rape and Brian Banks to name two. Smh.

Extremely rare and doubt the Duke thing would have gotten out of hand if they didn't email they wanted to skin her alive.

It’s more common than you know.

Citation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What if your daughter got drunk and hooked up with a college guy, then the next day her friends were all gossiping so she decides to say she was raped because she was drunk and so she said she couldn’t consent. Then the boy gets kicked out of college. Happens every day. The girl needs to take responsibility for this. Too many ruined boys from retroactive guilt or embarrassment.

And this is why consent is the main non-biological component to the sex education I provide my children. DD and DS are decent people, who wouldn't break through a "no." BUT, I want to ensure that they are able to hear a true and enthusiastic "yes" and provide them as well.

Explaining bad sex, reluctant sex, day after regret, and walk of shame stigma to your kids is horribly uncomfortable for all of us. If it matters, I teach them both the same. I don't envision DS the future perpetrator and DD the victim. Each of them may be taken advantage of or cross a line without a whole lot of talk about consent.

Awkward? Oh, yes. Better than prison. You betcha.

[Anonymous]

Are you kidding? It’s my child. I would use every last dollar and whatever influence I can bring to bear to protect him. That doesn’t mean the conduct is not wrong; maybe he’s actually guilty (though I doubt I’d ever believe that unless he confessed, because I know my son).

But it’s not the parent’s job to deal out justice on behalf of society. I’m in my kid’s corner no matter what and without condition. I don’t only protect them when they are behaving well.

The law, society, the DA, etc rightly have a different set of motives and priorities. So be it. But if you think I would abandon my son and not deploy every resource I have to keep him safe you are crazy and don’t share our concept of family.