My High Schooler is Going to Lose Her Mind If It's All Distance Learning

[Anonymous]

I would have her post on next door that she’s willing to babysit / explain she’s been carefully socially distancing and locked down and she’ll get a family equally locked down probably - and then your elderly family member will be safe. She needs to find a purpose - you can pay a therapist for this info or you can just help her find a purpose. Otherwise a job job ... she can do it during school year - where do you live? We could suggest ideas.

[Anonymous]

OP, is it possible that your daughter may be experiencing symptoms of a mental health challenge? Or maybe there is something that is affecting her emotionally and doesn't have to do with lockdown (e.g. friendship issues)? I have teens with depression, and some of what you described (not wanting to go outside and bike, not choosing to participate in family activities) sounds like it could either be regular teen behavior or caused by depression.

Many of the other suggestions that have been posted are great.

Good luck to your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
My high schooler is SO RELIEVED and HAPPY that it's going to be all distance learning.

My elementary schooler as well, come to think of it.

They both did very well with distance learning this spring.

Why does your HS student hate going to school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Thanks for the suggestions. I like the idea of walks with a Starbucks bribe...wish me luck. Regarding asking friends to do things, she always refuses when I suggest she do something with a pal. I think she feels embarrassed being the one to ask. I;d been clinging to the fact that I just had to get her through the summer and then she'd perk up at least on her two school days but now that is unlikely.

She pleaded with us to do hybrid and will be so upset when she finds out that will be gone.

Daily Starbucks walk works for my soon-to-be fifteen DD.

Second the idea that a therapist might help.

The idea that we should rather put our otherwise healthy kids in therapy/meds instead of figuring out how to safely reopen our schools just boggles the mind.

Therapy =/= meds. And I'm the one who suggested therapy, because OP's DD's response seems to be an outlier. This situation is awful for everyone. But when a person becomes so unhappy they refuse to do even small things to feel better, that's depression. You'll notice I started by suggesting that OP help talk her DD through her feelings...but therapy might help if that doesn't work.

Honestly. Everyone goes through setbacks, and since OP didn't mention that Covid has caused their family job loss or worse, OP's kids situation is actually not as bad as what many, many Americans are facing. This is an opportunity to teach kids how to cope with life's inevitable setbacks. Better now than when they are adults.

+1 and more. People must have lived charmed lives if they're not preparing their kids to handle adversity when they grow up.

What is wrong with some of you posters? You can't possibly believe that a teenager suffering from depression during a pandemic means that parents are not working to teach them how to handle adversity. Grow up and stop with these Duggerisms. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My high schooler is SO RELIEVED and HAPPY that it's going to be all distance learning.

My elementary schooler as well, come to think of it.

They both did very well with distance learning this spring.

That seems to be rather irrelevant information.

Seriously, not constructive at all.

I am making the point that distance learning works for some kids. And not very subtly, I am making the point to please get over yourselves! We are in a pandemic. DCUM can continue to wring its hands, vituperate against schools, etc, but we'll still have distance learning anyway.

So... why not make the best of it? If you go in certain that the school year is going to be terrible, it will be, particularly with a teen. If you do your best to find something positive about it, it won't be that bad.

If OP is concerned about her teen's mental health, there are videoconferences available with a pediatrician, then a psychologist or therapist.

I sound mean, but please remember we're not sending our kids to be killed in Vietnam, we're not experiencing wartime starvation, we're not migrants, we get to sit at home with our internet and online deliveries. Get a grip.

I agree with this. I also can't understand why some kids seem to be crushed by this experience. Help them see that it's going to be okay. Help them make the most of it. Come up with a better plan than the one you've got going if it's not working. I guess that's what the OP is asking for help with, but I balk at the idea that DL is causing such anguish. It's attitude and personality. Resilience, grit, fortitude, perseverance -- all those things we keep talking about. This is it, folks. Explain to your kids that this is just the type of occasion you were talking about all those years when you said they needed to have these qualities in their back pocket.

Will the up by your bootstraps crowd please STFU? What's even worse than this pandemic is having to hear from self-righteous a$$holes 24-7.

Amen!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Thanks for the suggestions. I like the idea of walks with a Starbucks bribe...wish me luck. Regarding asking friends to do things, she always refuses when I suggest she do something with a pal. I think she feels embarrassed being the one to ask. I;d been clinging to the fact that I just had to get her through the summer and then she'd perk up at least on her two school days but now that is unlikely.

She pleaded with us to do hybrid and will be so upset when she finds out that will be gone.

My rising college freshman doesn’t like her high school friend group for many reasons and is doing a slow fade. It sounds like something similar may be going on here.

I was wondering the same thing. Kids are on line with their friends practically 24-7, and while not being in person is annoying, they certainly aren't'isolated. So OP, do you think maybe something else is going on?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My high schooler is SO RELIEVED and HAPPY that it's going to be all distance learning.

My elementary schooler as well, come to think of it.

They both did very well with distance learning this spring.

That seems to be rather irrelevant information.

Seriously, not constructive at all.

I am making the point that distance learning works for some kids. And not very subtly, I am making the point to please get over yourselves! We are in a pandemic. DCUM can continue to wring its hands, vituperate against schools, etc, but we'll still have distance learning anyway.

So... why not make the best of it? If you go in certain that the school year is going to be terrible, it will be, particularly with a teen. If you do your best to find something positive about it, it won't be that bad.

If OP is concerned about her teen's mental health, there are videoconferences available with a pediatrician, then a psychologist or therapist.

I sound mean, but please remember we're not sending our kids to be killed in Vietnam, we're not experiencing wartime starvation, we're not migrants, we get to sit at home with our internet and online deliveries. Get a grip.

I'm sorry, but you are a dumbass.

DP: No, I think there is a serious point here. It can be too easy to blame the pandemic for what you see in your kid, but that could be dangerous if something else is going on. This isn't a universal reaction to the pandemic, so I think it is important to look deeper.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My high schooler is SO RELIEVED and HAPPY that it's going to be all distance learning.

My elementary schooler as well, come to think of it.

They both did very well with distance learning this spring.

That seems to be rather irrelevant information.

Seriously, not constructive at all.

I am making the point that distance learning works for some kids. And not very subtly, I am making the point to please get over yourselves! We are in a pandemic. DCUM can continue to wring its hands, vituperate against schools, etc, but we'll still have distance learning anyway.

So... why not make the best of it? If you go in certain that the school year is going to be terrible, it will be, particularly with a teen. If you do your best to find something positive about it, it won't be that bad.

If OP is concerned about her teen's mental health, there are videoconferences available with a pediatrician, then a psychologist or therapist.

I sound mean, but please remember we're not sending our kids to be killed in Vietnam, we're not experiencing wartime starvation, we're not migrants, we get to sit at home with our internet and online deliveries. Get a grip.

I agree with this. I also can't understand why some kids seem to be crushed by this experience. Help them see that it's going to be okay. Help them make the most of it. Come up with a better plan than the one you've got going if it's not working. I guess that's what the OP is asking for help with, but I balk at the idea that DL is causing such anguish. It's attitude and personality. Resilience, grit, fortitude, perseverance -- all those things we keep talking about. This is it, folks. Explain to your kids that this is just the type of occasion you were talking about all those years when you said they needed to have these qualities in their back pocket.

Will the up by your bootstraps crowd please STFU? What's even worse than this pandemic is having to hear from self-righteous a$$holes 24-7.

[Anonymous]

OP I agree distance learning is a tragedy for kids.

Was your daughter not in any clubs? My kids are having church youth groups, Scouts and sports workouts. My teen got a job.

They only thing that lifted their spirits was being in person with friends.

[Anonymous]

I have 3 kids from junior high through college age. There is a difference between normal teen moodiness/boredom/pandemic blahs and depression. If you see your child showing no emotion at all, positive or negative, losing interest in activities and unable to perform in daily tasks, please have them screened and talk to someone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Thanks for the suggestions. I like the idea of walks with a Starbucks bribe...wish me luck. Regarding asking friends to do things, she always refuses when I suggest she do something with a pal. I think she feels embarrassed being the one to ask. I;d been clinging to the fact that I just had to get her through the summer and then she'd perk up at least on her two school days but now that is unlikely.

She pleaded with us to do hybrid and will be so upset when she finds out that will be gone.

Daily Starbucks walk works for my soon-to-be fifteen DD.

Second the idea that a therapist might help.

The idea that we should rather put our otherwise healthy kids in therapy/meds instead of figuring out how to safely reopen our schools just boggles the mind.

Therapy =/= meds. And I'm the one who suggested therapy, because OP's DD's response seems to be an outlier. This situation is awful for everyone. But when a person becomes so unhappy they refuse to do even small things to feel better, that's depression. You'll notice I started by suggesting that OP help talk her DD through her feelings...but therapy might help if that doesn't work.

Honestly. Everyone goes through setbacks, and since OP didn't mention that Covid has caused their family job loss or worse, OP's kids situation is actually not as bad as what many, many Americans are facing. This is an opportunity to teach kids how to cope with life's inevitable setbacks. Better now than when they are adults.

+1 and more. People must have lived charmed lives if they're not preparing their kids to handle adversity when they grow up.

What is wrong with some of you posters? You can't possibly believe that a teenager suffering from depression during a pandemic means that parents are not working to teach them how to handle adversity. Grow up and stop with these Duggerisms. Thank you.

Wha? No. Some of us are saying the parents might need to consider bringing outside help into the mix. I'm not the immediate PP, but I just tried to offer that it doesn't mean thee is anything "wrong" with the OP's DD, just that she might need a little help learning how to cope with this situation. And, frankly, a lot of adults would benefit from that help too...but they aren't lucky enough to have a parent like OP who is invested in helping their DD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine was doing conditioning classes and some rec league for her sport. Until she blew her knee out last week.

What rec league is open? What classes? Can you recommend any?

[Anonymous]

My DD is similar. I got her a puppy, which she had wanted forever. Makes her happy and forces her into being outside. And training the pup is a fun project.

If we stay remote for the fall, I’m going to help her set up a pod or whatever for study groups. She has good friends, but just has had a hard time adjusting to needing to schedule her hang out time. She was always around people pre-pandemic and never thought about it.

I have a similar personality, so I get it. If I had to work from home this year, it would have been ugly.

[Anonymous]

If you typically hire a housekeeper, could you teach dd all of those tasks and pay her a little bit?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm so worried about my 16 yr old DD. Do you have ideas for helping teens emotionally handle being stuck at home? She is getting less and less interactive and involved already, despite our best efforts to engage her and lift her mood. What ideas do you have for helping teens in the fall when the reality will truly hit that the positive things about high school are completely gone? She needs things to look forward to. (I'm not looking for general tips about the benefits of chores, volunteering, etc. And she will not want to try to join a pod.) Thanks.

Sorry to hear this. We had put my son in a mental health treatment facility. Was very hard to find a place they are all overwhelmed right now. At intake they said they have never before seen such a rush of kids with no known prior mental health issues.