I don't know if I should laugh or cry

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're a really good mother who has tried to make it easy for your child to have a relationship with his son. Hats off to you for going so long with having just a verbal agreement and while $400 is pretty laughable I'm glad he's shown some sense of responsibility by paying child support without having to get legal.

What do you think the driving reasons are for this sudden attempt to get legal? Somehow trying to avoid child support? Do you suspect he plans to move? A sudden realization that he has no real relationship with his son and is trying to do what he thinks he can to make up for lost time? He disagrees with your parenting on some fundamental level and wants a say? With middle and high school on the way he wants a say in where your son goes to school? Is bored self quarantining and wants a playmate on Sundays? Where is this coming from?

If mom and dad both contribute $400 a month, depending on the child it is plenty. We only spend more because of activities and not all kids do as much as ours.

$400 is enough for what exactly? My child can eat $200 of that, so that leaves the other $200 for a place to live, clothes, medical, etc. In what universe is that enough?

I am the OP and I have a an ok job (make about $100,000). I don't consider us poor, but every penny I earn goes towards caring for our child. We live a very modest life.

You still have expenses when you don't have children, including paying for a place to live. $800 a month specifically on kid related expenses is a reasonable amount.

I don't quite understand your scenario. You say you live in the same building. How often has your ex seen his son? Do they know each other? Has he ever wanted more time with his son?

Where are you getting $800 per month? I most certainly contribute more that.

I pay an extra $1000 per month just to have an extra room that my son lives in. Presumably, this is split in half so my portion of that would be $500 and his dad's would be $500. After care program is $325 per month. I dont know where you live so that $800 is a reasonable amount from both parents, but in this area it's not.

I can't live further out even if I wanted to because his dad never wanted to drop off or pick up so I have to live close enough to put my 8 hours in but also be able to drop off in the morning and pick up in the afternoon.

We moved into this building so my son can be close to his father because I believed that he needs both of his parents regardless of how much he was contributing financially. Of course, they know each other. He sees him once a week because that is all my ex wants to do. I would very much welcome help with homework and dinner, but that is not something he is willing to do. He strickly wants Sundays where all they do is play and watch movies.

Where are you living that it is an extra $1000 a month? You need to find cheaper housing. If Dad doesn't have visits, you can live further and split travel. Our entire mortgage is less than you spend on your housing. Its free to have our kids in our home as we bought a 3 bedroom so our basic expenses are food, clothing (not very much) and activities.

If he only wants Sunday's that's fine. Move to a cheaper area, you each drive one way or meet half way on Sunday and be done with it. You don't need to live in the same building if he only sees the child once a week. You choose to live in that building. Tell him you want him to have three (settle for 1-2) evenings a week and Sunday. Tell him you want $800-1K in child support. Tell him what you want and meet in-between.

You must have skipped over the part where I said I have to be close enough to drop off and pick up within a time that aftercare is open. I would have to move to Frederick to save anything substantial and never get to see my child, help him with homework, etc. I am not debating where I live. That is not why I posted.

You can get cheaper and child changes school. You want to live where you live which is fine but has nothing to do with dad. It has to do with your preferences.

Give it a rest. The root of OP’s issues is not money, and your advice would do more harm than good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you've done a great job under tough circumstances, OP. I hope the judge sees that. Let us know how it goes. Best wishes. However it turns out, you've done your very best for your son and he's lucky to have you.

Thank you for saying that.

Chin up. I went through the child custody support process with a somewhat similar situation. I didn’t file for time either. I waited until I knew my ex had a good financial year and pulled the trigger. The judge remarked that presumptivel custody, which is what you have and have had for a long time. Based on that I was awarded sole custody. I went proceeded to trial because I was lowballed on a support offer during mediation. Figuring I had nothing to lose I went to trial. I was awarded 3 times what my ex was offering. Each case is different and judges are human. You ex sounds like the kind of person family law judges love to hate.

Maybe for custody, not for child support, it's almost always determined by the guidelines unless you have a special needs child.

OP, why don't you just run the child support calculator and see how what he's paying compares to what the calculator says he would get. If he's almost 50 with almost no work history you're probably out of luck for imputing any significant income to him. You could check into that brokerage account though, even if it throws off 5% in dividends that's $25K per year plus imputed minimum wage you might get a decent amount.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you've done a great job under tough circumstances, OP. I hope the judge sees that. Let us know how it goes. Best wishes. However it turns out, you've done your very best for your son and he's lucky to have you.

Thank you for saying that.

Chin up. I went through the child custody support process with a somewhat similar situation. I didn’t file for time either. I waited until I knew my ex had a good financial year and pulled the trigger. The judge remarked that presumptivel custody, which is what you have and have had for a long time. Based on that I was awarded sole custody. I went proceeded to trial because I was lowballed on a support offer during mediation. Figuring I had nothing to lose I went to trial. I was awarded 3 times what my ex was offering. Each case is different and judges are human. You ex sounds like the kind of person family law judges love to hate.

Maybe for custody, not for child support, it's almost always determined by the guidelines unless you have a special needs child.

OP, why don't you just run the child support calculator and see how what he's paying compares to what the calculator says he would get. If he's almost 50 with almost no work history you're probably out of luck for imputing any significant income to him. You could check into that brokerage account though, even if it throws off 5% in dividends that's $25K per year plus imputed minimum wage you might get a decent amount.

Op here. Since his parents have always supported him I have no idea what his income is. That’s why we asked for his tax returns. I guess he could drag it out until July 15 but that’s ok.

[Anonymous]

OP, FWIW, I've seen this happen a lot with a bunch of friends of mine (we're all single/divorced/repartnered/whatever with grown kids now).

Your kids turns eleven or twelve and suddenly you get sued for custody out of the blue after years of minimal and sometimes begrudging involvement. Sometimes it's been because an ex has a new girlfriend and wants to play superdad all of the sudden. Sometimes it's been other reasons. Hang tight, don't freak out, and keep doing what's best for your kid. Big hugs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, FWIW, I've seen this happen a lot with a bunch of friends of mine (we're all single/divorced/repartnered/whatever with grown kids now).

Your kids turns eleven or twelve and suddenly you get sued for custody out of the blue after years of minimal and sometimes begrudging involvement. Sometimes it's been because an ex has a new girlfriend and wants to play superdad all of the sudden. Sometimes it's been other reasons. Hang tight, don't freak out, and keep doing what's best for your kid. Big hugs.

Thanks! I think our son is a lot more "fun" now than he was when he was a baby or a toddler. They can watch movies and talk about it, play video games, etc. When DS was in diapers and needed to be dressed and fed his dad had no interest in him.

[Anonymous]

10-12 are beautiful ages. Ends as a teenager. Your ex is an ass.

[Anonymous]

I totally get you OP, but you do need to get your story straight in your own mind. Practice so you can stay completely on-topic in court. I get why you are bitter that he has a lot of resources and a lot of earning potential but has contributed just a minimal amount financially, but that needs to be beside the point. You don’t care about the money, because you would rather have a full co-parent, in which case you wouldn’t get child support anyway. You want him to either:

1) participate fully as a parent (by which you mean: having a physical space for your son in his home, helping with homework at least 2 nights per week, being present for at least 50% of all teacher conferences, doctor appointments and therapy sessions).

OR

2) continue to participate as a weekend-only dad with up to 48-hours per week of physical custody but no legal custody because he has not be present enough to contribute to informed decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, FWIW, I've seen this happen a lot with a bunch of friends of mine (we're all single/divorced/repartnered/whatever with grown kids now).

Your kids turns eleven or twelve and suddenly you get sued for custody out of the blue after years of minimal and sometimes begrudging involvement. Sometimes it's been because an ex has a new girlfriend and wants to play superdad all of the sudden. Sometimes it's been other reasons. Hang tight, don't freak out, and keep doing what's best for your kid. Big hugs.

I’ve seen this also. Kid gets a lot of freedom with new dad then when the rebellious teen years start they play the parents against each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just agree, what is the big deal. Why can't he have one day a week and decision making with his child? Its in the child's best interests for Dad to be involved with a regular schedule.

DP. No. I would sue him to owed child support op. He will drop his demands within seconds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just agree, what is the big deal. Why can't he have one day a week and decision making with his child? Its in the child's best interests for Dad to be involved with a regular schedule.

DP. No. I would sue him to owed child support op. He will drop his demands within seconds.

Obviously I felt that it was in my child's best interest to have his dad involved which is why we live in the same building. It is his father who chooses not to participate. Even my lawyer said she has never seen anyone file a complaint like his.

Since he filed in DC, the issue of child support is automatic almost. If you are deciding custody then you are deciding on child suppost as well. I have already communicated through my lawyer to his lawyer that I am not disputing the Sunday visitation. I have records stating that he has had that for years. He is the one holding up the process now by refusing to provide his financial records and insisting that we need to have joint legal custody. I'm not his hired help. If I am going to be raising this child on my own, I want to be able to make the decision for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you've done a great job under tough circumstances, OP. I hope the judge sees that. Let us know how it goes. Best wishes. However it turns out, you've done your very best for your son and he's lucky to have you.

Thank you for saying that.

Chin up. I went through the child custody support process with a somewhat similar situation. I didn’t file for time either. I waited until I knew my ex had a good financial year and pulled the trigger. The judge remarked that presumptivel custody, which is what you have and have had for a long time. Based on that I was awarded sole custody. I went proceeded to trial because I was lowballed on a support offer during mediation. Figuring I had nothing to lose I went to trial. I was awarded 3 times what my ex was offering. Each case is different and judges are human. You ex sounds like the kind of person family law judges love to hate.

Maybe for custody, not for child support, it's almost always determined by the guidelines unless you have a special needs child.

OP, why don't you just run the child support calculator and see how what he's paying compares to what the calculator says he would get. If he's almost 50 with almost no work history you're probably out of luck for imputing any significant income to him. You could check into that brokerage account though, even if it throws off 5% in dividends that's $25K per year plus imputed minimum wage you might get a decent amount.

Op here. Since his parents have always supported him I have no idea what his income is. That’s why we asked for his tax returns. I guess he could drag it out until July 15 but that’s ok.

PP here and by and large you should be able to ascertain the information without the tax returns and solely from Forms 1099 and any W-2s. I'd want the tax return too but if it's not ready I'd get the other documents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you've done a great job under tough circumstances, OP. I hope the judge sees that. Let us know how it goes. Best wishes. However it turns out, you've done your very best for your son and he's lucky to have you.

Thank you for saying that.

Chin up. I went through the child custody support process with a somewhat similar situation. I didn’t file for time either. I waited until I knew my ex had a good financial year and pulled the trigger. The judge remarked that presumptivel custody, which is what you have and have had for a long time. Based on that I was awarded sole custody. I went proceeded to trial because I was lowballed on a support offer during mediation. Figuring I had nothing to lose I went to trial. I was awarded 3 times what my ex was offering. Each case is different and judges are human. You ex sounds like the kind of person family law judges love to hate.

Maybe for custody, not for child support, it's almost always determined by the guidelines unless you have a special needs child.

OP, why don't you just run the child support calculator and see how what he's paying compares to what the calculator says he would get. If he's almost 50 with almost no work history you're probably out of luck for imputing any significant income to him. You could check into that brokerage account though, even if it throws off 5% in dividends that's $25K per year plus imputed minimum wage you might get a decent amount.

Op here. Since his parents have always supported him I have no idea what his income is. That’s why we asked for his tax returns. I guess he could drag it out until July 15 but that’s ok.

PP here and by and large you should be able to ascertain the information without the tax returns and solely from Forms 1099 and any W-2s. I'd want the tax return too but if it's not ready I'd get the other documents.

He receives dividends and gifts from his family on a regular basis. That is how he is able to live and work so little. W2s and 1099s will not show that.

[Anonymous]

Did his mom, grandma, even give you money for ds? Did she ever show interests in her grandchild before? Is this some corona might kill me so I should fix my mistakes so I don't end up in hell? Is there a chance grandma and grandpa might leave substantial inheritance to you son?
Yes, I know I sound greedy, but I am pragmatic. Life is hard, jobs are not easy to find, and who knows what the economy will look like after corona, or in ten years. How much money do you have or your parents that might improve your child's economic future?
If they are never going to do anything for your kid that might make his future more financially sound, then screw them all!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you've done a great job under tough circumstances, OP. I hope the judge sees that. Let us know how it goes. Best wishes. However it turns out, you've done your very best for your son and he's lucky to have you.

Thank you for saying that.

Chin up. I went through the child custody support process with a somewhat similar situation. I didn’t file for time either. I waited until I knew my ex had a good financial year and pulled the trigger. The judge remarked that presumptivel custody, which is what you have and have had for a long time. Based on that I was awarded sole custody. I went proceeded to trial because I was lowballed on a support offer during mediation. Figuring I had nothing to lose I went to trial. I was awarded 3 times what my ex was offering. Each case is different and judges are human. You ex sounds like the kind of person family law judges love to hate.

Maybe for custody, not for child support, it's almost always determined by the guidelines unless you have a special needs child.

OP, why don't you just run the child support calculator and see how what he's paying compares to what the calculator says he would get. If he's almost 50 with almost no work history you're probably out of luck for imputing any significant income to him. You could check into that brokerage account though, even if it throws off 5% in dividends that's $25K per year plus imputed minimum wage you might get a decent amount.

Op here. Since his parents have always supported him I have no idea what his income is. That’s why we asked for his tax returns. I guess he could drag it out until July 15 but that’s ok.

PP here and by and large you should be able to ascertain the information without the tax returns and solely from Forms 1099 and any W-2s. I'd want the tax return too but if it's not ready I'd get the other documents.

He receives dividends and gifts from his family on a regular basis. That is how he is able to live and work so little. W2s and 1099s will not show that.

If they are giving him gifts it won't show up on his tax return either FYI, just on his parent's tax return. You could get it from his bank statements though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you've done a great job under tough circumstances, OP. I hope the judge sees that. Let us know how it goes. Best wishes. However it turns out, you've done your very best for your son and he's lucky to have you.

Thank you for saying that.

Chin up. I went through the child custody support process with a somewhat similar situation. I didn’t file for time either. I waited until I knew my ex had a good financial year and pulled the trigger. The judge remarked that presumptivel custody, which is what you have and have had for a long time. Based on that I was awarded sole custody. I went proceeded to trial because I was lowballed on a support offer during mediation. Figuring I had nothing to lose I went to trial. I was awarded 3 times what my ex was offering. Each case is different and judges are human. You ex sounds like the kind of person family law judges love to hate.

Maybe for custody, not for child support, it's almost always determined by the guidelines unless you have a special needs child.

OP, why don't you just run the child support calculator and see how what he's paying compares to what the calculator says he would get. If he's almost 50 with almost no work history you're probably out of luck for imputing any significant income to him. You could check into that brokerage account though, even if it throws off 5% in dividends that's $25K per year plus imputed minimum wage you might get a decent amount.

OP's child is special needs, so the medical costs, therapies and any costs for tutoring are "extras", and the non-custodial parent should be on the hook for at least a portion of it. A judge can absolutely take into account factors of the non custodial parent, like education, trust funds, how much the other parent could be earning etc., judges are human, and in my experience you don't want to make one angry. The OP needs an order. Without an order she has no recourse. Ladies/gents always, always get an order.