Appropriate response to email from MIL regarding COVID-19 death

[Anonymous]

As a former MIL of a woman who was a total psycho and treated my son very badly until he was finally able to divorce her after waiting until their kid graduated HS I'd like to just know this:

Why does everybody automatically assume this MUST be completely a case of a wacky bitchy MIL and can't possibly be caused by whatever the DIL is like?

I mean, isn't it possible that if his mom was as bad as OP says then her H would maybe do something about it, like defend his wife and not put up with his mom's crap? Just wondering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I refuse to acknowledge you exist apart when I need you sine my own son doesn't respond to me or check his e-mail. I would not respond at all. I would not have even showed this to dh. As a matter of fact, I would send her a reply! I agree with you. My reply would be: Fu*k off and never email me again. I am only sending this to you, so you know that you are blocked from my e-mail and my phone." Heck, I might add something like I will pretend that you were taken by covid yourself!
I hope she has never seen your kids, and that your dh never sees her in his whole life. Eff the higher ground! Tell you dh that you will make his mother's wish come true if he sees the nasty biatch. Then proceed to divorce him if he does.

Love this advice but there is a middle ground -- don't show it and let MIL know that you are not showing it so MIL can reach out on her own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a former MIL of a woman who was a total psycho and treated my son very badly until he was finally able to divorce her after waiting until their kid graduated HS I'd like to just know this:

Why does everybody automatically assume this MUST be completely a case of a wacky bitchy MIL and can't possibly be caused by whatever the DIL is like?

I mean, isn't it possible that if his mom was as bad as OP says then her H would maybe do something about it, like defend his wife and not put up with his mom's crap? Just wondering.

My guess is that your son married your DIL for a reason, that she was wonderful, and that you put so much horrible strain on the marriage that she had to divorce your son. Just my experience.

I don't think your son would have waited until their kid graduated from HS is she was truly pyscho. You were truly psycho and likely have NPD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a former MIL of a woman who was a total psycho and treated my son very badly until he was finally able to divorce her after waiting until their kid graduated HS I'd like to just know this:

Why does everybody automatically assume this MUST be completely a case of a wacky bitchy MIL and can't possibly be caused by whatever the DIL is like?

I mean, isn't it possible that if his mom was as bad as OP says then her H would maybe do something about it, like defend his wife and not put up with his mom's crap? Just wondering.

An appropriate response to your kid marrying someone awful is letting him know you'll always be there for him and an occasional "I'm worried about you and how she treats you." Not telling him to divorce her and get together with someone else. That's a crazy lack of appropriate boundaries with your kid that suggests lack of bad judgement in general. Also, the MIL emailed the wife. If I think someone's crazy, I don't contact them and I'm definitely not rude like this because I'm trying to avoid a fight with crazy people, not start one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a former MIL of a woman who was a total psycho and treated my son very badly until he was finally able to divorce her after waiting until their kid graduated HS I'd like to just know this:

Why does everybody automatically assume this MUST be completely a case of a wacky bitchy MIL and can't possibly be caused by whatever the DIL is like?

I mean, isn't it possible that if his mom was as bad as OP says then her H would maybe do something about it, like defend his wife and not put up with his mom's crap? Just wondering.

An appropriate response to your kid marrying someone awful is letting him know you'll always be there for him and an occasional "I'm worried about you and how she treats you." Not telling him to divorce her and get together with someone else. That's a crazy lack of appropriate boundaries with your kid that suggests lack of bad judgement in general. Also, the MIL emailed the wife. If I think someone's crazy, I don't contact them and I'm definitely not rude like this because I'm trying to avoid a fight with crazy people, not start one.

Well, maybe, but during the five to ten years my son put up with her while waiting for the kid to grow up he consulted a lawyer to find out where he stood twice, years apart. He wanted to divorce her but decided it wasn't yet in the best interests of the kid. So yeah, he could have told his wife that his mom encouraged him to divorce her because my H and I both offered to pay for the lawyer if that was the problem. I don't think my son ever said anything like that to his wife but apparently the OP's husband has told her what his mom said. That's pretty special isn't it? Why would he tell her, does he just want his wife to hate his mom? Or did the MIL actually tell the OP herself that she wants them to get a divorce. Just wondering!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a former MIL of a woman who was a total psycho and treated my son very badly until he was finally able to divorce her after waiting until their kid graduated HS I'd like to just know this:

Why does everybody automatically assume this MUST be completely a case of a wacky bitchy MIL and can't possibly be caused by whatever the DIL is like?

I mean, isn't it possible that if his mom was as bad as OP says then her H would maybe do something about it, like defend his wife and not put up with his mom's crap? Just wondering.

Did you read the original post? Like at all? The MIL sent the DIL an imperious post ordering her to show the email to the son. Son is obviously ignoring MIL. There are ways to do that in polite, firm, but distant way. Perhaps MIL could have said, Jane, I haven't heard from David in a while, and I was trying to make sure he knew that cousin Kathy had passed from Covid. Would you please ask him to respond to my email? Thank you.

NOT: Jane, print out this email and show it to David. I'm only emailing you because he doesn't check his email often enough.

Sounds to me like the son IS ignoring the MIL and not putting up with her crap by simply not responding to tales of woe of second counsins, and MIL is trying to work around that.

[Anonymous]

She wants you to pop off. Don't give her what she wants. You don't even need to respond. You did what was needed, informed your DH and that's all that's required. Delete. Move on with life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your response -

"In these very difficult times, you have my permission to directly get in touch with my husband to convey any news regarding COVID deaths.

Mrs. Full Name of DH. "

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignore, delete and block. She is just looking for attention from her son.

Or she is informing him of a death in the family.

Give me a break. A death of someone he has met once in his life. So what if he may share an ounce of dna. The person is basically a stranger. Mil is attention seeking on behalf of someone’s death. Shame on her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignore, delete and block. She is just looking for attention from her son.

Or she is informing him of a death in the family.

Give me a break. A death of someone he has met once in his life. So what if he may share an ounce of dna. The person is basically a stranger. Mil is attention seeking on behalf of someone’s death. Shame on her.

No shame needed. She is providing the information and it's up to OP's husband to reach out or not. This isn't OPs call or ours, it's his.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Respond: Thank you. I shared your message with DH.

Done.

This.

Yes, this is the correct response. Neutral.

This is appropriate. MIL's email seems pretty benign.

I agree. Whatever history these two women share, this email doesn't warrant a nasty response.

[Anonymous]

Reach out to cousin. Ignore MIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Respond: Thank you. I shared your message with DH.

Done.

This.

Yes, this is the correct response. Neutral.

“Done.” No more words necessary.

Exactly this. And I don't care how much she pisses you off. Don't engage. By ignoring the email regarding someone who has died you are engaging. By responding with anything other than what was suggested here, you are engaging. You need to find a way to deal with her that is neutral, water off a duck's back. She wants drama. She wants you to respond in terrible manner to prove "she is right about you." Pretend she doesn't bother you.
Don't give her the ammunition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a former MIL of a woman who was a total psycho and treated my son very badly until he was finally able to divorce her after waiting until their kid graduated HS I'd like to just know this:

Why does everybody automatically assume this MUST be completely a case of a wacky bitchy MIL and can't possibly be caused by whatever the DIL is like?

I mean, isn't it possible that if his mom was as bad as OP says then her H would maybe do something about it, like defend his wife and not put up with his mom's crap? Just wondering.

Did you read the original post? Like at all? The MIL sent the DIL an imperious post ordering her to show the email to the son. Son is obviously ignoring MIL. There are ways to do that in polite, firm, but distant way. Perhaps MIL could have said, Jane, I haven't heard from David in a while, and I was trying to make sure he knew that cousin Kathy had passed from Covid. Would you please ask him to respond to my email? Thank you.

NOT: Jane, print out this email and show it to David. I'm only emailing you because he doesn't check his email often enough.

Sounds to me like the son IS ignoring the MIL and not putting up with her crap by simply not responding to tales of woe of second counsins, and MIL is trying to work around that.

Yes I read the original post, like all of it. I am quite sure MIL is being rude to the OP. However, unlike 99% of the people here who are likely DIL themselves, it occurred to me that maybe the DIL is bringing this on, maybe not. I'm sure there is much more to this story. I can just imagine how my exDIL would have characterized a similar issue to gain the most sympathy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignore. My MIL does this, too.

Ignore. My ILs do this too, and it is truly because H answers no email, nor texts, and he rarely picks up the phone if it rings. Managing his relationship with his parents is not my problem.

. D

+1. Never respond to these types of emails.