Appropriate response to email from MIL regarding COVID-19 death

[Anonymous]

Why don't you say "You can call him directly if you need to communicate with him in the future".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Honest question from a mother of boys. How can I not become one of these mother-in-laws that all of you hate? I’m from a different culture and I don’t understand what these mother-in-laws have done to make daughter-in-laws hate them so much. Please don’t be snarky, I really want to know how to avoid becoming one of these mother-in-laws.

Well for one do not send an email saying Larla - I am only sending this to you because you check your email more frequently than my son. Please give it to him.

If you can not fathom why that is a bitchy thing to do then well there is little hope for you.

+1

Also, do not do any of the following, even if you feel like your son's wife is the absolute wrong choice: After 17 years, MIL refuses to accept that I'm DH's wife. She has flatly told him to divorce me, almost weekly encourages him to reach out to his HS gf. [i]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Respond: Thank you. I shared your message with DH.

Done.

This.

Yes, this is the correct response. Neutral.

“Done.” No more words necessary.

[Anonymous]

Ignore or say thank you.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like she is baiting him into calling her to get the cousins number.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ignore. My MIL does this, too.

Ignore. My ILs do this too, and it is truly because H answers no email, nor texts, and he rarely picks up the phone if it rings. Managing his relationship with his parents is not my problem.

[Anonymous]

I would just ignore. How could things get worse between you?

Google gray rock(or search DCUM). Just be a flat gray rock against which your MIL can make no purchase. Nothing she says or does ruffles you or impacts you whatsoever, because you are a gray rock.

Is your DH going to call his mom?

Did you post about this situation recently?

[Anonymous]

Don't respond. Alternatively, respond with a totally over the top saccharine message.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After 17 years, MIL refuses to accept that I'm DH's wife. She has flatly told him to divorce me, almost weekly encourages him to reach out to his HS gf, and generally is a complete MIL from #3!!. MIL still calls HS GF randomly and HS GF is still single and due to a lot of manipulation by MIL, is apparently waiting for DH to divorce me.

Today, I received this email from her to my account (not DH's):

----

Dear DH:

How are you? I hope you are well. I am writing to let you know that your second cousin's husband just died of COVID-29. Please call me today.

Larla - I am only sending this email to you because DH didn't check his email as often so print out this email, show it to him, and make sure he calls me today.

MIL

---

Obviously I showed DH the email. DH and I agree that we should reach out to second cousin who we don't really know and don't even know how to reach her. And DH has only met her once when I met her too at a huge family reunion.

DH then thinks that we should just ignore his mom and not reply at all but I'm adamantly against it. I just want to write:

I am not DH's secretary. I am his wife. If you are not going to address me as his equal partner and wife, please do not write me again.

Larla

Honest question from a mother of boys. How can I not become one of these mother-in-laws that all of you hate? I’m from a different culture and I don’t understand what these mother-in-laws have done to make daughter-in-laws hate them so much. Please don’t be snarky, I really want to know how to avoid becoming one of these mother-in-laws.

Serious question: Do you see nothing wrong with that email?

PP. I definitely see something wrong with that email. Not defending mother-in-law. My question was just a general question.

[Anonymous]

Respond in a way she would not expect, that presents you as united.

Oh my gosh, DH and I are so sorry to hear this. That is so horrible! Thank you so much for letting us know! We will say a prayer for her. XOXO, Larla and DH

[Anonymous]

Honest question from a mother of boys. How can I not become one of these mother-in-laws that all of you hate? I’m from a different culture and I don’t understand what these mother-in-laws have done to make daughter-in-laws hate them so much. Please don’t be snarky, I really want to know how to avoid becoming one of these mother-in-laws.


Serious question: Do you see nothing wrong with that email?



PP. I definitely see something wrong with that email. Not defending mother-in-law. My question was just a general question.

I think its quite easy. Just don't be an entitled, bitter a-hole.

[Anonymous]

Your response -

"In these very difficult times, you have my permission to directly get in touch with my husband to convey any news regarding COVID deaths.

Mrs. Full Name of DH. "

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Respond: Thank you. I shared your message with DH.

Done.

This.

Yes, this is the correct response. Neutral.

This is appropriate. MIL's email seems pretty benign.

[Anonymous]

I would forward it to him without a note and then block her email address.

I don’t accept emails from people that rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After 17 years, MIL refuses to accept that I'm DH's wife. She has flatly told him to divorce me, almost weekly encourages him to reach out to his HS gf, and generally is a complete MIL from #3!!. MIL still calls HS GF randomly and HS GF is still single and due to a lot of manipulation by MIL, is apparently waiting for DH to divorce me.

Today, I received this email from her to my account (not DH's):

----

Dear DH:

How are you? I hope you are well. I am writing to let you know that your second cousin's husband just died of COVID-29. Please call me today.

Larla - I am only sending this email to you because DH didn't check his email as often so print out this email, show it to him, and make sure he calls me today.

MIL

---

Obviously I showed DH the email. DH and I agree that we should reach out to second cousin who we don't really know and don't even know how to reach her. And DH has only met her once when I met her too at a huge family reunion.

DH then thinks that we should just ignore his mom and not reply at all but I'm adamantly against it. I just want to write:

I am not DH's secretary. I am his wife. If you are not going to address me as his equal partner and wife, please do not write me again.

Larla

Honest question from a mother of boys. How can I not become one of these mother-in-laws that all of you hate? I’m from a different culture and I don’t understand what these mother-in-laws have done to make daughter-in-laws hate them so much. Please don’t be snarky, I really want to know how to avoid becoming one of these mother-in-laws.

Don’t be a giant beyotch. It’s not that hard.