Husband leaves room to talk to MIL

[Anonymous]

OP are you washing your fruit and vegetables?

[Anonymous]

soexcited123 wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my mom calls I usually leave the room unless I'm in the middle of a project that can only be done in that room (like if I'm cooking I stay in the kitchen). I figure my wife will find it easier to read, watch TV, listen to music, whatever else she was doing. If my mom called with a question that involves my my wife (like when we're free to get together) or something else my wife needs to know about right away, I'll come back out and tell her.

My wife calls her parents almost every day when walking to the metro. If I'm ready at the same time we'll both be there when she calls; if we walk separately I don't care if she talks to her parents without me. I trust her. If I'm bugging her and she wants to tell her parents that, it's ok with me, though I don't think that's what they spend most of their time discussing! Besides, if my wife were keeping a big secret from me, I doubt she'd tell her parents about it.

I guess it's a worry that my husband is confiding in his mom about an issue we are having in our marriage and I would rather him go to me about it or an unbiased party such as a counselor. I like to keep any issues between us. Yes before anyone asks I apply the same rule for myself as well. I don't confide in my parents or ask for advice about issues in our marriage

Op, this is a good reminder that people have autonomy. You can’t control others, only you control your actions. Just because your husband wants to talk with some privacy doesn’t mean he’s actually talking about you. You’ve been together 14 years—get over it.

[soexcited123]

Anonymous wrote:I go in the other room when I get any phone call- a friend, my parents, siblings, etc. It is not so I can bad mouth DH. It's so he can continue peacefully doing whatever he is doing without listening to me tell stories about things he was there for. He does the same thing. Why would he want to listen to me tell my mom about how we spent our Saturday when he experienced it too? I also sometimes talk about sensitive subjects like my sibling with mental health issues. I tell my husband about her but I feel my mom deserves the respect of a private conversation first.

I do get that but once you marry isn't your family also his family? Why wouldn't your mom want her SIL to know about certain things? I would think most parents assume their child probably tells their spouse things.

[soexcited123]

Anonymous wrote:

soexcited123 wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my mom calls I usually leave the room unless I'm in the middle of a project that can only be done in that room (like if I'm cooking I stay in the kitchen). I figure my wife will find it easier to read, watch TV, listen to music, whatever else she was doing. If my mom called with a question that involves my my wife (like when we're free to get together) or something else my wife needs to know about right away, I'll come back out and tell her.

My wife calls her parents almost every day when walking to the metro. If I'm ready at the same time we'll both be there when she calls; if we walk separately I don't care if she talks to her parents without me. I trust her. If I'm bugging her and she wants to tell her parents that, it's ok with me, though I don't think that's what they spend most of their time discussing! Besides, if my wife were keeping a big secret from me, I doubt she'd tell her parents about it.

I guess it's a worry that my husband is confiding in his mom about an issue we are having in our marriage and I would rather him go to me about it or an unbiased party such as a counselor. I like to keep any issues between us. Yes before anyone asks I apply the same rule for myself as well. I don't confide in my parents or ask for advice about issues in our marriage

Op, this is a good reminder that people have autonomy. You can’t control others, only you control your actions. Just because your husband wants to talk with some privacy doesn’t mean he’s actually talking about you. You’ve been together 14 years—get over it.

There is autonomy but wanting your spouse to keep the inner happenings of your marriage private is a completely normal request and in fact most trained counselors would agree thats the best practice.

[soexcited123]

Anonymous wrote:OP are you washing your fruit and vegetables?

What are you talking about?

[Anonymous]

soexcited123 wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's respectful to leave the room if you are going to be a phone call. No one likes listening to 1/2 of a conversation and I'd rather read my book, do my work, watch TV in peace.

Privacy? What we he be talking to his mom about that he couldn't talk to me about. Call me crazy but yes I expect my husband to tell me everything and not hide things.

You need to work on your insecurities or else you are going to ruin your marriage.

[Anonymous]

soexcited123 wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I go in the other room when I get any phone call- a friend, my parents, siblings, etc. It is not so I can bad mouth DH. It's so he can continue peacefully doing whatever he is doing without listening to me tell stories about things he was there for. He does the same thing. Why would he want to listen to me tell my mom about how we spent our Saturday when he experienced it too? I also sometimes talk about sensitive subjects like my sibling with mental health issues. I tell my husband about her but I feel my mom deserves the respect of a private conversation first.

I do get that but once you marry isn't your family also his family? Why wouldn't your mom want her SIL to know about certain things? I would think most parents assume their child probably tells their spouse things.

No. I can see from this post that you don’t grasp the concepts of privacy or boundaries at all. My DH might want to have a conversation with his mom about some sensitive issues his sister is having that DO NOT INVOLVE ME. That doesn’t make it a secret - it just literally means it isn’t my business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait is OP the same nutjob who is convinced that once they are married everything is always the two of them. No relationships with family can exist unless both are included. She posted recently but maybe now has a username

I bet it is. And that she didnt like the answers she got on the other thread, so she's started a new one.

It's definitely the same poster from the SIL thread in the family forum.

[Anonymous]

Holy crap. OP - Calm. The. F. Down.

[soexcited123]

Anonymous wrote:

soexcited123 wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I go in the other room when I get any phone call- a friend, my parents, siblings, etc. It is not so I can bad mouth DH. It's so he can continue peacefully doing whatever he is doing without listening to me tell stories about things he was there for. He does the same thing. Why would he want to listen to me tell my mom about how we spent our Saturday when he experienced it too? I also sometimes talk about sensitive subjects like my sibling with mental health issues. I tell my husband about her but I feel my mom deserves the respect of a private conversation first.

I do get that but once you marry isn't your family also his family? Why wouldn't your mom want her SIL to know about certain things? I would think most parents assume their child probably tells their spouse things.

Personally I think if it's a member of my family it is my business..in laws are still family



No. I can see from this post that you don’t grasp the concepts of privacy or boundaries at all. My DH might want to have a conversation with his mom about some sensitive issues his sister is having that DO NOT INVOLVE ME. That doesn’t make it a secret - it just literally means it isn’t my business.

[Anonymous]

soexcited123 wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I go in the other room when I get any phone call- a friend, my parents, siblings, etc. It is not so I can bad mouth DH. It's so he can continue peacefully doing whatever he is doing without listening to me tell stories about things he was there for. He does the same thing. Why would he want to listen to me tell my mom about how we spent our Saturday when he experienced it too? I also sometimes talk about sensitive subjects like my sibling with mental health issues. I tell my husband about her but I feel my mom deserves the respect of a private conversation first.

I do get that but once you marry isn't your family also his family? Why wouldn't your mom want her SIL to know about certain things? I would think most parents assume their child probably tells their spouse things.

It's not that we are keeping things secret. But ultimately she is my mom and sister, not his, so I feel as though I need to have the conversation with my mom first and then relay the relevant information to my DH. I guess it boils down to people having different expectations in their marriages- ours leans towards being quite independent of each other in these types of matters.

[Anonymous]

soexcited123 wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's incredibly rude to have a conversation on the phone with someone else in the room, and it's beyond rude to listen in on someone's conversation. So most normal people leave the room when they're on the phone.

Marriage doesn't mean you cease to be able to have your own relationship with your family of origin. My husband has his relationship with his parents, I in turn have a separate, different relationship with them. He has his own relationship with my mother, I have mine. What he's not entitled to is MY relationship with my mother, which you seem to think is fair game after marriage. It's not.

You sre misquoting me where did you get that I was saying marriage means you don't have a relationship with your family of origin? Or what do you mean by me thinking I'm entitled to his relationship with his mother? Yes I think he shouldn't be confiding in his mother about things and hiding them or not telling me. I don't know what is so serious or deep in the mother son relationship that they need this big private convo. What do they talk about? Maybe this also has to do with the fact even after we got engaged she planned a family vacay and specifically told my fiance not to bring me never addressed my name on any xmas cards to him or made me feel welcome into the family.

You are genuinely psychotic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

soexcited123 wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I go in the other room when I get any phone call- a friend, my parents, siblings, etc. It is not so I can bad mouth DH. It's so he can continue peacefully doing whatever he is doing without listening to me tell stories about things he was there for. He does the same thing. Why would he want to listen to me tell my mom about how we spent our Saturday when he experienced it too? I also sometimes talk about sensitive subjects like my sibling with mental health issues. I tell my husband about her but I feel my mom deserves the respect of a private conversation first.

I do get that but once you marry isn't your family also his family? Why wouldn't your mom want her SIL to know about certain things? I would think most parents assume their child probably tells their spouse things.

It's not that we are keeping things secret. But ultimately she is my mom and sister, not his, so I feel as though I need to have the conversation with my mom first and then relay the relevant information to my DH. I guess it boils down to people having different expectations in their marriages- ours leans towards being quite independent of each other in these types of matters.

That's fair. I guess I just feel differently that once married we are all family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

soexcited123 wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's incredibly rude to have a conversation on the phone with someone else in the room, and it's beyond rude to listen in on someone's conversation. So most normal people leave the room when they're on the phone.

Marriage doesn't mean you cease to be able to have your own relationship with your family of origin. My husband has his relationship with his parents, I in turn have a separate, different relationship with them. He has his own relationship with my mother, I have mine. What he's not entitled to is MY relationship with my mother, which you seem to think is fair game after marriage. It's not.

You sre misquoting me where did you get that I was saying marriage means you don't have a relationship with your family of origin? Or what do you mean by me thinking I'm entitled to his relationship with his mother? Yes I think he shouldn't be confiding in his mother about things and hiding them or not telling me. I don't know what is so serious or deep in the mother son relationship that they need this big private convo. What do they talk about? Maybe this also has to do with the fact even after we got engaged she planned a family vacay and specifically told my fiance not to bring me never addressed my name on any xmas cards to him or made me feel welcome into the family.

You are genuinely psychotic.

How am I psychotic? By wanting to be included in the family? You literally have posters on here saying they sit and bash their DIL to their sons and now they are divorced from their wives so ultimately driving their dil to divorce their son but I'm the psychotic one

[Anonymous]

Your MIL is probably helping DH divorce you. He definitely needs to escape from your abusive, controlling, and psychotic behavior