I’m not dating material and I don’t know why?

[Anonymous]

I have to agree with the people saying you are after the wrong guys. I suppose I don’t know your exact preferences and situation but I am picturing you are an average type woman always pining for the ultra hot popular, 6 ft tall+ guy. He will sleep with you, but you’ll never be his girlfriend.

Change you standards. What is really important? And if a man is not pursuing you, he isn’t very interested (beyond occasional sex maybe). You should be adored and pursued by him, otherwise, move on quickly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men need their egos stroked, you have to fawn all over them... you are so great, you are so big, wow, that was amazing, that was the best I ever had. blah, blah, blah.

If you can't do that you will never sink the hook.

That has been my observation too...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend like this. In her case, it's because she picks guys who are "players", basically - flashy, smooth talkers who like to live it up. They're a lot of fun but never looking to commit, or if they do commit, it's to a 25 year old (she's 40). She's not willing to "settle" so not really open to dating guys who are "boring".

+100 I was one of those girls. Luckily I snapped out of it . But I still have friends in their 40s & 50s picking this type of man . Meanwhile years are ticking by and their looks are fading and still waiting for a “Faithful” Casanova lol

[Anonymous]

OP don't ever be a hookup, or have casual sex unless there's a commitment of dating exclusively. Otherwise you are wasting your time.

There is a vast and ever-renewing supply of horny recently divorced women who will provide casual sex. Any guy willing to put up with "only if we're dating exclusively" is weak, lazy, and probably unattractive. The guy you want a commitment from, doesn't have to commit to you. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are you and how old are these men you are dating?

I’m 52 and dating men in their 50’s early 60s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP don't ever be a hookup, or have casual sex unless there's a commitment of dating exclusively. Otherwise you are wasting your time.

There is a vast and ever-renewing supply of horny recently divorced women who will provide casual sex. Any guy willing to put up with "only if we're dating exclusively" is weak, lazy, and probably unattractive. The guy you want a commitment from, doesn't have to commit to you. Sorry.

I am seeing a woman my age who is definitely doing the "not until our Xth date" routine, which with our mutually busy schedules for career and children, takes a lot longer to reach whatever milestone she wants to hit before we sleep together. What she doesn't know is that I have a 24yo FWB who would never in a million years commit to me but is a great time in the meantime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men need their egos stroked, you have to fawn all over them... you are so great, you are so big, wow, that was amazing, that was the best I ever had. blah, blah, blah.

If you can't do that you will never sink the hook.

That has been my observation too...

If you want to have a marriage built on lies, sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP don't ever be a hookup, or have casual sex unless there's a commitment of dating exclusively. Otherwise you are wasting your time.

There is a vast and ever-renewing supply of horny recently divorced women who will provide casual sex. Any guy willing to put up with "only if we're dating exclusively" is weak, lazy, and probably unattractive. The guy you want a commitment from, doesn't have to commit to you. Sorry.

I am seeing a woman my age who is definitely doing the "not until our Xth date" routine, which with our mutually busy schedules for career and children, takes a lot longer to reach whatever milestone she wants to hit before we sleep together. What she doesn't know is that I have a 24yo FWB who would never in a million years commit to me but is a great time in the meantime.

She knows you’re not celibate and she’s OK with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you and how old are these men you are dating?

I’m 52 and dating men in their 50’s early 60s.

Well, 52 makes you not dating material. If I was in my 50s or 60s no way would I want to get married (again)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you pursue men and initiate dates? If yes, then try something different, let them lead.

Sometimes I pursue, sometimes I don’t. It just depends.

Let the men persue. Even on line let the men persue. Don't waste your time winking, initiating on line. Let the man be a man and persue.
You work on yourself in the meantime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Or a dating app in which you're explicit about what you're looking for -- then it's out there from the start.

I’ve been on Match, OkCupid, Tinder, and Bumble on and off for years.

Woman here. On all dating apps you let the man persue. Man initiates everything on line. Log in and see if you have any hits etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Middle aged...how is your appearance? Do you come across as needy or desperate? Any sort of hygenal issues?

her hygiene is probably totally fine if people are still going out with her beyond the first date or keeping up FWB status.

Agree, she is getting asked out, she is getting dates, she is getting hookups.

OP, let the man do all of the asking out for at least 8 dates. If the man is interested he will keep asking you out. If he is not interested he won't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This may sound meaner than I intend, but I am trying to help.

You are probably dating men who consider themselves out of your league. They are happy to sleep with you, but not to commit. (Caveat, is that I hate the concept of leagues, rating on a scale of 1-10, etc. and try not to think that way, I'm just saying what I'm guessing your dates think).

You may have to give a chance to the kind of men you wouldn't have considered previously who are seeking a relationship. I don't mean bozos or losers, but there are kind men out there who aren't total duds.

I admit, I am usually attracted to a certain type of man and some may be out of my league. But, as of late, ive been open to men who I may not typically be attracted to and have focused more on personality, intelligence, etc. They went nowhere.

Woman here. You need to be less invested in the dating process early on. Gentleman asks you out, then you go out. Keep dating casually with numerous men. The men
will keep asking you out if they are interested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man here. I'm now happily married, but here's how I could figure out who would be an FWB and who wouldn't:

- Pushover/eager to please. If I text you drunk at 2am while out with my friends and ask to come over and you say yes, every time..
- If you are open to always meeting at your/my place, and don't ask (nor suggest.. this is key) going out for dinner/some event/etc, then I'll assume you want FWB
- If when you write to me, you always make the talk sexual, and before I do.. FWB (sometimes is fine, not all the time)
- Ladder theory as a PP mentioned. If you're a 5 and I'm an 8, I'm going to assume I can get away with more, unless you push back.

(wow, I was kind of a dick when I was younger, looking back on it)

Then probably some of it is who you are attracting/attracted to. I have so many single male friends who are good guys, but not go-getters nor bad boys. Just decent guys I'd trust with my life, but nothing "exciting" to women. So what? When they manage to settle down, they make awesome fathers and husbands from what I've seen.

As for online dating and putting in your want a relationship, depending on the site, most guys are going to overlook that and assume you're still ready for a good time. After all, what woman would _not_ put in that she's looking for a relationship? I bet 90%+ of female profiles, especially among middle-aged women, have that.

OP, in line with the above poster, let the man initiate everything for the first 8 dates. Let the man be a man. If he wants to date you he figures out where he
is going to take you. Man asks you out Tuesday or at the latest Wednesday for Saturday night. The man selects the venue, dinner etc. You can suggest alternatives
if time or safety does not work for you. If man asks you out Friday for SAturday it is a bootie call. You have plans. You tell him to ask you out Tues or Wed for the weekend.

Also, in line with what the male said above. There are a lot of decent middle America men out there.

Don't be picky with on line dating. I suggest unless you have safety concerns you meet a variety of men. You let the men ask you out for subsequent dates.
Don't do the man's job of picking the date venue.

Around date 9 give or take have him over for your place for home cooked dinner.

Also, get involved in other venues outside of online dating. Adults sports, coed softball leagues, ball room dancing, activities through religious venues. Meet a variety
of people.

[Anonymous]

Also, if you are going to a female therapist switch to a male
therapist. He will clue you in on the male perspective.