I’m not dating material and I don’t know why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you pursue men and initiate dates? If yes, then try something different, let them lead.

This.

[Anonymous]

OP, also read some of the Dale Carnegie or sales type books.

Follow the 90 10 rule on early dates. Man does 90 % of the talking.

You throw out an open ended question and man talks.

Mirror his posture.

These are very strong sales techniques to get someone to like you. People like to talk about themselves. Let the man talk about himself. You listen and ask open ended questions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you and how old are these men you are dating?

I’m 52 and dating men in their 50’s early 60s.

Well, 52 makes you not dating material. If I was in my 50s or 60s no way would I want to get married (again)

OP here- the last man I was involved with, it was very casual and basically based on sex. We would go out for dinner, but it was based on sex. I liked him a lot, he wasn’t as in to me. I did self sabotage though and am very aware that I did. I’m not sure why I did given I liked him. Anyway, he moved on, we haven’t seen each other for a few years. We have mutual friends and I just learned he recently got engaged....he’s 62.

I know this age is a bad age to date and want to find someone for marriage. But not everyone feels as you do. There are some people who would like to be in a relationship. And at this age, I’m not dying to put on a white dress and walk down the aisle. But, I would like to be in a committed relationship with someone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, also read some of the Dale Carnegie or sales type books.

Follow the 90 10 rule on early dates. Man does 90 % of the talking.

You throw out an open ended question and man talks.

Mirror his posture.

These are very strong sales techniques to get someone to like you. People like to talk about themselves. Let the man talk about himself. You listen and ask open ended questions.

Omg, this is so gross. Are we back to The Rules? Not every woman wants a Neanderthal, or Ward Cleaver. Can we not?! I asked my husband for the second and third dates, back in1994, and we ended up very happily married for 20 yrs until he died. He was a big feminist and didn’t play games.

[Anonymous]

Nope, I can't help you at all because I ha e no information to go on besides what you've written here. That said, if we agreed to lunch, I'll bet I could tell you what's wrong after the first 10 minutes and a lot more by the time lunch ended.

You don't know how you are coming off with men and that's your problem. And none of them are going to provide you with a clue.

Let me ask you this, how much do you discuss your previous relationships or past dates with a man you just met?

[Anonymous]

At your age, you will have better luck with guys at least 8 years older than you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope, I can't help you at all because I ha e no information to go on besides what you've written here. That said, if we agreed to lunch, I'll bet I could tell you what's wrong after the first 10 minutes and a lot more by the time lunch ended.

You don't know how you are coming off with men and that's your problem. And none of them are going to provide you with a clue.

Let me ask you this, how much do you discuss your previous relationships or past dates with a man you just met?

You’re correct, none of them will provide me honest feedback.

I rarely talk bout previous relationships, dated, etc. Sometimes if it’s a date off Tinder, etc they may sk me if I’ve ever had any funny/crazy dates from hat. But I’m not one to discuss the men I’ve been involved with in the past.

I think I’m giving the wrong impression somehow, just not sure how?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At your age, you will have better luck with guys at least 8 years older than you.

I’m fine with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you and how old are these men you are dating?

I’m 52 and dating men in their 50’s early 60s.

Well, 52 makes you not dating material. If I was in my 50s or 60s no way would I want to get married (again)

OP here- the last man I was involved with, it was very casual and basically based on sex. We would go out for dinner, but it was based on sex. I liked him a lot, he wasn’t as in to me. I did self sabotage though and am very aware that I did. I’m not sure why I did given I liked him. Anyway, he moved on, we haven’t seen each other for a few years. We have mutual friends and I just learned he recently got engaged....he’s 62.

I know this age is a bad age to date and want to find someone for marriage. But not everyone feels as you do. There are some people who would like to be in a relationship. And at this age, I’m not dying to put on a white dress and walk down the aisle. But, I would like to be in a committed relationship with someone.

I think you need to have a class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you and how old are these men you are dating?

I’m 52 and dating men in their 50’s early 60s.

Well, 52 makes you not dating material. If I was in my 50s or 60s no way would I want to get married (again)

OP here- the last man I was involved with, it was very casual and basically based on sex. We would go out for dinner, but it was based on sex. I liked him a lot, he wasn’t as in to me. I did self sabotage though and am very aware that I did. I’m not sure why I did given I liked him. Anyway, he moved on, we haven’t seen each other for a few years. We have mutual friends and I just learned he recently got engaged....he’s 62.

I know this age is a bad age to date and want to find someone for marriage. But not everyone feels as you do. There are some people who would like to be in a relationship. And at this age, I’m not dying to put on a white dress and walk down the aisle. But, I would like to be in a committed relationship with someone.

I think you need to have a class.

A class on dating?

[Anonymous]

My sister has struggled with relationships her entire life. She is 47, very attractive, and educated. She has no idea how to set boundaries. She is attracted to all the wrong people. She is not an effective communicator. She sleeps with men too soon and allows the man to treat her as a FWB (does not set boundaries) but then gets upset when it doesn’t turn into the relationship she was looking for. It is so hard to watch because I can see every time what is going to happen a mile away. She needs counseling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re picking the wrong type of guys. You’re attracted to the wrong ones.

Bingo

[Anonymous]

Here is a little trick I use. I delete a new guy's contact information immediately after our first date, and and delete his texts as they come in, and after I've read them and responded as necessary. (Keep one or two text exchanges with him on your phone for safety whenever you are out on a date with the guy, for safety.) That way I am never able to initiate contact with the man, and he has to pursue me. And if he doesn't call or text after a date, then he is clearly not interested enough, and since I don't have any way to contact him, I don't embarrass myself in trying to pursue him. Try it ladies, it works.

[Anonymous]

Explore your experience and relationship with your father and men in general with a good therapist. Good Luck. Yes, you are likely self sabotaging and have this far, kept it unconscious. If you want to look and understand, get into therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you and how old are these men you are dating?

I’m 52 and dating men in their 50’s early 60s.

Well, 52 makes you not dating material. If I was in my 50s or 60s no way would I want to get married (again)

OP here- the last man I was involved with, it was very casual and basically based on sex. We would go out for dinner, but it was based on sex. I liked him a lot, he wasn’t as in to me. I did self sabotage though and am very aware that I did. I’m not sure why I did given I liked him. Anyway, he moved on, we haven’t seen each other for a few years. We have mutual friends and I just learned he recently got engaged....he’s 62.

I know this age is a bad age to date and want to find someone for marriage. But not everyone feels as you do. There are some people who would like to be in a relationship. And at this age, I’m not dying to put on a white dress and walk down the aisle. But, I would like to be in a committed relationship with someone.

If it was primarily sexual and he wasn’t as into you as you were him, I’m not sure what you sabotaged, besides the continuation of a purely sexual relationship/FWB. It seems you wonder if maybe you didn’t “self-sabotage” it would be you getting engaged to him rather than this other woman — as if he were a “one who got away”...but that’s not the case. You weren’t going to end up with him.