I’m not dating material and I don’t know why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop referring to yourself as a female?

Hmmmm......we’ll I am a female and I’m asking men for their advice? If I didn’t include that information, I’m sure someone would have asked my gender. I actually believe that there are genders?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Or a dating app in which you're explicit about what you're looking for -- then it's out there from the start.

I’ve been on Match, OkCupid, Tinder, and Bumble on and off for years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Middle aged...how is your appearance? Do you come across as needy or desperate? Any sort of hygenal issues?

her hygiene is probably totally fine if people are still going out with her beyond the first date or keeping up FWB status.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who is like this. And I know she picks the wrong type of guy. She likes the bad boy type— hot but self absorbed. What can you do?

[Anonymous]

I was in the dating world for 25 yrs after my divorce. I’m an expert on dating I would say. Being told I look like such celebrities as Shania Twain, Jaclyn Smith, Sandra Bullock, and even Sophia Vergara! I of course pursued 9s & 10s because I could. To have success with men you need to date within your league. If you are a 5, you need to date 5s or less. The only way to bump up the scale of men is to raise your number. You can do that by having a great figure and a sense of style. Which pretty much anyone can achieve with diet and exercise. Most men will choose the 5s with the 8 body over the 8s with the 5 body. I would also get some advice from a stylist, hairdresser, makeup artist. Be the best you can be. I swear if I didn’t diet and exercise and wear beautiful figure flattering clothing and take time to do my hair and makeup I’d look like Rosie O’Donnell! I did waste years in relationships with 9s & 10s that were too young for me but I wanted to be in control. . Now I’m married to a extremely wealthy man(6) my age where I have to compromise. But that’s marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This may sound meaner than I intend, but I am trying to help.

You are probably dating men who consider themselves out of your league. They are happy to sleep with you, but not to commit. (Caveat, is that I hate the concept of leagues, rating on a scale of 1-10, etc. and try not to think that way, I'm just saying what I'm guessing your dates think).

You may have to give a chance to the kind of men you wouldn't have considered previously who are seeking a relationship. I don't mean bozos or losers, but there are kind men out there who aren't total duds.

I admit, I am usually attracted to a certain type of man and some may be out of my league. But, as of late, ive been open to men who I may not typically be attracted to and have focused more on personality, intelligence, etc. They went nowhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who is like this. And I know she picks the wrong type of guy. She likes the bad boy type— hot but self absorbed. What can you do?

Is your friend middle aged like the OP? She may still be able to change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was in the dating world for 25 yrs after my divorce. I’m an expert on dating I would say. Being told I look like such celebrities as Shania Twain, Jaclyn Smith, Sandra Bullock, and even Sophia Vergara! I of course pursued 9s & 10s because I could. To have success with men you need to date within your league. If you are a 5, you need to date 5s or less. The only way to bump up the scale of men is to raise your number. You can do that by having a great figure and a sense of style. Which pretty much anyone can achieve with diet and exercise. Most men will choose the 5s with the 8 body over the 8s with the 5 body. I would also get some advice from a stylist, hairdresser, makeup artist. Be the best you can be. I swear if I didn’t diet and exercise and wear beautiful figure flattering clothing and take time to do my hair and makeup I’d look like Rosie O’Donnell! I did waste years in relationships with 9s & 10s that were too young for me but I wanted to be in control. . Now I’m married to a extremely wealthy man(6) my age where I have to compromise. But that’s marriage.

How old were you when you divorced and when did you remarry?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Middle aged...how is your appearance? Do you come across as needy or desperate? Any sort of hygenal issues?

her hygiene is probably totally fine if people are still going out with her beyond the first date or keeping up FWB status.

I don’t have any hygiene issues- good teeth, good hair, dress nice ( I’m constantly being complimented on my outfits, even by men. At work, I’ve been told I’m the best dressed woman there), I bath daily, no crazy acne, keep my nails & toes polished, conservative make-up, shave my legs every day!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, that was a well-written and honest post. As a few have said, use the on-line route, and explicitly state you seek a relationship. You also state you "are not sleeping with some of them on a first date". Wait a sec; I am not a numbers person, but, I am guessing you have gone on lots of first dates. Can you define 'some'? You need to somewhat raise your own self-opinion. Don't sleep w anyone on first date. Trust me, that will in a weird way turn off a lot of guys

When I was younger, in college through early 30’s, I was a party girl (no drugs) and had a good amount of ONS. Had no issues with it. Now, that I’m older, I don’t. And since I’ve been seriously looking for someone to settle down with, I’ve waited to sleep with someone I’m interested in. Some we’ve waited until date 3, others date 6-7. I know for some, that still may too soon.


I actually haven’t been on all that many first dates the last few years, but more than normal just by being on online dating apps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait, you've made it to middle age (40 plus) without having a single long term relationship despite wanting one?

Something is holding you back. Whether it's bad choices, self-sabotaging, whatever. You may want to see a therapist.

I would agree, something is holding me back and I do self sabotage some. I am currently in therapy and trying to work on myself. I’m also interested in what others think. I think hearing other people’s views help me see things different ways.

[Anonymous]

OP, how old are you?

[Anonymous]

Do you pursue men and initiate dates? If yes, then try something different, let them lead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, that was a well-written and honest post. As a few have said, use the on-line route, and explicitly state you seek a relationship. You also state you "are not sleeping with some of them on a first date". Wait a sec; I am not a numbers person, but, I am guessing you have gone on lots of first dates. Can you define 'some'? You need to somewhat raise your own self-opinion. Don't sleep w anyone on first date. Trust me, that will in a weird way turn off a lot of guys

When I was younger, in college through early 30’s, I was a party girl (no drugs) and had a good amount of ONS. Had no issues with it. Now, that I’m older, I don’t. And since I’ve been seriously looking for someone to settle down with, I’ve waited to sleep with someone I’m interested in. Some we’ve waited until date 3, others date 6-7. I know for some, that still may too soon.


I actually haven’t been on all that many first dates the last few years, but more than normal just by being on online dating apps.

This is the risk of waiting too long to act like you want to settle down-- a lot of the men who want to settle down have already done so by the time you get out of the "party girl" mindset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, how old are you?

52