Do you give host gift when DC goes on vacation with another family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We get verbal thx and offers to reimburse which we decline.
I do it for my kids, one DD is very social and loves having her friends around - enough thanks for me.

+1 Why would you expect something in return? Yes, I may e providing your kid with an opportunity/experience they may not have had otherwise but when I issue an invitation, whether it's to come on a trip, get ice cream or come for a sleepover, I expect nothing more than a 'thank you' - and a verbal 'thank you' is just fine.

I think we all feel that way about ice cream or sleepovers. You can’t equate that to taking kids on a trip.

So the efforts a guest must make to thank you for your invitation depends on the amount of money you spend on them? Why not just tell them what you expect in return so you aren't disappointed and the guest can then determine if the invitation is worth it?

Once again- no. I think the vast majority pay back at some point or other sleepovers or movie outings, ice cream outings, play dates, lasertag, driving to the mall, taking out to dinner - whatever. Taking a kid on a trip is completely different: it’s a massive responsibility, little down time, more work, more expensive, more mess, more work, more planning, etc. You can justify this all you want but the fact of the matter is a small token of appreciation is warranted in this situation. Sorry you don’t agree. You’re wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine not giving a gift and a thank you card. That's how I was raised and how I am raising my own kids.

That's fine. Just know that because it's your family practice doesn't make it universal or a norm. Lots of people don't do this and wouldn't think of doing this though they very much appreciate you taking their child on a trip and think highly of you and your family for including their child.

Lots of kids don't write thank you notes for birthday gifts, lots of parents don't bother to respond to Evites. Manners are a lost art.

But thank you notes and rsvps are KNOWN things. They are maybe lost arts but only because everyone knew they were supposed to do them. This hostess gift thing is not clearly known by everyone. My mom was Ms. Manners and I'd never heard of this. We always brought wine when invited over to dinner and always sent thank you notes for gifts but nothing but verbal thank yous when a friend took me on a family trip. Seems like a nice thing to do and nothing wrong with doing it, but it's not a known thing.

Then your mom was def not Ms. Manners.

Please, let's not besmirch the good name of Miss Manners!

https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/miss-manners-guests-arent-required-to-bring-gift-to-the-host/2015/01/27/d60e7c0a-a333-11e4-b146-577832eafcb4_story.html

"Despite the number of people who say they were brought up “never to appear empty-handed,” there are indeed circles in which this is not practiced.

It is not money that defines such people, but a sense of hospitality. While they may be pleased to receive an occasional bouquet or box of chocolates, they dislike what has come to seem like a barter system — a contribution in exchange for a meal. The truly essential bargain between host and guest requires the guest only to respond promptly, show up on time, socialize with other guests, thank the host, write additional thanks and reciprocate."

The real Miss Manners says otherwise:

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.chicagotribune.com/news/ct-xpm-1999-09-19-9909190266-story,amp.html

Quoting:
“House visits, however, do require a gift, "either upon arrival or after one has cased the place to see what's needed," she advises in characteristic Miss Manners sentiment...”

Emily Post agrees. I don't know of any manners "expert" who doesn't think overnight guests should bring a gift.

https://emilypost.com/advice/houseguest-thank-you-gift-ideas/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We get verbal thx and offers to reimburse which we decline.
I do it for my kids, one DD is very social and loves having her friends around - enough thanks for me.

+1 Why would you expect something in return? Yes, I may e providing your kid with an opportunity/experience they may not have had otherwise but when I issue an invitation, whether it's to come on a trip, get ice cream or come for a sleepover, I expect nothing more than a 'thank you' - and a verbal 'thank you' is just fine.

I think we all feel that way about ice cream or sleepovers. You can’t equate that to taking kids on a trip.

So the efforts a guest must make to thank you for your invitation depends on the amount of money you spend on them? Why not just tell them what you expect in return so you aren't disappointed and the guest can then determine if the invitation is worth it?

Once again- no. I think the vast majority pay back at some point or other sleepovers or movie outings, ice cream outings, play dates, lasertag, driving to the mall, taking out to dinner - whatever. Taking a kid on a trip is completely different: it’s a massive responsibility, little down time, more work, more expensive, more mess, more work, more planning, etc. You can justify this all you want but the fact of the matter is a small token of appreciation is warranted in this situation. Sorry you don’t agree. You’re wrong.

You say, 'no', but then go on to say that, unlike sleepovers/movie/ice cream, taking someone on a trip requires a small token of appreciation because of the increased resources you expend. As demonstrated on this thread, your expectation is not universal. That doesn't mean it's wrong or right, it's just different. When people have differing expectations and those expectations are not clear, you're likely to be disappointed. In your case, you are also judgmental of those who do not meet your expectation. I'm fine with you not inviting my kid on your trips.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, you don't give a hostess gift. It would be nice for the kid to write a thank you note, but you were thanked. What do you want, an award? This is why I don't let mine go.

I approve of you not letting your kid go. Yes, the hosts have done a favor to your kid. They are the givers and you are the takers. If you do not like this dynamic and can not show your gratitude (thanks, gift, reciprocity) you are better off not engaging in this. This way you are not obliged by them.

[Anonymous]

^ This may be the differences in responses, you think of it as a favor to the guest kid. I don't, but as a request from my kids.
Is the guest kid asking to come on your vacations?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ This may be the differences in responses, you think of it as a favor to the guest kid. I don't, but as a request from my kids.
Is the guest kid asking to come on your vacations?

...or you're kid is doing us a favor by being a companion to my kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We get verbal thx and offers to reimburse which we decline.
I do it for my kids, one DD is very social and loves having her friends around - enough thanks for me.

+1 Why would you expect something in return? Yes, I may e providing your kid with an opportunity/experience they may not have had otherwise but when I issue an invitation, whether it's to come on a trip, get ice cream or come for a sleepover, I expect nothing more than a 'thank you' - and a verbal 'thank you' is just fine.

I think we all feel that way about ice cream or sleepovers. You can’t equate that to taking kids on a trip.

So the efforts a guest must make to thank you for your invitation depends on the amount of money you spend on them? Why not just tell them what you expect in return so you aren't disappointed and the guest can then determine if the invitation is worth it?

Once again- no. I think the vast majority pay back at some point or other sleepovers or movie outings, ice cream outings, play dates, lasertag, driving to the mall, taking out to dinner - whatever. Taking a kid on a trip is completely different: it’s a massive responsibility, little down time, more work, more expensive, more mess, more work, more planning, etc. You can justify this all you want but the fact of the matter is a small token of appreciation is warranted in this situation. Sorry you don’t agree. You’re wrong.

You say, 'no', but then go on to say that, unlike sleepovers/movie/ice cream, taking someone on a trip requires a small token of appreciation because of the increased resources you expend. As demonstrated on this thread, your expectation is not universal. That doesn't mean it's wrong or right, it's just different. When people have differing expectations and those expectations are not clear, you're likely to be disappointed. In your case, you are also judgmental of those who do not meet your expectation. I'm fine with you not inviting my kid on your trips.

I would be fine with even a handwritten note. To give nothing is wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We get verbal thx and offers to reimburse which we decline.
I do it for my kids, one DD is very social and loves having her friends around - enough thanks for me.

+1 Why would you expect something in return? Yes, I may e providing your kid with an opportunity/experience they may not have had otherwise but when I issue an invitation, whether it's to come on a trip, get ice cream or come for a sleepover, I expect nothing more than a 'thank you' - and a verbal 'thank you' is just fine.

I think we all feel that way about ice cream or sleepovers. You can’t equate that to taking kids on a trip.

So the efforts a guest must make to thank you for your invitation depends on the amount of money you spend on them? Why not just tell them what you expect in return so you aren't disappointed and the guest can then determine if the invitation is worth it?

Once again- no. I think the vast majority pay back at some point or other sleepovers or movie outings, ice cream outings, play dates, lasertag, driving to the mall, taking out to dinner - whatever. Taking a kid on a trip is completely different: it’s a massive responsibility, little down time, more work, more expensive, more mess, more work, more planning, etc. You can justify this all you want but the fact of the matter is a small token of appreciation is warranted in this situation. Sorry you don’t agree. You’re wrong.

You say, 'no', but then go on to say that, unlike sleepovers/movie/ice cream, taking someone on a trip requires a small token of appreciation because of the increased resources you expend. As demonstrated on this thread, your expectation is not universal. That doesn't mean it's wrong or right, it's just different. When people have differing expectations and those expectations are not clear, you're likely to be disappointed. In your case, you are also judgmental of those who do not meet your expectation. I'm fine with you not inviting my kid on your trips.

Even Ms Manners says an overnight guest brings something. But you do you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We get verbal thx and offers to reimburse which we decline.
I do it for my kids, one DD is very social and loves having her friends around - enough thanks for me.

+1 Why would you expect something in return? Yes, I may e providing your kid with an opportunity/experience they may not have had otherwise but when I issue an invitation, whether it's to come on a trip, get ice cream or come for a sleepover, I expect nothing more than a 'thank you' - and a verbal 'thank you' is just fine.

I think we all feel that way about ice cream or sleepovers. You can’t equate that to taking kids on a trip.

So the efforts a guest must make to thank you for your invitation depends on the amount of money you spend on them? Why not just tell them what you expect in return so you aren't disappointed and the guest can then determine if the invitation is worth it?

Once again- no. I think the vast majority pay back at some point or other sleepovers or movie outings, ice cream outings, play dates, lasertag, driving to the mall, taking out to dinner - whatever. Taking a kid on a trip is completely different: it’s a massive responsibility, little down time, more work, more expensive, more mess, more work, more planning, etc. You can justify this all you want but the fact of the matter is a small token of appreciation is warranted in this situation. Sorry you don’t agree. You’re wrong.

You say, 'no', but then go on to say that, unlike sleepovers/movie/ice cream, taking someone on a trip requires a small token of appreciation because of the increased resources you expend. As demonstrated on this thread, your expectation is not universal. That doesn't mean it's wrong or right, it's just different. When people have differing expectations and those expectations are not clear, you're likely to be disappointed. In your case, you are also judgmental of those who do not meet your expectation. I'm fine with you not inviting my kid on your trips.

DP weighing in. We frequently take other children with us on extended trips. Sometimes it is to our second home, sometimes it is to a vacation spot here in the US and sometimes it is to a vacation spot outside of the US. And just so we're clear, we pay all of the expenses, including flight costs whether it is a commercial airline seat or a private charter. We pay all the expenses because the child is our guest. Just as we don't charge a room rate if the child comes for a sleepover, neither do we charge the cost of airfare or anything else. Yikes.

We do not see this as a quid pro quo situation. We of course appreciate a verbal thank you at the end of the trip but anything more would be offensive. We invited the child because we wanted their presence and thought the child would like to go with us.

When our children have traveled with other families, we have not offered to pay and we have only given verbal thanks afterwards. If someone thinks this is rude then so be it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We get verbal thx and offers to reimburse which we decline.
I do it for my kids, one DD is very social and loves having her friends around - enough thanks for me.

+1 Why would you expect something in return? Yes, I may e providing your kid with an opportunity/experience they may not have had otherwise but when I issue an invitation, whether it's to come on a trip, get ice cream or come for a sleepover, I expect nothing more than a 'thank you' - and a verbal 'thank you' is just fine.

I think we all feel that way about ice cream or sleepovers. You can’t equate that to taking kids on a trip.

So the efforts a guest must make to thank you for your invitation depends on the amount of money you spend on them? Why not just tell them what you expect in return so you aren't disappointed and the guest can then determine if the invitation is worth it?

Once again- no. I think the vast majority pay back at some point or other sleepovers or movie outings, ice cream outings, play dates, lasertag, driving to the mall, taking out to dinner - whatever. Taking a kid on a trip is completely different: it’s a massive responsibility, little down time, more work, more expensive, more mess, more work, more planning, etc. You can justify this all you want but the fact of the matter is a small token of appreciation is warranted in this situation. Sorry you don’t agree. You’re wrong.

You say, 'no', but then go on to say that, unlike sleepovers/movie/ice cream, taking someone on a trip requires a small token of appreciation because of the increased resources you expend. As demonstrated on this thread, your expectation is not universal. That doesn't mean it's wrong or right, it's just different. When people have differing expectations and those expectations are not clear, you're likely to be disappointed. In your case, you are also judgmental of those who do not meet your expectation. I'm fine with you not inviting my kid on your trips.

DP weighing in. We frequently take other children with us on extended trips. Sometimes it is to our second home, sometimes it is to a vacation spot here in the US and sometimes it is to a vacation spot outside of the US. And just so we're clear, we pay all of the expenses, including flight costs whether it is a commercial airline seat or a private charter. We pay all the expenses because the child is our guest. Just as we don't charge a room rate if the child comes for a sleepover, neither do we charge the cost of airfare or anything else. Yikes.

We do not see this as a quid pro quo situation. We of course appreciate a verbal thank you at the end of the trip but anything more would be offensive. We invited the child because we wanted their presence and thought the child would like to go with us.

When our children have traveled with other families, we have not offered to pay and we have only given verbal thanks afterwards. If someone thinks this is rude then so be it.

Thank you notes and hostess gifts are good manners. It's not about quid pro quo, and under no circumstances is it offensive.

[Anonymous]

^^Because Miss Manners says so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good god, no! I've never expected nor ever received a gift for taking a kid on an outing/trip with us. I expect a verbal 'thank you' from the kid but that's it - and have always gotten one.

+1 We've received verbal thanks and that seemed more than appropriate. I would be, I don't know what the right word/emotion is, upset? embarrassed?, if we received a hostess gift. These are kids. When our kids have gone with someone else's family then usually we have the kid make something, like cookies, that we send on a later date.

The last time we did it we spent thousands of dollars on the extra kids - literally. I would think something more than a verbal thanks is appreciate (written note, plant, flowers, gift card, meal, etc)

You choose to spend thousands and invite the kids. Expecting families to do equal may not be in their budget, I know its not in ours but we wouldn't accept and let ours go so its a non-issue.

Who said I expected families to do equal? A handwritten thank you note is free. Flowers are $10. A plant is $8.

You’re the one who chose to invite the friend - now you’re putting their family in a potentially awkward situation because they may not want to spend money on a thank you gift for you. This is one reason we wouldn’t allow our children to go on someone else’s vacation. We wouldn’t want to send our child with a bunch of spending money or have to worry about reciprocating with an appropriate thank you gift in your eyes. No thanks.

Something is wrong with you. Worry about reciprocating? You’ve got some nerve. Someone took your kid on a vacation allowing him to experience something he otherwise wouldn’t have and you think you’ll feel awkward because you don’t want to get a token thank you gift? Please decline these invites. Please.

You have a reading comprehension problem, unfortunately. I didn’t ask someone to take my kid on a vacation, we’ve never been asked, and if asked we wouldn’t allow our kids to go. We don’t want to deal with any of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We get verbal thx and offers to reimburse which we decline.
I do it for my kids, one DD is very social and loves having her friends around - enough thanks for me.

+1 Why would you expect something in return? Yes, I may e providing your kid with an opportunity/experience they may not have had otherwise but when I issue an invitation, whether it's to come on a trip, get ice cream or come for a sleepover, I expect nothing more than a 'thank you' - and a verbal 'thank you' is just fine.

I think we all feel that way about ice cream or sleepovers. You can’t equate that to taking kids on a trip.

So the efforts a guest must make to thank you for your invitation depends on the amount of money you spend on them? Why not just tell them what you expect in return so you aren't disappointed and the guest can then determine if the invitation is worth it?

Once again- no. I think the vast majority pay back at some point or other sleepovers or movie outings, ice cream outings, play dates, lasertag, driving to the mall, taking out to dinner - whatever. Taking a kid on a trip is completely different: it’s a massive responsibility, little down time, more work, more expensive, more mess, more work, more planning, etc. You can justify this all you want but the fact of the matter is a small token of appreciation is warranted in this situation. Sorry you don’t agree. You’re wrong.

You say, 'no', but then go on to say that, unlike sleepovers/movie/ice cream, taking someone on a trip requires a small token of appreciation because of the increased resources you expend. As demonstrated on this thread, your expectation is not universal. That doesn't mean it's wrong or right, it's just different. When people have differing expectations and those expectations are not clear, you're likely to be disappointed. In your case, you are also judgmental of those who do not meet your expectation. I'm fine with you not inviting my kid on your trips.

DP weighing in. We frequently take other children with us on extended trips. Sometimes it is to our second home, sometimes it is to a vacation spot here in the US and sometimes it is to a vacation spot outside of the US. And just so we're clear, we pay all of the expenses, including flight costs whether it is a commercial airline seat or a private charter. We pay all the expenses because the child is our guest. Just as we don't charge a room rate if the child comes for a sleepover, neither do we charge the cost of airfare or anything else. Yikes.

We do not see this as a quid pro quo situation. We of course appreciate a verbal thank you at the end of the trip but anything more would be offensive. We invited the child because we wanted their presence and thought the child would like to go with us.

When our children have traveled with other families, we have not offered to pay and we have only given verbal thanks afterwards. If someone thinks this is rude then so be it.

Thank you notes and hostess gifts are good manners. It's not about quid pro quo, and under no circumstances is it offensive.

In whose opinion? Yours??? Well, look at la di dah you.

I completely disagree with your perspective. Sheesh.

You're offended if you get a verbal thank you and not a written one? And you need a hostess gift to feel good about yourself? It certainly is quid pro quo that you're going to be mad you don't get a present. That's sad. And, frankly, if that is your expectation (written thank you, not verbal, and a present) then you should state it up front, before the trip, and not set this family/child up to fail because they didn't jump through your clearly singular hoops (since you and your opinion seem to be in the minority here).

A verbal thank you from a guest is all I want. And if you think you have to buy me a gift to say thank you then I absolutely find that offensive because imo opinion it means that you think I will feel better about you because you bought me a present. Yuck.

But you do you, and I will try not to judge you too harshly for your very narrow band of what is hospitable behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We get verbal thx and offers to reimburse which we decline.
I do it for my kids, one DD is very social and loves having her friends around - enough thanks for me.

+1 Why would you expect something in return? Yes, I may e providing your kid with an opportunity/experience they may not have had otherwise but when I issue an invitation, whether it's to come on a trip, get ice cream or come for a sleepover, I expect nothing more than a 'thank you' - and a verbal 'thank you' is just fine.

I think we all feel that way about ice cream or sleepovers. You can’t equate that to taking kids on a trip.

So the efforts a guest must make to thank you for your invitation depends on the amount of money you spend on them? Why not just tell them what you expect in return so you aren't disappointed and the guest can then determine if the invitation is worth it?

Once again- no. I think the vast majority pay back at some point or other sleepovers or movie outings, ice cream outings, play dates, lasertag, driving to the mall, taking out to dinner - whatever. Taking a kid on a trip is completely different: it’s a massive responsibility, little down time, more work, more expensive, more mess, more work, more planning, etc. You can justify this all you want but the fact of the matter is a small token of appreciation is warranted in this situation. Sorry you don’t agree. You’re wrong.

You say, 'no', but then go on to say that, unlike sleepovers/movie/ice cream, taking someone on a trip requires a small token of appreciation because of the increased resources you expend. As demonstrated on this thread, your expectation is not universal. That doesn't mean it's wrong or right, it's just different. When people have differing expectations and those expectations are not clear, you're likely to be disappointed. In your case, you are also judgmental of those who do not meet your expectation. I'm fine with you not inviting my kid on your trips.

DP weighing in. We frequently take other children with us on extended trips. Sometimes it is to our second home, sometimes it is to a vacation spot here in the US and sometimes it is to a vacation spot outside of the US. And just so we're clear, we pay all of the expenses, including flight costs whether it is a commercial airline seat or a private charter. We pay all the expenses because the child is our guest. Just as we don't charge a room rate if the child comes for a sleepover, neither do we charge the cost of airfare or anything else. Yikes.

We do not see this as a quid pro quo situation. We of course appreciate a verbal thank you at the end of the trip but anything more would be offensive. We invited the child because we wanted their presence and thought the child would like to go with us.

When our children have traveled with other families, we have not offered to pay and we have only given verbal thanks afterwards. If someone thinks this is rude then so be it.

Thank you notes and hostess gifts are good manners. It's not about quid pro quo, and under no circumstances is it offensive.

In whose opinion? Yours??? Well, look at la di dah you.

I completely disagree with your perspective. Sheesh.

You're offended if you get a verbal thank you and not a written one? And you need a hostess gift to feel good about yourself? It certainly is quid pro quo that you're going to be mad you don't get a present. That's sad. And, frankly, if that is your expectation (written thank you, not verbal, and a present) then you should state it up front, before the trip, and not set this family/child up to fail because they didn't jump through your clearly singular hoops (since you and your opinion seem to be in the minority here).

A verbal thank you from a guest is all I want. And if you think you have to buy me a gift to say thank you then I absolutely find that offensive because imo opinion it means that you think I will feel better about you because you bought me a present. Yuck.

But you do you, and I will try not to judge you too harshly for your very narrow band of what is hospitable behavior.

Another poster who thinks you’re wrong. I’m guessing your kid doesn’t write thank you notes, either. No one is mad about all this but it’s noticeable and a shame. And you’re not taking kids on privately chartered planes. Please.

[Anonymous]

^ You get verbal thanks and still expect a written thank you note? We normally do one or the other, both would feel redundant.

Ha! Emily Post agrees, " Handwritten notes are warmer and more personal than a phone call or email, and only second best to thanking someone in person. "
https://emilypost.com/advice/different-ways-to-say-thank-you/