Do you give host gift when DC goes on vacation with another family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow-I am pretty shocked at how many here do little if anything! When my kids have been invited to a vacation we absolutely give them money to bring the host family out to dinner. If it is to their vacation home my kid would arrive with a gift (either a food gift or something fun for the week or candle/frame), the offer for bringing family out for a meal (or cook a meal at the house.) In addition to verbally thanking them and being a great guest, a hand written card would also be sent. And I have to say that this is pretty much what kids did for us when we hosted them - and most often we get letters from the kids and the parent. While we would decline letting them treat us for a full meal, we'd let them get ice cream or cook pancaked (though we'd buy ingredients.)

If we had guests who took our generosity so much for granted that they didn't thank us with a letter or email and just did a verbal thanks - they would probably not be invited back with any pleasure on our part.

You guys are giving candles as hostess gifts?

That’s worse than bringing nothing. Nobody wants more clutter in their beach house. There’s a great SNL skit about the candle that gets regifted. Just stop.

I wasn't that poster but my favorite hostess gifts are candles.

[Anonymous]

^ meaning my favorite gift to receive.

[Anonymous]

No host gifts and also no thank you notes if we had a chance to thank verbally in person. The proper way to thank is to reciprocate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No host gifts and also no thank you notes if we had a chance to thank verbally in person. The proper way to thank is to reciprocate.

-1

[Anonymous]

A gift?? No. That is odd. No one wants more stuff. Our kids (2 of them) went away with another family for a weekend. I had them each hand write thank you notes to the parents when they returned and mailed them. We go out as families often as our kids share activities. We picked up the dinner tab for them a couple times in a row.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine not giving a gift and a thank you card. That's how I was raised and how I am raising my own kids.

That's fine. Just know that because it's your family practice doesn't make it universal or a norm. Lots of people don't do this and wouldn't think of doing this though they very much appreciate you taking their child on a trip and think highly of you and your family for including their child.

Lots of kids don't write thank you notes for birthday gifts, lots of parents don't bother to respond to Evites. Manners are a lost art.

But thank you notes and rsvps are KNOWN things. They are maybe lost arts but only because everyone knew they were supposed to do them. This hostess gift thing is not clearly known by everyone. My mom was Ms. Manners and I'd never heard of this. We always brought wine when invited over to dinner and always sent thank you notes for gifts but nothing but verbal thank yous when a friend took me on a family trip. Seems like a nice thing to do and nothing wrong with doing it, but it's not a known thing.

Then your mom was def not Ms. Manners.

Please, let's not besmirch the good name of Miss Manners!

https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/miss-manners-guests-arent-required-to-bring-gift-to-the-host/2015/01/27/d60e7c0a-a333-11e4-b146-577832eafcb4_story.html

"Despite the number of people who say they were brought up “never to appear empty-handed,” there are indeed circles in which this is not practiced.

It is not money that defines such people, but a sense of hospitality. While they may be pleased to receive an occasional bouquet or box of chocolates, they dislike what has come to seem like a barter system — a contribution in exchange for a meal. The truly essential bargain between host and guest requires the guest only to respond promptly, show up on time, socialize with other guests, thank the host, write additional thanks and reciprocate."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh this was totally me as a kid. My mom was raise lower class and my dad’s dad died when he was a kid so his mom was never around. They never thought me about this stuff. I remember figuring it out myself when I was in college, and I was mortified. Still am. I bought every etiquette book I could find at borders to try to teach myself.

Same here

Your parents couldn't afford it. All that is required is a written thank you note, but that is taught by parents so a verbal thank you is ok too.

[Anonymous]

I never expect it, but it is nice when people do it. A thoughtful thank you note is more than enough. Nothing is kind of not ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We get verbal thx and offers to reimburse which we decline.
I do it for my kids, one DD is very social and loves having her friends around - enough thanks for me.

+1 Why would you expect something in return? Yes, I may e providing your kid with an opportunity/experience they may not have had otherwise but when I issue an invitation, whether it's to come on a trip, get ice cream or come for a sleepover, I expect nothing more than a 'thank you' - and a verbal 'thank you' is just fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We get verbal thx and offers to reimburse which we decline.
I do it for my kids, one DD is very social and loves having her friends around - enough thanks for me.

+1 Why would you expect something in return? Yes, I may e providing your kid with an opportunity/experience they may not have had otherwise but when I issue an invitation, whether it's to come on a trip, get ice cream or come for a sleepover, I expect nothing more than a 'thank you' - and a verbal 'thank you' is just fine.

I think we all feel that way about ice cream or sleepovers. You can’t equate that to taking kids on a trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine not giving a gift and a thank you card. That's how I was raised and how I am raising my own kids.

That's fine. Just know that because it's your family practice doesn't make it universal or a norm. Lots of people don't do this and wouldn't think of doing this though they very much appreciate you taking their child on a trip and think highly of you and your family for including their child.

Lots of kids don't write thank you notes for birthday gifts, lots of parents don't bother to respond to Evites. Manners are a lost art.

But thank you notes and rsvps are KNOWN things. They are maybe lost arts but only because everyone knew they were supposed to do them. This hostess gift thing is not clearly known by everyone. My mom was Ms. Manners and I'd never heard of this. We always brought wine when invited over to dinner and always sent thank you notes for gifts but nothing but verbal thank yous when a friend took me on a family trip. Seems like a nice thing to do and nothing wrong with doing it, but it's not a known thing.

Then your mom was def not Ms. Manners.

Please, let's not besmirch the good name of Miss Manners!

https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/miss-manners-guests-arent-required-to-bring-gift-to-the-host/2015/01/27/d60e7c0a-a333-11e4-b146-577832eafcb4_story.html

"Despite the number of people who say they were brought up “never to appear empty-handed,” there are indeed circles in which this is not practiced.

It is not money that defines such people, but a sense of hospitality. While they may be pleased to receive an occasional bouquet or box of chocolates, they dislike what has come to seem like a barter system — a contribution in exchange for a meal. The truly essential bargain between host and guest requires the guest only to respond promptly, show up on time, socialize with other guests, thank the host, write additional thanks and reciprocate."

The real Miss Manners says otherwise:

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.chicagotribune.com/news/ct-xpm-1999-09-19-9909190266-story,amp.html

Quoting:
“House visits, however, do require a gift, "either upon arrival or after one has cased the place to see what's needed," she advises in characteristic Miss Manners sentiment...”

[Anonymous]

You guys are giving candles as hostess gifts?

That’s worse than bringing nothing. Nobody wants more clutter in their beach house. There’s a great SNL skit about the candle that gets regifted. Just stop.

We have a beach house and love receiving candles - and several people have brought them!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine not giving a gift and a thank you card. That's how I was raised and how I am raising my own kids.

That's fine. Just know that because it's your family practice doesn't make it universal or a norm. Lots of people don't do this and wouldn't think of doing this though they very much appreciate you taking their child on a trip and think highly of you and your family for including their child.

Lots of kids don't write thank you notes for birthday gifts, lots of parents don't bother to respond to Evites. Manners are a lost art.

But thank you notes and rsvps are KNOWN things. They are maybe lost arts but only because everyone knew they were supposed to do them. This hostess gift thing is not clearly known by everyone. My mom was Ms. Manners and I'd never heard of this. We always brought wine when invited over to dinner and always sent thank you notes for gifts but nothing but verbal thank yous when a friend took me on a family trip. Seems like a nice thing to do and nothing wrong with doing it, but it's not a known thing.

Then your mom was def not Ms. Manners.

Please, let's not besmirch the good name of Miss Manners!

https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/miss-manners-guests-arent-required-to-bring-gift-to-the-host/2015/01/27/d60e7c0a-a333-11e4-b146-577832eafcb4_story.html

"Despite the number of people who say they were brought up “never to appear empty-handed,” there are indeed circles in which this is not practiced.

It is not money that defines such people, but a sense of hospitality. While they may be pleased to receive an occasional bouquet or box of chocolates, they dislike what has come to seem like a barter system — a contribution in exchange for a meal. The truly essential bargain between host and guest requires the guest only to respond promptly, show up on time, socialize with other guests, thank the host, write additional thanks and reciprocate."

This doesn't fly in lots of cultures. manners are entirely cultural. Americans aren't all wasps. This shit is practically irrelevant now when it's just done by the numbers

[Anonymous]

Depends - if it's our super close friends where our kids are in and out of each others' houses all the time, then no - we do enough for each other and don't need the formality of a gift.

My daughter was invited to the beach last summer with some friends that we knew but not as well and yes, we sent her with a gift for the hosts and a thank you note.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We get verbal thx and offers to reimburse which we decline.
I do it for my kids, one DD is very social and loves having her friends around - enough thanks for me.

+1 Why would you expect something in return? Yes, I may e providing your kid with an opportunity/experience they may not have had otherwise but when I issue an invitation, whether it's to come on a trip, get ice cream or come for a sleepover, I expect nothing more than a 'thank you' - and a verbal 'thank you' is just fine.

I think we all feel that way about ice cream or sleepovers. You can’t equate that to taking kids on a trip.

So the efforts a guest must make to thank you for your invitation depends on the amount of money you spend on them? Why not just tell them what you expect in return so you aren't disappointed and the guest can then determine if the invitation is worth it?