Do you give host gift when DC goes on vacation with another family?

[Anonymous]

We have a beach house and frequently host kids. Very frequently, those kids bring gifts, though nothing big. Things like a candle, a dozen bakery cupcakes, something we can all share for breakfast, etc. We always appreciate it. It’s definitely the way I was brought up, and my kids do the same. We don’t tend to do the written notes on top of it. If someone is hosting your kid for a weekend or longer in their house, I think the least you can do is send something. Adults go to dinners or parties at other houses and it’s pretty common to bring a bottle of wine or similar, why wouldn’t it be the same kind of rule when someone is feeding your kid for days in a row?

I also think there may be a difference in staying at someone’s house (or rented house even), and taking a kid to a hotel, where sending something for the house or to be shared wouldn’t make sense.

[Anonymous]

I always send extra cash so my kids pay lunch/ dinner for the group or gas money. No other gifts. Personal pocket money is a must.

[Anonymous]

We get verbal thx and offers to reimburse which we decline.
I do it for my kids, one DD is very social and loves having her friends around - enough thanks for me.

[Anonymous]

Like the previous poster, I think...

Send kid with spending money

Many, many thanks, preferably written

Genuine offers to reciprocate in some way, even much smaller (dinner out, sleepover)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Like the previous poster, I think...

Send kid with spending money

Many, many thanks, preferably written

Genuine offers to reciprocate in some way, even much smaller (dinner out, sleepover)

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine not giving a gift and a thank you card. That's how I was raised and how I am raising my own kids.

That's fine. Just know that because it's your family practice doesn't make it universal or a norm. Lots of people don't do this and wouldn't think of doing this though they very much appreciate you taking their child on a trip and think highly of you and your family for including their child.

Lots of kids don't write thank you notes for birthday gifts, lots of parents don't bother to respond to Evites. Manners are a lost art.

But thank you notes and rsvps are KNOWN things. They are maybe lost arts but only because everyone knew they were supposed to do them. This hostess gift thing is not clearly known by everyone. My mom was Ms. Manners and I'd never heard of this. We always brought wine when invited over to dinner and always sent thank you notes for gifts but nothing but verbal thank yous when a friend took me on a family trip. Seems like a nice thing to do and nothing wrong with doing it, but it's not a known thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine not giving a gift and a thank you card. That's how I was raised and how I am raising my own kids.

That's fine. Just know that because it's your family practice doesn't make it universal or a norm. Lots of people don't do this and wouldn't think of doing this though they very much appreciate you taking their child on a trip and think highly of you and your family for including their child.

Lots of kids don't write thank you notes for birthday gifts, lots of parents don't bother to respond to Evites. Manners are a lost art.

But thank you notes and rsvps are KNOWN things. They are maybe lost arts but only because everyone knew they were supposed to do them. This hostess gift thing is not clearly known by everyone. My mom was Ms. Manners and I'd never heard of this. We always brought wine when invited over to dinner and always sent thank you notes for gifts but nothing but verbal thank yous when a friend took me on a family trip. Seems like a nice thing to do and nothing wrong with doing it, but it's not a known thing.

Then your mom was def not Ms. Manners.

[Anonymous]

Wow-I am pretty shocked at how many here do little if anything! When my kids have been invited to a vacation we absolutely give them money to bring the host family out to dinner. If it is to their vacation home my kid would arrive with a gift (either a food gift or something fun for the week or candle/frame), the offer for bringing family out for a meal (or cook a meal at the house.) In addition to verbally thanking them and being a great guest, a hand written card would also be sent. And I have to say that this is pretty much what kids did for us when we hosted them - and most often we get letters from the kids and the parent. While we would decline letting them treat us for a full meal, we'd let them get ice cream or cook pancaked (though we'd buy ingredients.)

If we had guests who took our generosity so much for granted that they didn't thank us with a letter or email and just did a verbal thanks - they would probably not be invited back with any pleasure on our part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good god, no! I've never expected nor ever received a gift for taking a kid on an outing/trip with us. I expect a verbal 'thank you' from the kid but that's it - and have always gotten one.

+1 We've received verbal thanks and that seemed more than appropriate. I would be, I don't know what the right word/emotion is, upset? embarrassed?, if we received a hostess gift. These are kids. When our kids have gone with someone else's family then usually we have the kid make something, like cookies, that we send on a later date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good god, no! I've never expected nor ever received a gift for taking a kid on an outing/trip with us. I expect a verbal 'thank you' from the kid but that's it - and have always gotten one.

+1 We've received verbal thanks and that seemed more than appropriate. I would be, I don't know what the right word/emotion is, upset? embarrassed?, if we received a hostess gift. These are kids. When our kids have gone with someone else's family then usually we have the kid make something, like cookies, that we send on a later date.

The last time we did it we spent thousands of dollars on the extra kids - literally. I would think something more than a verbal thanks is appreciate (written note, plant, flowers, gift card, meal, etc)

[Anonymous]

We often take our kids' friends with us on vacation. We don't expect anything other than a verbal thanks (and we pay for everything). Sometimes the kids' friends bring food or money to buy all of the kids on the trip (siblings, etc.) something fun like Dairy Queen blizzards. One time a friend's mom made a picture book for our DD and her friend. That was an awesome gift!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good god, no! I've never expected nor ever received a gift for taking a kid on an outing/trip with us. I expect a verbal 'thank you' from the kid but that's it - and have always gotten one.

+1 We've received verbal thanks and that seemed more than appropriate. I would be, I don't know what the right word/emotion is, upset? embarrassed?, if we received a hostess gift. These are kids. When our kids have gone with someone else's family then usually we have the kid make something, like cookies, that we send on a later date.

The last time we did it we spent thousands of dollars on the extra kids - literally. I would think something more than a verbal thanks is appreciate (written note, plant, flowers, gift card, meal, etc)

Sounds like you're one of those people who equate gratitude with the efforts someone makes to thank you. Not every one is like you. I teach my kids to avoid bean-counters like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow-I am pretty shocked at how many here do little if anything! When my kids have been invited to a vacation we absolutely give them money to bring the host family out to dinner. If it is to their vacation home my kid would arrive with a gift (either a food gift or something fun for the week or candle/frame), the offer for bringing family out for a meal (or cook a meal at the house.) In addition to verbally thanking them and being a great guest, a hand written card would also be sent. And I have to say that this is pretty much what kids did for us when we hosted them - and most often we get letters from the kids and the parent. While we would decline letting them treat us for a full meal, we'd let them get ice cream or cook pancaked (though we'd buy ingredients.)

If we had guests who took our generosity so much for granted that they didn't thank us with a letter or email and just did a verbal thanks - they would probably not be invited back with any pleasure on our part.

You should not expect a gift. It was your choice to invite. A written thank you is nice but a verbal is just as important especially when most don't send thank you notes anymore (we do but we never get any). I wouldn't send a candle or frame nor would I want one. If kids came with money, we wouldn't use it. It was our invitation, our treat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good god, no! I've never expected nor ever received a gift for taking a kid on an outing/trip with us. I expect a verbal 'thank you' from the kid but that's it - and have always gotten one.

+1 We've received verbal thanks and that seemed more than appropriate. I would be, I don't know what the right word/emotion is, upset? embarrassed?, if we received a hostess gift. These are kids. When our kids have gone with someone else's family then usually we have the kid make something, like cookies, that we send on a later date.

The last time we did it we spent thousands of dollars on the extra kids - literally. I would think something more than a verbal thanks is appreciate (written note, plant, flowers, gift card, meal, etc)

You choose to spend thousands and invite the kids. Expecting families to do equal may not be in their budget, I know its not in ours but we wouldn't accept and let ours go so its a non-issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow-I am pretty shocked at how many here do little if anything! When my kids have been invited to a vacation we absolutely give them money to bring the host family out to dinner. If it is to their vacation home my kid would arrive with a gift (either a food gift or something fun for the week or candle/frame), the offer for bringing family out for a meal (or cook a meal at the house.) In addition to verbally thanking them and being a great guest, a hand written card would also be sent. And I have to say that this is pretty much what kids did for us when we hosted them - and most often we get letters from the kids and the parent. While we would decline letting them treat us for a full meal, we'd let them get ice cream or cook pancaked (though we'd buy ingredients.)

If we had guests who took our generosity so much for granted that they didn't thank us with a letter or email and just did a verbal thanks - they would probably not be invited back with any pleasure on our part.

We’re talking about kids here. You really wouldn’t invite a kid back unless that kid gave you a gift?

I’m a PP who has kid guests at least ten times a year and have been doing this for years. I just can’t imagine being upset over not getting a gift. I just love seeing my kids and their guests having fun.