Mistresses, how do you rationalize dating a married man?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was a mistress once in my 20’s and the way I rationalized it is that I did not want to break up the marriage - I was just having fun. I’m happily married now with kids and he seems happily married as well (FB). I think be went through a rough patch with his life when his children were young and that is when we were seeing each other. No idea if he is faithful now. But again, I didn’t and don’t feel guilty because it was relatively brief and I wasn’t breaking up a family.

And if karma bites you?

DP but I don't worry about karma--I've always been faithful in my committed relationships. Not my business to police anyone else's fidelity and I never gave it a second thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With my exDH, his mistress was older. She used her “I need to be saved” drama to lure my husband who loves that sort of thing. I was checked out succeeding in my career and supporting our family. He needed to feel important. I take blame but in the end, they were the shitty people.

Similar situation here. 5 years older and also married with kids. Don't take the blame!

[Anonymous]

There are a lot of cheaters on here. Like a lot.

They are not going to get that it's disrespectful on both ends. If you are the AP, then you are just as terrible. Don't kid yourselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I was a mistress once in my 20’s and the way I rationalized it is that I did not want to break up the marriage - I was just having fun. I’m happily married now with kids and he seems happily married as well (FB). I think be went through a rough patch with his life when his children were young and that is when we were seeing each other. No idea if he is faithful now. But again, I didn’t and don’t feel guilty because it was relatively brief and I wasn’t breaking up a family.


And if karma bites you?


DP but I don't worry about karma--I've always been faithful in my committed relationships. Not my business to police anyone else's fidelity and I never gave it a second thought.

But Isn’t is everyone’s job as just a human, a member of society, to be a decent person? You and the PP with no regret fail at that if you are knowingly sleeping with someone else’s spouse. It is absolutely a huge betrayal by the person who took their vows, but it’s a different kind of crappy from the AP with blinders on who willlfully ignores the fact that their actions are/may have a huge negative impact on another person/family. You know, the whole treat others how you would like to be treated? Knowingly sleeping with someone else’s spouse definitely demonstrates a lack of character.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why aren’t you asking how married men rationalize having a mistress?

We know men are pigs. We are wondering why women do it.

Not all of them. Your shitty marriage isn’t a reflection on all men.

Not all marriages with infidelity are shitty.

Sure, your marriage was blissful and idyllic. Except for the part where he was balls deep in another woman a couple times a week.

Haha sex has nothing to with emotions.

It’s like doing shots with friends... it’s just something fun to do at a conference.

If cheating is so inconsequential, I don’t see what the problem is.

[Anonymous]

I think these women do this to families for financial reasons. Money over morals. My job isn’t keeping my husband excited 24/7 so he doesn’t shop around. I suppose I could get implants and fillers to look younger, but no thanks. You can have him.

[Anonymous]

I had a married man as my boyfriend in my 20s and was hit by a few before.

This is their trick.
They don’t tell you they are married!
They told you that you are the only one.
I was too stupid I believed him ( the one I went steady with). Yes there were suspicious behaviors, but I was too stupid to see them as red flags . After a year into relationship, I got smarter and sneak to see his cellphone, and other personal stuffs. Found out he was married, broke my heart. Confronted him.

Anyway after that relationship ended, I learned my lessen, Trust but Alway Verify.
I am in my late 30s and I am happily married now for the past 9 years. ( not with that jerk) and yes I spy on my husband and vice verse. I do not believe that there is personal space in a marriage. There s only Our space. . If my partner can’t take that, I m out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I blame the mistress because they use their youth and vitality to intoxicate the married man who is probably going through a mid-life crisis - is this all there-is, oh look, a younger women is after me - I still got it, mentality; then falls prey to her Venus fly trap.

This worked on me.... once.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think I'm about to become a mistress. Last time we met, he asked me repeatedly and I've thought a lot about it since. We've been friends for 6+ years although I've never met his wife. We don't talk about her or his home life at all.

I guess I'm playing out a cost / benefit analysis in my head, and the upside seems to be winning out? Maybe I'm just more European about these things. He's European, actually, so maybe that mentality has rubbed off on me.

Are Europeans more agreeable to affairs? As in betrayed spouses don't really care as much because they are European, and well, this happens?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I'm about to become a mistress. Last time we met, he asked me repeatedly and I've thought a lot about it since. We've been friends for 6+ years although I've never met his wife. We don't talk about her or his home life at all.

I guess I'm playing out a cost / benefit analysis in my head, and the upside seems to be winning out? Maybe I'm just more European about these things. He's European, actually, so maybe that mentality has rubbed off on me.

Are Europeans more agreeable to affairs? As in betrayed spouses don't really care as much because they are European, and well, this happens?

I'm European, and where I'm from there's kind of a "boys will boys" attitude, and people look the other way as long as it doesn't interfere with family life. There was an article in the local paper about prositution (it's legal where I'm from) and they asked some of the prostitutes about their typical client. The vast majority were married men who would come to visit on their lunch break.

[Anonymous]

Your husband lies and says you don’t exist. And apparently you believe his lies to you too because he’s never on the phone with you and doesn’t mind spending a lot of time with me!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think I'm about to become a mistress. Last time we met, he asked me repeatedly and I've thought a lot about it since. We've been friends for 6+ years although I've never met his wife. We don't talk about her or his home life at all.

I guess I'm playing out a cost / benefit analysis in my head, and the upside seems to be winning out? Maybe I'm just more European about these things. He's European, actually, so maybe that mentality has rubbed off on me.

Keep making excuses. You're his secret friend which means he's already cheating by what he's doing. Married people are off limits, and yes you would be the co-cheater. Move on and find a single guy instead of wasting your naive immature years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband lies and says you don’t exist. And apparently you believe his lies to you too because he’s never on the phone with you and doesn’t mind spending a lot of time with me!

Probably some wives for sure! The smart ones do spot checks either by gps or use of a p.i. You wouldn't like my type or some of my friends. Your life and work life would be severely impacted should you try to interfere with my family. As for the cheating husband - at that point his only worth is for the kids sake, and a paycheck!

[Anonymous]

It appears the ones on here who justify adultery are the exact types who are morally corrupt, selfish and only concerned about their happiness, not the effects it might have on the children and how it might impact them as adults or the grandparents lives, that are also blown up. If a spouse is unhappy, there are other ways to go about leaving a marriage. Gaslighting, constant betrayal and lies, sneaking around and covering your tracks is despicable. Can you really look back at what you did and feel good about it? Probably, yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband lies and says you don’t exist. And apparently you believe his lies to you too because he’s never on the phone with you and doesn’t mind spending a lot of time with me!

Probably some wives for sure! The smart ones do spot checks either by gps or use of a p.i. You wouldn't like my type or some of my friends. Your life and work life would be severely impacted should you try to interfere with my family. As for the cheating husband - at that point his only worth is for the kids sake, and a paycheck!

So, you are willing to "off" your husband. He will only do it again.