Freak accident

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why was the child allowed to play with something around your neck that was giving you a choking sensation? “Please don’t play with that. You can strangle someone playing with something around their neck and that’s dangerous.” Also have you not talked before about calling 911 if you are unconscious? I feel like I started in on that with my kids by age 5. Why did 8 year old not protect you from the 5 year old?

I told him to let go of the scarf. He wasn’t listening. And yes, I talked to both of my kids about calling 911 and I taught them how. But apparently it didn’t even occur to them in that moment.

OP... You didn’t fake passing out then to teach him a lesson, did you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why was the child allowed to play with something around your neck that was giving you a choking sensation? “Please don’t play with that. You can strangle someone playing with something around their neck and that’s dangerous.” Also have you not talked before about calling 911 if you are unconscious? I feel like I started in on that with my kids by age 5. Why did 8 year old not protect you from the 5 year old?

I told him to let go of the scarf. He wasn’t listening. And yes, I talked to both of my kids about calling 911 and I taught them how. But apparently it didn’t even occur to them in that moment.

OP... You didn’t fake passing out then to teach him a lesson, did you?

I know you’re going to say no, but...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have both children evaluated, including for possible psychopathy.

This! This is an incredibly disturbing story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1) I’m not sure I believe this “freak accident” thing. Pretending, drunk, being beaten, having some sort of medical episode you don’t understand and assuming it was the scarf... maybe. But a lot about this story seems off.

2) The 5 yo becoming increasingly violent out of panic— and laughing about it afterwards (because young kids do laugh when they’re upset and out of control— I could buy that.

3) The 8 yo, IDK? Undiagnosed ADHD? Or...? But this is way out of the range of normal.

Overall this isn’t adding up for me. There’s some missing detail here— or many missing details.

When I was 15 and my brother was 5, and I was babysitting him alone, he did a backwards somersault and clonked me on the head where I was sitting. I woke up to him crying and dragging me across the floor to “get help.” (We taught him to call 911 after that!) And I was out probably 30 seconds. Like I said, in a weird way, your 5 yo’s reaction, if it was indicative of panic, almost makes the most sense here. But the 8 yo? The rest?

Your 5yo brother’s reaction of crying and trying to get help makes sense to me. OP’s 5yo’s reaction of punching her is completely different and does not make sense to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why was the child allowed to play with something around your neck that was giving you a choking sensation? “Please don’t play with that. You can strangle someone playing with something around their neck and that’s dangerous.” Also have you not talked before about calling 911 if you are unconscious? I feel like I started in on that with my kids by age 5. Why did 8 year old not protect you from the 5 year old?

I told him to let go of the scarf. He wasn’t listening. And yes, I talked to both of my kids about calling 911 and I taught them how. But apparently it didn’t even occur to them in that moment.

OP... You didn’t fake passing out then to teach him a lesson, did you?

Arrested Development? Lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you seem oddly dissociated from this whole incident? Do you have a history of being abused? I’m not being flippant, it would fit the pattern.

This. Or something like it.

What does that mean exactly? And yes I was abused as a child, but curious as to what you mean by dissociated.

You are oddly detached from what happened, almost as if you’re reported something you observed from a distance rather than something that happened to you. Dissociation is very common in abuse victims (especially victims of sexual abuse), it’s a protective response to deny the reality of what’s happening To them during episodes of abuse. If you did that when you were abused as a child, it would explain why you did/are doing it now in response to actions by both of your children that may feel reminiscent on some level of the abuse you experienced as a child.

Hmmm interesting. Yeah I have to say, I do feel like my reaction is “off” like I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel or expect from them-but I do feel pretty angry and resentful that they chose to abuse me/ignore me when I was in such a state. I didn’t even want my 5yo near me afterward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1) I’m not sure I believe this “freak accident” thing. Pretending, drunk, being beaten, having some sort of medical episode you don’t understand and assuming it was the scarf... maybe. But a lot about this story seems off.

2) The 5 yo becoming increasingly violent out of panic— and laughing about it afterwards (because young kids do laugh when they’re upset and out of control— I could buy that.

3) The 8 yo, IDK? Undiagnosed ADHD? Or...? But this is way out of the range of normal.

Overall this isn’t adding up for me. There’s some missing detail here— or many missing details.

When I was 15 and my brother was 5, and I was babysitting him alone, he did a backwards somersault and clonked me on the head where I was sitting. I woke up to him crying and dragging me across the floor to “get help.” (We taught him to call 911 after that!) And I was out probably 30 seconds. Like I said, in a weird way, your 5 yo’s reaction, if it was indicative of panic, almost makes the most sense here. But the 8 yo? The rest?

Your 5yo brother’s reaction of crying and trying to get help makes sense to me. OP’s 5yo’s reaction of punching her is completely different and does not make sense to me.

I’m torn because kids do weird things when they panic— in fact, the laughing is the most believable part of this story— but the fact that the 5 yo’s reaction is the MOST understandable part of the story doesn’t mean it’s not concerning, and isn’t a ringing endorsement for the rest of the story.

[Anonymous]

OP, how do you know, or why do you suspect, that you were out cold for “at least a few minutes?” If so from strangulation, you should be feeling major after effects.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

And my husband roughhouses with them a lot. Play fights, and he lets them beat up on him, and he is rough with them. I don’t like that stuff, so I draw pretty clear boundaries with me in terms of hitting, etc.
.

Can you describe this more? A friend of my husband play fights with his son and I’ve found the way they fight to be especially violent. Once he threw the kid several yards and I was afraid he’d break a bone. This friend always stuck me as being “off” and he always had to be ‘dominant’. The family moved away so I don’t know what happened to them.
Not saying this is what your husband is like, but that story came to mind and I’m wondering if your children are modeling the behaviors they see in their father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, how do you know, or why do you suspect, that you were out cold for “at least a few minutes?” If so from strangulation, you should be feeling major after effects.

I don’t know for sure. I’m guessing from what my kids told me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, how do you know, or why do you suspect, that you were out cold for “at least a few minutes?” If so from strangulation, you should be feeling major after effects.

I don’t know for sure. I’m guessing from what my kids told me.

And you feel okay now? Except for the black eye, of course. If so, I don’t think you lost consciousness because of the scarf. Are you taking a new medication? Suspect a medical condition? Is it something else you know but don’t want to say on DCUM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

And my husband roughhouses with them a lot. Play fights, and he lets them beat up on him, and he is rough with them. I don’t like that stuff, so I draw pretty clear boundaries with me in terms of hitting, etc.
.

Can you describe this more? A friend of my husband play fights with his son and I’ve found the way they fight to be especially violent. Once he threw the kid several yards and I was afraid he’d break a bone. This friend always stuck me as being “off” and he always had to be ‘dominant’. The family moved away so I don’t know what happened to them.
Not saying this is what your husband is like, but that story came to mind and I’m wondering if your children are modeling the behaviors they see in their father.

It’s just how my husband plays with them and connects with them. The kids absolutely love it. But it does get them all riled up and I do feel like the lines get blurred as to what’s ok and what’s not. They hit and fight each other. When they all roughhouse, it almost always ends in the 5yo getting hurt and crying or he gets too wild and my husband starts yelling at him. It’s not abusive, but I do feel like it’s their way of getting out their pent up frustrations out with each other.

[Anonymous]

Has your husband ever hit you? Have your children witnessed him hitting you?

I also agree that the reaction of the 8 year old is off and I wonder if she’s learned to not intervene.

The entire scenario and its details are hard to believe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I’m not mad at the 8yo, because she wasn’t the one who was hitting me while I was unconscious, and also she’s just kinda clueless about these things. And finally she was very remorseful and upset when she found out I was actually unconscious. The 5yo is a different story. He kept laughing even afterwards- which made me even more livid.

And my husband roughhouses with them a lot. Play fights, and he lets them beat up on him, and he is rough with them. I don’t like that stuff, so I draw pretty clear boundaries with me in terms of hitting, etc.

We did have a very clear discussion after about what to do in that kind of situation. I’m not making excuses for my kids- I was disappointed in how they handled it. And yes- a bit concerned about their apparent lack of concern for me.

OP-- they're kids and kids respond in different ways to being afraid.

Your five year old was may have been anxious/scared and acting inappropriately--or he probably had no idea what it means to faint and because you seem to be okay, no sense of the gravity of the situation. Unless they're showing signs of having significant behavioral concerns, I would let it go.

It sounds like your eight year old thought you were kidding around--a minute or two isn't all that long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has your husband ever hit you? Have your children witnessed him hitting you?

I also agree that the reaction of the 8 year old is off and I wonder if she’s learned to not intervene.

The entire scenario and its details are hard to believe.

All of this, but especially the bolded.