Picky eaters at friends houses

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is so bizarre, on both fronts. When we have kids over to our house, I always ask their parents if there's anything special I should know (mostly allergy-related stuff, but others have offered up that their kids are picky). I don't care or make any judgments about that. I just want guests - including friends of my kids - to feel comfortable in my home. I've had parents send gluten-free stuff w/ their kids, and that definitely didn't bother me.

When I send my kids to other people's homes, I tell them that they should do their best to eat what's offered (we have no food-related issues).

+1

I'd be horrified if a child left my house after a meal still hungry because he couldn't find anything to eat.

I don't care if he wants buttered noodles. I'll make him buttered noodles. He's not my kid, I don't have to teach him anything as a hostess, I just need to feed him.

[Anonymous]

I “taught” my child to eat what was there. Or so I thought. She just turned 3 and has entered a picky stage, seemingly out of the blue. She still will eat pretty much anything, but it needs to be separated. What she eats today isn’t necessarily what she eats tomorrow. She’s highly suspicious of when things look “different” ie. if there is some parsley mixed in with her rice, or different colours in the chicken meat.

I accommodate her, and I also push the envelope. I have no desire to turn food into a battle because of this phase. I do pack food “just in case”, but she usually will eat something, even if it’s just crudités and bread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is so bizarre, on both fronts. When we have kids over to our house, I always ask their parents if there's anything special I should know (mostly allergy-related stuff, but others have offered up that their kids are picky). I don't care or make any judgments about that. I just want guests - including friends of my kids - to feel comfortable in my home. I've had parents send gluten-free stuff w/ their kids, and that definitely didn't bother me.

When I send my kids to other people's homes, I tell them that they should do their best to eat what's offered (we have no food-related issues).

This mostly describes my philosophy about a lot of things-- gift-giving, for example. I give and love to give gifts to kids (and adults), but I'd never be offended if someone didn't bring me or my kid a birthday gift. That sort of thing.

My one caveat is when I do something reasonable to accommodate pickiness or a preference (not a religious/dietary restriction) and I'm still made to feel I didn't do enough. Like when I ordered Peruvian chicken for everyone-- plain, not highly-seasoned, got things like fries and plain rice in addition to yucca and salad with it. 8 and 9 year olds wouldn't eat it, scrunched up their nose, their dad semi-apologetically ran out and got plain pizza for them, and it's like... eh? Especially when we had them over again and I asked what the kids would like and he told me they like basic things, like rotisserie chicken. Uhhhhh...

I suspect his older kid is not NT (not addressed, but I get his being picky, if I don't excuse being rude), but his younger kid seems to just be along for the ride, not being highly picky, but knowing they can both basically demand anything they want. Obviously bigger issues going on there, but my point was that I go pretty well out of my way to serve what my guests would like BUT

1) It's true that I do as much as possible to make or buy one meal for everyone, not short order cook, and not one meal for adults and one for kids-- I just make a point to include lots of things that even picky kids would like, or at least serve something that comes in components that can be separated (unlike with the casserole/salad combo-- even though I don't think the actual food offered was so offensive-- just the OP's friend's attitude)

2) If you tell me "We eat anything!" or you say, "Oh, they like plain cheese pizza!" and then I make something not-too-exotic-at-all and no one eats anything, or I buy a pizza and it's "the wrong kind" or "they only eat the pizza their grandma makes" or something, well, then...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are teens and would not eat a mushroom/vegetable casserole. Or any casserole. I can't believe your friend served that and was mad that the kids didn't want to eat it. Of course the kids didn't want to eat it!

Then the issue is with your teens, not the friend who served it. It's not like that is a different "ethnic" food with "weird" spices.

My teens would eat some of that casserole because we taught them to eat a variety of foods from early on and that you eat what you are served.

Barring any SN and spicy food, kids should eat a bit of what they are served. I don't like certain foods, either, but I will certainly eat a bit of something at a dinner, and so will my kids.

In that case, my kids would eat salad. They would take a small bit and have a tiny bite to be polite but I honestly don't even know people who eat casseroles. It is a style of cooking that was in vogue in the 60s with a bunch of cream of mushroom soup cans of stuff.

I like casseroles but I would say that they actually are weird now. Sort of like how tomato aspic was ubiquitous and now it is a novelty.

That dish is an unusual one to serve at a dinner party, but that's the thing, you never what kind of food is going to be available where you are so you teach your kids to eat what's available.

We travel to foreign countries, and many of restaurants in those countries don't have a kid menu or what Americans would consider "kid friendly" food.

That is great. I have a kid who won't eat most "kid foods." Aversions to foods to come in all shapes and sizes. What I am saying is that you can't "teach" away a food aversion. You got lucky with your kids, and I got lucky with one of mine. Thank heavens I have the other kid who humbles us.

Oh, no, my one kid still has some food aversions, but we push through it. We are blessed to have somewhat healthy children (they have other health issues), but I don't doubt that many parents cater to their children's pickiness because it's just easier. Believe me, there were times I would just give in, too. But, if we did that all the time, then their pickiness would turn into full blown aversion.

You are still aren't getting it. It isn't your fantastic parenting that is the difference here. Most people with kids who are picky eaters and with aversions push their kids. They don't just "cater to their children's pickiness because it's just easier" - because it isn't easier!

[Anonymous]

I don't think its fair to the family or child to expect a child to eat it and like it or starve. I have no issue catering to food preferences. I always fed my kids before we went out to dinner or anywhere at that age and brought snacks. Mine would have choose to start, gotten really cranky and difficult. Fed child, happy child. Why get into power struggles? As a host, not a big deal to make your kid plain noodles with some butter or what ever on top.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are teens and would not eat a mushroom/vegetable casserole. Or any casserole. I can't believe your friend served that and was mad that the kids didn't want to eat it. Of course the kids didn't want to eat it!

Then the issue is with your teens, not the friend who served it. It's not like that is a different "ethnic" food with "weird" spices.

My teens would eat some of that casserole because we taught them to eat a variety of foods from early on and that you eat what you are served.

Barring any SN and spicy food, kids should eat a bit of what they are served. I don't like certain foods, either, but I will certainly eat a bit of something at a dinner, and so will my kids.

In that case, my kids would eat salad. They would take a small bit and have a tiny bite to be polite but I honestly don't even know people who eat casseroles. It is a style of cooking that was in vogue in the 60s with a bunch of cream of mushroom soup cans of stuff.

I like casseroles but I would say that they actually are weird now. Sort of like how tomato aspic was ubiquitous and now it is a novelty.

That dish is an unusual one to serve at a dinner party, but that's the thing, you never what kind of food is going to be available where you are so you teach your kids to eat what's available.

We travel to foreign countries, and many of restaurants in those countries don't have a kid menu or what Americans would consider "kid friendly" food.

That is great. I have a kid who won't eat most "kid foods." Aversions to foods to come in all shapes and sizes. What I am saying is that you can't "teach" away a food aversion. You got lucky with your kids, and I got lucky with one of mine. Thank heavens I have the other kid who humbles us.

Oh, no, my one kid still has some food aversions, but we push through it. We are blessed to have somewhat healthy children (they have other health issues), but I don't doubt that many parents cater to their children's pickiness because it's just easier. Believe me, there were times I would just give in, too. But, if we did that all the time, then their pickiness would turn into full blown aversion.

You are still aren't getting it. It isn't your fantastic parenting that is the difference here. Most people with kids who are picky eaters and with aversions push their kids. They don't just "cater to their children's pickiness because it's just easier" - because it isn't easier!

Disagree. I see some cater to their pickiness. Catering to their pickiness is easier than fighting battles. Like I said, I've given in on occasion rather than fight it because it was easier.

But when we go to other people's home, they have to eat something that is offered. That's a deal breaker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think its fair to the family or child to expect a child to eat it and like it or starve. I have no issue catering to food preferences. I always fed my kids before we went out to dinner or anywhere at that age and brought snacks. Mine would have choose to start, gotten really cranky and difficult. Fed child, happy child. Why get into power struggles? As a host, not a big deal to make your kid plain noodles with some butter or what ever on top.

it's still expecting your host to cater to your child's pickiness. When you have 10 picky people over for dinner will you cater to each individual's pickiness?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so bizarre, on both fronts. When we have kids over to our house, I always ask their parents if there's anything special I should know (mostly allergy-related stuff, but others have offered up that their kids are picky). I don't care or make any judgments about that. I just want guests - including friends of my kids - to feel comfortable in my home. I've had parents send gluten-free stuff w/ their kids, and that definitely didn't bother me.

When I send my kids to other people's homes, I tell them that they should do their best to eat what's offered (we have no food-related issues).

+1

I'd be horrified if a child left my house after a meal still hungry because he couldn't find anything to eat.

I don't care if he wants buttered noodles. I'll make him buttered noodles. He's not my kid, I don't have to teach him anything as a hostess, I just need to feed him.

+2. Thankfully all my friends IRL are like this too. This board is like a parallel universe sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are teens and would not eat a mushroom/vegetable casserole. Or any casserole. I can't believe your friend served that and was mad that the kids didn't want to eat it. Of course the kids didn't want to eat it!

Then the issue is with your teens, not the friend who served it. It's not like that is a different "ethnic" food with "weird" spices.

My teens would eat some of that casserole because we taught them to eat a variety of foods from early on and that you eat what you are served.

Barring any SN and spicy food, kids should eat a bit of what they are served. I don't like certain foods, either, but I will certainly eat a bit of something at a dinner, and so will my kids.

In that case, my kids would eat salad. They would take a small bit and have a tiny bite to be polite but I honestly don't even know people who eat casseroles. It is a style of cooking that was in vogue in the 60s with a bunch of cream of mushroom soup cans of stuff.

I like casseroles but I would say that they actually are weird now. Sort of like how tomato aspic was ubiquitous and now it is a novelty.

That dish is an unusual one to serve at a dinner party, but that's the thing, you never what kind of food is going to be available where you are so you teach your kids to eat what's available.

We travel to foreign countries, and many of restaurants in those countries don't have a kid menu or what Americans would consider "kid friendly" food.

That is great. I have a kid who won't eat most "kid foods." Aversions to foods to come in all shapes and sizes. What I am saying is that you can't "teach" away a food aversion. You got lucky with your kids, and I got lucky with one of mine. Thank heavens I have the other kid who humbles us.

Oh, no, my one kid still has some food aversions, but we push through it. We are blessed to have somewhat healthy children (they have other health issues), but I don't doubt that many parents cater to their children's pickiness because it's just easier. Believe me, there were times I would just give in, too. But, if we did that all the time, then their pickiness would turn into full blown aversion.

You are still aren't getting it. It isn't your fantastic parenting that is the difference here. Most people with kids who are picky eaters and with aversions push their kids. They don't just "cater to their children's pickiness because it's just easier" - because it isn't easier!

Disagree. I see some cater to their pickiness. Catering to their pickiness is easier than fighting battles. Like I said, I've given in on occasion rather than fight it because it was easier.

But when we go to other people's home, they have to eat something that is offered. That's a deal breaker.

Still not getting it. Most people with kids with extreme food aversions would much prefer that their kids ate a lot more foods. It is incredibly difficult to accommodate extreme food aversions and pickiness day in and day out. You have two kids who are good with it. Most people in that situation don't get it and it is clear you don't get it. It isn't your parenting. You just hit the lottery. How do you think I know this???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so bizarre, on both fronts. When we have kids over to our house, I always ask their parents if there's anything special I should know (mostly allergy-related stuff, but others have offered up that their kids are picky). I don't care or make any judgments about that. I just want guests - including friends of my kids - to feel comfortable in my home. I've had parents send gluten-free stuff w/ their kids, and that definitely didn't bother me.

When I send my kids to other people's homes, I tell them that they should do their best to eat what's offered (we have no food-related issues).

+1

I'd be horrified if a child left my house after a meal still hungry because he couldn't find anything to eat.

I don't care if he wants buttered noodles. I'll make him buttered noodles. He's not my kid, I don't have to teach him anything as a hostess, I just need to feed him.

+2. Thankfully all my friends IRL are like this too. This board is like a parallel universe sometimes.

+3

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are teens and would not eat a mushroom/vegetable casserole. Or any casserole. I can't believe your friend served that and was mad that the kids didn't want to eat it. Of course the kids didn't want to eat it!

Then the issue is with your teens, not the friend who served it. It's not like that is a different "ethnic" food with "weird" spices.

My teens would eat some of that casserole because we taught them to eat a variety of foods from early on and that you eat what you are served.

Barring any SN and spicy food, kids should eat a bit of what they are served. I don't like certain foods, either, but I will certainly eat a bit of something at a dinner, and so will my kids.

In that case, my kids would eat salad. They would take a small bit and have a tiny bite to be polite but I honestly don't even know people who eat casseroles. It is a style of cooking that was in vogue in the 60s with a bunch of cream of mushroom soup cans of stuff.

I like casseroles but I would say that they actually are weird now. Sort of like how tomato aspic was ubiquitous and now it is a novelty.

That dish is an unusual one to serve at a dinner party, but that's the thing, you never what kind of food is going to be available where you are so you teach your kids to eat what's available.

We travel to foreign countries, and many of restaurants in those countries don't have a kid menu or what Americans would consider "kid friendly" food.

That is great. I have a kid who won't eat most "kid foods." Aversions to foods to come in all shapes and sizes. What I am saying is that you can't "teach" away a food aversion. You got lucky with your kids, and I got lucky with one of mine. Thank heavens I have the other kid who humbles us.

Oh, no, my one kid still has some food aversions, but we push through it. We are blessed to have somewhat healthy children (they have other health issues), but I don't doubt that many parents cater to their children's pickiness because it's just easier. Believe me, there were times I would just give in, too. But, if we did that all the time, then their pickiness would turn into full blown aversion.

You are still aren't getting it. It isn't your fantastic parenting that is the difference here. Most people with kids who are picky eaters and with aversions push their kids. They don't just "cater to their children's pickiness because it's just easier" - because it isn't easier!

Disagree. I see some cater to their pickiness. Catering to their pickiness is easier than fighting battles. Like I said, I've given in on occasion rather than fight it because it was easier.

But when we go to other people's home, they have to eat something that is offered. That's a deal breaker.

Still not getting it. Most people with kids with extreme food aversions would much prefer that their kids ate a lot more foods. It is incredibly difficult to accommodate extreme food aversions and pickiness day in and day out. You have two kids who are good with it. Most people in that situation don't get it and it is clear you don't get it. It isn't your parenting. You just hit the lottery. How do you think I know this???

You aren't getting it. Yes, it would be easier if their kids weren't so picky but the battle to get them to over come that pickiness is harder than just giving into the pickiness. That's the "harder" part I'm referring to -- the battle to get them to overcome it.

[Anonymous]

If I know there are kids coming over that are picky, I make sure to have something they will eat. To me, its the same as accommodating anyone with food preferences. As a host, I think it's my responsibility to have food people will eat.

We tend to always have a mild option for the kids. But if a kid is coming that is going to want buttered noodles, I will have them ready. And if DS asks if he can have the buttered noodles instead of what else was made, it won't kill him to have the buttered noodles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are teens and would not eat a mushroom/vegetable casserole. Or any casserole. I can't believe your friend served that and was mad that the kids didn't want to eat it. Of course the kids didn't want to eat it!

Then the issue is with your teens, not the friend who served it. It's not like that is a different "ethnic" food with "weird" spices.

My teens would eat some of that casserole because we taught them to eat a variety of foods from early on and that you eat what you are served.

Barring any SN and spicy food, kids should eat a bit of what they are served. I don't like certain foods, either, but I will certainly eat a bit of something at a dinner, and so will my kids.

In that case, my kids would eat salad. They would take a small bit and have a tiny bite to be polite but I honestly don't even know people who eat casseroles. It is a style of cooking that was in vogue in the 60s with a bunch of cream of mushroom soup cans of stuff.

I like casseroles but I would say that they actually are weird now. Sort of like how tomato aspic was ubiquitous and now it is a novelty.

That dish is an unusual one to serve at a dinner party, but that's the thing, you never what kind of food is going to be available where you are so you teach your kids to eat what's available.

We travel to foreign countries, and many of restaurants in those countries don't have a kid menu or what Americans would consider "kid friendly" food.

That is great. I have a kid who won't eat most "kid foods." Aversions to foods to come in all shapes and sizes. What I am saying is that you can't "teach" away a food aversion. You got lucky with your kids, and I got lucky with one of mine. Thank heavens I have the other kid who humbles us.

Oh, no, my one kid still has some food aversions, but we push through it. We are blessed to have somewhat healthy children (they have other health issues), but I don't doubt that many parents cater to their children's pickiness because it's just easier. Believe me, there were times I would just give in, too. But, if we did that all the time, then their pickiness would turn into full blown aversion.

You are still aren't getting it. It isn't your fantastic parenting that is the difference here. Most people with kids who are picky eaters and with aversions push their kids. They don't just "cater to their children's pickiness because it's just easier" - because it isn't easier!

Disagree. I see some cater to their pickiness. Catering to their pickiness is easier than fighting battles. Like I said, I've given in on occasion rather than fight it because it was easier.

But when we go to other people's home, they have to eat something that is offered. That's a deal breaker.

Still not getting it. Most people with kids with extreme food aversions would much prefer that their kids ate a lot more foods. It is incredibly difficult to accommodate extreme food aversions and pickiness day in and day out. You have two kids who are good with it. Most people in that situation don't get it and it is clear you don't get it. It isn't your parenting. You just hit the lottery. How do you think I know this???

You aren't getting it. Yes, it would be easier if their kids weren't so picky but the battle to get them to over come that pickiness is harder than just giving into the pickiness. That's the "harder" part I'm referring to -- the battle to get them to overcome it.

+1. Agree. PP whose kid will eat anything, you are incredibly dense. Do you sit around tell people with kids with ADHD they need to teach them to pay attention? Or parents of kids with autism that they just need to teach their kid social skills? Like they haven't tried that already?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The last dinner party we went to the hosts had nothing for the kids to eat. Their kids are picky so I think they thought we'd just show up with our own kid food. My youngest asked for a snack so they gave him crackers and my oldest said he was fine waiting for dessert (which we had brought). It was bizarre.

You're the type of person the Slate question-writer is talking about. One who expects there to be separate food for the children. I can't stand this. If we're having people over, we make sure that there is at least one option that is mild and simple (and therefore child and picky-eater friendly), but I'm sure as hell not making a box of mac and cheese or frozen chicken nuggets just so your special snowflakes have their own dinner.

I did not expect there to be separate food for the children. The hosts assumed we would have just brought food for our kids, since that's what they often do for theirs if they go elsewhere for dinner. There was zero food offered by the hosts to the children.

That's really bizarre they don't feed the kids or tell you in advanced.

[Anonymous]

Every time we are at my mom's house, my mom will cook, and my SIL says "I made mac and cheese for the kids" or "Let's heat up a pizza for the kids." I'm like - JUST STOP - this is why your 8 year old eats five things (buttered noodles, PBJ, pizza, grilled cheese, and McDonalds nuggets).