Picky eaters at friends houses

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When did this picky stuff become a thing? Was this a thing when you all were growing up? I don't remember it being a thing when I was growing up, we just ate what was there or went hungry and that was pretty much it. One of my grandmothers did the short order cook thing but she liked doing that for us kids and it made staying at her house fun.

+1

Personally, I think all of this is made up hype - textural this, sensory that... We've created a generation where it's ok for things to be *disgusting* and to be refused - by constantly serving instead/carrying along the *most palatable foods* (some combo of fat/sugar carbs that lights up the - goldfish, crackers, cheerios, buttered noodles, chicken tenders).

On a totally unrelated note, it seems to me that, if we've got so many kids who have sensory, add, adhd, on the spectrum, etc. issues - and it's not about parenting - I think we need to rethink what are doing environmentally that is causing such a high percentage of our population to have so many issues.

My sister is 33, still gags and vomits if her meat is too fatty. I’m 34, with enlarged tonsils; meat that is overdone and too dry gets caught in my throat. Neither of us has ever been able to gag down our grandmother’s wallpaper paste (aka oatmeal).

It’s not new. It’s just more widely discussed.

If it's that bad, it's a medical condition. For the lack of a better term at the moment, a "special need." No one is talking about SN or medical conditions. We're talking garden-variety pickiness and parents who coddle to pickies.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When did this picky stuff become a thing? Was this a thing when you all were growing up? I don't remember it being a thing when I was growing up, we just ate what was there or went hungry and that was pretty much it. One of my grandmothers did the short order cook thing but she liked doing that for us kids and it made staying at her house fun.

We didn’t have “one bite to be polite,” we had “sit there until your plate is clean.” I sat at the table all night several times (pickles, carrots, turnip greens, dry meat), sleeping there, before going to school the next day. My sister did the same on other occasions (Swiss chard, turnip/beet/other greens, fatty meat). The two of us sat at the table together an entire weekend because we couldn’t choke down the oatmeal (we both tried, gagged, threw up and our mother didn’t budge).

We both have major issues with food. Both of us also have had a hard time retracting our bodies what hunger and satiety feel like, because we ate on a schedule even when we weren’t hungry, and we had to finish before we could leave the table, even if we were full.

I’ll take kids’ pickiness now, thanks.

My severely picky (adult) friend has done the exact same thing. Sat an entire weekend at the table because he refused to eat a cream puff, served at grandma’s. He still won’t eat one.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like the Mommy Dearest Steak Scene..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When did this picky stuff become a thing? Was this a thing when you all were growing up? I don't remember it being a thing when I was growing up, we just ate what was there or went hungry and that was pretty much it. One of my grandmothers did the short order cook thing but she liked doing that for us kids and it made staying at her house fun.

+1

Personally, I think all of this is made up hype - textural this, sensory that... We've created a generation where it's ok for things to be *disgusting* and to be refused - by constantly serving instead/carrying along the *most palatable foods* (some combo of fat/sugar carbs that lights up the - goldfish, crackers, cheerios, buttered noodles, chicken tenders).

On a totally unrelated note, it seems to me that, if we've got so many kids who have sensory, add, adhd, on the spectrum, etc. issues - and it's not about parenting - I think we need to rethink what are doing environmentally that is causing such a high percentage of our population to have so many issues.

My sister is 33, still gags and vomits if her meat is too fatty. I’m 34, with enlarged tonsils; meat that is overdone and too dry gets caught in my throat. Neither of us has ever been able to gag down our grandmother’s wallpaper paste (aka oatmeal).

It’s not new. It’s just more widely discussed.

If it's that bad, it's a medical condition. For the lack of a better term at the moment, a "special need." No one is talking about SN or medical conditions. We're talking garden-variety pickiness and parents who coddle to pickies.

And you really can't tell from the outside looking in. People need to quit thinking everyone else is an idiot parent and start thinking "there but for the grace of God go I" - you really DON'T know what other parents are doing or have done. Assuming parents just "coddle to pickies" is being sanctimonious.

[Anonymous]

As the parent of a kid who eats very limited foods, I've been heartbroken reading this thread. To think that other people might be thinking or saying these kinds of disdainful things about our child, or about our family, is deeply painful.

For those who think we're just wussy lazy parents who don't know how to manage our spoiled-rotten kid -- you have no effing idea how hard we, and our child, have worked to try to expand her food choices. It is a constant issue in our lives -- every single day, every single meal. It is exhausting and embarrassing and humbling and frustrating.

I would give just about anything to have a "typical" eater. But I don't have one. And my kid needs to eat food in order to live. So yeah. I'm the person who brings food to other people's houses. I'm the person who asks restaurant servers to do us a huge favor and bring us a plate of what my child will eat. I'm the person who has to explain to teachers that my kid's school lunch is going to seem pretty bizarre. I hate, hate, hate having to do all of this. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. But parents take care of their children. So I do it.

So please. If you're one of the posters who has slammed families like ours, I ask you to please look for some kindness and patience and grace in your heart. If you were in our shoes, you would be grateful for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the parent of a kid who eats very limited foods, I've been heartbroken reading this thread. To think that other people might be thinking or saying these kinds of disdainful things about our child, or about our family, is deeply painful.

For those who think we're just wussy lazy parents who don't know how to manage our spoiled-rotten kid -- you have no effing idea how hard we, and our child, have worked to try to expand her food choices. It is a constant issue in our lives -- every single day, every single meal. It is exhausting and embarrassing and humbling and frustrating.

I would give just about anything to have a "typical" eater. But I don't have one. And my kid needs to eat food in order to live. So yeah. I'm the person who brings food to other people's houses. I'm the person who asks restaurant servers to do us a huge favor and bring us a plate of what my child will eat. I'm the person who has to explain to teachers that my kid's school lunch is going to seem pretty bizarre. I hate, hate, hate having to do all of this. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. But parents take care of their children. So I do it.

So please. If you're one of the posters who has slammed families like ours, I ask you to please look for some kindness and patience and grace in your heart. If you were in our shoes, you would be grateful for it.

So, what's in the school lunch?

[Anonymous]

Picky eating kids are made by indulgent parents. My nephew would only PB,&J, pizza, and cold cereal with his mother. He visited me for a week and ate everything I served and I did not serve PBJ, pizza or cold cereal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When did this picky stuff become a thing? Was this a thing when you all were growing up? I don't remember it being a thing when I was growing up, we just ate what was there or went hungry and that was pretty much it. One of my grandmothers did the short order cook thing but she liked doing that for us kids and it made staying at her house fun.

+1

Personally, I think all of this is made up hype - textural this, sensory that... We've created a generation where it's ok for things to be *disgusting* and to be refused - by constantly serving instead/carrying along the *most palatable foods* (some combo of fat/sugar carbs that lights up the - goldfish, crackers, cheerios, buttered noodles, chicken tenders).

On a totally unrelated note, it seems to me that, if we've got so many kids who have sensory, add, adhd, on the spectrum, etc. issues - and it's not about parenting - I think we need to rethink what are doing environmentally that is causing such a high percentage of our population to have so many issues.

My sister is 33, still gags and vomits if her meat is too fatty. I’m 34, with enlarged tonsils; meat that is overdone and too dry gets caught in my throat. Neither of us has ever been able to gag down our grandmother’s wallpaper paste (aka oatmeal).

It’s not new. It’s just more widely discussed.

If it's that bad, it's a medical condition. For the lack of a better term at the moment, a "special need." No one is talking about SN or medical conditions. We're talking garden-variety pickiness and parents who coddle to pickies.

And you really can't tell from the outside looking in. People need to quit thinking everyone else is an idiot parent and start thinking "there but for the grace of God go I" - you really DON'T know what other parents are doing or have done. Assuming parents just "coddle to pickies" is being sanctimonious.

Oh please. I’ve seen my friends and cousins cave into and over-prioritize their kids in every way: getting away with bad behavior, toys, treats, activities. You can tell.

[Anonymous]

Picky eaters are not necessarily made by indulgent parents. Some people have an anatomic/physiologic basis for the issue (“supertasters”)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Supertaster

I have always been a picky eater & felt terrible about it. My mom was really nice (even back in the 70s when parents were “mean”) because she is also a terribly picky eater.

Then my whole neuroscience class was tested by dr Bartoshuk in the late 90s & I was identified as a supertaster. It was such a relief to figure out what my “problem” was. My picky eating has gotten better as I age, likely because we lose tastebuds as we age.

So please try to be understanding - there may well be a physical reason that a kid won’t eat something & it’s not a parenting fail.

And, for the parents of picky eaters, there is a silver lining... I can’t stand the taste of alcohol, and so I got through college & grad school having never once gotten drunk

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Picky eaters are not necessarily made by indulgent parents. Some people have an anatomic/physiologic basis for the issue (“supertasters”)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Supertaster

I have always been a picky eater & felt terrible about it. My mom was really nice (even back in the 70s when parents were “mean”) because she is also a terribly picky eater.

Then my whole neuroscience class was tested by dr Bartoshuk in the late 90s & I was identified as a supertaster. It was such a relief to figure out what my “problem” was. My picky eating has gotten better as I age, likely because we lose tastebuds as we age.

So please try to be understanding - there may well be a physical reason that a kid won’t eat something & it’s not a parenting fail.

And, for the parents of picky eaters, there is a silver lining... I can’t stand the taste of alcohol, and so I got through college & grad school having never once gotten drunk

Thank you for pointing this out. One of my friends pointed out that my yds is probably a super taster. At the time he refused to eat anything soft or bland, but would eat salty, crunchy things like peanuts. He is still that way. I think he would starve to death before he would eat applesauce or mashed potatoes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When did this picky stuff become a thing? Was this a thing when you all were growing up? I don't remember it being a thing when I was growing up, we just ate what was there or went hungry and that was pretty much it. One of my grandmothers did the short order cook thing but she liked doing that for us kids and it made staying at her house fun.

+1

Personally, I think all of this is made up hype - textural this, sensory that... We've created a generation where it's ok for things to be *disgusting* and to be refused - by constantly serving instead/carrying along the *most palatable foods* (some combo of fat/sugar carbs that lights up the - goldfish, crackers, cheerios, buttered noodles, chicken tenders).

On a totally unrelated note, it seems to me that, if we've got so many kids who have sensory, add, adhd, on the spectrum, etc. issues - and it's not about parenting - I think we need to rethink what are doing environmentally that is causing such a high percentage of our population to have so many issues.

My sister is 33, still gags and vomits if her meat is too fatty. I’m 34, with enlarged tonsils; meat that is overdone and too dry gets caught in my throat. Neither of us has ever been able to gag down our grandmother’s wallpaper paste (aka oatmeal).

It’s not new. It’s just more widely discussed.

If it's that bad, it's a medical condition. For the lack of a better term at the moment, a "special need." No one is talking about SN or medical conditions. We're talking garden-variety pickiness and parents who coddle to pickies.

And you really can't tell from the outside looking in. People need to quit thinking everyone else is an idiot parent and start thinking "there but for the grace of God go I" - you really DON'T know what other parents are doing or have done. Assuming parents just "coddle to pickies" is being sanctimonious.

Oh please. I’ve seen my friends and cousins cave into and over-prioritize their kids in every way: getting away with bad behavior, toys, treats, activities. You can tell.

Tell us more about you know everything.

[Anonymous]

Serious question: Do other countries have these issues with their kid and eating, especially non-Western countries?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Served a mushroom/vegetable casserole and salad. Friend has a history of getting “creative” for dinner parties. It was tough cause there were 6 kids under six...

The other kids ended up eating some of the noodles. Which was why she was angry because “her kids eat what they are served.”

Yes 3 yr old is NT.

I’m not offended. It’s actually a relief for other reasons. Just curious on the DCUM pulse.

Mushrooms? I know numerous otherwise not picky adults who will not touch mushrooms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Serious question: Do other countries have these issues with their kid and eating, especially non-Western countries?

I’m of Indian origin. On the whole, kids are *much* more catered to there, than they are here. We hand feed our kids until they’re older, we make their favorite foods over and over if that’s all they’ll eat, etc. We don’t tend to see picky kids much there, because they generally aren’t put in circumstances where they have to make an issue of it.

Two years ago, when MIL passed away, we were there for her services. They had the food catered (for days), while we were there, and everyone was served the same thing ((but a large variety of foods). On our flight there, I told my 7 year old that the circumstances are such that she will need to suck it up and deal, and she did. She went with the kids to eat, told the servers what she did and did not want, and if all she could eat was the white rice, then that’s what she ate. *Several* people told me later how surprised they were about her maturity, how their kids would have been unhappy under the same circumstances, how they would have to cajole them, walk behind them, hand feed them, and we’re not talking about 2 year olds.

The funny thing is that DD IS a picky eater. She isn’t particularly picky with Indian food (or really most ethnic foods), and her textural aversions don’t come into play with our foods in general. If she were to go to someone’s house and they noticed that she was just pushing food around in her plate, the likelihood is extremely high that they’ll either try to make her something she will eat, or at least offer her things like cookies and chips that most kids do it. If someone comes to your house and doesn’t find anything to eat, it is pretty much considered a failure on your part. Hospitality is very different there.

[Anonymous]

Does pickiness have anything do with what the mother eats when she is pregnant? My sister lived on spicy food while pregnant and during breastfeeding. The daughter loved spicy food from the moment she could eat solids.

Am curious as I adopted my 3 kids and have no idea if food preferences are governed by prenatal behavior. My mother only ate bland foods and I was "picky" because I only ate bland foods until I was an adult. I also had textural issues and could not stand the "dryness" of cheese or peas and the like. (I love those items as adult!)